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Chapter Text

I never thought that I could love you this way.

Ben observed every movement made by Rex, his best friend. He was in the yard with his other friends, while Ben was on the building’s second floor, leaning against a large window that gleamed whenever the sun appeared in the blue sky.

His chest tightened at the moment that Rex crossed his mind—as if he needed to express more than what he was already expressing by himself, as if every word he wanted to say to him were a love letter, as if he needed him more than anything in this world.

What is this feeling?

…

Ben and Rex met each other about a year and a half ago at a workshop held in the Science Lab. Ben was there because he was struggling with a specific subject that year, while Rex was there out of his passion for science.

After being selected for a project together, they became best friends. In this way, Ben began to take interest in science and, well, in Rex.

Mixed signals, comfortable silences, and a romantic chemistry whenever they were alone. These were more than enough reasons for Ben to start feeling butterflies for his friend, even though he denied that those feelings existed. How can a person ignore these feelings for so long? Even Ben does not know. 

Gwen was the first person to notice this strange closeness. It was not necessarily because Ben told her about those feelings; a terrible joke made by Rex was enough for her to realize that Ben was whipped for him, a joke that even the easiest-laugh person would not have laughed at. 

Oh, Ben.

…

“You should give him some signals,” Gwen discussed the problem with Ben.

“No? It is not possible. I don’t even know what I am feeling,” Ben expressed while fiddling with his sweatshirt’s zipper.

“Take my word, or suffer the consequences for the rest of your life. I know what I’m talking about. It’s your choice,” Gwen stated with enough confidence to unsettle Ben’s fragile ego.

Ben thought that Gwen was right; he could not keep dealing with that constant chest pain whenever he was near Rex—but what if he loses everything?

His company.

His presence.

His friendship.

Rex was everything to him, and losing him would feel like falling into a deep void from which he could never escape. 

Ben was so fucked up. 

“I’ll tell you my final decision once I’ve made it, ok? I just need to… think,” Ben decided.

Gwen left the room quietly, closed the door, and Ben finally breathed. 

God…

Even thinking about Rex made him ache to the very pit of his stomach. What should he do? What could be the final decision?

Ben was so whipped. Ben was so insane.

Ben

was

so

fucked

up.

...

As if it were a ridiculous joke from the Universe, his phone vibrated in a way that feels highly anticlimactic given the situation. When he picked up the phone, he received a message that was very convenient. 

hey ben, hru?

i was wondering if we could do the project for monday at my place tomorrow, after dinner

is it ok for you?

More than convenient. It was the perfect moment for Ben to make a quick decision. He had a full day to think about what to do, how to do it, and the reasons why. Everything was working in his favor—and yet, it was not. In 24 hours, his life would change—or perhaps it would not. Ben did not want to blow it, surely not. 

Ben took a breath, gazed at a fixed point on the imaginary horizon, and picked up his phone again to write…

sure, see ya.

Yes.

That's it. 

Chapter Text

Ben’s sleep was extremely light, especially that night. There was no way to drift off properly. The slightest sound was enough to wake him, and even his own movements felt uncomfortable and difficult to control. Sadly, Ben was slowly losing his mind. Literally.

It was 11 in the morning. Ben woke up with a troublesome, uncomfortable fever. It was nearly uncontrollable and affected every limb of his frail body. If he was already mentally unstable, his body simply mirrored his thoughts—which was far from ideal. With every erratic (or not-so-erratic) thought, a slight spasm would ripple through Ben’s literally burning head.

"I don't think I'm feeling well," said Ben, summoning all his strength to string the words together. Gwen walked into the room to gather the dirty laundry and turned her head slightly to look at her cousin's pale, weak face. "Some way to get ready to meet the love of your life," Gwen remarked with obvious irony, eliciting a silent, unspoken annoyance from Ben, who couldn't even properly express his irritation because the very act of doing so caused pain in his limbs.

"I'll bring you some medicine, if you'd like." Gwen sat on the edge of the bed, far enough away from Ben to avoid the risk of the fever spreading. "And I’d advise you not to go out. At least not today." Ben was so weak that he could barely respond to Gwen’s words. He just wanted to rest and not think about anything, though thoughts of Rex kept swirling in his mind.

As the door closed, Ben was left in a near-silence, broken only by the sound of the wind against his window and his own slow, painful breathing. Today was the day he might have gotten to know Rex a little better, but the fever struck too quickly and ruined his plans. It was the worst day of his life.

His room filled with a stifling, dangerous silence, mirroring the absence of sound throughout the rest of the house. That void was shattered when the doorbell rings—a sharp, strident sound, alarming enough to command attention. Ben lacked the energy to consider who might be standing on the other side of the door; nor did he have the strength to even care.

After that, all that could be heard were footsteps, growing louder with every passing second. Each step echoed inside Ben’s head, causing an intense, painful pressure in the most sensitive part of his skull—a sensation that drew nothing more than soft, pained moans from him—until the door opened.

"Ben..." A jovial yet deep voice rang out. It was a voice that spoke of shared understanding, reflecting concern, attentiveness, warmth, and an almost romantic undertone. Ben turned his head slowly and carefully to see who was standing before him, avoiding any undue physical strain. His eyes widened in surprise and his heart raced with an almost erratic rhythm when he realized it was Rex who had entered the room.

"Rex! What are you doing here?" Ben suddenly hoisted his torso up from the bed, fixing his gaze on his friend. The movement was so impulsive (and painful) that Ben couldn't support himself; he slumped back against the headboard, groaning as he felt a sharp, visible ache throughout his limbs. Rex simply moved to make him more comfortable, reaching out to help his friend settle into a better position.

"Gwen told me you were feeling under the weather and, well, I got worried because we were supposed to meet up today and you didn't show, and... well, I thought it was the right thing to do to come over, you know?" Ben just nervously shifted his shoulders as Rex finished his sentence. He never thought Rex would be that considerate of him; he hadn't even thought Gwen would be capable of mentioning his condition without making fun of him, though she probably had.

"This fever is killing me," Ben said, his face pale as he touched his forehead with his right palm, feeling the heat rise with every slow, painful breath, while his cough sounded increasingly dry. "It’s not normal for it to hurt this much, right?" Ben knew full well that anxiety was playing tricks on him this time, but he didn't want to overthink it, fearing it would only make him weaker.

"You just need to rest. You don't look all that weak, just a bit pale." Rex stroked Ben’s hair, feeling the sticky sweat on his friend’s head, brought on by the heat of his fever. With every brush of Rex’s hand against his skin, Ben felt a sense of comfort—a shared warmth that no longer stemmed from his illness, but from the simple act of human contact.

"Did you take your medication?" Rex asked.
"Yes, Mom," Ben joked.
They both laughed in unison. It was an effort that took a significant toll on Ben, who remained weak; yet, Rex’s arrival made him feel all the better. His friend’s presence made the heat radiating from his own body feel more comfortable and less painful. Ben concluded that the very thing that had triggered the anxiety behind his fever might, ironically, be the reason he was now feeling better.

"This is going to sound ridiculous, but... I missed you," Rex confessed with a soft chuckle, causing Ben to blush and feel his hands tremble at the remark. It felt so intimate, unique, and warm—yet, given his fever, he could hardly believe it was actually happening. "I only disappeared today," Ben replied, his voice flat, feigning complete ignorance of his own emotions.

"So? That’s more than enough." Rex blushed, brushing his fingertips against Ben’s forearm, which sent a distinct shiver through the latter. Slowly, their gazes locked in an intense, sustained look that revealed nothing but desire, a shared secret understanding, and a fiery friendship—one in which, perhaps, both had been concealing their true intentions.

"You can leave if you want. Spending too much time with me might rub off on you," Ben said.
"I don't care," Rex replied, impulsively.
At that moment, it was no longer just his fingertips making contact with Ben; his palm moved in, slowly drawing closer to his friend’s face—all while maintaining the intense eye contact they had already established—as he parted his lips, offering a unique and special invitation.

The two closed the distance, their lips meeting—gentle, with slow and careful movements. With every kiss they shared, Ben felt a strange sensation; it was a feeling of emptiness, yet one that was pleasurable—as if this mutual connection had always existed, and as if they had never needed to hide from the public eye. For Ben, this was perfection.

Rex slowly pulled away without saying a word, offering only a tender smile that put the final touch on this captivating and unexpected interaction. In that moment, the only sound was Ben’s slow, feverish breathing—the sole witness to this intimate exchange between the two friends, a moment that might well mark a turning point in their friendship.

The ambient sound in the room slowly faded away, giving rise to an intensifying, unbearable high-pitched ringing. It was a deafening sound that caused nothing but needless pain for Ben. Groaning in annoyance and discomfort, he squeezed his eyelids shut with such excessive force that it seemed to make the irritating ringing grow even louder.

As he snapped his eyes open, he saw only darkness. There wasn’t a shred of jarring noise, just a song, likely playing from Gwen’s room. It felt strange; his sweat was no longer warm, but cold, and the pressure in his head had vanished. "Shit." Ben simply covered his face, overcome with a sense of embarrassment.

Dreaming about Rex was the official confirmation of his feelings for him. It wasn’t an ordinary dream, but rather a feverish one—the kind that makes you delirious, makes you feel intensely, and leaves you drenched in sweat. It felt so real and unique that Ben could only smack himself on the head, struck by the sheer stupidity of it all.

Ben was in love, and this was only the beginning to realize it.

Chapter Text

That Monday felt increasingly tiresome and dull. The only lingering traces of Ben’s sudden, wild fever were his shortness of breath and occasional phlegm—neither of which was actually as uncomfortable as he had imagined. And, of course, there was the embarrassment of having felt as though Rex had arrived at his home like some sort of his "ideal Prince Charming". Every time he recalls that fever-induced dream, he shudders and blushes.

Although, in fact, Rex was present: by way of a message. Rex had asked if he 'was alright', adding that it was no trouble at all and that the invitation remained open whenever he might want to take it up. It was a very generic message, one that felt—to Ben, at least—like an act of forced kindness; this did nothing to alleviate the sense of shame he was already feeling. Perhaps disappearing would have been for the best, but as a student struggling in a few of his subjects, he couldn’t simply vanish as he might have liked.

"Are you better?" Rex came to sit next to Ben, who was just staring at nothing, as if he were lost in some other galaxy or something. Not even Ben understood his emotional state at that time, so much so that he didn't even react to the calming arrival of his friend. "I could be worse, thank you." Ben answered, sharp, almost aggressive, but Rex understood that it's his kind of feeling after an illness that weakened him for almost a full day.

"As soon as you're feeling better, you know you can come over to my place whenever you want," Rex said, offering the invitation with care and affection. Ben simply nodded—a gesture meant to keep their conversation quiet, though it's still somewhat noisy. Apparently, the signal wasn’t clear enough for Rex, who continued to tease and pester him. Ben just let it happen; he actually enjoyed this kind of physical contact with his friend Rex—even though, the night before, he had dreamt of something far more intimate between them.

The day unfolded with complete normality—moving at that particular pace typical of the start of a week, about as exciting as watching a lone sneaker sitting in the corner of a room—until a teacher asked to have a brief meeting with Ben. He wasn’t a bad student, but he struggled a bit with certain subjects, and on top of that, his sleep habits were rather irregular.

"Mr. Tennyson, we have noticed a slight deficiency in your grades," was his teacher's first remark. "However, you have remained consistent in most of them; therefore, there are no major complaints, I simply want to encourage you to improve your performance." Although those words sounded like they should have been enough, Ben still didn't grasp the point of the meeting; it was as if his fever had sapped some of his attention span, or perhaps he simply wasn't focused.

"Except for Physics, Mr. Tennyson." There it was—that was the problem. Ben was never particularly skilled at Physics or Chemistry; though in the latter, he managed to keep his grades up because the final projects were group-based and focused on topics that actually interested him. Physics, however, was a lost cause—it felt like trying to decipher hieroglyphs or study the history of some obscure foreign nation with fewer than 10,000 inhabitants; it was just completely alien to him.

"We know that Physics has never been your strong suit, Mr. Tennyson, but that doesn't mean you should slack off in this subject. On the contrary, it ought to be an incentive for you to keep improving, yet that doesn't seem to be the case." It was awful; it was as if he were hearing the same lecture from his parents, over and over again. Ben knew they were right, but that didn't stop him from feeling a sense of aversion whenever he had to hear the same thing so many times.

"Therefore, your Physics teacher and I have decided that you will receive tutoring," the head teacher said.
"Oh, no," Ben thought. "I don't think my parents will want to spend money on that," Ben said, feeling quite confident—and hopeful—that he could get out of it. He had never been a fan of tutoring. He’d once had private math lessons with one of Gwen’s friends, who hadn't exactly been the most engaging tutoring teacher. She had certainly helped him, but Ben couldn't stand having to study—or, rather, getting help with his studies—during his free time.

"Don't worry, Tennyson. We’ve assigned one of your classmates to help you with this; the entire process will be managed by us, the educational institution." Great! Now Ben would have to deal with some nerd from his class just to improve his Physics grades. Various scenarios crossed his mind—some more pleasant than others, since with some classmates, studying together could actually be fun, while with others, it would be far less enjoyable.

"Given your friendship with Mr. Rex Salazar, we believe it is appropriate for him to serve as your tutor throughout this process. We have full confidence in Mr. Salazar’s professionalism to help you improve your academic performance." Just what he needed—or rather, didn't need. From now on, any time spent with Rex would be strictly for studying—no more playing video games, joking around, or just gossiping. Although it came as a slight surprise to Ben, he hadn't been aware of Rex’s aptitude for physics.

Ben and Rex never shared their grades, simply because they never saw any reason to. Perhaps if he had paid closer attention earlier on, Ben could have become an expert in physics a long time ago. Now, the idea didn’t bother him—he would end up spending more time with Rex than he might have expected—but his feelings for him could potentially grow, leading him into very dangerous (and awkward) territory.

"Can we count on your willingness to improve your academic performance, Mr. Tennyson?" Extending his hand, the tenured professor waited for Ben to accept the proposal. The young man remained still, maintaining an indifferent gaze as he looked at the elderly professor, but eventually agreed, shaking his hand to signify a mutual understanding. "Perfect. Thank you very much, Mr. Tennyson. We will inform Mr. Salazar as soon as possible. You may go." Ben simply nodded in acknowledgment and quickly left the office.

What a series of events in less than a week. Ben couldn’t believe the universe kept placing him in these situations, one after another; all he wanted was to rest and let his feelings—rather than having to confront them—simply fade away. It seemed this was how things would be from now on, with no way of knowing how long it might last, or even if his feelings would intensify as time went on. Ben just wanted answers, but every day brought only more questions.

Ben’s phone suddenly vibrated with a message in the quick notifications: "hello, student ben tennyson xdddddd". Ben just let out a soft, breathy laugh.