Chapter Text
When he let the last of his tears fall, he was fully drained of emotion. No shame or frustration left, but no relief to take their place either.
Nico lugged his head off of Logan’s shoulder and let it hang low, eyes on the floor, but not really looking. Not until he noticed the floor slowly started to come closer. He had the presence of mind to move his legs so that he could sit down before Logan got him all the way to Gwen’s rug.
He sighed when he landed, still not quite relieved. His stomach churned. His head churned too...
The arms around him slipped loose, but didn’t fully retreat. Nico pulled up his knees and hugged them, trying to get as far away as possible from Logan’s warmth looming behind him. He threw two wary glances at the knees pressed against his sides. The fists clenched on top of them caught his attention instead. They were trembling?
Nico winced when Logan suddenly shot up behind him, ripping himself away. When he twisted himself around, he could see all of Logan was trembling. No expression, but the fires in his eyes flashed and faltered. Unstable.
Nico braced himself, hugging his knees tighter. He almost let go when Logan finally spoke.
“ I’m sorry I hurt you ” His voice almost cracked under the tremors. He clenched his fists tighter and pushed on. “ I didn’t mean to ”.
For a second, Nico was afraid Logan was going to cry. So afraid, that he decided to yell at him. “You didn’t-!” Well… “That’s not why I’m crying!” he corrected with some pissed off hand gestures.
Logan ignored him. Or simply couldn’t hear him. He raised his hands and forced them open. “Look” he started. “I messed up. I made it worse. I get that. But… You stay. Wait here. For Gwen. Please…” The attempt he made at a reassuring smile was so unsettling Nico couldn’t even protest. “I’ll leave” Logan upped his unsettling smile with a shaky nod. He didn’t wait for an answer and fled to the kitchen.
Nico blinked at where Logan had just been standing. He slowly turned around to look at the kitchen door, still open.
The sound of a chair falling over and the backdoor slamming got him back to his feet. “Ha…” he told Gwen’s living room. He shook his head and picked up his coat, the shadows already creeping out of the darkest corners. Finally, there it was. Relief…
He clicked his tongue and threw his coat back down, staggering towards the kitchen. Staggering really angrily!
He was in time to catch Logan nearly tripping down the porch steps, coat only half on.
Logan hadn’t noticed him. He stopped when he hit the grass. Fighting with his lighter. And losing…
Nico already knew Logan was a sore loser, so he wasn’t surprised to hear him growl at it. He watched Logan try to crush it in his fist, fall to his knees and punch it into the grass. He kept punching. The thuds sounded less and less sure of themselves until his fist finally stopped, in a small dent in the ground. Logan folded over it, face down in the dirt.
If Nico had tried, he could have laughed. If he’d tried a bit harder, maybe he could have even actually found it funny. If only Logan’s shoulders hadn’t started to jerk…
Fuck…
Nico gripped the bridge of his nose and sighed. He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t even need to do this… He decided to step out the door, past the point of no return.
Logan startled when Nico kicked his leg with the side of his foot. Nico could see his jaw flex, but Logan didn’t turn to look at him. “ The fuck are you doing? ” He swung a hand back, towards the door. “ Go sit down ”.
The corner of Nico’s mouth curled up. Really? You’re gonna try to order me around? Even now? “Oh, sure ” he replied coyly. He dropped himself down on the step.
The loud creak of the wood finally got a fiery amber glare on him. “ Inside, smartass ” Logan spat from behind his arm.
Nico forced the corner of his mouth to stay up. “Don’t push it” he warned. “This is all you’re gonna get”.
Logan turned back to the ground. The coward.
Nico gave him another kick, then leaned forward on his knees when he didn’t get a reaction. “Now, what the fuck are you doing?” he asked, quickly burying all his concern under annoyance.
Logan shrugged with as much indignance his position allowed. “ Going for a walk. To clear my head ”.
Nico slid his eyes over the single foot between Logan and the steps, and the trembling hands on the back of his head, literally keeping it grounded… “I see both those things are going fantastic ” he noted.
Logan didn’t react, other than another jerk with his shoulder. He quickly pulled his arms tighter around himself. To stop another one, Nico reckoned.
More concern meant Nico needed even more annoyance to hide it. That wasn’t all that hard. After all, this was all Logan’s own fault! “Why couldn’t you just let me leave, you dumbass?!” Nico snapped at him.
That got a reaction. A big one. Nico winced when Logan threw himself upright, sitting on his heels, his eyes already burning into him.
Logan took a few short, sharp breaths through his teeth. “How can you ask me to just let you kill yourself?! ”. His voice wavered the same way the flames did. “ That’s fucked up… ”. His broke and the flames died. He took a shaky breath, searching Nico’s face. Whatever he was looking for, he didn’t seem to find it. Logan shook his head. He kept shaking his head as he turned it away.
Nico tried to process. He closed his eyes and scoffed. What?! That wasn’t what he was asking at all! He wouldn’t have died! Probably…! Only… A little bit … Oh. He sucked in his lips.
“Did you already forget what happened last time?” Logan asked, voice low. “Cause I didn’t” He threw a dirty look over his shoulder. “ I can’t ”.
Nico scoffed again, a lot less comfortable. “Well… Why do you care so much?! It’s none of your-!”.
Logan cut his words down. “ Of course I care!” He ripped at the grass, throwing it in Nico’s face. “You fucking asshole! ”
Nico swatted it away. “ Yeah! ”. He choked on his words, gesturing wildly at him instead. “ I can see that…! ” The confusion in his voice almost turned it into a question.
Logan’s confusion had a bit more direction. “ Why would you think I wouldn’t…?! ”
Nico shook his head, eyes still fixed on Logan’s. He started stammering. “Well… I’m not… Used to that…” Anymore. He swallowed the last word. He swallowed again. Man, everything hurt… Especially his head… He buried his face in his hands.
“You okay?” Logan asked. There was still some fire left, but it sounded sincere enough.
“Yeah” Nico lied. “No…” he admitted. He dragged his hands down his face and looked at Logan’s equally exhausted face for a bit. “You?” he asked.
Logan let his hands fall in his lap, caught off guard. He nodded, but only seemed to actually think about it after. “I’m just…?” he searched.
“Stupid?” Nico offered helpfully.
Logan huffed. “ Yeah… That too”. Nico could hear the smirk before it showed. “Can you please get back inside now?”. The exaggerated irritation didn’t do much to hide the desperation of that plea.
“You get inside too” Nico threw right back at him.
Logan smiled painfully. “Better not…” he exhaled.
Nico took a deep, dramatic sigh. He rolled his eyes, keeping them away from Logan. “Don’t laugh. But I might actually need some help…”
Logan leaned back a bit to throw a wary look over his shoulder. When Nico returned a guilty smile, Logan pouted. “Sly bastard…” He punched a fist into the grass and pushed himself to his feet. He offered a hand.
Nico took it, trying not to smirk too wide. When Logan pulled his arm over his shoulder, he stopped pretending he could support all his own weight. It seemed like the polite thing to do…