fanfiction.lol^{fun, silly, low-stakes fandom}

Chapter Text

Sometimes you really can go home.

Same Ol’ Situation (S.O.S)

"Now I used to call her Cindy, she changed her name to "Sin." I guess that's the name of her game. Yeah, I really used to love her."

Tara never thought it would come to this.

She came back to Charming to get the fuck out of Chicago after her psychotic ex, Joshua Kohn, was sentenced to thirty years with no possibility of parole after attempting to murder her when she tried to break up with him and had an abortion. Then he got shivved in prison which let her finally sleep easy for the first time in two years. That motherfucker was not going to bother her ever again.

The court records were sealed and she was off to a fresh start, well more like restart, back in good old Charming/Podunk, California. Saint Thomas offered to pay off all of her medical school loans if she set up practice there. It would help their hospital get badly needed federal funding and certification in Neonatal medicine.

She would also be making more money than everyone in town, except the Oswald’s. Maybe even more money than SAMCRO, and that was the best revenge.

When Tara left Charming it was on a sour note, to say the least. Jax would not leave with her to go to college, Gemma had turned half the town against her, and she was just sick of the whole situation. At least her dad was supportive. He told her that SAMCRO wasn’t any kind of life for her and drove her to San Diego the day after graduation.

He used to party with Piney Winston and John Teller when they first came to Charming. He was young, the biker parties were epic, and the girls were easy. Then he met her mom and he started a family. The biker parties also lost their appeal after half the club went to prison for smuggling and gun running.

When they got out of prison, the club took an even darker direction. Everyone in town knew to stay away after the ATF raided their clubhouse. They made it clear to the town that they if they were associated iwith SAMCRO it would mean all kinds of problems. So the club kept the drugs and prostitution out of Charming and everyone acted like they were just Harley enthusiasts and a weekend warriors club. They let Lodi and Stockton have all the drug and whore fun.

Then John Teller was killed in a horrific accident on the highway. Clay Morrow took over and the club went further down the dark path. There were whispers that the accident might not have been an accident but everyone knew to tread lightly when it came to Clay.

Jax Teller was the golden bad boy all the girls dreamed of, and Tara was no exception. She didn’t throw herself at him like a lot of her friends, but did indulge in a harmless unrequited crush here and there. It was just part of growing up girl in Charming. You daydreamed of making out with him because it pissed off your parents.

Tara’s dad told her to get it out of her system but don’t expect it to be some kind of fairy tale. He saw exactly how women were treated in that culture and knew making it forbidden fruit would only lead to an ABC After School Special on teen girls gone wild and the biker bad boys that knock them up.

She didn’t think it would ever happen and had been dating David Hale off and on for a year. Two totally different crowds. Then she ended up in the same Chemistry class with Jax Teller. He was two years older and she tested into the junior level classes as a freshman.

This rarely happened at Charming High School. Actually, it had never happened until Tara came along. The school board jumped on it because AP accreditation brought desperately needed money for the school and good publicity for the school district. Charming had always been seen as Lodi and Stockton’s ugly duckling cousin when it came time for education legislation in Sacramento.

So when Little Tara Knowles came along, with her Mensa-level test scores, they made sure to put her into the basic junior Chemistry class. It met the state requirements for graduation and would get her through the fall semester. This gave the district time while they scrambled to put together an AP curriculum that they could implement the next semester. That also meant that the smart kids and the kids just biding their time until they could legally drop out were all in one egalitarian educational melting pot.

With this in mind, when Tara walked into class the first day of school her freshman year, it was all abuzz with talk of the freshman nerd girl. The funny thing was that she wasn’t a nerd. Well, she was a Weird Science combination of cheerleader, nerd, and MTV cover girl for Headbangers Ball.

In middle school she had discovered The Runaways, Joan Jett, and Lita Ford. She decided to learn guitar and ended up taking lessons with her neighbor and dad’s friend, Bobby Munson, after cheerleading practice. He was like an uncle to her. His full time “job” was SAMCRO. He left that at work though when he was at home and taught Tara how to play everything and anything under the sun.

It was on this note that she was running late on the first day of class and threw on her cheerleading uniform. The top hadn’t dried so she threw on her Dio t-shirt that Bobby brought back for her from one of his “runs” that he did at work. It was way out of the dress code because of the album cover having a Dungeons and Dragons looking demon on it. But fuck it all, it was the only thing clean and she didn’t want to be late.

So she walked to class with her hair up in a pony tail bow, heavy metal T-shirt, and cheerleading skirt. The dropout club that sat in the back of class almost fell out of their seats. Well, Kyle Hobart actually did fall out of his seat, Lowell Harland, Jr. almost died. Donna Costello was just happy that there was finally another decent looking female in the class. She was tired of dealing with those perverts trying to stare up just her cheerleading skirt. Jax Teller and Opie Winston instantly clocked Tara and said , “Dibs!” at the same time.

Donna smacked both Beavis and Butthead with her Trapper Keeper and they finally shut up. Then Tara, Donna, Jax and Opie were assigned to the same four top lab table. Donna groaned, and told Tara to stick with her and ignore anything and everything they would probably say.

Opie was trying and failing miserably to flirt with Donna and Jax just stared at Tara. She felt super uncomfortable and started talking to Donna about cheerleading to distract from the awkwardness. Donna smacked Jax again with the Trapper Keeper and Tara laughed at the weirdness of it all. 

Jax was in love. Well, lust. He wasn’t sure. It was confusing as hell. This girl was a strange combination and not what he was expecting at all. When they said that a freshman was going to be in a junior class he had to laugh. That kid was going to get eaten alive.

He loved that the district was dangling this poor kid as a sacrifice in the high school social hierarchy so they could get a few more dollars from the state. They always poured money into the smart kids while the vocational tech kids got to work on 1950’sengines and band saws that were around during the time of Christ.

He wasn’t going to hate on the poor schmuck; they were going to get enough shit from guys like Hobart. But fuck the district for using the extra tax dollars on one group while the other just waits for the scraps.

Then this girl walked in and blew all of that righteous indignation to hell and back. She was fucking beautiful and she was only fourteen years old. He felt like a pervert for even looking twice at her. He had plenty to choose from in the upper class but shit this girl was smart, hot, and wearing a Dio T-shirt from the concert the club went to on their last “charity run.” Holy shit, was she there?

He had so many questions.

This was like dream come true for him. He was getting tired of the airhead chicks at school and his mom was keeping Croweaters at bay until he turned eighteen. She wasn’t keen on him and the highschool gash’s either.

Gemma refused to be a grandma in her 30’s. That shit could wait ten to fifteen years. Plus, she really didn’t want to end up on a Dateline special about statutory rape where Jax knocks up a club whore and then the whole club ends up in Stockton because Tig’s vices are uncovered too.

Hobart started talking some shit about getting in the new girl’s skirt and he shut that shit down real quick. None of them needed to be messing with this girl. Opie had been barking up Donna’s tree since middle school but they were the same age. Donna was starting to give in to the big oaf’s charms too.

His staring was unnerving the poor girl, so Donna smacked him with that goofy binder. He distracted himself by looking at Candy Eglee’s Daisy Duke shorts. Damn that girl had an ass like a peach. He really needed to tap that this year. The teacher then started talking so he cut his eyes back. That’s when he caught the new girl shyly smile at him and it all was downhill from there.

Chapter Text

Don’t Cry

“Talk to me softly, there's something in your eyes. Don't hang your head in sorrow and please don't cry I know how you feel inside, I've, I've been there before. Something is changing inside you and don't you know?”

 

Chemistry class was uneventful but it was only the first day. That usually entailed passing out the syllabus and going over the safety rules. Mr. Franklin took attendance and when he got to Tara, he called her up to the front of the class.

Great. Not only was she the first underclassman in this class she was also out of uniform and violating the dress code with a Satanic Panic shirt. Mr. Franklin saw the shirt first and asked her why she was violating dress code. She explained that her cheerleading top wasn’t dry and she didn’t want to be late to school. Knowing that she was their star student, he accepted the excuse with a warning to not wear it again.

Tara was about fifty shades of embarrassed when the teacher actually told the kids to be nice to her. She could see the guys from the back row already planning some kind of prank. Donna told her when she sat back down to have her Trapper Keeper ready for bitch slapping. Opie and Jax seemed to have matured a bit and were talking about some motorcycle parts while Tara was taking notes. Suddenly, she felt a hand grab the back of her shirt. The classic snap the bra strap but Tara was mortified when her shirt ripped. Before she could even think about it, she grabbed the big ass textbook and clocked the perpetrator in the face.

Kyle Hobart was on the ground with a broken nose and Tara was so mortified that she ran out of the room and into the nearest bathroom. Donna kicked Kyle in the nuts as she ran after Tara.

“It’s ok. Cry it out here. I’ve got this and kicked him in the nuts for you. Varsity and JV cheerleaders stick together.” Donna was laughing so hard she was crying laughing. “Girl, that was awesome. You won’t get in trouble with the teachers. Everyone saw Hobart. Those SAMCRO guys stick together though.”

Tara was shocked. “They’re SAMCRO? I thought all of those guys were older.” Donna laughed. “Oh they’re not in it yet, but Jax Teller and Opie Winston are the sons of John Teller and Piney Winston. They’re practically royalty and will prospect in when they turn 18. Hobart’s just a hang around but might make it in. I hope not. He’s a shady asshole. Lowell is a good guy and already works at Teller-Morrow after school.”

Tara was curious. All she knew of SAMCRO was Bobby and he was practically her uncle and the nicest guy ever.. She didn’t say anything because her dad told her that Bobby was the exception. He never talked about SAMCRO during guitar lessons or when her dad BBQ’d with him. She thought he was just a motorcycle mechanic and that didn’t seem very exciting.

As she calmed down, Donna helped her fix her makeup and hair. She loved Tara’s T-shirt. Donna’s mom was the faculty advisor for the cheerleaders and the head of the Home Economics department. “There are sewing machines down there. I have a cheer top right here for you and we will get your shirt fixed too.”

Tara calmed down and headed back to class. She was worried that the SAMCRO guys they shared a table with would get back at her for messing up one of them. When they got back to their seats, she noticed Jax, Opie, and Kyle were gone. She wasn’t sure what that was about but started talking to Donna about the assignments.

As they left class, everyone in the halls was looking at Tara and whispering. Great. Now she’s already gossip fodder. Donna stopped Lowell in the hallway to figure out what happened.

Lowell looked at Tara nervously, “I told him not to do it, especially after Jax straight up told him not to try hitting on you. That just pissed Kyle off. He told me that Jax wasn’t the Pres yet and he was going to get up your skirt.”

Tara was horrified and Donna was stunned. “Why did Jax tell him not to hit on her? I mean Kyles’s a creep and Tara obviously has more sense than to go there.” Lowell looked at both of them. “He said she’s too young for us and to stick to girls that won’t get us arrested.”

Tara didn’t know what to say to that. Part of her appreciated that he wasn’t a pervert but the other was kind of sad that she was too young for him. Oh well, she’s just trying to get through her first day of school and it’s already been a circus.

Donna was still shocked that Jax even cared enough to warn off another SAMCRO brother. Those guys passed girls around like musical chairs. “So where are they? When we got back to class all three were gone.”

“After you kicked Kyle in the nuts and took off, Jax was on top of him finishing the nose job her Chemistry book started. Mr. Franklin broke it up but then gave them a hall pass to drag Kyle to the principals office.”

Donna looked like she was going to pass out from shock.

Lowell continued, “Apparently, Kyle was sent to the ER by the nurse and the principal actually thanked Jax for bringing him down.”

It all happened so fast that Jax barely knew what happened until he saw the new girl’s shirt rip at the collar exposing a pink lace bra. Confusion set in but cleared up when she grabbed the 10 pound textbook and planted it right smack on Hobart’s nose.

Then she was crying and running out of the classroom trying to hold her shirt on. Kyle was on the floor, Donna was kicking him in the nuts, and Jax realized exactly what just went down. He went straight for Hobart’s face to finish the nose job the new girl started with the brick book. Opie held him down and then Franklin told them to chill and just get Hobart out of the class and to the office.

“You dumb motherfucker. I told you not to mess with her. She’s only fourteen for Christ’s sake. You’re a dick for even thinking that was funny.”

Kyle was pissed. “That little bitch is in for it now.”

That’s when Jax snapped in the hallway, punched him in the face again, and almost knocked him out. “Listen you piece of shit. The only reason they let you hang around is because Clay and your dad are tight. If you even look sideways at her again, you’ll be blacklisted from all the charters from here to Antarctica.”

“You’re seriously picking pussy over your brother?” Kyle shot back.

He instantly regretted it when Jax almost choked him out near the principal’s office. “You say one more thing and the only brothers you’ll have will be Aryan and up in your ass in Stockton.”

At cheerleading practice after school, Donna picked Tara as her cheer sister. Every year, Varsity cheerleaders picked a new JV cheerleader to mentor. After everything that had happened, Donna knew Tara was going to need someone watching her back. At least until AP started next semester.

Donna was also intrigued by Jax’s reaction to Hobart picking on Tara. She had never seen him care that much for anyone but the SAMCRO crowd. Lowell saying she was too young for them was sketchy. She’s almost certain he hooked up with Becky Oswald when she was in her bad boy phase and told everyone she was fifteen and everyone knew she was fourteen. Jax didn’t give a shit but then again, Becky was known for being easy and Tara was definitely not that type at all.

Opie kept asking her out and she was going to call him tonight. He was the nicest guy in that crowd, cute, and she could maybe scope out what was living in Jax’s head.

Chapter Text

Wasted Years

“I close my eyes, and think of home. Another city goes by in the night. Ain't it funny how it is you never miss it 'til it's gone away. And my heart is lying there. And will be 'til my dying day.”

Tara rolled back into Charming in the afternoon two days after leaving Chicago. She was giving herself a month to get settled back in Charming. She had her dad’s house to clean up and possibly remodel with the money she had now that her $200,000 in student loans were paid off.

There was so much shit to unpack, both physically and emotionally. She wasn’t ready, almost fifteen years later, to be here. When she left, she was pretty much run out of town on a rail and planned on never returning. Even her dad told her to stay away for her own good after Gemma Teller-Morrow told her she had to, “go away or pass away.”

She talked to her attorney about the risks of going back. After Kohn, she wasn’t taking any chances with any crazy assholes trying to kill her. Her attorney looked into the sordid history of her teenage years. She came back telling her SAMCRO had bigger issues to worry about than some Oedipal mother trying to scare off an ex-girlfriend. Just to be on the safe side, she had cameras and a security system installed. Unless Jax was planning on crawling through her bedroom window like in high school, she should be ok.

It had been almost two years since the attack and she still couldn’t even think of having sex. She was in therapy and now had to find a new therapist in Charming. Shit, she might just drive to San Francisco because she doesn’t want anyone knowing what happened. Bobby had moved away after she left for college. She wanted to talk to him so bad now that her dad was gone but knew that he had to take anything that might blow into Charming to the table so she had to keep her distance.

Donna was married to Opie and she didn’t want to bring her drama to their door either. She could stop by and just catch up without mentioning anything but that wasn’t realistic either. Donna and her had stayed in touch right until she left San Diego for medical school in Chicago. After that, she fell off the radar because of the hospital rotations and nightmare hours. She still sent Donna cards. She missed her so much.

Her therapist recommended staying on her side of town but if she ran into Jax, Gemma, or SAMCRO to just play it cool. Be pleasant. If anyone got nutty she should go to the police and file a restraining order. That was a joke because Chief Unser was Clay and Gemma’s lapdog. Her attorney then contacted San Joaquin County, and the State Highway Patrol, to help if needed. They were probably on SAMCRO’s payroll too but her attorney made it clear that if word somehow got out and so much as a hair on Tara’s head was harmed the feds would be all up in there their collective rectums, and not just their typical ATF friends.

Everything was a mess and the only thing she knew to do was to bury herself in her work. That had gotten her through the nightmare with Kohn. She stayed at the hospital as much as she could, but the night he attacked her she had to go home to get some clothes. She had to stop that train of thought and finished unpacking.

After several hours of unboxing and talks with some contractors in Sacramento about getting remodeling quotes, Tara realized it was 6:00 pm and she was starving. Of course, she hadn’t been grocery shopping and was too tired to even think about it. She looked up local take out and was surprised to see that Scoops was still open. She used to go there with Jax when they were dating. She had to stop that thinking too because she was going to avoid that reunion as long as possible

Their online menu showed a Reuben sandwich which she loved. They were open until 10 pm so she threw on some yoga pants, the Iron Maiden shirt from high school that she turned into a racerback tank top, and a sports bra. Jax bought it for her at the concert they went to in San Francisco. They stayed at a bed and breakfast. Jax made fun of how girly it was until the crazy sex they had convinced him it was perfect. She tried not to think about that too and headed out the door.

She was going to indulge in the sandwich, an ice cream cone, then go home and do some yoga. That would definitely help her relax.

As she pulled up to Scoops, she was hit with a wave of emotion. She really needed to get over the whole verklempt feeling that made her want to just go home and curl up in bed. This whole town was one big memory and she needed to just move forward. As she walked in, she noticed the man behind the counter with a name tag that said Chuck. She asked if they were still serving sandwiches. He had an odd affect and she noticed several prosthetic fingers on both hands and instantly felt guilty asking him to make a sandwich.

As if he sensed her reaction he quickly said, “It’s no problem at all, don’t feel bad. Have a seat and I’ll get you a soda too.” Tara took a seat facing the window to watch the traffic go by on Main Street. She was and was not surprised that not much had changed in the almost fifteen years since she had left.

She was going to return when her dad died about two years ago, but then Kohn caught up with her and the attack kept her in Chicago. She had the estate attorney she hired in Sacramento put everything in escrow and she would deal with it all when Kohn was in prison.

When he got shivved, she made a beeline to get the hell out of Chicago and of course the best offer was in good old Charming. She was a grown woman now and wasn’t going to let Gemma keep her from living her best life. She never thought that would happen in Charming, but fate is a fickle friend and the joke was on her.

Chuck brought her the sandwich and struck up a conversation. “Are you new around here? This is a small town and you’re definitely not anyone I’ve seen before. I would remember such a beautiful face.” Tara laughed and blushed at the compliment. He was such a nice guy she couldn’t help but chat with him while eating. It was the one of the first normal conversations she’d had in several years because she was so guarded after the trauma with Kohn.

“I grew up here and just moved back from the Midwest to work at Saint Thomas Hospital, I’m a surgeon.” Chuck was impressed, “My name is Chuck.” Tara was disarmed by this guy’s charm and, she responded, “Tara Knowles.” Chuck smiled and went to wipe down the counters. Tara went to the register and was getting ready to pay the bill when she heard a door behind her open. At least five or six male voices were loudly arguing when she clearly heard Tig Trager’s voice, abruptly tell Chucky to, “clear out the fucking store we are going on lockdown.”

The next voice she heard completely knocked the wind out of her lungs.

“Holy shit, we have a customer. FUCK. Get them in the van and head to the clubhouse. We will explain later, lady.”

Tara had to get the fuck out of here and FAST. She could not do this. She was not ready for this. Not now and probably not ever. She tried to think of a way to get out of there so that she didn’t have to turn around and face him. One of the guys moved to the front door so that wasn’t an option. FUCK. She thought she might throw up.

Chuck saved the day, well at least did the introductions. “Hey boss. this is Dr. Knowles, she was just leaving, can’t she just go home? Tara then knew she had to turn around.

There in front of her was Jax Teller, Chibs Telford, Tig Trager, Happy Lowman, Bobby Munson, a guy with lighting bolts tattooed on his head, and a skinny guy she didn’t recognize. A prospect was at the door.

Hey guys, how have you been?

Chapter Text

Time

“Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town. Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.”

Tara turned to face the group of men and it was like going back in time. Chibs, Happy, Bobby, Tig, a guy with a shaved head and tattoos, a prospect, and another guy were in front of her. Then there was Jax. He was in the middle of the group. Good grief, he was still absolutely, impossibly handsome.

Tig, Chibs, and Happy let out an “Oh shit” at the same time. The look of shock, and for the tiniest second love, passed over Jax’s face but he quickly schooled it. She didn’t know what to think and that unnerved her. Then Bobby pushed through the group and pulled her into a bear hug.

“Holy shit! What the hell are you doing back in this dump of a town, girl?” She couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s nice to see you too, Uncle Bobby.” The other guys looked at Jax nervously and realization hit the new guys and they looked shocked but kept quiet. “I’m here for a job at Saint Thomas and just got in town a few days ago.”I’m on my way home now.”

Jax spoke up, “That’s not a good idea, Tara. We are going to the clubhouse. You’ll probably only need to stay overnight but it’s for your own safety.”

All Tara could think was this is exactly why she left for college. The ridiculousness of the life he lived. You can’t just go out to get dinner, some ice cream, and go home and relax without it turning into an episode of Mission: Impossible.

“Jesus Christ. Just like old times. Can I at least ask why you are going into lockdown?” She had so much shit to do and sitting in the clubhouse with Queen Gemma holding court with the Croweaters was not part of that. She needed a shower and some sleep. Shit, she hadn’t done her trauma-informed yoga and if this wasn’t the definition of why she needed it lord knows what was.

Jax looked at her with the shadow of a smirk, “Sure babe, right after we talk about why you skipped town on me in the middle of the night and show back up here like you were just gone for the weekend.” Jax look pissed and amused at the same time.

“Get on the bike, and welcome home.”

Getting on Jax’s bike was another flood of memories that Tara wasn’t ready to deal with. Maybe that was the point. You’re never really ready to deal with the shitty stuff like Kohn; the stalking, the abortion, and the attempted murder. All she hears and sees when she closes her eyes at night is him beating her and telling her she was just a stupid biker slut and always would be. He said that he was going to murder her the same way she murdered their baby. If it wasn’t for her neighbor hearing her screaming she would be dead.

Then there was the trial. She tried to keep it as low key as possible. The judge agreed to keep it closed and seal the records. The Chicago PD, ATF, FBI and possibly the CIA all wanted everything suppressed. Especially since she had tried getting help. Her complaints were ignored and it took three precincts just to get a basic restraining order.

Holding on to Jax felt good. It felt like she was home. She knew he wasn’t going to let go of what she did when she left. She would never apologize for leaving and making something out of herself. She didn’t like the person she was becoming in Charming.

She loved Jax more than life itself at times, but she knew that it was not sustainable. She couldn’t sit at home making babies and hoping he would come home alive at night. She wanted a white picket fence 2.5 kids and a dog. That just wasn’t going to happen with him

As they pulled into the lot, Tara had that verklempt feeling building again. Jax helped her off the bike, “Looks like you didn’t forget how to ride old lady style.” Tara laughed and it felt good. If she could keep this vibe going with Jax, maybe they could work through their shit. Right now she needed a shower and some yoga. Shit where is she going to sleep? A wave of panic and desire hit her when she thought about where she would sleep.

As if they still had that psychic connection, she started to ask where Bobbie’s room was so she could take a shower and go to bed. Jax beat her to the punch, “Bobby doesn’t stay here anymore, you can sleep in my room. I’ll stay on the couch.”

She raised an eyebrow, but went with it. As they passed the bar, she locked eyes with Gemma. Jax cut his mom off with, “I’ll explain later. Leave her alone.” Gemma was pissed but bit her tongue. She looked at Chibs who was ready with, “Don’t look at me Gem. That’s his story to tell.”

As they entered the room, another wave of emotion and hormones hit her even harder. The room looked exactly the same down to the flag above his bed. Tara decided she had to take control of the situation when he started his signature move to take off his shirt. Shit, he still had that rock hard body.

He was facing away from her, so she asked him for a towel. When he turned around he almost died from shock. There was Tara, stripped to her bra and panties waiting for him to get the towel. To make matters worse she was in a g-string which always had been the best showcase for that apple bottom of an ass she always had. Her tits were even better than he remembered.

When did she get so bold? He had to practically tackle her to get her out of her clothes back in the day, but here she was walking into the bathroom taking off her bra before she even hit the door.

She still has his crow.

Fuck. This was going to be a long night.

That was possibly the best shower Tara ever had. She was covered in Jax’s scent and for a moment felt nineteen again. As she got out of the shower, she realized she left her clothes out in the room. She wrapped herself in the towel and peeked out the door into the room. She saw her pants and top folded into the chair and Jax nowhere in sight.

She decided to as quickly as possible change out in the bedroom because it wasn’t very spacious in the bathroom. She got her clothes back on and decided to do some yoga. It had always been the best way to relax and during physical therapy in the hospital it had helped her process all of the trauma.

Her shirt was sweaty and she didn’t want to sleep only in her bra. She figured since this slumber party was involuntary, Jax could spare a t-shirt. She found a SAMCRO one in the exact drawer they had always been in. No surprise there, his mom probably still did his laundry.

She was swimming in the shirt and memories when she took off the bra and climbed in the bed to sleep. It felt like coming home and that’s exactly what she was afraid of. She figured she would turn the lights off and deal with it in the morning.

Jax was fighting his own civil war. His brain was telling him to crash on the couch but his traitorous dick was like a compass and dragging him to his room. Christ, Tara was more beautiful than he remembered and when he smugly took off his shirt he expected to turn around and find her blushing.

Instead, he turned finding her in a lacy red matching lingerie set straight out of Victoria’s Secret. She smiled and took the towel he almost dropped and started to take off her bra. That’s when he knew he had to get out of there before his dick followed her to the shower.

He still loved her so much. He understood why she left and he almost left with her. When she turned around in Scoops he felt the earth drop out beneath him. He honestly did not know what to say. He had practiced it for so many years and when she was right there in front of him his mind went blank.

All he could think about was the fact that the Irish said they would take away everything he loved. His first thought was Abel, then she was the next. Not his ex-wife. Not his mother. Not his brothers.

There was so much shit to deal with between the Irish and now Tara had popped up after almost fifteen years and he needed to get dressed. It was early so he quietly went into his room. Tara was sleeping and all he could think of was how badly he wanted to get into bed with her and just hold her. As he went to his dresser, she was mumbling in her sleep and started to cry. He froze when he heard her say, “Please don’t kill me.”

:

Chapter Text

Immigrant Song

“How soft your fields so green can whisper tales of gore of how we calmed the tides of war. We are your overlords”

1994

The morning classes that Tara went to after Chemistry were basic. Everyone had heard what happened in Chemistry and her on again/off again boyfriend, David Hale, made sure to talk to her in Algebra. They were never very serious and mostly went to the movies and made out a few times.

He was a sophomore and wasn’t as much of a player so he had the opposite appeal of Jax. All-American, starting quarterback on the JV football team, student council. Captain America. Basically, he was the guy you took home to your parents while you were fucking Jax Teller on the down low.

Everyone knew they hated each other so it was on this note that David made a beeline for Tara in Algebra. “What happened in Chemistry class? I heard Teller beat the shit out of Hobart for hitting on you.” Tara looked at David and laughed. She hadn’t heard a word from him since he started seeing Candy Eglee earlier in the summer.

At one point, Tara really liked Hale. He was not big on committing to be an official couple, even though he tried everything to get in her pants. He never took her around his parents, and when she would ask him he always had an excuse. Finally, she was in gym class and Becky Wilson had on his Letterman’s jacket and class ring.

She smiled at Tara, “Did you really think he would want to hook up with the town drunk’s daughter? Please.” The joke was on her because the minute she gave up the goods he dumped her for Candy Eglee. That’s the prize he was looking for. His dad was a judge and the Eglee’s were one of the oldest, and wealthiest, families in central California right after the Oswald’s. He took the ring and jacket back and acted like his shit came in thirty-one flavors.

Tara’s father was what some would call a functioning alcoholic. After her mom died from cancer, he hit the bottle. He was able to maintain his job at Oswald Lumber but at least twice a year got drunk and disorderly at one of the bars and Unser would have to drop him off with Tara. Bobby helped out by bringing him home a few times. Other than that she just learned to deal with it.

He was a good father and was never abusive to Tara. His benders usually coincided with his wedding anniversary or her mom’s death. Unser knew this so they made sure to keep an extra eye on him around those times. The last thing Tara needed was social services showing up and sending her into foster care.

When David tried questioning her she had to laugh but played it off like she cared what he thought. “Kyle Hobart tried to pop my bra strap and ripped my shirt. I face-planted him with my Chemistry book. I left the room and heard that Jax and Opie laid him out and took him to the principals office.” David gave her a sympathetic look, “Well, you need to stay away from Jax, he’s white trash and you already have enough to deal with your dad. Besides, I miss you, we should hang out again.”

Tara cut him off. “Fuck you David. I’m not going to be your side piece while you’re putting on the ritz with Candy in public. Both Opie and Jax took care of Hobart. That’s more chivalry and class in their middle finger than you and your self-righteous family combined. Don’t ever mention my dad again. In fact, get the fuck out of my face before I plant your face with this textbook too.”

David took off and Tara felt about 100 pounds lighter and finally free from his holier than thou art bullshit. She finished in Algebra and headed to lunch. Tara loved and hated lunch. Nothing reinforces adolescent social hierarchies than a high school cafeteria at lunch time. It’s like Heathers meets one of those PBS shows about animals eating each other alive.

She thought about how Jax could definitely be Christian Slater in Heathers. Of course that did not end well for him and Wynona Ryder so she should probably just stick to getting straight A’s so she can leave the minute she graduates for college and the real life she wants as a doctor.

As she entered the lunch room with her tray, she saw Donna waving at her to come sit with the JV and Varsity cheerleaders. She was relieved that she had found her tribe on the first day, which will make the rest of the year so much easier.

Donna immediately started asking her questions. “So now the gossip is that you cursed out David Hale when he tried to warn you to stay away from Jax. Girl, you are the hot topic and it’s only the first day of school.”

Tara groaned. She hated middle, and now high, school social circles. Donna seems genuine and from what she’s heard from the other JV cheerleaders, she’s not fake and a good person to have on her side while trying to navigate Chemistry this semester.

“David just needs to learn to stay in his lane. He’s a friend but the jock attitude has worn beyond thin.” Donna laughed and she understood exactly how their minds work. “ I dated his friend Mike and he was a complete asshole. Besides the female half of the student population is insanely jealous of the fact that Jax Teller beat up a SAMCRO brother over just popping your bra strap”

Donna paused and started whispering, “I didn’t tell anyone that he had told them not to hit on you. Emily Duncan is the queen of the biker sluts and if she thought you were competition for Jax, all hell would break loose. Word is that Gemma Teller-Morrow is grooming her to be the next SAMCRO Queen.”

Tara was shocked. “Grooming? That’s just creepy and gross. What the hell do they groom them for? That sounds like child predator territory.”

Donna gave her that look that she felt the same way. “Opie’s been hitting on me since seventh grade. I actually like him but my understanding is that if you date a SAMCRO prospect or patch, you have to be ok with them cheating. They do it when they go on those runs to other SoA charters and with the Croweaters that hang out at the clubhouse here. It’s basically their own personal brothel and the Croweaters are the Old Lady equivalent of hang-arounds. They sleep their way up to hopefully being an Old Lady someday. So, if you’re an Old Lady they respect you but if you want them to stay away from your man in-town, you have to fight them. I just can’t do that.”

Tara was absolutely horrified. “Holy shit, that’s barbaric. It’s like you’re some thrall in Viking Scandanavia a thousand years ago.” Now she knew she didn’t want anything to do with Jax Teller. He might be chivalrous for putting Kyle in his place, but that kind of life was just not who she was. Neither David nor Jax were appealing now, so she’ll just focus on school and cheerleading.

After dropping Kyle’s sorry ass off at the principal’s office, Jax took the good deed pass and stepped out to the student smoking area with Opie. Word hadn’t made it around that he laid Kyle out but he knew it would and he hoped the new girl didn’t get dragged into it. He was already going to have to watch Hobart like a hawk because he was such a sleazebag that he would try to get back at her. She was already having to navigate being a freshman but also a freshman in upper classes. Shit, this might be a full time job.

He didn’t understand why he cared so much. Yeah, she was really fucking hot but she was fourteen and just had to be a good girl, with a bad girl side wearing that Dio shirt. Suddenly, the image of her in nothing but the Dio shirt crossed his mind and he had to mentally bitch slap himself for going there.

Opie handed him a cigarette, “So what’s up with you decking Hobart for being an asshole? I’m glad you did but you know Clay is going to give you hell for putting ‘hoes before bros’ or some shit.”

Jax knew this was coming. “Man, I don’t know. I feel bad for the kid having to deal with being a freshman, and being a freshman in the upper classes. She’s definitely hot, but way too young for us and you know she would never be down with the life or being an Old Lady.”

Jax felt a thrill at the thought of her waiting at home for him or greeting him in the lot when they get back from runs. Watching his mom greet his dad was such a great day. That’s another thing, she definitely wouldn’t be down with waiting while they were in prison.

Jax shook himself out of that daydream. “Besides, if he gets in, Kyle’s going to get us all thrown in Stockton for five to ten years with the way he acts like a weasel.”

Just then, Emily Duncan sauntered over in an outfit that couldn’t possibly pass dress code. “Hey Jax, how’s the first day going?”

Jax smirked. This girl had been barking up his tree for at least a year now and he knew she was angling for Old Lady training with Gemma. She was porn star stripper hot and he heard she could suck the barnacles off a boat. Between Candy Eglee’s coochie-cutter shorts and Emily’s oral skills, this was going to be a very good year.

Chapter Text

She Rides

”She slides down inside your skin. In time she will make you scream. She's death in a cool black dress. She rides in the night of your mind.”

 

 

When Jax got to Teller-Morrow after school to start his shift, Clay pulled him aside. “I heard from Kyle’s dad that you beat him up over some pussy in your Chemistry class?” Gemma was standing next to Clay in the office with her arms crossed. The tap tap tapping of her stiletto was the only sound.

“Did Kyle’s dad also tell you that he pulled the new girl’s bra strap so hard it almost ripped her shirt off?” Clay looked genuinely surprised and Gemma looked pissed. “She’s the fourteen year old genius that was placed in the Junior-level Chemistry class until they get the advanced shit set up for next semester.”

Gemma looked at Clay, “I told you that little prick had to have done something really ignorant for Jax to get involved.” Clay rubbed his hand over his face. “Yeah, Hobart’s old man failed to mention that. He made it sound like a harmless prank. It better have been seriously ignorant for you to beat down a brother so bad he had to go to the ER.”

Jax looked at Gemma and Clay, “She was the one who nailed him with the ten pound textbook that broke his nose. I just followed up after Donna Costello kicked him in the nuts too. She had to hold her shirt on just to get out of the class. SAMCRO might be a lot of things, but we don’t assault girls for shits and grins.”

Clay agreed with Jax, “I’ll have a word with his old man and lay that out to him. If that kid wants to prospect, he better not be doing that kind of shit now. Sloppy shit now means even sloppier shit down the road and the club doesn’t need the kind of heat that brings.”

Jax was thinking that the dignity of the girl was more important than the club’s image but brushed it off when Gemma hugged and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m proud of you, baby. That little girl doesn’t need that kind of bullshit just because she’s smart. I’ll put a stiletto in any of the guys’ ass if they play those kinds of games.”

Clay interrupted, “Has anyone seen Bobby? We have some parts to inventory and we need his brain to wrap around some of these numbers.” Gemma looked up, “He’s off this afternoon, giving that kid guitar lessons. He said he’ll probably stop by later.”

Jax went to his service bay to start the oil changes lined up. Opie walked up and patted him on the back, “Hey bro, the whole school is talking about you giving Kyle that beat down. Donna actually called me and wants to hang out this weekend.” Opie smiled a dopey grin that Jax had to laugh at. “Looks like playing the knight in shining armor is the best chick magnet. Thanks, man.”

”Oh yeah, apparently she told Hale to shove it up his ass when he tried telling her to stay away from you.” Jax got pissed just at the mention of that self-righteous prick. He was always trying to act like his family was better than everyone else’s, but especially Jax’s family. “What kind of ties does the new girl have to that prick?” Jax threw his oil rag down and chugged a beer from their cooler.

Opie laughed, “Well, supposedly she dated him off and on but he talked some shit on her dad and us. She told him that we, ‘have more chivalry in our middle finger than his whole family.’”

Jax spit out some beer, “No shit? Good for her, she might just survive this semester without our help. Now, what are you going to do with Donna? You been chasing that tail for so long do you know what do now that you’ve caught her?”

Opie looked at him cross-eyed, “Man, have some respect. She’s not one of those club skanks, We’re going to hit up the movies or some shit. Her parents will probably shit when I show up so I’m taking the cage and putting on a clean shirt.” He smiled, “I’m definitely at least going to hold hands with her.”

Jax smirked, “Whipped already.”

The end of their shift was coming up when Opie and Jax were cleaning up their work areas. Jax had changed the oil on five cars so his area took a minute. Opie was cracking open a beer for both when they heard Tig let out a low whistle.

“Damn, Bobby. Who’s the jailbait?” As they walked out from the garage Bobby pulled up on his bike. Behind him was a chick with black jeans and when she stood up a decent body with a Danzig tank top. Jax and Opie smiled and walked out to see what Croweater Bobby snagged for the night.

Bobby turned and walked over to Tig, “Have some respect, this is Tara and she ain’t no Croweater.” Jax almost choked on his beer when she took off the helmet and it was the new girl from Chemistry.

Holy fucking shit.

Bobby looked at Jax and Opie too. “I’m looking for Clay, he called about inventorying some parts tonight. Tara’s dad is out of town this week so she’s staying with me.”

Clay walked out of the office, “We need to go over the parts inventory tonight for the run. Is that your guitar lesson? Jesus. She’s too young to be hanging out at the clubhouse. Jax. Opie. Hang out with the little girl so we can get this shit done for the run tomorrow.”

Bobby looked at Jax and Opie, “Keep an eye on baby girl here. Don’t either of you two turkeys think about getting fresh either.”

Tara laughed and rolled her eyes. “He’s overprotective but helps my dad out a lot. By the way, thanks for everything that happened in class today. It sucks being a freshman and even worse a freshman in upper classes.”

Both Opie and Jax were in shock. “No problem. How the hell do you know Bobby?” Opie asked. Jax couldn’t believe what he was seeing and was just dumbstruck. Just when he thought she couldn’t get any hotter, shit he can’t go there. She’s fourteen. He just beat Kyle’s ass for trying to go there.

“Bobby is my neighbor. My dad and him are friends, and he gives me guitar lessons twice week. What are you guys up to? Are you mechanics, too?”

Jax realized this girl had no idea what SAMCRO was and looked at Opie. Before Opie could go any further Jax jumped in, “Yeah, this was my dad’s shop that he started with Clay. We fix bikes, cars, and some big trucks. What does your dad do?”

Tara went and sat down at the picnic table. “He’s works at Oswald Lumber as a Logistics Analyst. He’s in San Diego for a business meeting and I’m staying Bobby’s until he gets back.”

”What about your mom?”

Tara looked down at the ground and kicked a rock. “She died from cancer when I was nine.”

Jax felt like a total asshole. “Oh shit. I’m sorry. My dad’s gone too.”

Tara had heard about Jax’s dad. The whole town was shut for a week for the funeral as all the motorcycle clubs came in to pay their respects.

”Don’t feel bad, not many people ask so I just don’t talk about it. Playing the guitar helps though, Bobby’s been teaching me since then.”

Right at that moment, Gemma, Bobby, and Clay walked out. Bobby was pissed. “Damn it Clay, I told her dad I could keep her this week while he’s out of town. I can’t just leave her alone.”

Clay responded, “Where’s her mom? SAMCRO isn’t a babysitting service.”

“WOW. Screw you Clay, I told you a month ago that I had to have this week off. Take Jax or Opie with you, they need to learn this shit sooner or later.”

Clay threw down his cigar, “We need your specific set of skills for this run, Bobby. We can’t just do ‘on the job training’ with that kind of work.”

Gemma saw it was getting heated and jumped in, “How old is the girl, Bobby?”

Bobby looked at her, “Fourteen and no. I will not leave her alone. There’s way too many freaks out there. I’ve been helping her dad out since her mom passed and promised him I would take care of her.”

Gemma looked at Tara and smiled, “She can stay in the guest room with us while you guys go to the ‘bike show’, if that’s ok with her and you.”

Clay looked at Bobby and he waved Tara over. “Tara girl, do you mind staying with Gemma? There was a last minute opening at the bike show in Sacramento they need me for. It’s up to you.”

Tara looked at Gemma and was nervous but knew Bobby traveled for his job and she didn’t want him to get in trouble. “Can we call my dad and just make sure? I want check with him first and don’t want you to get in trouble with your boss, Uncle Bobby.”

Gemma liked the girl already. “It’s nice to see a kid with some manners around here” looking pointedly at Opie and Jax. They were still dumbstruck that any parent would leave their kid with Bobby, let alone this girl.

Jax was already thinking about the fact that she was going to be sleeping across the hall from him and was mentally slapping himself trying not to picture her in pink pajamas and ponytails.

Bobby, Gemma, and Tara went into the office and called her dad at his cousin’s place he was staying at in San Diego. “Daddy? Bobby needs to talk to you real quick.” Bobby took the phone and explained the situation in couched terms to Tara’s dad. He knew exactly what was going down and told Bobby that they better watch those boys around her. He knew Gemma wasn’t going to put up with any shit though so he agreed.

Tara got back on the phone and told her dad she was ok with it. Gemma grabbed Opie and Jax to help go to Tara's house so she could get some clothes for the week. She went inside and threw a duffel bag together and they helped lock up her house. They knew Gemma wanted them to scope out the place to just to make sure everything was locked up at Bobby’s place too since he was heading out from T-M with the guys when they got back.

Tara really liked Gemma, and they hit it off right away. Gemma joked with her that she might adopt her because she was tired of all the testosterone. Jax couldn’t believe his mom was being so girly. He always thought of her being tough as nails but realized she had to being surrounded by all guys, all the time. He hadn’t seen her so happy since before Tommy died. The thought made his heart hurt but at least she was smiling. He still needed to wrap his head around the new girl, Tara, staying at his house this week.

When they got back to the lot, Gemma pulled in and all the guys were getting ready to head out. Gemma grabbed Tara’s hand and said, “This is one of the fun parts of the club. We get to see the guys off. You can be there for your Uncle Bobby.” Tara laughed as Gemma pulled her towards the clubhouse and she stood with Gemma and the other Old Ladies. The Croweaters always stood behind and away from the Old Ladies out of respect.

Jax was off in the mechanics bay with Opie and Lowell, Jr. Kyle was in the hospital overnight for his nose and Jax laughed thinking about Tara busting his face with that book. He also watched Tara laughing with his mom and walk up with the other Old Ladies to hug and kiss the guys goodbye.

Tara gave Bobby a huge hug and Jax pictured her kissing and hugging him as he drove off with the guys. Shit. He had to stop this thinking, especially since are was going to be staying right across the hall from him for a whole week.

Chapter Text

Dreamer

“After all, there's only just the two of us and here we are still fighting for our lives. Watching all of history repeat itself time-after-time.”

Tara was in a bottomless pit and all she could hear was Jax calling her away from Kohn, but he kept dragging her back into the pit. All she could do was call for Jax. The night Kohn attacked her, he told her he knew all about Jax. That once he killed her, he was going after him.

No, he couldn’t let that biker scum go unpunished for taking his Tar Tar’s heart. He had gone through her apartment and found her diary, where she talked about falling in love with Jax, losing her virginity, and the pain of leaving him behind in Charming.

All she could think during the attack was that she had to survive. She had to see Jax one more time before she died. She needed to tell him how much she had loved him, and how much she still loved him. Even after all these years, she couldn’t let him go.

When her neighbor finally made it into the apartment she was almost dead, but they were able to shoot Kohn. Her neighbor knew about the stalking and was prepared to help her in any way possible. That willingness saved her life.

Suddenly, all she could see was darkness and thought for a horrible second she had died. Then she felt someone holding her, trying to bring her back to the living world. She knew it was Jax before she could see him. She felt it in the way he touched her, the same familiar scent of cigarettes, motor oil and sandalwood soap that she fell in love with.

“Tara, Tara, wake up!” She was sobbing. She couldn’t stop, but Jax held onto her.

“It’s ok, It was just a dream, or nightmare. I’m here, you’re safe.” The light from the lamp on his nightstand was so soft that all she could do was reach for his face to make sure he was real.

After all the years of dreaming and wishing to be with him again she never thought it would be under these circumstances. Trying to start all over again. All she could do was look at him and reached for his face, she had to make sure it was really him and not some cruel extension of her nightmare.

She knew he was real when he reached for her face and she felt the warmth of his calloused hands. That rough texture was more familiar than anything in the world to her. When he first kissed her, she remembered him caressing her bottom lip with his thumb. He was doing the exact same thing now. His caress was tempered by genuine concern.

She didn’t plan on kissing him. Not on literally her first night back in town, after leaving at the crack of dawn without a goodbye fifteen years ago. She knew he wouldn’t let her go. She knew she wouldn’t be able to go if she tried to say goodbye under normal circumstances.

Tara pulled back from the kiss and Jax saw the fear in her eyes. That worried him, she was never afraid. She was the most fearless person he had ever known. He went to caress her face and the flinch told him something horrific had to have happened to her.

“I’m sorry, Tara. I swear I’m not trying to push up on you. That’s all you need is my asshole dick trying to say hello before your suitcases haven’t even been unpacked.” She laughed and that relieved him somewhat.

Tara swallowed thickly. It had been over two years since she had sex. Jax was looking really good right now and she knew she still loved him, but wasn’t sure if he still loved her. After all, she had left him in the middle of the night, based off of his comment about not telling her what they were on lockdown, so she wasn’t expecting anything in return.

She just knew that in that kiss he still loved her. He had to, but the worst he could do was say no, right? Well, that would be humiliating but she decided to just go for it. She was tired of being afraid. Tired of letting the specter of Kohn suffocate every good and lovely thing in her life.

So she pushed up on Jax. She sensed the surprise and he pulled back, but she grabbed his face again and pushed him down on the bed. They both grabbed frantically at each other and within what felt like seconds, he tried to flip them over.

He had to be on top, he always did but she made him stay on his back. He was already naked, how the hell did he get naked so quickly? Hell, she was topless and the g-string was easily moved. The fullness that she felt was so deliciously familiar that all she could do was let out a whimpered moan that brought out a wicked grin on his face.

As she threw her head back in wanton pleasure, he was loving watching her breasts as she bounced up and down on him and he couldn’t help himself. “God, Tara I love you so much.” Tara was so lost in the pleasure that she didn’t process what he had said at first, and without hesitation told him, “I never stopped loving you, Jackson.”

That snapped any restraint he had and his need for control took over. He flipped her over and the most feral mix of desire and love she had ever seen on a human being met her eyes. She felt like one of those episodes of National Geographic where the female gets pounced on during mating season in the savanna. She knew she was safe but the strange mix of desire, love, and fear was intoxicating.

Fifteen years of love, loss, loneliness, and desire crashed together. Tara tried to hold onto her orgasm but it had been so long since she had sex, let alone with the love of her life. She begged him to let her cum. He laughed meanly, “It’s been fifteen years, babe, and I’m going to show exactly how much, and how long, I’ve missed you.”

Chapter Text

Still Loving You

“Is there really no chance to start once again? If we'd go again all the way from the start. I would try to change the things that killed our love.”

When Jax woke up that morning there was no way in hell he thought his day would end up with him comforting Tara after a nightmare and making love to her again for the first time in almost fifteen years. He dreamt about it every night since she had left Charming to the point that he knew he would never dream of anyone else.

When he came close to the ten year mark of her being gone, he had to try and move on. Wendy came along and he had a Croweater/drinking buddy. The sex was good too. He was lonely and Gemma was pushing for grandkids. The marriage was a disaster and the only good thing to come of that was Abel. Wendy went off to rehab and the last he heard she was a counselor in a sober living center. Living her best life and that’s all he wanted to do with her.

Then Gemma started in again on more grandkids. He told her to find an old lady hobby and leave him alone. Go adopt a Croweater and groom them for one of the younger guys. Gemma suspected he was still pining for Tara but kept her mouth shut.

After Clay was mayhem’d, she barely made it through that ordeal by lying her ass off and saying Clay had threatened to kill her too if she didn’t go along with him after they had a fling when John was in Ireland. Jax had his doubts but until something solid came out, Gemma was off the chopping block.

Jax’s focus now was on growing the porn and pussy. Redwoody and Diosa had made him extremely wealthy, and by extension, powerful. They were out of the guns, and that cartel ordeal too, but the Irish were always sniffing around, so he had to stay on high alert.

This was why he had to find Tara. Even if she didn’t love him anymore, he had to make sure she was safe. Until then, Abel was safe but she was not. If they found out about her they would definitely exploit that weakness. He tried to find her, but she had dropped off the map right around the time her dad died. Unser said they tried to contact her about arrangements. They heard back from a lawyer that the arrangements were set up at the funeral home and all of her father’s property was placed in escrow.

That seemed sketchy. Tara and her dad loved each other and it wasn’t like her to not come home for something so important. They leaned on Skeeter for information but all he could say that the money that paid for everything was done via a wire transfer from a high end private law firm in New York City.

The last anyone had seen or heard of her was when she completed her residency in Chicago. Her dad told Bobby he was going to lure her back to Charming to throw her a huge party. Jax made sure to have Bobby keep him updated. He had married Wendy, but all that did was create a heroin habit that almost killed their baby. He got custody and the divorce was finalized just in time for Tara to come home.

That exact morning he was in the dorm staring at their picture again. It was stupid for him to hinge his hopes on her return but it got him through the darkest parts of his life and the club. The two and a half years that saw Abel kidnapped, the cartel, the porn, Diosa. He had slept with more women through that pipeline trying to fuck away the pain than he cared to count. He spent so many nights drinking in his dorm and looking at the picture of them together on his first Harley.

No matter how many women came through there, that picture stayed exactly where Tara placed it on his mirror after she kissed it. She was always so innocent and beautiful. He could only imagine what she looked like now. He just knew she had to be married with the 2.5 kids, white picket fence, and dog she always wanted. He couldn’t give that to her because of exactly who he was. President of an outlaw motorcycle gang, a high-end porn hustler, and glorified pussy pimp.

He went to the table that morning at Scoops with updated information on the Irish working with the Russians in the area. The clubhouse was in the very final stages of renovation after the bombing. All that was left was finishing the chapel and placing the Reaper back in there. A huge party was being planned by Gemma. Every charter on the literal continental US was riding into town. Hawaii was coming by boat then riding down from Seattle.

The Chinese were helping out with reconnaissance after Jax struck a deal with them to have VIP access at Diosa and Redwoody. Turns out they had some interesting fetishes that weren’t easily accessible. He just made sure all of it was consensual and didn’t go into torture or snuff territory.

Unser was blowing up his phone but he didn’t have time to deal with his drama. After Clay died, Gemma was still with Nero, but Unser still asked how high when Gemma told him to jump. Nero ended up being the closest thing to a father figure Jax needed since his dad died. Their business partnership was solid and all he wanted was Tara to share his happiness with, or at least be happy knowing she was in a good place if they couldn’t be together.

Chibs gave the run down. “So what we know is that the Russians and the Irish are trying to set up shop outside of Stockton. We have to double our security around Diosa and Redwoody. Barosky has the police heat and docks covered.”

It was late afternoon when they received a text from Barosky. The Russians were heading from Stockton to Charming. That’s when Jax made the call for everyone to head for the clubhouse and go on lockdown. They had expanded it significantly and added living quarters for all members and their families. He put word out to the Russians that they would meet on neutral territory if they wanted to talk. For right now they had to get everyone to the clubhouse compound.

Tig headed downstairs and was yelling at Chucky to close the store and Unser was blowing up the phone again. He was sick of it and answered it with a snap, “What the fuck has you so hot that you’re blowing up the phone? Christ.”

”Listen, Jax. We have news.” Jax was frustrated, “Yes, we know about the Russians…”

Unser interrupted as quickly as he could. “No, it’s not the Russians. Tara has been found. She’s back in Charming and just started moving into her dad’s house today.”

Jax ended the call immediately and realized there was a customer in Scoops. Shit. They would have to take the lady with them and explain later. He had to get to Tara’s place. That’s when he heard Chucky ask if the customer could leave. He heard “Dr. Knowles” and then saw her face.

It’s funny that the first thing he honed in on after her face was the shirt. She was wearing his Maiden shirt. The same shirt he bought her for the concert in San Francisco. She had altered it to a tank top but he knew it was the shirt. He would always know that shirt. That shirt was the foundation of the best sex of his life. It was the summer before she left and they wanted to get away, just for a weekend.

He got tickets through a friend of the club. He told Gemma and Clay that they were going away for the weekend so of course Gemma tried pulling some shit but Clay intervened and said let the kid get some pussy, he had busted his balls for the last few months on numerous runs and club business. They had a charter in San Fran that would be on the lookout at, and around, the concert too.

She was so happy when they finally left Charming on his bike. She had booked them a room at a bed and breakfast. It looked like a doll house so he started giving her shit while they were unpacking. She told him he was going to regret making fun of her. Then she came out of the bathroom with his t-shirt on and nothing else.

She pinned him down and started with the most mind-numbing blow job ever. He could never understand how she was so good at all of this when he was the first and only person she’d been with. He had to stop her or he was going to lose it all right there. She then was on top of him and riding him. He had shown her how to ride him just so that her tits bounced the way he loved.

Just seeing her beg him to let her cum made him feral every single time. That’s when he pinned her down and would drag himself so slowly over the spot that always completely unraveled her. All she could do was wrap her arms around his neck and beg in his ear. That’s when he would finally let her cum as he kissed her.

The sound of Tara’s voice asking why they were going in lockdown brought him back to the present. He just knew she was going to try and leave and there was no way in hell he was letting her out of his sight. He would tell her what’s going on when she explained why she left him high and dry fifteen years ago.

For right now? Get on the bike. That was the part he was most excited for. It felt like the day their picture was taken. He hadn’t been so happy to get on his bike since that picture was taken. He wasn’t going to hold her hostage but he wasn’t ruling out handcuffs to the bed if he had to.

As they pulled into the lot, he was not looking forward to getting off the bike. He took the long way back to purposefully extend the ride. The guys knew what was up and got ahead of him so that they arrived before him. Then word went out that the prodigal princess was with him. Bobby had to tell Gemma to chill the fuck out because his first loyalty in this moment was to Tara, then Jax, with Gemma a very distant follower to the leftover organic blueberry muffins in the refrigerator.

The look Jax gave Gemma as he led Tara to to the dorm, told her to not even look at her funny. Gemma knew in that moment that Jax was still truly, madly, and deeply in love with Tara. The look on his face right before she made eye contact hadn’t been seen since Tara left town. Gemma wanted to confront her, but knew this wasn’t the time. She was barely out from under the shadow of Clay so she had to play this as close to the vest as possible. If he found out she had threatened to kill Tara before she left town, she knew her luck was out.

As they entered the room, he was as nervous as the first time he asked her out. He had spent that first semester in Chemistry class convincing himself that she was too young for him. He beat Hobart’s ass because of that. As he got to know her though, he realized he was falling in love with her.

She honestly had no clue. They were lab partners so they had to study together after school. She would bring her guitar so that Bobby could do lessons at the shop after they studied. She talked so much about how much she loved all of the music Bobby taught her, but she loved heavy metal the best.

She would spread out their books on his dorm bed and then lay across it while going over formulas and periodic elements. He actually learned the stuff because she really was good at explaining it. He couldn’t stop looking at her one afternoon, and she finally caught him staring.

She got nervous and started blushing trying to focus on the books. That’s when he just went for it and kissed her. At first he thought she was going to push him off of her, but she melted into the kiss and he almost lost it in his jeans right then and there. She broke the kiss and smiled at him.

Verbal diarrhea hit him full force and he blurted out, “Tara, will you be my girlfriend?” like a lovesick puppy. She looked shocked but then smiled and literally tackled him. “Yes! I thought you would never ask.”

Again, he had to shake the thoughts from the past and decided to fuck with her and take his shirt off. She always loved his body and could never resist touching and caressing him when he was shirtless. Maybe with some luck he could at least get her within groping distance. He wanted to see that delicious blush on her face that always made him crazy.

When he turned around and found her in the sexiest set of lingerie he had ever seen he really did almost blow the load on sight. Her body was absolutely beautiful and the sly smile on her face was completely new. Then she turned to go towards the shower and he saw the crow. That sealed the deal. He had to leave or things were going to escalate.

When he came back later and found her crying in her sleep; he heard her pleading for someone not to kill her. That’s when he knew why she had been missing for so long. He went to comfort her and she responded so quickly and naturally to him that he just couldn’t stop her. If this made her feel better, he wanted to just stop the pain he heard in her voice.

The next thing he knew they were naked and she was on top of him. He just couldn’t stop himself. She was so beautiful and the pleasure he felt when she slid down on him was too much. He couldn’t help but tell her he loved her because it was truer than ever.

“I never stopped loving you, Jackson.” Only she ever used his whole name and it always drove him crazy. He would deal with all of the lockdown craziness tomorrow. He had waited fifteen long years for this. That’s when he took over and kept her awake all night.

Chapter Text

Too Much Heaven

“You and me girl got a highway to the sky. We can turn away from the night and day and the tears we had to cry. You're my life. I can see a new tomorrow. Everything we are will never die.”

 

Tara woke up in a tangle of sheets. The room was dark, and she was alone. All she could think was that she finally had the most wonderful dream last night. It was the first time in her dreams in over two years that she was able to make it out of the pit Kohn had trapped her in.

Jax was finally able to her rescue and she was finally able to tell, and show, him how much she still loved him. She felt so peaceful for the first time in forever. It was when she moved to get out of bed that she realized something was off. Her entire lower body was sore in a way she hadn’t felt since the night she left Jax fifteen years ago. They had made love and she waited until he fell asleep to leave.

She left a note and that was the last she saw of him until last night at Scoops. She was still disoriented from sleeping so heavy with the wild sex dreams too. All she knew was that she needed to get up and shower.

She reached for her bedside lamp and that’s when she realized she wasn’t in her bed. She panicked and stumbled until she found the light switch on the wall. Holy shit, she really was in Jax’s room. He wasn’t there and the door was locked from the outside.

She then realized they really did make love last night. Now she remembered the snapping of his hips and their intense kisses. She was so overwhelmed at one point she had to beg him to let her breathe. He laughed and eased up for a few strokes. He couldn’t resist holding her face through with his hand just so that he could look her straight in the eyes.

He told her he had to because her face was all he had dreamed of for the last fifteen years; now that he was actually making love to her again, he would never stop looking at her face. That was the moment she came and was so exhausted that she blissed out before he could say a word.

There was no note, so Tara decided to do some more yoga and take another shower. As she stepped out of the shower she remembered all of the times they made love there as teenagers. They were supposed to be studying and Jax would always say that her anatomy was his best subject.

As she dried her hair, she wrapped the towel around her hair and body. When she walked out the door, she caught a flash of silver string from his closet that was slightly opened. As she walked over to closet, she realized it was her guitar. She had left it behind the night she left in a hurry.

She had replaced it when she got to San Diego, but it was never the same. Bobby always tuned her guitars and she swore she never did tune as well as he did. She stopped playing after Josh started the stalking. She was trying to hide by moving around and always afraid he would hear her playing as a dead giveaway. A sudden impulse took over and she grabbed the guitar.

She loved heavy metal, but the song she always held closest was one her mother would sing to her at bedtime, Too Much Heaven. Her dad would ask her to play it once a year around one of his benders. She only played it for him or by herself. Only Bobby knew she played it because he helped her learn it after her mom died.

She had no idea where Jax was at or when he would be back so she settled in. She knew from experience that shit was deep if they were on lockdown and trusted that he was keeping her safe back in his room. She wasn’t going to even ask the why again.

She dressed quickly and sat down with the guitar. It was still tuned perfectly. Either Bobby had been in here, or Jax’s room was a magical time capsule where nothing ages, wears out, or gives up. Her mother always told her this but maybe love does bear all things, believe all things, hopes all things, and absolutely endures all things.

She made it through the nightmare of Kohn and back to Charming, She woke up in the last room she went to sleep in before she left charming all those years ago. Maybe this was proof of the true nature of their love. There was the reality of his life though. She had no idea if they were still gun running. Did an ice cream parlor really pay the bills? She found that highly unlikely based on how the clubhouse was so much bigger and the entire compound was so expansive was when she arrived.

She left because of the danger, the threat of violence, the very real threat of death that Gemma had dropped on her the night she left. She was going to have to face that heroines trial but if she survived Kohn, Gemma wouldn’t be easy but at least she was prepared.

She wasn’t a scared nineteen year old girl anymore. She had been through so much and had seen and survived too much shit to be scared anymore. She cleared her head and started singing the song the way she remembered her mother singing it to her.

Jax was leaving church and as he walked down the hall to his dorm he heard the guitar and her voice. It hit him like the bullet on the chain he wore. She was singing her mom’s song. Bobby had told him about the song shortly after she left.

They were in his room and pulling some guns from the closet because word was ATF was going to raid the clubhouse. Bobby pulled the guitar from the back of the closet and the sight of it knocked Jax breathless. All he could see and hear was her face and voice. He had to sit down. He had shoved it to the very back of the closet after she left. He couldn’t bring himself to give it to Bobby.

On his worst drunken nights he would take it out because even over a decade later it still had her perfume, Sunflowers, on it. He would always put it as far back as possible when he was sober because on some of those drunk nights the pain and rage made him want to destroy it.

Now he heard her singing her mom’s song for the first time ever. As he opened the door, he saw her with her hair down, looking at the guitar and he was sixteen again. She looked exactly the same. She didn’t hear him coming in and kept singing. He couldn’t move. Then she saw him and abruptly put the guitar down like she’d been caught stealing it.

“I’m sorry! I saw it when I got out of the shower and couldn’t resist.” He was just still thrilled to see her there. When he woke up that morning he knew the night before was real but he still expected to return to the room and find her gone; it had all been a figment of his imagination like every morning for the last fifteen years had been.

Except it wasn’t a dream, he sat down, “It’s your guitar, you don’t have to ask permission.” So she smiled and sang the song. He couldn’t stop looking at her. She was so caught up in the song that she didn’t realize its effect until she finished, looked up, and felt him kissing her. She reached for his face and they laid down again, kissing.

“Jax, I am so sore I don’t think I could do anything right now.” He laughed, “That’s ok, we have all night, every night, from now on.” She kissed him and laughed, “I can’t stay here forever. I have a job to start in a few weeks and a home to remodel.”

Jax looked at her, “I’ll make sure your house is taken care of and the lockdown is at least a week. That gives us plenty of time to make up for lost time.”

Tara laughed, “Are you a king now? Am I a princess being guarded in your castle? What do you do now? We barely know each other anymore. I have so many questions. I won’t ask what’s going on until you’re ready, but I would like to at least leave the room for some food and see Bobby. Maybe the rest of the guys too?”

Jax knew it was either none or full disclosure or he was going to have to tell her about the Irish, the Russians, the porn, and the pussy. She was never a judgmental person but she seemed so refined now. Placing her in a room full of bikers, pimps, porn stars, and whores was a comical tragedy waiting to happen.

Tara stopped following anything related to SAMCRO when the stalking started. She knew Kohn had access to all kinds of records so she bought burner phones and stayed off the internet. She only followed the national news enough to know that California was still part of the United States, but avoided anything local for fear the access the government gave him would tip him off where she was at.

When he was finally caught and the government realized the extent of his stalking and the damage it had done not just to her, they made sure he went away for a long time. She suspected his shivving wasn’t coincidental but took the settlement offered by the feds and ran back to Charming with the assurance that they would watch her back from that point on.

It was on this note that Jax led her out into the clubhouse holding hands. It was exactly the same but bigger and cleaner. She had to laugh when she saw the stripper pole, and the room was packed with families. They all wanted to to see the famed lost love and prodigal princess; it turned into a huge reunion as all the guys she remembered came and hugged her.

The women were unsurprisingly less enthusiastic. Most were just curious but the herd of porn stars and whores were almost visibly hostile. They knew better than to piss of their boss though, but now that THE Tara was back they knew their days of pushing up on the Prince were numbered, if not already gone based on his mood this morning that apparently hadn’t been seen in decades.

“Violence does, in truth, recoil upon the violent, and the schemer falls into the pit which he digs for another.”

~ Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

When Jax introduced Tara as his Old Lady, it wasn’t surprising but Gemma knew this was the puppy love in her son. Like father, like son. The other family flaw. She was not going to meddle but she knew Tara was not aware of the porn, pussy, and side hustling. The Tara she remembered was a sweet girl who thrived on Gemma’s maternal affection and once that affection turned to antipathy, she was weakened.

So Gemma did what Gemma did best. She underestimated Tara, and how much she had changed. That fatal flaw would plant a seed that would relegate her even further down the line and end up bringing Jax and Tara together in a way that would change Charming and California forever.