Chapter Text
Malleus was not familiar with much of modern human culture, but he had become quickly acquainted with the only Orange store in Briar Valley, what with how often he had to get his cell phone repaired or replaced over the past three years since Lilia had suggested he bring one to NRC. He wasn’t even entirely sure how he broke it this time. He had been so careful with it for the entire week since Yuu had exchanged numbers with him, but while waiting for an update on their investigation with Sebek two nights before, it had abruptly gone dark and stopped responding to anything he did to it. Lilia suggested that it had run out of electrical power, something none of his previous phones had lasted long enough to experience, and needed to be recharged, but when he tried to use his magic to refill it with lighting, it just caught fire. So here he was, hoping the local experts on human technology could reconnect him with the duo before he got so nervous he teleported straight into Scarabia and potentially interrupted a delicate situation if Yuu’s suspicions were correct but they had not, in fact, tried to call for help.
After some huddled discussion among the employees, a nervous looking young man he couldn’t recall seeing before with a tag on his shirt reading ‘Jeff’ came forward. “Er, w-welcome, how can we assist you today?”
Malleus held up the charred remains of his phone. “I require a replacement for this.”
Jeff’s mouth hung open for a few moments before he closed it with a click, swallowed, and opened it again to speak. “I-uh, I don’t think that’s covered under our warranty… You’re gonna have to buy a new one–”
“That’s quite alright.” Malleus wasn’t sure what a warranty did cover, since it didn’t appear to include any issue he had ever had with a cell phone. He had expected to need to pay for the replacement, and came prepared, pulling a stack of paper bills from his inside coat pocket, and quickly counted them to make sure the amount was correct.
Jeff was once again taken aback, staring at the money in Malleus’ hand. “Holy- I mean, I’m not sure if we accept cash…?” Another employee, whose name tag read “Leaf,” and Malleus recognized as having been working at the store the past several times he visited came forward, already holding a box with a picture of a phone on it.
“We do for this customer. Here you go, sir, and congrats on lasting a week this time.” They handed him the box and took the money from him and turned to the back of the store, stopping to say to Jeff in a whisper they probably thought he couldn’t hear, “I dunno whose job it is to teach the Actual Prince what a credit card is, but it’s definitely not ours. Just help him log back into his account on the new phone and see him out before his guard spooks the other customers away.”
Malleus looked behind him. Silver and Lilia were using one of their vacation days today for father-son time on a possibly volcanic mountain somewhere, and Sebek was with Yuu, so today he was escorted by two older fae, who glowered suspiciously at anything that emitted light from a not immediately-identifiable source, which was most of the store. Jeff caught his attention by motioning to the box, and he opened it, pulling out the sleek black slab inside and cautiously turning it on. After a moment, the screen lit up with a soft glow (to the alarm of his guards before he motioned them to stand down), and text appeared, welcoming him in several languages. Remembering the procedure, he tapped the screen once, and it changed to ask if he wanted to log into his OrangeID, create a new one, or transfer his data from a previous phone. He looked to Jeff for guidance, who glanced at the remains of said previous phone. “I don’t think that’s gonna turn on, let alone connect to any other phones. If you have a backup we can restore it on this device, though?”
Malleus blinked in confusion until Leaf called from the back, “We turned automatic cloud backups on last time he was here!” Jeff nodded, and walked him through the process, until the next time his screen lit up, it was with the grid of familiar squares.
A moment later it started vibrating in his hand and a little number started ticking up on the corner of one of the squares. Jeff noticed his quizzical expression and glanced at the screen. “It’s just downloading your unread texts.” His phone buzzed a few more times. “Wow, someone must’ve really needed to contact you since your phone broke.”
Malleus quickly thanked the young man, summoned a small pile of gold as a boon for ‘restoring his data,’ and teleported himself and his guard back to the castle, already fiddling with his new phone to open the texts.
Two Days Ago, 19:47
“Arriving at Scarabia now.
Don’t wanna look rude by texting updates during dinner
I’ll msg u later”
19:48
“Understood. Stay safe.”
19:48
“Dw, Sebek’s being very enthusiastic about protecting me for you, and I’ve also got Grim, I’ll be fine”
21:37
“Jamil is insisting we stay overnight. Sebek is agreeing with him. Msg u later.”
21:53
“Jamil was looking over my shoulder for that last text. He did something to Sebek to make him agree with him. We’re locked in a guest room now, please come pick us up.”
21:58
“U there?
Ok, it’s saying undelivered. Dunno if Jamil is blocking my signal or what.”
21:59
“Texted Ace and Deuce. Only my messages to you aren’t sending.
Gonna keep sending updates in case they get through eventually.
Sebek is staring at a wall like a zombie.”
22:15:
“Working on escape plan with Grim.
Sebek still a zombie.”
22:30:
“Sebek looks like he’s maybe waking up.”
22:35:
“You regularly fry your phones????
Anyway we’re gonna try that escape plan”
22:56
“Escaped Scarabia, crash landed in Octavinelle.
Azul is helping us, not sure what he wants from this tho
If your phone’s not completely dead and you see this message, meet us in the Octavinelle student lounge.”
Yesterday, 02:01
“Plan for tomorrow is as good as it’s gonna get.
Good night”
08:07
“Getting ready to go back to Scarabia.
Window for meeting up with us is kinda closed because of the Scheme.
I’ll text updates.”
09:45
“Jamil looks close to cracking .”
11:37
“Good news; no one died.
Gotta get a bunch of people to the hospital tho.
Will try again to contact you later.”
11:56
“At the hospital.
Gonna stop checking my phone for a bit while I wait for Jamil and Azul to wake up, that way lies madness.”
12:00
“Nvm im bored.”
12:10
“Oh shoot there’s a commotion over in Azul’s direction.”
12:13
“Jade got kicked out by the head nurse.
Gotta admit, he is not the twin I’d expect to act up like this.
Floyd just seems kinda mopey rn tho.”
12:31
“Azul woke up a bit ago.
He was on and off before but it looks like he’s *awake* awake now.
If Floyd doesn’t stop hovering while the nurse is trying to do his job then he’s joining his brother outside.”
12:32
“Floyd actually quieted down. Must’ve been paying attention when they kicked out Jade.”
12:37
“Nurses and doctors left Azul for a bit.
Floyd now attempting to hug and/or strangle him.
Gonna check on Kalim and Jade.”
13:56
“Jamil woke up, filled him in on stuff, talked a bit.
Doctors said they want both Azul and Jamil to stay overnight, so me and Sebek are gonna stay with Kalim at Scarabia to keep him company/help plan a party for when they get back.
Sounds like keeping it from being too much for the still-recovering guests of honor is gonna be a full time job.”
22:32
“That went better than I anticipated. No parade, feast limited to what Jade can do on his own before noon tomorrow, Kalim’s even stopped trying to convince Grim to do tricks like some kind of weirdly shaped dog.
Gonna turn in, good night.”
The last message was from the previous night, only a few hours after he’d had the thought that he could probably summon a lot more lightning power than a mere electrical outlet. He hastily typed out a message.
Just Now
“Apologies, my phone broke. I have just replaced it. You and Sebek are both all right?”
A few endless seconds later his phone buzzed.
Just Now.
“You’re back!
Yeah, we’re all good.
You were right btw, i dunno how i wouldve managed without Sebek
We would’ve called Lilia when we realized we couldn’t reach you but Sebek forgot to bring his phone, and i don’t have his number
Btw, if u haven’t read my other texts, we’re throwing a No One Died party
Ur invited, obviously”
Malleus smiled, left a quick note to his guards telling them not to panic, and teleported straight to the Hall of Mirrors, stepping through the portal to Scarabia’s dimension before the little sparks of magic faded away. The first person he asked about Yuu and Sebek pointed a shaking finger towards the student lounge, which Malleus followed.
Yuu was standing on a step ladder, winding bright yellow streamers around the chains holding up the lights. Below them, Kalim held the ladder steady until they stepped carefully down. “Okay, let’s get this over…there.” They pointed to the last lamp that didn’t have any streamers yet, and Sebek helped Kalim move the ladder under it. Grim, who was batting a piece of streamer around, looked up and noticed Malleus first.
“Hey! You better have some prime quality tuna to make up for leaving us to deal with everything on our own!”
Yuu turned their head to absentmindedly scold him. “Grim, be nicer- Hornton!” They beamed down at Malleus from the ladder, quickly winding the last of the streamer around the chain before clambering down the ladder. Sebek was already expressing his gratitude that he had finally shown up, and assuring him that Yuu had come to no harm over the past couple days (despite what he proclaimed to be their best efforts) at an escalating volume before their feet touched the floor. Kalim held the ladder carefully still until they were off, and then he too greeted Malleus.
“Hi! Today I learned that if anyone tries to climb a ladder without a spotter, Yuu will personally kill them as a lesson about safety precautions. I’m pretty sure they were joking?”
“Oh no,” said Grim, “I’ve seen how they get when Ace doesn’t wear his safety glasses in Potions. Death is getting off lightly.”
Malleus blinked at this, and decided to address Yuu and Sebek. “I am relieved you are all alright, and once again, I apologize for what happened. Am I too early for that party?”
Yuu laughed lightly, “Eh, not too much. Jade said he was almost done setting up lunch, and Floyd texted recently saying that Jamil and Azul were just about done with their exams and about to check out. C’mon, let’s sit down.” They waved him over to a sofa and plopped down. Malleus sat down next to them, and Sebek took his other side. Kalim took the seat opposite, and Grim clambered up onto his lap, holding the piece of streamer in his teeth like a dead mouse, and they all started explaining everything that had happened. Yuu started off maintaining careful eye contact with the bridge of his nose, the way they did when they had gotten stuck doing the Serious Conversation stare but were too tired to actually keep it up, before they eventually settled down and turned away, leaning their head on his shoulder over Sebek’s protests. While they were all telling the story, Jade started setting out various dishes, plus a plastic box under what looked like a fairly strong seal, by human mage standards, and added his own interjections.
By the time the recounting was wrapping up, Floyd, Azul, and Jamil were making their way in. Jamil shot a nervous look at Malleus as he sat down next to Kalim, not taking his eyes off of him even while he checked the sealed box for signs of tampering and unsealed it, passing it back to Kalim, who pulled out a single serving of his own lunch. Azul attempted to sit on Jamil’s other side, but found himself flanked by the twins, who seemed oddly determined to keep him squeezed between them as much as possible. This didn’t stop him from attempting to talk Jamil into some kind of business proposition, which did not relax Jamil per se , but he seemed content to scowl and grump at Azul’s advances rather than stare at Malleus like he was waiting for the other foot to drop.
After everyone had had a chance to fill their plates and eat, Yuu and Sebek left and returned with a few tubs with hand cranks on the lid that turned out to be full of ice cream. Jade brought in the bowls and spoons, and indicated which tub had which flavor, while Sebek bragged about helping stir one of the tubs. Malleus picked that one, and scooped himself some chocolate ice cream. Yuu grinned and made a comment about the sparkle in his eye while they scooped their own bowl of mint, before settling back against his side.
Eventually Sebek gave up on trying to get Yuu to stop “crowding Lord Malleus”, as they had fallen asleep, so he took the opportunity to ask how they were getting along now. Sebek looked confused by the question, so he elaborated. “I know that you had something of a quarrel recently-” he smiled lightly at Sebek’s spluttering, “Of course I knew, neither of you were at all subtle. I truly didn’t intend to leave you here alone for so long, but after that time working together, you at least seem to be more cooperative? At least, you’re not yelling any louder than you do at Silver, and they said you were a great help.”
Sebek preened a little, but before he could answer, the scrape of metal against the floor woke Yuu up. They glared at Jamil, who was pulling the stepladder back out to straighten out one of the trails of streamers until Kalim stepped up and held it steady, saying something about not wanting him to get killed. They nodded at this, and then promptly fell asleep on Malleus’ shoulder again. Sebek cleared his throat and began, “Well, they’re certainly… forward, and reckless, and they wouldn’t know manners if they were smacked upside the head with an etiquette guide!” He caught himself before he could get properly worked up before continuing, “However, they’re not unintelligent, and they are clearly motivated to defend the people they care about, and would be good at it if their situational awareness were more consistent, and… well, you are definitely one of those people, and I can’t possibly fault their taste there.” He smirked, and his volume started to climb again. “Truly, this is a sign of your magnificence, that even someone from a whole other world could tell how incredible you are! They would not dream of snubbing you for even as small an event as this, for they know how true you are! And how excellent a guest! And how overwhelmingly powerful!”
At some point, Sebek’s speech woke Yuu up, and they blinked blearily before adding, “And how nice a pillow.”
“And how nice a—wait! No! Human—!” He started spluttering and trying to backtrack without saying that there was something Malleus wasn’t incredible at, and they snickered back at him. Malleus leaned back, smiling, and let the bickering continue around him, while Kalim passed him another bowl of ice cream (coconut this time). Jamil was looking at him again, but this time with an expression like he thought he knew the answer to a question, but was now more confused. Malleus met his gaze, and he looked away.
The party, such as it was, continued around him, but this time when Yuu started to nod off again, he nudged them a little and suggested they retire to Ramshackle. Azul and the twins, who were all looking a bit tired themselves, made their excuses as well, and Jamil looked relieved to see them all go. “There’s only a few days left of winter break,” Malleus said as he was dropping Yuu and Grim off at their dorm, “I must say, this was the first time I was invited to any kind of party over break. I quite enjoyed it.”
Grim and Sebek groaned a little at that, and Yuu let out a small huff of laughter, “Well, hopefully next time you’ll get invited somewhere without anyone I know nearly dying. Have a good rest of break, Hornton, Sebek.”
“You too, human.” Sebek responded, and Malleus voiced his agreement. They said their goodbyes, and he and Sebek teleported back to the valley, to be met with several frantic guards on Malleus’ part, and about 20 missed calls from the Zigvolts on Sebek’s. In his opinion, though (not Sebek’s, however, based on his expression when he retrieved his forgotten phone), all of the fuss was more than worth it.