Chapter Text
“Is there really no chance to start once again? If we'd go again all the way from the start. I would try to change the things that killed our love.”
When Jax woke up that morning there was no way in hell he thought his day would end up with him comforting Tara after a nightmare and making love to her again for the first time in almost fifteen years. He dreamt about it every night since she had left Charming to the point that he knew he would never dream of anyone else.
When he came close to the ten year mark of her being gone, he had to try and move on. Wendy came along and he had a Croweater/drinking buddy. The sex was good too. He was lonely and Gemma was pushing for grandkids. The marriage was a disaster and the only good thing to come of that was Abel. Wendy went off to rehab and the last he heard she was a counselor in a sober living center. Living her best life and that’s all he wanted to do with her.
Then Gemma started in again on more grandkids. He told her to find an old lady hobby and leave him alone. Go adopt a Croweater and groom them for one of the younger guys. Gemma suspected he was still pining for Tara but kept her mouth shut.
After Clay was mayhem’d, she barely made it through that ordeal by lying her ass off and saying Clay had threatened to kill her too if she didn’t go along with him after they had a fling when John was in Ireland. Jax had his doubts but until something solid came out, Gemma was off the chopping block.
Jax’s focus now was on growing the porn and pussy. Redwoody and Diosa had made him extremely wealthy, and by extension, powerful. They were out of the guns, and that cartel ordeal too, but the Irish were always sniffing around, so he had to stay on high alert.
This was why he had to find Tara. Even if she didn’t love him anymore, he had to make sure she was safe. Until then, Abel was safe but she was not. If they found out about her they would definitely exploit that weakness. He tried to find her, but she had dropped off the map right around the time her dad died. Unser said they tried to contact her about arrangements. They heard back from a lawyer that the arrangements were set up at the funeral home and all of her father’s property was placed in escrow.
That seemed sketchy. Tara and her dad loved each other and it wasn’t like her to not come home for something so important. They leaned on Skeeter for information but all he could say that the money that paid for everything was done via a wire transfer from a high end private law firm in New York City.
The last anyone had seen or heard of her was when she completed her residency in Chicago. Her dad told Bobby he was going to lure her back to Charming to throw her a huge party. Jax made sure to have Bobby keep him updated. He had married Wendy, but all that did was create a heroin habit that almost killed their baby. He got custody and the divorce was finalized just in time for Tara to come home.
That exact morning he was in the dorm staring at their picture again. It was stupid for him to hinge his hopes on her return but it got him through the darkest parts of his life and the club. The two and a half years that saw Abel kidnapped, the cartel, the porn, Diosa. He had slept with more women through that pipeline trying to fuck away the pain than he cared to count. He spent so many nights drinking in his dorm and looking at the picture of them together on his first Harley.
No matter how many women came through there, that picture stayed exactly where Tara placed it on his mirror after she kissed it. She was always so innocent and beautiful. He could only imagine what she looked like now. He just knew she had to be married with the 2.5 kids, white picket fence, and dog she always wanted. He couldn’t give that to her because of exactly who he was. President of an outlaw motorcycle gang, a high-end porn hustler, and glorified pussy pimp.
He went to the table that morning at Scoops with updated information on the Irish working with the Russians in the area. The clubhouse was in the very final stages of renovation after the bombing. All that was left was finishing the chapel and placing the Reaper back in there. A huge party was being planned by Gemma. Every charter on the literal continental US was riding into town. Hawaii was coming by boat then riding down from Seattle.
The Chinese were helping out with reconnaissance after Jax struck a deal with them to have VIP access at Diosa and Redwoody. Turns out they had some interesting fetishes that weren’t easily accessible. He just made sure all of it was consensual and didn’t go into torture or snuff territory.
Unser was blowing up his phone but he didn’t have time to deal with his drama. After Clay died, Gemma was still with Nero, but Unser still asked how high when Gemma told him to jump. Nero ended up being the closest thing to a father figure Jax needed since his dad died. Their business partnership was solid and all he wanted was Tara to share his happiness with, or at least be happy knowing she was in a good place if they couldn’t be together.
Chibs gave the run down. “So what we know is that the Russians and the Irish are trying to set up shop outside of Stockton. We have to double our security around Diosa and Redwoody. Barosky has the police heat and docks covered.”
It was late afternoon when they received a text from Barosky. The Russians were heading from Stockton to Charming. That’s when Jax made the call for everyone to head for the clubhouse and go on lockdown. They had expanded it significantly and added living quarters for all members and their families. He put word out to the Russians that they would meet on neutral territory if they wanted to talk. For right now they had to get everyone to the clubhouse compound.
Tig headed downstairs and was yelling at Chucky to close the store and Unser was blowing up the phone again. He was sick of it and answered it with a snap, “What the fuck has you so hot that you’re blowing up the phone? Christ.”
”Listen, Jax. We have news.” Jax was frustrated, “Yes, we know about the Russians…”
Unser interrupted as quickly as he could. “No, it’s not the Russians. Tara has been found. She’s back in Charming and just started moving into her dad’s house today.”
Jax ended the call immediately and realized there was a customer in Scoops. Shit. They would have to take the lady with them and explain later. He had to get to Tara’s place. That’s when he heard Chucky ask if the customer could leave. He heard “Dr. Knowles” and then saw her face.
It’s funny that the first thing he honed in on after her face was the shirt. She was wearing his Maiden shirt. The same shirt he bought her for the concert in San Francisco. She had altered it to a tank top but he knew it was the shirt. He would always know that shirt. That shirt was the foundation of the best sex of his life. It was the summer before she left and they wanted to get away, just for a weekend.
He got tickets through a friend of the club. He told Gemma and Clay that they were going away for the weekend so of course Gemma tried pulling some shit but Clay intervened and said let the kid get some pussy, he had busted his balls for the last few months on numerous runs and club business. They had a charter in San Fran that would be on the lookout at, and around, the concert too.
She was so happy when they finally left Charming on his bike. She had booked them a room at a bed and breakfast. It looked like a doll house so he started giving her shit while they were unpacking. She told him he was going to regret making fun of her. Then she came out of the bathroom with his t-shirt on and nothing else.
She pinned him down and started with the most mind-numbing blow job ever. He could never understand how she was so good at all of this when he was the first and only person she’d been with. He had to stop her or he was going to lose it all right there. She then was on top of him and riding him. He had shown her how to ride him just so that her tits bounced the way he loved.
Just seeing her beg him to let her cum made him feral every single time. That’s when he pinned her down and would drag himself so slowly over the spot that always completely unraveled her. All she could do was wrap her arms around his neck and beg in his ear. That’s when he would finally let her cum as he kissed her.
The sound of Tara’s voice asking why they were going in lockdown brought him back to the present. He just knew she was going to try and leave and there was no way in hell he was letting her out of his sight. He would tell her what’s going on when she explained why she left him high and dry fifteen years ago.
For right now? Get on the bike. That was the part he was most excited for. It felt like the day their picture was taken. He hadn’t been so happy to get on his bike since that picture was taken. He wasn’t going to hold her hostage but he wasn’t ruling out handcuffs to the bed if he had to.
As they pulled into the lot, he was not looking forward to getting off the bike. He took the long way back to purposefully extend the ride. The guys knew what was up and got ahead of him so that they arrived before him. Then word went out that the prodigal princess was with him. Bobby had to tell Gemma to chill the fuck out because his first loyalty in this moment was to Tara, then Jax, with Gemma a very distant follower to the leftover organic blueberry muffins in the refrigerator.
The look Jax gave Gemma as he led Tara to to the dorm, told her to not even look at her funny. Gemma knew in that moment that Jax was still truly, madly, and deeply in love with Tara. The look on his face right before she made eye contact hadn’t been seen since Tara left town. Gemma wanted to confront her, but knew this wasn’t the time. She was barely out from under the shadow of Clay so she had to play this as close to the vest as possible. If he found out she had threatened to kill Tara before she left town, she knew her luck was out.
As they entered the room, he was as nervous as the first time he asked her out. He had spent that first semester in Chemistry class convincing himself that she was too young for him. He beat Hobart’s ass because of that. As he got to know her though, he realized he was falling in love with her.
She honestly had no clue. They were lab partners so they had to study together after school. She would bring her guitar so that Bobby could do lessons at the shop after they studied. She talked so much about how much she loved all of the music Bobby taught her, but she loved heavy metal the best.
She would spread out their books on his dorm bed and then lay across it while going over formulas and periodic elements. He actually learned the stuff because she really was good at explaining it. He couldn’t stop looking at her one afternoon, and she finally caught him staring.
She got nervous and started blushing trying to focus on the books. That’s when he just went for it and kissed her. At first he thought she was going to push him off of her, but she melted into the kiss and he almost lost it in his jeans right then and there. She broke the kiss and smiled at him.
Verbal diarrhea hit him full force and he blurted out, “Tara, will you be my girlfriend?” like a lovesick puppy. She looked shocked but then smiled and literally tackled him. “Yes! I thought you would never ask.”
Again, he had to shake the thoughts from the past and decided to fuck with her and take his shirt off. She always loved his body and could never resist touching and caressing him when he was shirtless. Maybe with some luck he could at least get her within groping distance. He wanted to see that delicious blush on her face that always made him crazy.
When he turned around and found her in the sexiest set of lingerie he had ever seen he really did almost blow the load on sight. Her body was absolutely beautiful and the sly smile on her face was completely new. Then she turned to go towards the shower and he saw the crow. That sealed the deal. He had to leave or things were going to escalate.
When he came back later and found her crying in her sleep; he heard her pleading for someone not to kill her. That’s when he knew why she had been missing for so long. He went to comfort her and she responded so quickly and naturally to him that he just couldn’t stop her. If this made her feel better, he wanted to just stop the pain he heard in her voice.
The next thing he knew they were naked and she was on top of him. He just couldn’t stop himself. She was so beautiful and the pleasure he felt when she slid down on him was too much. He couldn’t help but tell her he loved her because it was truer than ever.
“I never stopped loving you, Jackson.” Only she ever used his whole name and it always drove him crazy. He would deal with all of the lockdown craziness tomorrow. He had waited fifteen long years for this. That’s when he took over and kept her awake all night.