Chapter Text
Stardate: 51412.8 | Deep Space Nine
Odo was seated at the console in his quarters, absorbed in a Mike Hammer novel, when his combadge chirped.
“Dax to Odo.”
He tapped it. “Odo here.”
“Could you meet me in Quark’s?”
Odo frowned. He was off-duty, but— “Has something happened?”
“No, don’t worry. There’s something I want to show you.”
Odo shifted upright, curious despite himself.
Coming from Dax, what he would find was anyone’s guess. But he had wanted to immerse himself fully in this life, hadn’t he? Cultivate more connections?
“On my way,” Odo said.
*
He arrived at Quark’s to find the entire senior staff—sans Sisko and Worf—gathered around a table.
Dax saw him immediately and waved him over. “Odo!”
Odo approached cautiously, unsure what he was getting himself into.
Dax pulled out a chair—which just happened to be between her and Kira. “Have a seat.”
Tentatively, Odo acquiesced, taking the moment to observe the others. Bashir and O’Brien were seated across from him, both leaning back, relaxed. Kira, leaning forward with her elbows on the table, shot him a tiny smile.
“What’s all this about?” Odo asked.
Dax held up a holorod. “I figured we could all use a diversion.”
“You didn’t invite the captain?” O’Brien asked.
“Or Worf?” Bashir added.
“Benjamin’s busy with Kasidy,” Dax said, smirking. “And when I told Worf what program it was, he said he had a sparring appointment with Morn.”
Odo narrowed his eyes at the holorod. “That had better not be the Hoobishan Baths.”
Dax rolled her eyes in exasperation. “What is wrong with the Hoobishan Baths?”
Kira hid a smile. “There’s such a thing as too much indulgence, Jadzia.”
“It’s not the Hoobishan Baths,” Dax said.
Odo breathed a tiny sigh of relief.
“Well?” Bashir quirked a smug smile. “What program is it, then?”
Dax’s eyes twinkled. “Risa.”
“Risa?” Odo repeated.
“Jadzia,” Kira said, “I’m not sure—”
“Oh, come on, Nerys,” Dax said. “An hour on Risa isn’t going to kill you.”
“But that’s just it,” Kira said. “We won’t be on Risa.”
Dax shot her a withering look.
“It sounds good to me,” Bashir said, smiling widely.
“Me too,” O’Brien added.
Dax looked to Kira. “Nerys?”
Kira sighed. “Oh, fine.”
“Odo?”
Odo hesitated.
Risa was not his idea of time well spent.
But then he caught Kira sneaking a glance at him, despite her averted profile. The look in her eyes was veiled, but…curious?
Oh, what was the harm? If Kira was going…
“Well,” Odo said, “it’s not exactly shooting the rapids, but…”
“The rapids?” Kira asked.
Odo tensed. “Never mind.”
“Does that mean you’re in?” Dax asked.
Odo sighed. “I’m in.”
*
As the holosuite doors closed, Odo found himself standing amid a lush meadow, shaded with trees and scattered with lawn chairs. Not far away, gentle waves washed up against a stretch of white beach.
He watched as Kira scanned the place, a reluctant smile already blooming on her face.
Dax noticed. “Not so bad after all?”
“Well, it’s just,” Kira said, “I was expecting more…well, more…”
“Nudity?” Dax asked.
“Well…” Kira hesitated. “Yes.”
Dax grinned. “I’ll admit, Risa’s reputation is well-earned. But it’s not just a pleasure planet. People come to the Temtibi Lagoon for the blue skies, the sunlight, the beach…the quiet.”
“It’s…” Kira looked around, smiling broadly. “Not bad!”
Odo couldn’t help his own fond smile.
“What about you, Odo?” Dax asked. “You’re not going to walk out on us, are you?”
Odo shifted awkwardly. “Not…yet.”
Kira hid a smile.
“Well,” Dax said, “I don’t know about all of you, but I’m going to go find myself a spot in the shade.”
“Lead the way,” Bashir said.
The others moved off, leaving Odo alone with Kira. She was still grinning as she took in their surroundings.
Oh, how he had longed to see that smile again.
“So, Odo,” she said, “how’d Dax talk you into joining us?”
“She didn’t…talk me into anything,” Odo admitted. “She asked me to meet her in Quark’s, and I wasn’t busy.”
“I thought you were always busy.”
“Not anymore,” Odo said.
Kira smiled. Their eyes locked.
“Want to take a walk?” she offered.
He gestured ahead.
“So,” Kira said as they meandered down a dirt path, “what did you mean about shooting the rapids?”
Her question threw him. “Rapids?”
“Back at the table,” Kira said. “When you agreed to Risa.”
“Ah.” He clasped his hands behind his back. “Chief O’Brien has a kayaking program. River rapids. Occasionally, he invites me to join him.”
Kira’s brows shot up. “How long has this been going on?”
“About…three years,” Odo said.
Kira snuck a glance his way. She stifled a laugh.
“What?”
“Sorry,” Kira said, pressing her lips together. “I’m just trying to imagine the two of you in a boat.”
Odo stopped in his tracks.
This conversation was familiar—too familiar.
“Odo?” Tentatively, she touched his shoulder. “You alright?”
Odo’s breath hitched.
“Well done, Odo. You really are quite a skillful investigator.”
“And you’re quite a skillful Changeling.”
“…tell me where Major Kira is…”
“Odo?”
…she will never love you…
“Odo!”
He jolted. “Yes?”
“Talk to me,” Kira said. “What’s wrong?”
Odo looked into her face, her worried eyes—and for a terrifying moment, he couldn’t be sure if it was her next to him, or the Founder.
But then she squeezed his shoulder, and he had no doubt.
If she were the Founder, he’d feel the tingle of her substance against his. The call of the Link.
The Link…
“Kira,” Odo whispered.
Her eyes held his, unwavering.
Before the war, before Gaia, he would have clammed up. Shared nothing. Told her he was fine, kept to himself, drew up his walls.
That wasn’t going to work anymore.
“It’s just…” He sucked in a shaky breath. “Those words. I’ve heard them before.”
“What words?”
“About…trying to imagine the Chief and me in a boat,” Odo said. “I’ve…had this whole conversation before. With you. Except…it wasn’t you. It was the Founder.”
Kira’s eyes widened. “During—?”
“Not the occupation,” Odo said quickly. “Years before.”
“Where?”
“In the Badlands,” Odo said. “On that moon.”
It took Kira a moment. “You mean…the time she impersonated me?”
Odo nodded.
She peered at him. He tried not to squirm beneath her gaze.
“What else happened?” she asked.
He hesitated.
“Odo,” she murmured. “Talk to me.”
“It’s just…it’s as if…she stole something from me,” Odo said. “From us. I thought I was opening up to you. Sharing anecdotes, taking your mind off of—you know—being slowly, excruciatingly enveloped in crystal. But it was her all along.”
“I’m sorry,” Kira whispered.
His habitual response was right on the tip of his tongue—that he didn’t want pity.
But that wasn’t pity in her eyes.
That was sympathy.
Warmth.
It made him nearly tempted to tell her the rest. How the Founder had coerced a love confession. How she had been the first to hear those words—not Kira.
How she had used Kira’s face, Kira’s voice, and told him she was in love with him too.
It was the moment he’d known it was all a lie.
Kira would never say that to him.
He had just opened his mouth when Kira spoke again. “You told me about what she did…but you never said how much it hurt you.”
Odo sighed. “I was good at masking my feelings.”
“But not now?”
He risked looking into her eyes, letting her see. “Now…I’m trying not to.”
The smile that worked its way across Kira’s features was…different. Soft. Tender. Caring.
It wasn’t as if he’d previously believed she didn’t care for him. But she’d never looked at him quite like that before. Like her world had narrowed, and for a moment, she wasn’t seeing the grass or the trees that surrounded them—she was seeing him.
“Good,” Kira said. “I’m glad.”
*
Some time later, Odo found himself reclined near the water’s edge, Kira’s voice washing over him as the waves washed in and out.
Who knew that sound could be so…relaxing?
It was tempting—so tempting—to morph into water himself and slip into the lagoon, mingle until his form was indistinguishable from the surrounding liquid.
It was probably the closest to Linking he would ever get.
“…so then Jadzia—”
Suddenly, Kira stopped.
“Odo?” she asked. “Are you listening?”
Odo startled. Cracked open an eye.
Kira was propped up on one elbow as she leaned over him, studying him. There was a strange expression on her face.
“You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?”
Odo’s substance twinged. “I’m sorry, Kira. I…suppose I zoned out.”
“Zoned out?” Kira’s brows pinched, even as a smile teased her face. “You?”
He shifted. “Apparently.”
Why his answer prompted a grin to spread across her face, he couldn’t fathom. Shouldn’t she be upset that he hadn’t been listening to her?
Well, he’d take what he could get.
“Hey!” Dax’s voice suddenly called from up the beach. “Nerys! Odo! Reservation’s almost over.”
Odo bolted upright. “Has it been an hour?”
“Apparently so.” Kira’s eyes twinkled. “We’d better go, before Quark finds an excuse to overcharge.”
Odo sighed. His gaze drifted back to the lagoon, half tempted to extend the reservation.
“Odo?” Kira asked.
At the sound of her voice, his gaze was drawn back to hers.
“You alright?” she asked.
Pull yourself together, Odo.
Spending time with Kira was one thing. He could get used to spending some time in the holosuites, letting down his guard, if it meant he could keep seeing her smile.
But he did not want to think about the Link. Didn’t want to be tempted.
“I’m fine,” he said, pushing to his feet.
Kira’s brows pinched as she looked up at him. “You sure?”
“Yes.” He would be. He had to be. “Shall we?”
The slightest trace of disappointment crossed her face. But she followed suit, standing and heading up the beach to join the others.
“Computer,” Dax called, “exit.”
Odo stepped back out into the real world, Kira at his side.
Stardate: 51415.7
Kira found Odo on the promenade, amid the crowd headed for Morn’s wake.
“Odo,” she said, joining him.
A soft smile crossed his face. “Kira.”
It occurred to her that she wasn’t sure when he’d started calling her that. Using her name, not her rank. Even if it wasn’t her given name.
She recalled his words in the holosuite the other day, about masking his feelings.
“Now…I’m trying not to.”
And she could tell.
“Headed for Morn’s wake?” she asked.
He nodded.
Then, as they passed an arguing Dax and Worf, she noticed the object he was holding.
“Is that a bottle opener?” she asked.
He hummed an affirmative. “For Morn. I thought it might come in handy.”
She smiled a little. “Very thoughtful.”
He chuckled.
Together, they meandered their way into Quark’s and found a spot near one of the support struts. Odo was maintaining a scan of the room, but he seemed considerably more relaxed than he once would have—none of the usual folded arms and suspicious glare.
Bashir and O’Brien approached the bar, thanking Quark for hosting the wake.
“It’s the least I could do,” Quark said. “I’ll miss him.” He seemed almost to choke up, then managed a weak, “Sorry.”
Kira frowned. Leaning close to Odo, she whispered, “That’s not an act, is it?”
Odo’s only answer was an acknowledging glance. He left her side, carefully slipping through the crowd to approach Quark from behind.
“Can I get you anything?” O’Brien asked Quark.
Quark took a steadying breath. “I don’t ordinarily imbibe on the job, but…maybe a Yridian ale.” He nodded in the direction of a case on the bar. “It was Morn’s favorite.”
“Oh,” O’Brien said, brows raised. “Well, perfect.”
Quark held up a Ferengi PADD. O’Brien pressed his thumb print.
Bashir patted Quark’s shoulder as they left. Then Kira watched as Quark turned around—and nearly smacked into the wall of Odo’s chest.
Kira stifled her smile.
Odo peered down at Quark, his arms folded.
“What are you looking at?” Quark said.
Odo’s voice dripped with mock sympathy. “Your respect for the dead is heartwarming.”
“I’ll have you know,” Quark said, “Morn died without paying this month’s bar tab.”
“Oh,” Odo said, “how inconsiderate of him.”
“We’re talking about a lot of money!” Quark said. “The man had quite an appetite. You know he had two stomachs to fill.” He sighed. “Ever watch him eat? It was a beautiful thing.”
“Well, sometimes you don’t truly appreciate what you have until it’s gone,” Odo said.
Quark glared at him. “It’s nice to know you’re so worried about my welfare.”
“You should be worried, too,” Odo said, smirking. “Now that your mascot’s gone, business will suffer.”
“We’ll see,” Quark said. “You might be surprised.”
As the last of the wake’s attendees trickled in and Quark addressed the crowd, Odo maneuvered back to Kira’s side, an odd look on his face.
The longer Quark spoke, the less convinced Kira became that he was feigning his tears purely for profit.
“Some of you might be thinking this place won’t be the same without him,” Quark said. “And it won’t!”
Kira exchanged a glance with Odo.
“But this was his home,” Quark said, barely restraining the quaver in his voice. “And wherever he is, I’m sure he’d want to know that his favorite bar still echoed with the laughter of his dear friends.”
Quark urged a befuddled-looking Bajoran man to sit in Morn’s chair, keep it warm. And while parts of Quark’s speech did seem like a ploy to ensure profit, Kira couldn’t deny that it also seemed heartfelt. By the time Quark choked up completely and then just clapped to end his speech, Kira was thoroughly amazed.
She clapped a few times herself, then leaned Odo’s way. “Every now and then…Quark really surprises me.”
Odo nodded thoughtfully. “Me too…”
Stardate: 51445.7
“The Defiant searched the area for almost six hours,” Kira said. “We couldn’t find any sign of survivors.”
She handed Sisko a PADD; he added it to the growing pile spread across his desk.
Sisko was about one second away from burying his head in his hands.
“The Cortez was a good ship,” he said.
Kira sighed. “You knew Captain Swofford a long time.”
“I introduced him to his wife!”
“Patrolling Cardassian borders is getting more and more dangerous,” Kira said. “You never know when you’ll run into a squadron of Jem’Hadar fighters.”
Sisko folded his hands. “I guess we popped the champagne cork too soon, huh?”
Kira peered at him.
“Everyone thought the war was over when we retook the station,” Sisko said, “and pushed the Dominion back into Cardassian space.”
“I never believed that,” Kira said. “And neither did you.”
“A lot of good that did the four hundred people on the Cortez.”
He was losing his composure. He knew he was. It was his job to present a strong front, so that his crew could go on fighting another day. He was the captain. The burdens of his command were his to bear alone—and usually, that didn’t feel so impossible.
But the longer this war dragged on, the more ships they lost, the more people Sisko saw in casualty reports, the more it wore away at him.
*
Even as Sisko joined his dad on the sofa, his mind was a million miles away.
He’d never known the Prophets to give him such a…detailed vision. It had been as if he were there, in Manhattan, in the 1950s. None of the light that usually eclipsed his reality, or the dreamlike quality of the images the Prophets showed him.
And, in a way, it had been real.
Not physically real. It was a vision. But it was the Prophets’ way of putting his burdens in a different perspective, putting him in the shoes of a man who couldn’t escape a difficult fight any more than he could. A man who lived that fight, because of the color of his skin.
And Sisko was living his own fight. The life of a Starfleet officer in a time of war. Not only that—the life of a Starfleet captain at the mouth of the Celestial Temple, shouldering the burdens of command.
Burdens he must bear.
If Benny Russell could—and, in every way that mattered, in his spirit, in his pagh, he was Benny Russell—then Sisko could, too.
“Transport leaves at eight in the morning,” his dad was saying.
“I wish you could stay longer,” Sisko said.
His dad smiled, shaking his head. “I’ve got to get back to the restaurant. My customers have never gone this long without me.”
Sisko sipped his raktajino.
“The question is,” his dad said, cocking his head, “what are you going to do?”
Sisko drew himself straight. “The only thing I can do. Stay here, and finish the job I started. And if I fail…”
“ ‘I have fought the good fight…I have finished the course…I have kept the faith.’ ”
Sisko turned in surprise. “I’ve never known you to quote from the Bible.”
“I’m full of surprises, aren’t I?” his dad said. “And so are you. Sounds like that dream you had…helped you sort things out.”
“I suppose it did,” Sisko said. “But it wasn’t a dream.”
“Right,” his dad said slowly. “It was a vision, you said. From those Prophets.”
Sisko sighed. “I know what Starfleet believes, I know what you and Jake and Kasidy believe…but they are Prophets. They’re looking out for Bajor, and for me.”
His dad still looked a bit skeptical. But Sisko decided not to press the issue.
He could imagine how he’d feel if mysterious, trans-temporal beings tried to mess with Jake’s life. It couldn’t be easy to watch your son become a vessel for a purpose you couldn’t understand.
But if there was one thing Sisko understood, it was that the Prophets worked in mysterious ways.
They would guide him. And he had a job to do.