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Usopp waits on the beach.
He’s on plan forty six for how his returning-to-the-crew conversation will go. Normally, coming up with plans soothes his anxiety; knowing he has a contingency in his back pocket helps him deal with the unpredictable insanity of life on the Grand Line. Now, however, he grows more agitated with every one he makes. No matter how he spins it, he keeps running into a fact he can’t ignore: he doesn’t know how to face Luffy.
How do you talk to someone after accusing them of not caring? How do you ask to rejoin a crew you quit?
Luffy has to know Usopp wants to come back; Usopp said as much at Enies Lobby. Usopp meant every word he said on the bridge, but it was easy, in the heat of the moment, to scream his feelings to Luffy and the world. Now, not so much. What started as simple nerves has given way to doubt. That brief hope he’d felt on the Bridge of Hesitation, that he was wrong about everything, that his friends wanted him, that he was useful, needed, is fading. Sure, he can do what none of them can. Really though, how often will Luffy need a sniper? It feels telling that none of the crew have come to seek him out. He tries his best to ignore it.
“They do want me with them,” he tells his reflection in the tide pool. “Just watch, any minute now they’ll come running down the beach, or embarrass me in the market place with all their blubbering.”
He lies because he doesn’t want to face the truth. The truth is the lonely sea shore, littered with scraps of metal and broken pieces of ships. The truth is that not one of his friends has approached, or even tried to speak to him. He knows he left, and no one has any obligation to chase after him, but he can’t stop thinking about how Luffy chased Nami and Robin down relentlessly when they tried to leave. He knows he can’t expect the same, and before Enies Lobby he didn’t, but afterward he thought someone would at least try to come after him to talk it out. To let him know it was okay to come home. Instead, he’s only spoken to the others in passing, as they all struggled to save Robin.
If Usopp hadn’t gone to Enies Lobby with them, would any of them have spoken to him again at all?
Is his absence unmarked, barely a blip as they prepare for the next leg of the journey? No, surely not. Luffy cares about his friends, and Usopp is one of them. Didn’t that moment on the Bridge of Hesitation prove it? Unless Usopp really did ruin everything for good, and even being there in that moment wasn’t enough to save their friendship…
When thoughts like that creep in, he usually tries to find the giants, or fine tune Kabuto; anything to keep busy. He doesn’t like to sit and wallow. He knows how he gets when he’s left alone with his thoughts for too long. However, try as he might, he can’t shake them this time. Doubts rear their ugly heads, and the hollow feeling burrowed in his chest cavity spreads further. He stands abruptly, trying to physically shake off the negative thoughts.
Maybe there’s something going on? Something preventing them from seeking him out? He doesn’t know what could be strong enough to hold them up for so long, considering they just fought the World Government and won, but it must be something big.
He stills, heartbeat pounding in his ears. Is that it? Did Luffy’s grandfather change his mind, and the World Government came after them in retaliation for Enies Lobby?
Usopp snatches up his mask and cloak.
No need to fear! Sogeking will get to the bottom of this mystery, and trounce any fool who dares to mess with those young pirates!
It’s a cinch to sneak down to the building where he last saw them, then through the courtyard behind it. It’s harder to remember the room, but with his goggles and a bit of climbing, he soon finds it again. The window is wide open. Of course it is. Usopp would bet anything Nami told the crew twenty times to close it and draw the curtains, only for Luffy or Zoro to forget the second she walked away. He sees movement; someone is in there. His throat tightens, and his heart starts hammering.
There might be Marines. Worse, Luffy might be there. Even if he isn’t, whoever is might try to make him talk to Luffy. Usopp knows he should have just talked to Luffy after escaping Enies Lobby, but nerves got the best of him. He wasn’t ready yet, still hurt and unsure even with Sanji’s reassurances ringing in his head. He almost wishes he had gone for it then anyway, because the moment passed, and another chance was not forthcoming. After Merry fell apart, and after watching her burn, Usopp felt like an open wound. He couldn’t have talked to Luffy then even if he wanted to. After that, the time never felt right. He ended up waiting on the beach, talking himself in circles as he waited for an opportunity to present itself. Doing his best to be ready for when the next chance came along.
Usopp still isn’t ready, if he’s honest, but that’s what Sogeking is for. Sogeking can check on his friends, and get the lay of the land. The King of Snipers will help him find the right moment. Then Usopp won’t feel like he’s seven years old again, waiting on the rocky shore for someone who will never come. He takes a deep breath, and adjusts his mask.
Usopp hasn’t been brave enough to go in, but there is no place on this earth that Sogeking fears to tread.
“Oh the wind carries my name,” he sings, “from Sniper Island far away!”
Sogeking shoots a grapple to the nearest tall building, and swings across the courtyard. He releases at just the right moment, flipping through the air like an acrobat (a move Usopp has been practicing since he busted his lip on the railing in Skypiea). Sogeking is no novice; he bursts through the window, and lands the move effortlessly.
“When I take aim it’s straight and true. Lu lu lala lu!”
He stands, and comes face to face with Luffy.
Well, not quite face to face. Mask to top of head. Luffy is crouched over a bag. A few vegetables lay scattered on the floor beside him, along with several empty wrappers. In his hand is a half eaten stick of jerky. He’s frozen, cheeks bulging like a chipmunk’s. Seeing him like that, clearly caught in the middle of doing something he’s not supposed to, almost makes Usopp snicker. Only his acting skills and the ball of nerves in his stomach keep him from laughing.
Which is good, because Usopp’s laugh would sound more than a little hysterical, given the present conditions.
Luffy jams the rest of the jerky into his mouth and finishes his stolen snack in one big, painful looking swallow. He then leaps to his feet with excitement over the King of Snipers, who strikes a new pose just to hear Luffy sing his praises before getting down to business.
“No need for applause,” Sogeking says. “I have just come to check on you, young pirate. Any trouble with the marines since our grand escape?”
“Nah, we’re good,” Luffy says. He hums, leaning around Sogeking to look out the window. “Have you seen Usopp?” Luffy asks.
Leave it to Luffy to cut to the chase! The tentative hope Usopp clung to on the beach spikes.
“As a matter of fact, I have. I can take you to him, if you want?”
“No.”
The hope dies, leaving yet another hollow space in its place. No. Luffy says it so simply. No, he doesn’t want to know where Usopp is. No, he doesn’t want to see Usopp.
Not here for five minutes and he already knows the answers to all his questions.
“When do you plan to leave?” Sogeking asks, because unlike Usopp he’s a professional who knows how to keep it together.
“Hmm… Franky said the new ship will be ready soon.”
Then they’ll be off to the next island. Off to the next adventure, heading deeper into danger, now with the whole world against them. Usopp is not built to survive all of that, he knows he likely won’t, but if his shooting can mitigate any of that danger, if he can protect his friends even once, the way Sogeking protected Robin at Enies Lobby…
Do what I can’t.
He can at least offer his skills, even if they don’t need anything else.
“If you need a sharpshooter,” Sogeking begins.
“No.”
“No?” Sogeking startles, nearly slipping out of character. Again Luffy turns him down so bluntly, without a second thought or even letting Sogeking finish his offer.
“You’re cool, Sogeking, but I don’t want you.”
“Oh.” Usopp says quietly.
He knows it’s silly, but there’s a new kernel of hurt at Luffy’s blunt refusal. Even as a fearless hero, with his skills proven, he isn’t enough? If Sogeking isn’t wanted, then Usopp definitely isn’t. He wants to slink away, or just let the earth swallow him right then and there, but heroes don’t slink and they don’t run with their tails between their legs. He’s supposed to be a hero right now. He can wait until he gets back to the beach before he falls apart.
Luffy is ignorant of the crisis going on behind the mask. “I only want one person to be my sharpshooter.”
“Who would that be?” Usopp asks. They found a replacement already? He knows he’s replaceable, but even he didn’t expect them to move on that quickly.
“Usopp, duh!”
Usopp stares. For a second he’s speechless; joy wells up in him, but it’s quickly undermined by disbelief. Despite those words being what he wants to hear, he can’t believe them. The easy way Luffy says Usopp’s name, like it’s obvious who his sniper is, doesn't make sense.
If you don’t like it, you can just le–!
He struggles to pull the persona back on before the silence can begin to drag. He feels like there’s a crack in his mask, and Sogeking starts to slip away.
“Why would you want m—him? I— he’s told me about your travels, he causes you nothing but trouble!”
“Nuh uh,” Luffy says.
“He’s a liar!”
“Yes?”
“He's a traitor.” Usopp can’t stop running his mouth. All the doubts and self recriminations he spent the last few days struggling to rebury are rising from their shallow graves.
Luffy grabs him, yanking him forward by his cloak. His expression is suddenly thunderous. “Shut up,” he snarls, “and don’t call him that!”
“He left, didn’t he? He said those awful things.” Usopp had his reasons. He couldn’t stand to abandon Merry, and at the time, all of his worst fears seemed to be coming true. For Merry, he’d have fought Luffy a thousand times. She was their crew mate too, even if she was made of wood and not flesh and blood. But Merry is dead and Usopp’s accusations remain. They all seemed so true at the time, back when Luffy was acting completely unaffected about replacing Merry, and when he told Usopp to leave. Usopp can remember what led him to those thoughts so clearly, but after everything that happened at Enies Lobby, they feel like a bad dream: like he’s woken up and found the truths that seemed so real and undeniable in the world of his nightmare to be jumbled nonsense in the light of day. Now, Usopp doesn't know how he could think so little of Luffy, believe so fervently in Luffy’s indifference that he’d turn his sights on his friend’s character.
“I don’t care,” Luffy says.
Then why wait? Usopp wants to scream. Why the silence? Luffy is not what Usopp said he was, but that doesn’t mean Usopp wasn’t right about himself.
“You don’t need him!”
“YES I DO!”
The room seems deathly quiet, following Luffy’s shout.
Luffy lets Sogeking go slowly, the anger draining out of him like air from a leaky balloon. Usopp’s own feelings follow suit as Luffy’s words sink in. The thorny mixture of anger, fear, and self hatred eases its grip on his heart. Something blooms in the hollow place he’s left long empty within himself. Something warm and soft, but so, so fragile.
“I’m not allowed to tell him I’m sorry,” Luffy says.
“You’re… sorry? Why are you sorry?” It is Usopp who should be sorry for pushing his friend away and thinking the worst of him. Right? Sure, Luffy said hurtful things to him too, but didn’t Usopp deserve them?
“For not protecting him. For not listening to him.”
“And for telling him to leave?” Usopp asks quietly, voice as fragile as glass. His throat feels tight. Luffy stares at him, and for the first time, Usopp wonders if he really does know who is under the mask. When Luffy speaks, his voice is graver than Usopp has ever heard before.
“I’m sorry for that most of all.” Luffy clenches his fists. Luffy, for all that he acts like an open book, has always been hard to read, but now his expression is open. He looks angry and sad, but more than either of those things, he looks lost. Like a seventeen year old boy who misses his best friend. “I want him back.”
There are tears in Usopp’s eyes. He fights them because Sogeking is a hero and heroes don’t cry, even if their best friend is stabbing them in the heart with words they never really believed they’d hear.
“I think Usopp really needed to hear that, young Luffy.”
Because Luffy told him to leave. No one can leave their crew without the captain’s permission, but long before their fight, Usopp had believed it was only a matter of time before Luffy woke up and realized who shouldn’t be there. Because for a long time Usopp felt unwanted and useless, and after losing the money, he felt like he’d crossed the line from useless into something far worse: a dangerous liability. No longer just an inconvenience, but actively dragging his friends down. He felt all those dark thoughts were proven true when Luffy said (almost said, if Sanji didn’t kick him, but they all knew) the words Usopp had been dreading for months. Because he wanted to come back, but hesitated, because part of him still didn’t believe he’d be welcome after all he’d said and done.
The urge to apologize presses at Usopp’s lips. He fights it, but only because Luffy won’t understand what Sogeking is apologizing for.
“Why not just tell him?”
“I can’t. Not yet. I’m waiting for Usopp here.”
“You’re waiting for him?”
“Yep. Zoro says I can’t go out to look, so I’m staying here for when Usopp shows up.”
Usopp frowns. How is he supposed to know Luffy is waiting for him if nobody tells him? He dismisses the question. It’s exactly the kind of backward logic Luffy and Zoro would come up with.
They’re waiting for him. Despite everything, they really want him back, more than they want Sogeking or any other sniper.
“I will take my leave then, young Luffy,” Sogeking says, opening the door. He steps out, dramatically bowing in the door frame. “Consider this farewell! The seas are vast, and the islands are many. It is likely we will never meet again, future King of the Pirates.”
He hums his theme song, and swirls his cape just to watch Luffy’s eyes sparkle with awe.
“Bye, Sniper King!”
Sogeking closes the door.
A few seconds later, Usopp opens it.