Chapter Text
Dave quickly speedwalked back to the auditorium, hoping that stepping out to get his Dogg on wouldn’t change much about the situation. If there was one thing he knew about Nepeta, it was that once one of her plans was in motion, it was really hard to steer her energy to something else. In part, her overbearing tendencies had been part of the reason why Dave hadn’t gotten too close to her, though they did roleplay on occasion. Maybe it had something to do with her being a heart player?
Dave buttoned up his jacket as he approached the door, slowing down a tad so as to better listen to the inside. Everything seemed fine... but something felt off nonetheless. Dave reached towards the handle and slowly opened the door, not quite sure what he would find on the other side.
Before Dave could react, something tackled him to the ground.
Dave: hfffffffghh
Nepeta: >:33 < *ac welcomes mew back with one of her signatfure tackle pawnces*
Dave: nepeta youre squishing me
Nepeta: >:33 < *ac responds by asking akwete purrmusk what he purrlans to do about it exactly*
Dave: get offff
Pushing the smirking Nepeta to the side, Dave looked around; everyone had changed into their costumes. Well, guess that means that the next best course of action is pretty obvious. Walking back over to the stage, he motioned Rose once again to turn the lights back down. Taking one last glance over everyone from his vantage point, Dave picked up the mic once more.
Dave: yo
Luckily, this time everyone already seemed to know that Dave was about to speak, so everyone already had their attention on him. Dave held up a hand in a partial wave before dropping it by his side and continuing.
Dave: costume contest time
Dave: i hope yall got your garb ready
Dave: all ironed out but without the fire
Dave: unless you are fire i suppose
Dave: but anyways
Dave: heres the angle of attack
Catching his breath for a moment, Dave held up three fingers.
Dave: one
Dave: i draw a name and that person waltzes up here and shows what theyre about
Dave: two
Dave: after everyones shown themselves off
Dave: everyone will then come up here and grab an index card
Dave: youre basically going to vote for your three favorites
Dave: however
Dave: dont vote for yourself because thats not as fun
Dave: side note
Dave: dont pick based on how well you know the person
Dave: this aint a popularity contest
Dave: vriska
Immediately, Dave faked a cough. He could see Vriska boreing holes into the back of his skull. Sometimes his mouth was more of a curse than a blessing.
Dave: ok moving on
Dave: three
Dave: i reveal the votes and we find who won
Dave: as for winnings
Dave: bragging rights
Dave: any questions
Besides Vriska still doing her best to (probably) mind control Dave into jumping off the stage and breaking both his legs, Dave saw that nobody seemed to have anything to ask. Awesome. Uncaptchaloging the bag of names (2 + 1 + 2 + 1 + 2 + 2 + 1 + 2 + 1 + 2 = 16 % 10 = 6), Dave shook it around a few times. Then, he reached inside to grab one of the papers.
Oh great. Of course Dave drew her first. I mean, why wouldn’t he? Not letting his annoyance show, Dave held the name up.
Dave: vriska is our lucky first contestant
Dave: why dont you show us what youre made of
No sooner than Dave had finished talking, Vriska lept onto the stage and pushed him to the side, taking the mic for herself; not hard enough to shove him completely off (something Dave knew she was more than capable of), but hard enough to show that she was a little displeased with his slip-up. Great.
Vriska: Okay. Now that that a8solute 8orefest is out of the way, time to get the real party started! I’m dressed as the aaaaaaaamazing spidergwenda and, if you dont vote for me, you’re a sucker!!!!!!!! No idea why Dork or whatever was chosen instead of me, 8ecause im the 8est choice for MC, 8ar none. Pchoooooooo ;;;;)
Here, Vriska mimed shooting out webs from her hands as Dave did everything in his power not to facepalm, or otherwise shove her off the stage and get to the next person. It was going to be a very, *very* long night.
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Dave: okay
Dave: thank you jake
Dave: though i really could have gone through my whole life without seeing
Dave: whatever that was
Jake: *adjusts loincloth* It was my interpretation of a na’vi—
Dave: also
Dave: please put some pants on
Jake: :(
With a massive sigh (and possibly new blue-colored trauma), Dave drew out the next name.
Dave: eridan as dr strangelove
Dave: from
Dave: shit
Dave: can i just use the human film name
Dave: is that allowed
Karkat: IT WOULD BE FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL TO THE ALTERNIAN FILM INDUSTRY YOU NOOKSNIFFING TWAT.
Dave: ok so im just going to go with the human film name because im not reading off 2000 words just to introduce something
Dave: so dr strangelove from dr strangelove or how i learned to stop worrying and love the atomic bomb
Dave: thats really the human title
Looking towards John, Dave saw a massive thumbs up. Ok, whatever; the troll title was probably way worse than he had originally thought in that case.
Eridan: can wwe get this over wwith
Eridan: PLEASE
Dave: oh youre on stage already
Dave: wait
Dave: isnt that film about the cold war or something
Dave: or whatever the troll equivalent of the cold war was
Dave: also why are you a girl
Terezi: OH MY GOG D4V3 YOU C4NT JUST 4SK P3OPL3 WHY TH3YR3 A G1RL >:/
Eridan: dvv ivve been through the horrors an i REALLY dont wwanna talk about it
Well, this was definitely unexpected. Dave watched as Eridan crossed his arms and blushed a deep violet. Instead of a formal 60s-era suit and tie with sunglasses, in front of him was a seadweller wearing a long white dress with a leather jacket; somehow, his hair had even been lengthened and braided into a high ponytail. Taking the scene in, Dave was unsure as to how he would continue the costume contest; they still had a few people to get through, after all. Awkwardly, Dave opened his mouth and managed to stop himself from saying anything stupid by closing it. Suddenly, nepeta lept up onto the stage.
Nepeta: :33 < *ac announces that ampurras purrevious costume was just so serious and dull*
Nepeta: :DD < *and she simpawly had to step in to help!!!*
At this moment, both of them noticed Eridan trying his hardest to sneak away backstage, but he didn’t get very far before he tripped over the hem of the dress with his heels, obviously because he had never worn that type of shoe before. Poor dude.
Dave: nepeta
Dave: you cant just force someone into a costume they didnt want to wear
Nepeta: :,<< < but he likes it!!!
Dave: yeah no
Dave: give him his original outfit back or so help me
Nepeta: :33 < roxy alpurready voided it
Dave: well aint that convenient
Roxy: no its true
Roxy: the outfit was genuinely rlly RLLY bad tho
Dave: ok im disqualifying both of your costumes for meddling
Roxy: hey! i worked hard on my hormini outfit!
Roxy: *hermione
Nepeta: >:// < *ac worked fur w33ks getting this purrbeast suit stitched togethfur*
Nepeta: >:00 < are mew even allowed to do that???
Dave: well i asked the person in charge
Dave: which would be me
Dave: and he said yes
Dave: so yes
Nepeta: :// < mewre just jealous that mew—
Equius: D --> Nepeta
Equius: D --> I am STRONGly dissapointed in your una%eptable actions towards the highb100d
Nepeta: :<< < but—
Equius: D --> Nepeta i am afraid that i must command that you come off the stage to c001 off
Equius: D --> You will not refuse
Nepeta: >XPP < blehhh
Equius: D --> Nepeta
Equius: D --> This uncolth behavior is beneath you
Equius: D --> I
Equius: D --> I need you to come with me
Taking nepeta’s hand very gently, the now violently sweating blueblood led her out of the auditorium, much to Dave’s relief.
Roxy: ill
Roxy: uhh
Roxy: just sit down rq
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After what seemed like an eternity, everyone’s performances were finally finished. Brushing himself off from where he was seated, Dave counted up the votes: Rose and Dirk were both tied for first place with 6 votes each, and second place was tied between John, Vriska, and Equius.
Dave: ok everyone
Dave: id love to announce a winner
Dave: but we need a tiebreaker vote
After waiting a second for the murmurings to go back down, he continued.
Dave: now, youre just going to pick your top two
Dave: not three
Dave: but
Dave: pick between john rose dirk vriska—
Vriska: YES!!!!!!!!
Dave: vriska and equius
Dave: anyone else feel like interrupting
Roxy: should i grab nepeta and equius? theyre missing out on voting
Dave: im sure theyre fine
Dave: but sure if you want to
Dave saw Roxy get up from her spot next to Jane and Terezi and walk out. It was probably better to have them in the room to vote, anyways.
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Nepeta and Equius had both opted not to come back, but Roxy had gotten both their choices, thankfully (apparently Nepeta had wanted to vote for Equius twice). Well, Dave was just relieved that whatever that was seemed to be over and done with. Taking in a breath, he announced the final tally;
Dave: ok so
Dave: im going to announce the top 3 from least to most
Dave: brace yourselves like that dog did in armageddon when the meteors hit
Dave: little fucker was left hanging by his leash
Dave: im still amazed that he didnt die there or blow up or some other thing
Dave: well lets get back to it
Pushing his aviators back up his nose, dave got out the final tally sheet.
Dave: lets see here
Dave: for third place
Dave: we have
Dave: dirk as kamina from gurren lagann
Dirk stood up from where he was seated and flashed a thumbs up with a nod of approval, causing his glasses to shine under the light.
Dave: ok
Dave: second place
Dave: we have
Dave: john as cameron poe from con air
John: thanks everyone! i just wanted to say that i put a lot of work into this and im really proud of what i was able to accomplish, so this really means a lot to me.
John: ok dave, back to you :)
Dave: now that thats revealed
Dave: i suppose its finally time to reveal the third name
Dave: probably
Dave: though it might be better to build up some suspense
Dave: keep the people guessing
Dave: and whatnot
Vriska: Oh just 8ut with it 8lr8ady!!!!!!!!
Dave: ugh fine
Dave: first place is rose as sabrina spellman from sabrina the teenage witch
Vriska: WH8—
Vriska’s outburst was cut off with nearly everyone else cheering Rose on and congratulating her. Truth to be told, Dave had honestly been amazed at how much she looked like the character, so she definitely deserved it; having a girlfriend who was good at designing outfits probably helped a lot as well. Speaking of, Kanaya leaned over to Rose and kissed her, causing the latter to blush profusely.
All’s well that ends well, Dave supposed.