Chapter Text
Ryland Grace had always been a very lonely man. Even before the Hail Mary, he hadn’t had many friends. He had students, of course. But no friends. His biological family was presumed dead, and he had been tossed around foster care until age 16, where they adopted him for the 2 years until he turned 18.
The last name was the only thing he ever took from that family. That last name was the only thing they ever gave him. And he had taken it, and not looked back.
And for a very, very long time, all Ryland had was that name and himself.
They put him on the Hail Mary. For a while, Ryland didn’t even have his name. He had nothing except a large ship, two dead bodies, and the loose threads of something he was supposed to be doing.
The only reason he had even remembered his name was because of his students. He started from there.
It worked, for the most part. Somewhat. Ryland was still lonely.
He had Rocky, after some time. It was a blessing, to have Rocky, out of the entire universe. But Ryland was still desperately lonely. Sometimes he felt like the very lonely caterpiller, desperate for more and more.
And Rocky was there, and then they said goodbye and Ryland was alone again. And then Ryland realized that like the very hungry—or lonely, caterpiller, there was no ability for him to see everyone on earth ever again.
It was them or Rocky.
Ryland Grace, the very very lonely school teacher, sobbed for a very long time. Ryland Grace, the very very lonely molecular microbiologist, sent the beetles back to earth. Ryland Grace, the very very lonely best friend of Rocky, turned the Hail Mary around.
In less than 6 hours combined, there were two times he was sent to the stars. Once Codemned, once Commended.
And Ryland waited.
~~~
Adrian, the bright blue-ish green eridian, was every bit as pleasant as Rocky had described them to be.
For a long time, in the middle of the construction of the biodome and Grace’s residence on the hail mary, Ryland spent much time with Adrian. He spent a while building a little diorama, so that Adrian could see what Ryland meant.
Rocky had been true to his word when he said that the Eridians revered him. Some were devastated, yes, Rocky knew this was true, he was the only one alive, but they couldn’t be angry.
“How can ♩♫♫♮ be angry? Dead, dead yes. But star alive. Not waste. They know. They get on ship, and they remain there, and understand, statement.” Rocky had said.
“It’s too bad we can’t give them a proper burial, or goodbye.”
“Rocky did. Wait for Grace. Rocky could not fix, but dignity there. Peaceful. Grace did same thing for crew, question?”
“Yeah, yeah I did.” Grace said, and sniffled.
For a species that was almost 17 light years away, they had almost the same grieving process.
“Died for star. Star brighter now. They are star.”
And Ryland Grace sobbed onto Rocky while Adrian watched, playing with the diorama Grace had set up.
He couldn’t really make out what was said, but it was probably along the lines of “leaky space blob.”
His friend—friends, never did change when it came to his tears. He choked out a laugh in between it.
~~~
When Rocky had come to tell him the news, it was through a series of skittered chirps, ones that barely made sense, that were indistinguishable from one to the next.
When Rocky stopped talking, Ryland finally got a second to figure out what was being said.
“Human.” Human, over and over again.
Ryland pointed at himself.
Rocky shook his head, fervently, quickly, no.
“Another one?”
Yes.
And that was how Simon came to Erid.
Ryland Grace was still greedy.
Even with Simon by his side, the feeling of human contact, and Rocky and Adrian and the few other Eridians he had met, it wasn’t enough for him.
~~~
Ryland would wake up, early in the mornings, or what was meant to be the mornings. He wouldn’t wake Simon, or he’d try not to. He’d let the other man hold Ryland, a tether, and to remind Ryland he was there.
Even with Simon there, Ryland would lay at the ceiling. The faces in his mind were blurry, but he remembered the cheers of Lava, of kids running around at recess, the sun filtering through the trees, people taking shelter in his classroom when it was raining hard outside.
Ryland Grace couldn’t remember Carl nor Eva’s face. But he remembered standing outside next to Carl, letting the wind hit him in the face as they waited for the next instructions. Ryland remembered having a smoke with Eva on the ship of the deck just once, the wind burning his face.
Ryland Grace remembered the bright and loud crash of the waves against metal and wind.
He hadn’t decided if he was unlucky, or lucky for when he remembered when he was young.
There was a trampoline, in one of his memories. There was another boy jumping on it. He looked like Ryland. Ryland took it to be himself, or an imaginary friend. There were distinct giggles, and the voice of someone older, but not by much.
They said his name fondly, and he remembered laughing as he got hit with a hose.
Ryland Grace remembered only one pillow fort, with one of those shitty projectors that plugged into the wall and displayed the stars.
These are the only things that he remembers about his childhood.
Ryland lets himself cry about them many mornings.
Simon was only a light sleeper when he slept next to Ryland.
Simon only really cared about Ryland. Simon was content with just having Ryland. And Ryland loved Simon, but he wanted more.
~~~
Ryland Grace knew he wouldn’t live forever. Ryland Grace knew radiation poisoning. He knew blood and iron poisoning. Ryland Grace knew that his heart beated in sync with Simon’s.
Eridians didn’t have hearts, not the same way humans did. But Ryland Grace knew that Rocky and Adrian’s steps slowed, voices quieter.
On Ryland Grace’s very last night on Erid, some part of him knew it was the last.
It hurt to move. Gravity was a bitch. He pulled out the disco ball. One of the last things from the Hail Mary that still worked, miracolously.
With so much use, most of the music that had been sent with the Hail Mary had long since been fried away, or just worn out of use.
With almost 40 years, he knew it by heart.
It was scratchy, and the voice was gone, but Eridians really could sing, and he knew the lyrics by heart.
“I used to think that you'd string me along, the unknowing made me miserable, but you were crochetin' something beautiful, on our way to the thrill.”
Simon held Grace up in the world’s worst dance, but he was an infinitely better dance partner than the broomstick had been.
“I have this dream where we wake up together, we both surrender, our bodies tethered to one big wheel of death. You handed me the present wrapped in fluorescent and asked me the question on top of Luna Park.”
And they laughed. The light spots danced across all the walls and the ceilings, and Grace felt like he was 31 again, on the top of the Hail Mary, staring at the Petrova line.
“This time is different i caught you saying, after our summer spent apart, now your brother hates me you told me it'll pass as we sewed up all the gaps.”
Simon rested his forehead against Grace’s, and the broken melody was the best thing any of them had ever heard.
“You're the sandbar and I'm the lagoon 'cause the ripples, they don't hurt as much with you, hiding from the stars at night, through city shrill, I slept so tight 'cause you burned all our lullabies on a CD.”
Simon sang the next part, even though he was no better at singing than Grace was, but Ryland let him, because he had long since known it was his favourite.
“And asked me if we could wake up together, through any weather, through every endeavor, on top of Luna Park. I wrote you a letter with ink and feather, Let's sleep forever on top of Luna Park.”
And Rocky laughed and he pulled the door to the front down, and barricaded down the stairs. Adrian was always right behind him, and for a long time, Grace had followed Rocky too. Simon would go wherever Ryland went.
He barelled straight into the sea, and whatever was left of the music couldn’t be heard from out here, but Ryland’s chest could still feel it. He could feel the breeze and the beach and the sand and the sun and the stars.
“Let's sleep forever on top of Luna Park.” He didn’t sing. He just looked at Simon, who was stood, ankle deep in the water, while Rocky and Adrian swam around the depths, a mess that was more fun than anything else.
“On top of Luna Park.” Simon repeated, and they kissed, hands held together. It wasn’t deep, just a reminder.
Ryland Grace went to sleep that night, Simon grasping him just as tight as he always did. Rocky and Adrian sat at the edge of the bed, and if Eridians did have a heart, they surely stopped in time with Simon and Grace’s.
Ryland Grace died lonely. But he did not die alone.
~~~
Ryland Grace had not ever, and likely would never experience a pain just as much as reentering the atmosphere of Earth with very little heat shield.
He was only awake for a few seconds, eyes blinking with more force than it had ever taken him in his life, to see burning fire outside the windows of the cockpit, and the tell tale “bad signs” of bright red flashing and Mary’s voice just screaming endlessly.
There was about 6 seconds of weightlessness where the fire stopped, and then Ryland, barely conscious was sent back down into his seat with enough force to give him a concussion that would last the rest of his life.
Wait.
His life?
There was nothing again, and Ryland Grace was knocked out.
~~~
For the first time in a very long time, Ryland Grace woke up from a coma without the telltale “What is two plus two?”
There is a beeping. It’s repetetive, and Ryland’s entire body hurts. It hurts worse than anything else he’s ever known.
Still, Ryland Grace has known fight more than anything else, even when faced with the worst situations. He shifts his body up, little by little, his eyes burning too much to be completely open at one moment.
The beeping starts getting quicker.
His hearing hasn’t really come back, from what Ryland can tell. In fact, whatever he can hear, is incredibly muted, and not very loud at all.
But he can feel the vibrations of pounding on the ground, getting louder progressively. Ryland’s slow blinks see something shift, wherever he is, and then there are people.
People.
Ryland’s brain recognizes human forms.
Yep, ok. He’s awake. Forget the pain, Ryland is very awake, very terrified, somewhat angry, and now full of adrenaline.
In about 5 seconds Ryland has ripped several IV lines out of himself, as well as other medical equipment, fallen on his face on the ground, and backing himself slowly against the wall.
They looked like humans. Living, breathing humans. Ryland starts to laugh. That’s not possible.
He points at one of them, that looks like the worlds most stereotypical doctor, laughs harder, and darts his way out the door.
Every step he takes against the cold, cold tile, feels like being shot 20 times in every part of his body. Ryland doesn’t remember the last time he ran like this.
He shoves past what looks like a young man in a nurse’s outfit, and he run past a room with another monitor, looking eerily similar to his, with Simon laying in the bed.
Simon. Simon.
Ryland gets maybe 50 feet away before he turns back around, runs into the mass of people trying to catch him, and barricades himself in Simon’s room. The walls are made of glass, so they can see as Ryland painstakingly shifts a wooden dock under the door, and flips them off from the inside.
The Adrenaline is fading, even though Ryland still has no idea what the FUCK is happening, and his makeshift door block was never intended to be used like that, and it’s not going to last long.
Ryland makes a simple list in his head, as quick as he can.
A. This is a hospital.
B. These people look human.
C. Simon is incapcitated
D. Ryland doesn’t know who these people are.
Conclusion, Ryland needs to protect Simon until he can figure out what is happening.
Fear runs like a river in his body. He feels the same as he did when Eva had him trapped down to send him off to space. She was right, but it wasn’t her choice to make. There is anger in forgiveness, no matter how much people say you feel alright.
The door breaks down. Ryland’s hearing is slowly returning. He positions himself directly in front of Simon’s comatose body, taking comfort in the beep beep of his heart monitor.
Alive. Alive was good. Alive how? Fuck if Ryland knew.
People barged in, and he stared at them, terrified, until one pushed forward through the crowd.
Oh. Ryland knows that presence.
Carl.
All of the adrenaline that seems to be keeping Ryland suspended, awake, leaves his body.
Earth. Either this was Earth, or some tormented version of the afterlife.
“Dr. Grace.” Carl says, and that’s his voice. Ryland doesn’t remember it, but he knows the tones. He would know them anywhere. “Welcome back.”
Dr. Captain Ryland Grace passes out.