Chapter Text
Slipstream was confirmed dead, her body recovered along with many others in an effort to give proper funerals. At least Starscream wouldn't need to ask Skywarp to teach her how to tie Buster's lead. It was during one of these recovery efforts that the aforementioned dog was found. Skywarp had teleported right in front of Starscream with the mutt, shoving the dog in his face with glee.
Starscream didn't care about the dog. Most days, he could ignore the loud, smelly creature. But occasionally, it would pester him. Perhaps, with so many other mecha gone, it was running out of targets.
As Starscream sat in the woods near the quarry, staring off into the sky without a single thought about what he was looking at, a set of paws landed on his leg. Buster stared up at him with wide eyes.
"What do you want?" Starscream grumbled.
Buster laid its head on his leg.
"Get off."
The dog ignored him. Its stupid face pressed into his leg, getting its smelly dog residue all over him.
"Get off, you filthy creature!"
Buster whined at him. Starscream seized the dog in his hand, which only made it whine louder. He brought it to his face, staring it in the eyes.
"What do you want from me?" Starscream spat. "You could bother any other mech! I'm sure they'd love to pet your stupid little head!"
Starscream stood and dropped the dog. It landed on its side with a yelp, but was quickly at his pedes. He kicked it gently, sending it a short distance away. It rolled back onto its paws and trotted back over to him.
Starscream curled and uncurled his fingers, staring into the obnoxious little thing's face.
"Go away," he hissed. "You're the reason she's dead."
Starscream walked away—toward what, he didn't care—and groaned in irritation as the dog followed. If he had never let Thundercracker keep Buster, she wouldn't have gotten injured saving it. If that stupid creature had never come into their life, Thundercracker wouldn't have lost so much energeon that her spark fizzled out. With another angered growl, Starscream turned toward Buster, scooping it up in his hand.
He squeezed until the dog whined, then squeezed some more. Buster yipped pathetically at him, its legs scrambling helplessly against Starscream's massive hand.
"It's your fault," Starscream said. "You deserve it."
Starscream squeezed tighter. His spark hummed painfully in his chest.
"Your fault," Starscream repeated.
The only piece of Thundercracker he had left stared at him with wide, fearful eyes.
"Your—" Starscream's vocalizer glitched. His grip loosened.
If he hadn't let Thundercracker take in Buster—If he were faster—If he had more fuel that day—If the base were better hidden—If he had never agreed to join the Decepticons after Megatron had scooped him up, moments away from a death caused by his own folly—
Thundercracker had seen war before. She had never wanted to fight. He'd dragged her into it without any consideration, and now she was dead because of it.
"My fault," Starscream said quietly, sinking to the ground. "It's my fault."
He released Buster. The dog scrambled out of his hand, sprinting across the clearing. Then, it turned back to stare at him.
"Go," Starscream said.
Buster whined and trotted to his side. Then, Buster curled up beside him. Starscream hesitantly stroked the beast's head.
☆☆☆
Starscream and Buster reached some sort of understanding that day. The dog refused to leave him alone from that moment onward, making him Buster's new primary caretaker. Unlike before, Buster did not slip off his lead and run in circles around the camp. He stood tall and proud at Starscream's pedes, staring cautiously at any mech that came too close, with the obvious exceptions of Skywarp and Soundwave.
"Looks like he's your dog now," Skywarp had joked.
Whatever strange loyalty Starscream had gained from Buster that day, it was unshakeable. Not that he had any intention of repeating… whatever that moment was.
Supplies for Buster's care were easy to procure, as always. Plenty of squishies had pet dogs. Energeon and medical supplies were still as difficult as ever, especially for any flight frames and beastformers. Cars and trucks were everywhere, but the flying vehicles and metallic animals were not. Several Decepticons bore mismatched patch jobs that were slow to heal due to the lack of resources.
Starscream, due to being a priority receiver of energeon, was mostly healed. Same with Soundwave. His cassettes—what remained of them—were still covered in patches. He had requested extra supplies for them in the past, but if there wasn't enough for Starscream to give to Skywarp, there certainly wasn't enough for three other mecha.
The day Starscream and Soundwave would receive the same rations as all the other mecha was creeping closer. Megatron's words came to Starscream again. Was this all truly just for the sake of his ego? Were they all going to starve?
As much as Starscream liked being leader of the Decepticons, there was a pit in his spark that swallowed everything. It was a greedy little thing that given time, sucked the joy and satisfaction out of every good event. So Starscream fought harder, looked higher, and never allowed himself to be complacent, for fear that one day it would finally consume him.
Buster barked quietly, drawing Starscream away from his musings. Ahead of them was Nova Storm, her wings held low.
"Do you need something?" Starscream asked her.
Nova Storm took a hesitant step. "Can I… pet him?"
Starscream shrugged. Nova Storm sat beside Buster. The dog glanced at Starscream, then laid his head on his paws. Slowly, Nova Storm extended a hand and petted him.
"Is there any particular reason you're here?" Starscream asked.
"No," Nova Storm said, her wings held low.
☆☆☆
Despite all of the loss and change, the pointless brick game endured. Blitzwing, Nova Storm, and Skywarp were gathered in front of the tower. Starscream definitely wasn't watching them at all, because that would imply he didn't have anything better to do, or that—Primus forbid—he found the game entertaining.
Blitzwing took a brick carefully from the top. Nova Storm removed another with an exaggerated movement. Skywarp one-upped that by nearly knocking the tower over with hers. Then, she laughed and turned toward an empty space.
The players froze. A sluggish wind traveled through the quarry.
The game resumed. Blitzwing removed another brick. Skywarp attempted to nudge Nova Storm as she pulled out her brick. In retaliation, Nova Storm tripped Skywarp on her turn. Skywarp managed to warp quickly enough not to land on the tower, teleporting on top of Nova Storm in what was undoubtedly an intentional move.
Beside Starscream, Buster barked quietly. Starscream turned toward the direction Buster barked in, quickly recognizing the approaching mech.
"Soundwave," Starscream said.
"Matters—must be discussed," Soundwave said.
"Yes," Starscream said, waving his hand dismissively. "What matters?"
"Our numbers—small. Our supplies—smaller."
Starscream sighed. "You're correct. Have our scouts found anything?"
Soundwave sent him a few sets of coordinates with notes.
"I'll take a look at that later and we'll decide how best to move forward," Starscream said.
Ahead of them, Blitzwing removed a brick from the tower as it wobbled precariously. Buster sat at Starscream's side, watching Soundwave with perked ears.
"Energeon supply low. No energeon—no Decepticons."
That fragging problem again.
"And what do you suppose we do about it, other than what we are already doing?"
Soundwave's visor stared into his optics. "Negotiate with Autobots. Take advantage of resources."
The Autobots. It made sense. It was their only option. But red optics burned, their glare searing into his processor. If they negotiated with the Autobots, they wouldn't be believed long enough to receive anything. The Autobots would take any excuse they could to lock them away.
The rules would change, no longer his but theirs. Starscream would be the liar, the pathetic joke of a lackey again. They would take everything away from him, turn everyone against him—
"No," Starscream said.
He held the power here. If he ceded to the Autobots, he never would again.
"Consider," Soundwave said. "Raids—will not sustain Decepticons forever."
Not now. Not yet. Not ever.
But Starscream nodded. He curled and uncurled his fingers, searching for words to end the silence.
"Is that all?"
Soundwave left.
Nova Storm pulled a brick out of the tower. The one next to it shifted, which shifted the one below it. Within moments, the entire thing toppled. Nova Storm groaned dramatically as Skywarp giggled. Blitzwing was already collecting the bricks to stack the tower again.
Skywarp glanced at Starscream, then grinned. "Hey, Screamer!"
Starscream put on his best disgruntled face, but it didn't deter her.
"Come join us!"
Starscream scoffed, but walked over anyway. What else was he going to do, aside from looking at reports that he didn't have the energy to review? When he sat, Buster placed himself between Starscream and Skywarp, a furry barrier between Starscream and the rest of the group. Skywarp whooped.
"This doesn't mean I'm joining," Starscream said.
Skywarp raised her brows. "You say that, but I don't believe you."
Starscream rolled his eyes.
Blitzwing and Nova Storm finally finished stacking the tower and the game began. Despite Starscream's token resistance, he played. The first round was typical—everyone took from the top and the tower did not wobble. With each turn, Starscream grew to understand the appeal.
The tower was missing about a quarter of its bricks.
"No, no," Nova Storm muttered as the tower wobbled. Her hands hovered in front of it as if she could prevent the possibility. Then, it stilled. She pumped her fist and returned to her seat.
The tower was down to half its bricks.
Skywarp grabbed a brick in the center, warping away with it. Nova Storm jumped up, pointing at her.
"That's cheating!"
Skywarp shrugged. "We never made a rule against it."
Nova Storm stammered. "Well—most of us can't teleport!"
"So?"
"So you shouldn't be allowed to!"
Starscream glanced at Blitzwing. The mech watched with an unamused expression, lips drawn in a line.
"We should make one starting now," Blitzwing said. "No outlier abilities for fairness. If we did not, then this would become a competition of outlier ability, not fun."
Skywarp groaned dramatically as Nova Storm grinned cheekily at her.
"I'm fine with that rule," Nova Storm said.
Skywarp looked at Starscream.
Starscream leaned his head on his hand. "It makes sense to me."
The tower was barely a frame. Every brick pulled made it wobble.
Skywarp removed a brick quickly, pulling it as flatly as possible. The tower shifted, but did not fall. Then, Nova Storm removed one of the few remaining bricks from the side. Blitzwing pulled another from the side.
Starscream tapped his fingers against his leg. It was his turn, and there was no other option. With a swift pull, he removed a center brick.
The tower leaned forward with a grinding noise. Then, with a powerful clatter, the bricks fell. Starscream hissed in surprise as one of them bounced off of his hand.
"Oooh mech!" Skywarp said. "Screamer made it fall!"
The playful, mocking tone pierced Starscream's audials. Unjustified embarrassment washed over him, quickly replaced by a wave of anger. He had no other choice! How could he be expected to do anything else when he had been set up for failure?
Blitzwing was already setting up the tower again. Starscream threw the brick in his hand, knocking down his work. Blitzwing glared at him but said nothing.
"Woah," Skywarp said. "It's just a game—"
Starscream rose from his seat and walked away, Buster at his heels. He curled and uncurled his fingers, tension seeping into his frame. His spark hummed painfully.
Of all the things to be upset about! But his spark refused to settle, anger squirming inside of him. A stupid game for stupid mecha! He shouldn't have let himself be distracted.
A hand landed on his shoulder.
"Hey—"
"Leave me alone, Skywarp!" Starscream said.
"Wait—"
"Leave me alone!" He yelled, yanking his shoulder away.
Skywarp stared at him with wide optics. Then, she grimaced and turned away. Starscream fled.
Into the sky, above the trees—where to didn't matter. He was gone with no one to pursue him. When the screeching in the back of his processor was satisfied with the distance, he landed, tucking himself beneath a tree.
The moment he settled, his body grew numb and heavy. He flexed his fingers, finding them one of the few things that would move. Wind brushed against this plating and he hissed, as if nature itself could somehow hear his displeasure and had it in itself to care. Birds chirped hesitantly, each whistle digging into his audials.
Starscream closed his optics and let his body go completely limp.
When he opened them again, it was to a quiet bark. Starscream willed his optics to focus, but they refused to work properly. Despite that, he knew exactly who had come for him.
Buster, he tried to say. His vocalizer didn't even activate.
"Oh," Came a voice from behind Buster. A mech emerged from the foliage. Between the voice and the silhouette, her identity was clear: Nova Storm.
Starscream begged his limbs to move, mortified. She couldn't see him like this! What kind of message would it send? That the leader of the Decepticons was a pathetic, whimpering fool who couldn't handle his duties?
Buster climbed onto Starscream's lap, looking up at him. His ears were held low, tail still. Air whooshed beside him, replaced with a familiar mech.
"I should've guessed," Skywarp said, the exasperation clear in her tone.
"What's happening?" Nova Storm asked quietly.
"I don't know."
Neither did Starscream.
"He just gets like this sometimes."
Skywarp pulled Starscream to her chest. Starscream curled into her as Buster leaped from his lap. A hand hovered at his back.
"Can I help?" Nova Storm asked.
Skywarp shrugged. "Not much to do. Just be here, I guess."
"I can do that," Nova Storm said, shuffling closer. "It's the least I can do, after everything."
The three Seekers sat beneath the tree, the sun sliding from the sky. As the stars began to emerge, the world finally quieted. Though Starscream's body was still numb, his spark no longer hurt. He pushed away from Skywarp slowly.
"You're alright," Skywarp muttered.
Starscream extracted himself and leaned his back against the tree. Buster hopped back onto his lap.
"You—" Starscream's vocalizer glitched as he addressed Nova Storm. "You will tell n—no one about this."
"I understand—"
"No. One."
Nova Storm stared into Starscream's optics. Starscream fought not to fan out his wings in discomfort.
"I get it," Nova Storm said. "Sometimes things hurt deep in your spark. It makes thinking hard. I know you lost Thundercracker. I lost Slipstream. We don't have to be alone."
She wasn't disgusted? Ashamed?
"It's inconvenient," Starscream muttered. For him and for them.
☆☆☆
Nova Storm kept her word. No other mecha were informed of the incident, and life went on. She spent noticeably more time with Skywarp and Starscream than before, but it wasn't anything worth getting bothered about.
The scouts had returned an energeon storage area and a potential abandoned mine. Of the two, the mine was the obvious first choice. With no one working there, it was unlikely they'd be discovered. It didn't make the process any easier.
The walls were narrow—too narrow. Only a single mech could fit through at a time, so they walked in single file. If Starscream flattened his wings, he could just barely turn in the tiny space. Ravage walked ahead of him, tail held high and head held higher. Behind him, Blitzwing's pedes made quiet thumps against the floor.
If the energeon crystals were of decent quality and quantity, they would take them back to be processed into energeon. They didn't have the devices to distill it yet, but those could easily be built from the scrap they had. Starscream, as one of the few remaing mecha who specialized in energeon distillation, was there to check the quality.
Ravage took a turn as the tunnel split in two. The walls ahead narrowed further, threatening to scrape Starscream's shoulders.
"You're certain we can fit?" Starscream asked.
Ravage yowled affirmatively. They took a couple more turns before—luckily, blessedly—the tunnel opened up into a cavern. Dull crystals glinted against their lights, covered in decades of dust. Starscream knelt in front of a particularly large cluster and brushed the dust off of one of them.
Freed from the dust that hindered it, the crystal glowed brightly. Its color was perfect—saturated and consistent. Starscream plucked the crystal and rolled it between his fingers.
"They're good enough," He said, turning back toward the other two mecha. "Take as many as you can for now."
The other two mecha obeyed. Starscream placed as many crystals as he could fit in his cockpit. There would be other collection trips, but there was no guarantee the mine would renain undiscovered. When the group had grabbed as much as they could manage, they headed back through the narrow tunnels, Ravage leading the way.
After they slipped out of the entrance, they took to the sky, Ravage clinging onto Blitzwing. The flight was short (though a walk wouldn't have been) but left enough time for thinking. Starscream was fairly certain they had the supplies to distill the energeon, but if not, they could run out before they procured them. And even if they did, it would take time to process—time they may not have.
They were halfway there when a ping from Ravage startled Starscream out of his thoughts. He read the message.
[Land.]
Starscream obeyed with minimal hesitation. Blitzwing landed beside him, Ravage leaping off his back as he transformed into robot mode.
"What is it?" Starscream asked.
The answer revealed itself before Ravage replied. Blitzwing's optics grew dim, his frame leaning forward. Starscream flexed his fingers as his spark buzzed uncomfortably in his chest. He knew, consciously, that Blitzwing was merely low on fuel, but the back of his processor screamed.
Soundwave's bleak reminder came back to him. The raids would not sustain them forever. But so soon? No, no…
He pinged Skywarp. She responded immediately, so she must've been back from her mission.
[Blitzwing is low on fuel,] Starscream sent. [Can you warp us back?]
[I'll be right there!]
With two whooshes of air, they were back at the quarry. Starscream turned to Skywarp.
"Give Blitzwing a cube of energeon," Starscream said.
Blitzwing stiffened beside him. "I have already had my ration."
Starscream glared at him. Dim optics stared back from a dull, dirty frame.
"Give him mine," Starscream said.
"What?" Skywarp said.
Starscream whipped toward her. "Don't make me repeat myself."
Skywarp backed away, brow furrowed. Then, she shook her head and warped. A moment later, she reappeared with a cube in hand. She hesitated before handing it to Blitzwing, glancing at Starscream. Starscream rolled his optics.
{Alert! Fuel level low.}
He would have to get used to that notification again.
☆☆☆
And get used to that notification he did. The ache of worn joints unable to be repaired greeted him as he exited recharge. He stretched, wings clinking against the wall he'd laid against, no concern for hitting another mech in his mind. Skywarp had stopped recharging with him when Thundercracker…
Buster whined beside him. Starscream sighed and petted the dog's head with a single finger. When Buster seemed satisfied, Starscream rose from his place and strutted aimlessly across the quarry. His mecha barely looked up, thoroughly used to his antics.
The camp was a shell of the previous one, which was a shell of what came before. Mecha milled about, chattering among themselves. The millions that began the war had dwindled to far below a hundred. Certainly, there were more mecha on other planets, but they were not the ones under Starscream's command.
And what good had it done them to remain here, beneath him? Dull plating glinted in the sunlight, smeared by eons of dirt and damage. Sand and dirt ground between joints until they got lucky enough for rain to fall. Every mech's optics were dim, their movements sluggish, an obvious sign of low fuel levels.
Buster barked quietly, bringing Starscream out of his thoughts. Heading toward him were Nova Storm and Skywarp, the latter hunched in an almost nervous manner. Starscream sighed and closed the gap.
"What do you need?" He asked.
"Just to talk," Skywarp said.
"Alright, then," Starscream said. "Speak."
Skywarp and Nova Storm exchanged glances. Then, Skywarp blurted something so quickly that Starscream couldn't process it.
"What was that?" Starscream asked.
"We think you should step down!"
Starscream stepped closer, wings fanning out. "You think what?"
"Or at least decrease your responsibilities!" Skywarp stammered. "Not because you're doing a bad job, or anything—actually, you're doing a great job, but—"
"We're concerned for your health," Nova Storm interjected.
Starscream laughed. "Concerned for my health? I'm in no worse shape than any of my mecha."
"Not that kind of health," Skywarp said.
"What other kind of health is there?"
Skywarp and Nova Storm exchanged glances again. Nova Storm's wings sagged.
"The other kind," Skywarp said, staring straight into Starscream's optics. "The kind that makes us keep secrets."
Starscream forced himself to meet Skywarp's stabbing optics, baring his dentae as he hissed, "I'm fine."
Skywarp leaned forward, face nearly touching his.
"You aren't. I can see it."
Starscream curled and uncurled his fingers. His wings itched.
"You can't make me step down," he hissed. "I can handle this. I've been handling this, and I will continue to handle it."
"Really?" Skywarp said. She motioned toward the mecha around them, many of whom had stopped whatever they were doing to gawk. "This looks very handled to me. It's not like we're slowly starving to death or anything."
"Shut up," Starscream hissed. He flicked his wings, not caring if the gesture was inappropriate—anything to stop the itch.
"How much recharge have you actually been getting? When was the last time you cleaned yourself?" Skywarp said. "You're overwhelmed."
"I'm fine."
"Stop lying!"
Lying? Starscream froze. His mecha stared at him, optics burning into his plating. He curled and uncurled his fingers, his wings twitching.
"I'm not lying," Starscream hissed. "I'm fine. I am your leader and you will respect my word."
Skywarp was challenging him in front of all his mecha. This couldn't—wouldn't—stand. Starscream shook himself, his spark humming painfully in his chest.
"I can't believe you," Skywarp said. "You stubborn aft—just admit it!"
Her voice rose into a yell, the tone stabbing at Starscream's audials. Starscream took a step back. His limbs tingled.
"Leave!" Starscream spat. "I don't have the patience to deal with this slag."
Skywarp took a step forward, closing the gap again. Her optics burned into him. Starscream's spark pulsed painfully in his chest, limbs growing numb.
"No," she said. "Not until you admit it."
'I have nothing to admit to,' is what Starscream tried to say, but all that emerged from his vocalizer was a quiet growl. He was coming untethered, the urge to hide rising up within him, but he couldn't back down. Moving and speaking were obstacles locked behind a hazy wall.
So, Starscream pushed against the wall with the fury of a trapped mechanimal, finally breaking through when his claws met Skywarp's cheek. Skywarp backed away from him, optics wide.
"Shut up!" Starscream screeched.
Skywarp grit her dentae and warped, appearing behind him. He turned to meet her, but she already had her hands on his arms. So, he kicked and clawed, uncaring for her safety. All that mattered was getting her away.
Nova Storm's voice called something behind him, hands reaching for him. He turned, blasting blindly with his rays. More hands reached for him. He flailed, barely able to perceive their location.
"Frag off!" He howled.
The hands didn't listen. They grasped him, pulling at his armor. His spark pulsed in his chest, the rest of his body numb, as if he weren't in it at all.
"I'm going to kill you," he roared. "Get your hands off of me!"
Another set of hands forced him to the ground. He was crushed beneath a pede, sensation briefly returning to his body. The world crept back into focus.
Soundwave stared down at him.
"Starscream—desist," Soundwave said.
"No," Starscream said weakly.
He should, logically. In the back of his processor, he begged himself to calm down, but his spark kept pulsing and the wall was still up.
"Let me go," Starscream said. When the pede didn't lift, he screamed. "Let me go!"
Something was wrong with him—deeply, utterly wrong—but he couldn't fix it. He needed to get away, to hide, but he couldn't. He rolled, grabbing the pede and forcing it off of him. Then, he leaped into the sky.
"Do—don't come after me!" He yelled. "I will be leader of this faction or I will be nothing, and this is what you've chosen!"
Skywarp stared up at him. "Screamer—"
Starscream took off before he could hear the rest. He flew until he lost track of where he was. When he landed, no one was pursuing him. He tucked himself behind a large rock.
His spark wouldn't stop pulsing. His body was still numb. He couldn't—something was wrong—he needed to fix it—
He sank his dentae into the plating on his arm. The pain jolted his body out of its numbness, calming his spark. He sat there, dentae in his plating, until it stopped completely.
There was no going back. He was on his own again, not even Buster to keep him company.