Chapter Text
10th November, 10:24
"Did you see what Brother Reiner was doing this morning?" Levi asked Erwin as the two of them folded the laundry. "Trying to identify footprints in the storage room with all the brats running around to see him. What a creep."
Erwin hummed, and tried to recall how often he'd heard Levi express distaste over Brother's movements. "Hange mentioned it too. We already knew, but it's further evidence that he's conducting his own investigation and keeping it from Papa."
Levi still looked concerned.
"I wouldn't worry about it. Five of the seven oldest of us wear the same-sized slippers, so he won't get much out of trying to identify an individual. Besides, I walked around in there enough that he won't be able to figure out what I'm doing just from my steps."
"Not unless he finds the rope missing. What does he want, if he's not working with Papa?"
"We'll work it out soon." Erwin caught sight of Hange and Moblit pottering around by the wash basins. "Hange also said Moblit's clean. With evidence, this time."
"Fair enough," Levi shrugged.
Erwin thought to himself for a moment. "I have my own opinions about this, but why do you think a traitor exists? Why would someone betray their siblings?"
"There's probably a reward for it. Whether they've been told they won't be made to leave, or get eaten, or something along those lines." The older boy answered as quickly and nonchalantly as usual. Erwin had no doubts he'd already thought about such a thing.
"A guarantee to live. That makes sense."
And it did, very much so. The issue, though, was that Levi's answer hadn't really helped Erwin decide what to do.
In their conversations surrounding the escape without Hange present, they had discussed leaving the other children behind, or even killing Papa and Brother Reiner in order to reduce their adversaries and make the risk of taking others along more viable. The traitor was another such obstacle, despite being a dear sibling of his. He wished he was capable of granting them the same fate as Papa and Brother, but he couldn't lie that well to himself. Leaving them alive and able, though, would either mean abandoning them at the orphanage or forcing them to escape with the rest of them.
"Hange." Erwin found them in the hallway, a broom in their hands as they counted their steps under their breath. He feared they and Levi had rubbed off too much on one another if they were resorting to such behaviour.
"Yeah?" They muttered distantly.
"If the traitor was betraying us because it meant they'd be allowed to live, what would you do with them?"
"What would I do with them?" They repeated, and stood still to think on it. "Well, you mentioned having them defect and join our side, so that would be one thing, after we confront them. And then... well, then they're one of us. We all escape like we planned to."
"And what if they don't agree to join us, and they don't want to come?" He asked tentatively.
"Doesn't matter. They're coming with us. You know I don't believe someone is doing this maliciously, Erwin. I'm not arguing about this again."
"I understand. Just... what if they really were betraying us? Would you still try and take them with us?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah?"
"Betrayal's a horrible word," Hange scrunched their nose. "They're doing it because they want to live, and they think that's their only option to save themselves. But we can present them a different option for survival. Besides, if we escape and leave them behind, they haven't done their job right, and they might not have that guarantee to live anymore. Escaping with all our siblings means escaping with all of them."
Erwin understood now. Embarrassingly, he had been distracted by his thoughts regarding his top suspect for the traitor. It was unnatural for him to let his emotions lead him astray from the facts of the matter. Hange's insight was extremely valuable. The traitor was simply looking to survive, just like the rest of them were.
"Besides," they continued. "I thought you said you would convince them to come over to our side. Did someone check your ego, Mr. I've-never-lost-anything?"
"Not yet," Erwin smiled lightly. "I'll stick to my word."
He had to. Thanks to Hange, he could focus now. It didn't matter what his personal feelings were on the matter. It didn't affect what the outcome needed to be.
During lunch, he went with Levi to check the places they had discussed the ropes would be hidden the previous night. Erwin was pretty certain of the outcome, but it was necessary to go through the motions for Levi's sake. That, and a small part of Erwin was hoping he'd be wrong, for once.
Though Hange's report proved Moblit's innocence well enough, they still checked the bathroom ceiling, where Erwin had told the boy the rope would be stashed. It was, of course, still there. Under Erwin's bed, which was the location he'd entrusted to Miche, he lifted the floorboards to find nothing there at all. Taking a slow breath, he put the boards and bed back into place and shook his head at Levi.
"So Miche's the traitor, then," the shorter boy murmured, eyes fixed to the floor.
Erwin let the silence sit for a moment, making sure there was nobody lurking outside in the hallway before closing the door of the dormitory.
"No. It's you."
"Huh?" Levi's eyes widened before his expression slipped back into one of boredom.
Erwin said nothing.
Unusually, Levi didn't break eye contact, searching for Erwin's thoughts in his pupils, but Erwin was certain he'd mastered the art of giving away nothing there. That was the difference between his and Levi's stone masks: Levi's emotions bled through his eyes; Erwin's could remain impenetrable if he focused enough. The silence in the room was disrupted only by the ticking of the grandfather clock on the other side of the room.
Then the corner of Levi's mouth twitched minutely: a smirk.
"And how have you come to this conclusion, eyebrows?" He asked, voice dripping with sarcasm - no, venom.
"The purpose of this wasn't just to test Moblit and Miche. I said to you and Hange that I'd tell Miche about the rope under my bed, and Moblit about the rope in the ceiling of the second-floor bathroom. But I told Miche that the rope was in the dining hall, and Moblit that it was in the library. I checked those locations this morning, and they're still there, in case you were wondering. The only one missing is from a location I told you it would be located at. That's how I know you framed Miche, and that you're Papa's source of information."
Levi's smirk had disappeared. He looked at Erwin a while longer before sighing and flopping his back onto Erwin's bed, covering his face with one arm. And then he let out a vocal huff, a shorter one, and bared his teeth. It sounded a bit strangled coming from his throat. When he removed his arm and met Erwin's eyes, his own grey irises glittered, and the blonde realised that Levi was laughing.
"Damn. I thought I was doing alright." He sat upright so suddenly that Erwin almost leaned backwards before he remembered what he was supposed to be doing. "Fair play. I'm Papa's spy. What gave it away?"
Although his behaviour up until now had been enough evidence, the blatant admission dashed any hopes Erwin had that he might have been mistaken. He sat beside Levi, and steeled himself a final time.
"I've been thinking about it since Brother Reiner arrived at the house," he answered, crossing his arms. "That was when I initially considered that Papa could be collaborating with someone to get intel on us. You were the first person I suspected."
The ghost of a smile tainted Levi's lips. It was unsettling, and Erwin couldn't figure out why.
"It's not something I wanted to believe. You're my brother and a dear friend of mine. But Papa's moves so far have resulted in the worst-case scenario for us, and it would have been in his best interests that the person feeding him information was you. You were the first person we'd introduce into our plans, and you'd be able to influence what we did and control the situation for him. There's no one better suited to the job than you."
"I see," was Levi's only input.
"As I thought, the worst possible option was the truth."
Erwin's understanding of the opponent he was up against in this chess game was fully solidified at this point. Papa was the sort who pulled the most aggressive of moves in the subtlest of ways. He had to be on high guard at all times, assume everything and everyone could kill his piece with each move. And, because of that...
"This isn't the first time he's asked you to do this either." Erwin felt no satisfaction as Levi's face settled back into its typical frown. "You're closest to Hange out of everyone here, so it's unlikely Papa would trust you to turn your back on them and play for his side. You must have been his puppet for a while before this." Erwin hesitated, but he knew what he needed to ask. "How long, Levi?"
The boy's near-smile returned. His range in emotion was giving Erwin whiplash. He was so unused to it from Levi, and it almost felt like he didn't really know him at all, even after spending every day of the past ten years with him.
"Far, far longer than you'd like to know, Erwin."
He felt dread bubbling up in his chest. That meant more than a year, at least. He tried to think back as long as he could remember, piecing memories together to try and form an idea of how long the boy's behaviour had suggested he'd been working with Papa.
Levi had always seemed different from the other children. Of course, each of his siblings were unique, bearing their own personalities and habits. Yet, during the past ten years and around a hundred children that Erwin had lived with, Levi was the only one who appeared dissatisfied with the seemingly perfect life at Shiganshina House.
A younger Erwin had asked Papa why Levi was so sad all the time, likely after an even younger version of him had asked Levi himself, though he didn't remember the latter. Papa had said that was just how he came across, and he felt differently on the inside. Erwin had been satisfied enough with the answer then, but now he wasn't so sure.
The older boy was gruff, glum, and pessimistic about many things. Though he helped his younger siblings out when needed, he never went to the effort of socialising, hiding away in the library to study during free time and sticking himself under the tree that a lot of people had simply accepted was his spot, seldom joining in on their group games. He was blunt to everyone, including Papa, and openly criticised some of his rules. No one else did that. Not even Erwin, and he'd asked many questions in his life.
But Levi had always been like that, as long as Erwin could remember. He couldn't recall a moment when Levi could have become aware of the truth of the orphanage, when a change had occurred. He was sure he would have noticed such a thing.
Why couldn't he remember?
The more Erwin tried to recall, the closer he felt to comprehending a truth he wasn't ready to face. Levi was right. He didn't want to know. The possibility that this entire time, for every day and every conversation for however many years...
"Was everything a lie?" He asked with a small voice. He wasn't supposed to come across like that. He tried again. "How much did you tell Papa? Are you leading us to be sabotaged?"
He got right up in Levi's face, something he knew made him extremely uncomfortable. The shorter boy cringed and leaned back a little, but ultimately stood his ground.
Erwin hated it. There was a thought circling in his head that this wasn't the Levi he thought he knew for ten years, not at all.
"Why bother asking? I could answer you with another lie."
"Because it is very important to me that your priorities align with ours."
"And if it isn't? You gonna kick me to the curb?"
"No," Erwin answered instantly. "You'd need to be involved with us the same level as before either way, as not to raise suspicion. Papa knows you're controlling us, and if he starts to believe otherwise, he might start pulling incredibly dangerous moves we aren't prepared to defend against."
Like sending them out to get eaten immediately.
"You know fully well that I was considering killing whoever the traitor might be," he continued. "So it's disappointing that you went to the trouble of framing poor Miche just to stay hidden. Nobody else knows that yet, of course. Now you have a chance to fix your mistake."
"Don't bother with that manipulating rubbish on me," Levi glowered. "Just tell me what you want, and I'll make whatever decision I feel like making."
"Three things," Erwin held up his fingers to illustrate. "One: stay with us the same as before as not to compromise our immediate safety. Two: disclose everything you know about Papa and the orphanage as well as everything you've told him about our plan. Three: betray him and come to our side."
Levi scoffed. "That's stupid. If all you're gonna do is use me as a spy, you shouldn't have bothered approaching me in the first place. It would've been better to keep the blackmail and bargaining for another time, and then cut me out of it last-minute."
"I thought about it," Erwin decided to say. "But having you do it knowingly saves us time and effort that we don't have to spend on fake strategy meetings. Papa made his game as easy on himself by choosing you to spy on us, so I want to do the same for mine. And.... I would like to think, just as Hange does, that you would put our friendship ahead of your goals as an enemy and switch sides. We're a family. We have been for a decade."
While Erwin and Levi's relationship could be described as complex at best, Erwin knew that Levi at least viewed them as equals, even at the worst of times, despite the fact that the blonde was a year younger than him. Levi and Hange, however, had a twin-like bond, and he simply couldn't see either of them choosing to be on opposite sides to one another, regardless of the situation. That, and there were still other facts at play that made Erwin certain that Levi would be willing to work with them.
"And one other thing." Levi inclined his head to show he was listening. "You dressed Eren the day he left. He never lets anyone else do it. You hid his key necklace, didn't you?"
Somehow, the boy looked even more surly than he did to begin with.
"You intentionally set us up to go to the gate that day and see the truth of this orphanage for ourselves. You kickstarted this whole plan into motion and invited us in, not the other way around. I cannot believe there is any other reason for that."
Levi shrugged, and took long, slow blinks as he and Erwin stared one another down. Still, he did not respond, and so Erwin kept talking.
"We wouldn't have gone if you hadn't said we could get there in time. You came to us when you wanted to start interfering directly, you aided with the team training, and intentionally influenced how fast the plan would be progressing. I imagine that's because by controlling us, you can also control the information you give Papa. Perhaps you were even telling him certain things before directing us to do them. That's why you don't want the escape progressing too fast, either."
Levi huffed with amusement.
"What you haven't told him, though, is about the rope in the tree - the real one - because that's still there. You watched us put it in there the first day you approached us. That's giving us an opportunity to succeed with information that's being obfuscated from Papa. That's not something a true enemy would do. So why did you even agree to be Papa's spy in the first place, Levi? Because I know you don't believe in there being a reward to live at the end of this."
It took a moment for the other boy to answer. "I proposed the idea to him. I decided from the moment I told him I knew the truth that I'd use my position as a tool. Every second of it," Levi raised his voice, and for a moment, Erwin saw the wild look in his eyes, "was in preparation for this damn escape!"
"For this...?"
"Don't you know, Erwin? The most efficient way of gathering information about the enemy is to gain their trust and take it from the inside. It was only natural that I put myself there."
"That's incredibly risky."
"I don't wanna hear nothing about dangerous coming from you, eyebrows," he snarled. Erwin couldn't move a muscle. "It had a decent chance of success. I figured out quick that the shipment order was based on our test results, and I was a high scorer, so Papa wouldn't ship me out if he wanted a kid in the high 250s in the near future. He doesn't care about the rules as much as making himself look good for the people outside. I was willing to cooperate, and I'd do what he wanted. All I asked for in return was not to be eaten early, and to be rewarded whenever I did a good job. It would be much easier for him if I played ball instead of making a ruckus amongst all the other kids. Messes with brain development, you know."
"What rewards?" Erwin asked. He had a lot of questions; apparently, that one was the most pressing to him at that moment.
"It was just junk. Stuff that wasn't in the house that he'd have to outsource to get."
Erwin thought on it, and remembered various unique toys and contraptions he'd seen in Levi's possession over the years, the pocket watch most prominently of all. It had always seemed strange whenever Levi suddenly had new things. The children only got presents on their birthday or Christmas. He'd asked, once, and Papa had explained that because Levi's birthday was on Christmas Day, the other children had felt jealous that he got two toys when they only got one, and so Levi had asked to get his birthday present later in the year. Erwin assumed that, when he lost count of Levi's gifts, it was because the timing of his birthday gift never fell on a consistent date.
It seemed he'd been right after all, and the elder boy had been getting extra things. And they were always much more interesting than what the other children got. They were all asked things that they wanted when the times came around, but maybe Levi's presents being so unique hadn't just been because the rest of them were unimaginative with their requests.
"You were testing the extent of what you could get from the outside world," he guessed.
Levi nodded. "Pretty much everything was fine, as long as it didn't contain anything that could be used as a weapon. Everything was still old as hell, though, to match the books in the library I learned about them from. But sometimes the rewards would take a month or two for Papa to get. When that happened, it probably meant what I asked for isn't in circulation anymore and technology's advanced far enough that what was commonplace thirty years ago is pretty much useless in comparison."
"That's really smart," Erwin breathed. "Did... did you get anything that might help us with the trackers?"
Levi grinned with teeth. "'Course. I've seen the trackers with my own eyes. Took me a few years, but I'm pretty sure I've got an idea of how to mess them up without triggering the alarm signals." Erwin's eyes went wide at the revelation. "No need to waste time at the library. With the theory I know, it won't take long for Hange and I to put it together."
"That..." Erwin couldn't speak. He needed to concentrate all his efforts on not shaking.
"Do you understand? I'm the strongest weapon you could ever wish for," Levi spread his arms wide. "I can backstab Papa. I can tell Hange how to break the trackers. I know enough about the orphanage for you to carry out this escape with minimal issues. I've been preparing for this damn thing ever since I found out the secret. So yeah, I did take Eren's key, and led you two to figure out the truth. Without me, neither of you would have had a clue of the certain death waiting for you on the other side."
He poked an aggressive finger into the centre of Erwin's chest and looked him dead in the eyes.
"All of this was necessary just to keep you alive! Understand?"
He did. Erwin's plans were pathetically subpar to the preparations Levi had been laying out all this time.
Papa had confronted Erwin not even a day after he had discovered the truth, and though Erwin bluffed his way through the encounter, the fact that he'd been suspected so soon was disheartening. Levi, who spoke honestly and always showed his true intentions through his actions and emotive eyes if not his words, had lied through his teeth and pretended to be surprised when Erwin first told him about the titans, and the blonde had been none the wiser.
Erwin knew the shorter boy was capable of being cunning - it didn't escape him that Levi was sometimes able to beat him at chess or tag games simply because of an unconventional tactic he'd managed to keep hidden from Erwin - and yet again, he had underestimated him. It had always been that way, Erwin realised. Even though they'd grown up together and he'd slept in the bed next to his each night, Levi had lived a completely different life to him, simply because he'd known the truth this whole time.
"Anyways," Levi drawled. "I can agree with some of your demands. I'll tell you whatever information is relevant. But don't assume I'm your ally just because I'm not your enemy. I need one more thing from you."
"What's that?"
"Keep lying to Hange." Erwin sat up a little straighter, curious. "Pretend we're taking everyone but ditch them all last-minute. If you think Moblit and Miche are capable enough to fend for themselves, fine. But no one else."
"You said that everyone was improving during It," he tried.
"That doesn't mean they won't still be a burden by the time we escape," Levi responded bluntly.
"I thought you'd agree to help with the plan of escaping with everyone. Is that not what you want?"
"Come off it, Erwin. You know just as well as I do that personal feelings don't matter. We can't take them all. This is my way of helping. If you don't want to take the advice of someone who's been thinking about all this far longer than you, go ahead, but I won't march to your deaths along with you."
"If you've really spent all this time working for us to survive, you won't let us do that."
"And if you're gonna try something that means you'll definitely die, I'd rather you just wait to get eaten. What's your decision? I haven't got all day," he muttered.
Erwin sighed. "Fine."
Levi stood up and moved to face him, grasping his shirt collar loosely, and the blonde went very still.
"You better not be lying to me, Erwin." His breath burned the shell of his ear.
"Of course."
With that, Levi hummed with satisfaction and left the dormitory.
As soon as the door clicked shut, Erwin's posture slumped, and he gripped the bedcovers to try and prevent himself from falling forward onto the floor. Hell.
He hated arguing with either of them. They were all control freaks, but Erwin wasn't as nearly as in control of that situation as he'd intended on being.
It should have been a fantastic turn of events. Not only would the traitor move to their side, but they also had crucial information and the ability to solve one of the most significant obstacles preventing their escape. They wouldn't have been able to get so far without him, and, whether intentionally or not, simply Levi's presence in their lives had played a big part in cultivating the people they'd become, capable of even thinking about trying to escape their fates.
They had all been competitive with their test scores, which motivated them to improve twice as fast. Levi had thrown many scientific and technological books at Hange over the years, piquing their curiosity, and he'd probed Erwin's methodology and thought processes, as well as challenged the expected beliefs to hold and assumptions in the books the blonde read. Erwin played It by viewing each runner as an individual enemy to outwit in their own distinct way because Levi had taught him to do so, simply by being a ridiculously difficult target even when they were younger and much more balanced in their pace and stamina. And he'd only ever thought there was a chance the fence wasn't protecting them from something because Levi had said so.
Last week wasn't the first time Erwin had been to the gate. He clearly recalled how he'd pestered Levi, face buried in a book under the tree he liked sitting at, along with Hange one day, the latter of which was begging their older brother to stop reading for five minutes and go play with them. That day, he had agreed.
"Fine. Let's go to the gate. I've always wanted to see what was there."
Erwin was really nervous, never one to break the rules, but Hange seemed excited that they were finally doing something all together, and Levi was looking at him in a way that made him feel like he was being a baby if he didn't agree to go with them. He liked learning new things, anyway - and definitely things he wasn't supposed to know yet. It made him feel good when he was taught stuff he already learned by himself. If he already knew the answer to a question and he got it correct the first time, Papa would praise him for it, and his other siblings would look at him with awe. They liked him when he did smart things.
The three of them couldn't really see anything past the locked bars once they were there. Just a long archway with a door at the end, and some boxes lying around. They spent a few minutes guessing what could be on the other side, and what they'd do once they left the orphanage when they were adopted, and then Levi decided to take them away again.
"This is boring. Let's go back before we get caught."
They were only five years old.
If he'd known since then, as Erwin feared, then he'd been aware of the truth for at least six years. Despite being only a year older, he'd always been so much mature than them. He never radiated the innocence that the younger kids did, though Erwin had chalked it up to being unaware of it at the time, given that he was even younger himself.
Levi was cooking and cleaning with supervision as far back as he could remember, and was the youngest he'd ever seen to have permission to take care of the infants in the evenings, even though he was so little he looked a bit silly holding them in his arms compared to their older siblings. He didn't like when other people tried to help him with his tasks, preferring his independence, or perhaps he thought others inconvenienced him.
He was born with table manners and a disdain for the dirtiness of the other children. The closest to messy he ever got was when he woke up first thing in the morning, his hair sticking up in various directions and sleepwear a little ruffled, and even then, Levi woke up so early that Erwin only ever got to see him like that when pulling all-nighters. Other than that, Levi was immaculate in his presentation, meticulous with his actions, straight-cut with his words. He did only what was necessary, and it made him Papa's perfectly poised puppet, and one that did not falter in his performance.
This was everything Erwin objectively knew about Levi. Recalling it all didn't really help, however, with trying to break down his true intentions. He clearly had his own idea of the plan in place, and it had been inconvenienced more than he'd liked by Brother Reiner's arrival. Erwin couldn't see what the significance of an additional caretaker could be to their escape, so whatever ideas Levi thought were ruined must be his personal ones, instead of their collective escape plan.
He wondered if Papa had brought in Brother specifically to test Levi's allegiance. Surely the possibility of him swaying to Erwin and Hange's side would have been considered, and some counter would have been put in place to do that, even if Papa thought that Levi defecting was extremely unlikely.
Erwin had assumed that Papa thought Levi wouldn't betray him, and that's what made this so difficult. His intention was to figure out a way to take all the children with them. Even if he didn't know if it could be done, Hange would certainly be spending their time searching for a viable method to do so. If they spent too much time working on that and not on a plan that could be easily executed with just a few of them, Levi might decide that his survival was more certain if he remained allied with Papa, and betray them once more.
Even so, Erwin agreed with Hange that Papa would likely dispose of Levi if the rest of them successfully escaped, so to keep him alive, he had to go with them. It was more beneficial to all of them if he truly was on their side. Hange wasn't a fool by any means, but it would be easier to get them to rely on their friendship and then ditch the other children mid-escape than it would be to outmanoeuvre Levi, who knew far too much already, and had been playing this game of strategy and deception far longer than the rest of them.
And Erwin would never dare tell another soul how afraid he was to die. If he could prioritise a few of them surviving over the risk of everyone dying, he'd do it. He wanted to keep living. He wanted his plan to work, even a little bit. Even if it meant not everyone was saved.
Through his blurring vision, Erwin's attention was drawn towards a picture on the bulletin board. Walking towards it on shaky legs, he took in the three stick figures with distinctly different hair colours and felt overwhelmed with the nostalgia of it. It was only a moment later that his brain corrected him. This was his dormitory, not Hange's, so their drawing wouldn't be displayed here. Though it should have been taken down the day he left, it was Eren's. Papa must have forgotten, with all that had gone on.
Erwin lifted a hand to rip it off, but found he couldn't bring himself to do it. He was already too in his head about Levi and Hange, and Eren's picture was strikingly similar to the one in the other dorm. Erwin couldn't be the one to erase the last bit of evidence that Eren had lived here, either. To become aware of the truth made saying goodbye even indirectly far more difficult.
He didn't understand how Levi had watched their siblings get taken away every couple of months to get eaten and not done a thing to stop it. Had he even cared? He'd waited until the very last shipment before his own to launch the escape. If Erwin was a year older instead, would Levi have let him walk out that gate without a second thought?
Perhaps not getting attached was something he was used to. Erwin loved his siblings, but from a reasonable distance, given the nature of an orphanage, and had learnt to do so the hard way.
When they were really little, the children tended to pair up with those born in the same year as themselves. That had worked for Erwin, because he'd bonded with Hange just fine. But Levi had always been fighting with the other boy his age, Nile, and eventually Papa had permanently separated them. Levi's new buddy was Hange, and Erwin's was Nile.
That had been fine, because the two boys got along really well. They argued sometimes, but that was usually over trivial things like the meanings of words and who got to read a book first. Erwin remembered that Nile had been smart, but he'd also gotten rather sick shortly after his fourth birthday, and Erwin had read his study books to him in the infirmary. He was allowed to sleep in the dormitory again after a few weeks, but was still a little groggy, and by the turn of the year, he had apparently been adopted.
Erwin had cried a lot when Nile left. Now, he found he couldn't even remember his voice, nor many details of his appearance.
The dynamics had changed a lot since then. Erwin had said goodbye to several good friends over the years, but it had been easier, because his circle had grown wider over time, and he'd grown old enough to understand and accept when someone was leaving. He'd been under the impression that it was because they were going to live a better life elsewhere. That was far from correct, of course, which made a lot of things hurt a lot more as he thought back on them.
He wondered if he would have cracked under the pressure if he'd known what would happen to them. More likely, however, he probably never would have bothered making friends with them in the first place, if he'd been aware that he would never see or hear from them again once they left. He supposed that was what Levi had done. He'd figured out the shipping order early, considered Erwin and Hange as safe people to form a friendship with, and emotionally distanced himself from everybody else as not to hurt himself.
But recently, he'd been breaking that pattern. Earlier this year, when Isabel and Eren had turned five, he'd oddly agreed to help them study for their tests, since they were both lagging behind. Erwin assumed it was some kind of two-way attachment: the infants raised in the babies' room often favoured the older siblings that had tended to them once they grew into toddlers. Isabel had probably been the first new infant to come to the orphanage when Levi started helping out with the babies, if Erwin recalled correctly, with Eren a couple of weeks behind her.
Eren always insisted on doing everything by himself, but never protested when Levi did something for him, a prime example being dressing him right up until the day he left. Isabel could be rather rambunctious, but usually listened to Levi if he told her to cut it out, and went to him first if she was upset or wanted attention or help with something. Levi indulged in these interactions more than he would with any of the other children, so he must have cared about them all to some degree.
Another exception, now Erwin really thought on it, was Furlan, who had been following Levi around and asking him to read his books aloud since he could walk and talk, sitting with him at the tree or in the library. There had been plenty of times where a child had approached the elder boy, been brushed off, and found someone else to spend their time looking up to. Furlan was smart and reasonably independent; Erwin liked him too. But he was another of the rare few that Levi had decided to let in at less than an arm's length away.
Furlan made more sense, as he was unlikely to get shipped before Levi. Really, everyone six and above was rather adept and scored high on the tests.
That left the five-year-olds on the bottom rung of the food chain, and in the end, it had been Eren who'd finished last. If it weren't for Levi turning twelve, Isabel would probably be next. Perhaps he miscalculated, and didn't think he'd be outliving them when he decided to let them in. Hange had mentioned him being particularly withdrawn the day Eren departed, after all. Considering everything, his misery made perfect sense.
And for that reason, Erwin couldn't wrap his head around why Levi would still suggest to leave them all behind. What could be so awful about the outside world that he would rather the younger children were left to die a certain death here? He wasn't completely heartless, because it had been hurting him, even if only a little.
Papa, on the other hand, had lied through his teeth even more skilfully than Levi, and continued to do so every day, entirely unaffected by the weight of his actions.
It was as if he were a different man now Erwin knew the truth, and he cursed himself for his own ignorance and blind love for his parental figure. He would probably have to listen to Levi and kill both Papa and Brother Reiner if it became necessary for their escape. After the discovery of his brother's position, Erwin would no longer be so naive and softhearted. Anything and anyone could be out to get them, and he'd happily sacrifice his morals if it ensured all the children could get out of this alive, along with anything else. The most important thing was that they lived. For that, there was no cost too great.
Erwin's full understanding came to him all at once. His body finally gave out as he threw up onto the floor.