Chapter Text
Remus watched a bead of perspiration race down the fogged windows as he sat waiting for James, Sirius and Snape. He didn’t wait long as a disgruntled Sirius was led through to the table with a cackling Severus. The attendant paid neither man attention. Sirius waved off the waiter and dropped down into a seat as Severus sat himself gracefully.
“Hello, Snape. Padfoot, how’s the morning been?” Remus asked and Severus eyed both him and Sirius.
“Early start for me, Dora and I have been tailing Snape all day which has been an absolute mind numbing experience,” Sirius said which was met with a roll of Severus eyes,
“Oh no, please excuse me Auror Black. I so deeply apologise that my work schedule bores thee, my lord” Severus snarked sarcastically as he turned to fully face Remus who tried to hide a smirk.
“And you Lupin, how has your morning progressed so far?” Severus asked Remus,
“Yeah so it’s not bad. Work has been pretty lax lately so I called off early today.” Remus answered, Remus felt Severus' eyes trail from his exposed wrist, up his arms and shoulders before resting on his face. Remus flushed but didn’t acknowledge it.
“What do you do, If you don’t mind my asking?” Before Remus can answer Severus, Sirius shoves back from the table casually.
“Sorry lads, gotta take a leak. Be back in a giffy,” Sirius says as he heads off, Severus watches him go with an unreadable expression.
“So I co-own a restaurant with Alice,” Remus says, drawing back Severus undivided attention. Surprise colours Severus face as he recognises the name.
“Alice Longbottom? I thought she was an Auror?” Severus asked politely
“She was yes, but after Neville was born she took time off to focus on family. Well, this and that happened and we somehow became co-owners of Daily Crumb. Alice is back to working full time now so I manage things on the restaurant front,” Remus said. Severus listened avidly as curiosity claimed his face.
“Shouldn’t you be there now, then? Wait, why didn’t we just have lunch there then?” Severus asked sceptically,
“Sirius said you wouldn’t come unless it was The Ritz. Besides, the Daily Crumb is a more casual place. Loud and relaxed. Not so high class.” A sly grin crept onto Severus' face which he tried to cover with a hand.
“I did, I’m gonna eat him out of house and home the fucker.” Remus chuckled, Severus seemed to be a bit more playful than he remembered.
“As for why I'm taking the day… To be honest I’m not really comfortable talking about it but it’s common knowledge at this point so… here goes nothing…” Remus felt the sweat beading in his hairline and on his upper lip. His heart beat without rhythm as he looked anywhere but at Severus.
“Go on,” Severus said with a tilt of his head
“I uh… I take a day off before the uh… the full moon because uh… because of my lycanthropy…” Remus' voice was lowered into a shameful whisper which seemed to be wise as Severus jolted back, a look of shock and horror on his face as he gripped Remus' wrist. Remus winced at his expression. Severus didn’t say anything as his eyes shifted erratically from side to side.
“Snape? Are you… ok?” Severus made a shooing motion with his free hand. Finally, he looked up at Remus and with the most nonsensical expression, he let go of Remus and guffawed into his hand. The dread seemed to wash away at the sight of Severus pinkened cheeks and tearfully mirthful eyes.
“I… Are you laughing at me? Really?”
“No…it's, your name is Remus Lupin. And you’re a lycanthrope.” Remus sighed wearily and shook his head,
“So?”
“So Remus and Romulus were twin brothers who were abandoned as infants and raised by the she-wolf, Lupa. Lupin literally means ‘the wolf’. It was derived from the latin word lupinus or lupus.” Severus paused and waited for Remus to react but the other man remained blank faced.
“My father believed that a name could dictate a child's personality or future. I was named for Septimius Severus, the Roman emperor who some historians view as pragmatic. Your first and last name are tied to wolves, it’s like a self fulfilling prophecy. Your parents were setting you up for failure.” Severus said very seriously.
“I— uh, that’s it?” Remus asked incredulously, his voice strained as if holding back hysteria. Severus’ brows knit as his lip curled in annoyance.
“Wha?”
“You– you’re not… disgusted… afraid… hateful of me?” Severus barked a laugh at Remus, there was no humour in it as he slapped the tabletop.
“Oh no, I absolutely hate you, but I hate you for various other things. The years of torment you and your insidious friends put me in, the times when you didn’t participate but also never stopped them. I hate that everyone of you mocked me for being piss poor when you, Remus, were just as obviously broke as I was.” Severus spoke clearly and a red tinted Remus face.
“Yeah, you were dead broke too, coming to school in cheap offcasts just like I did. The only difference was that I didn’t have the luxury of being the sugar baby of two spoiled rich kids.” Severus continued. Remus had the gall to look down at his hands in shame.
“See this is exactly what I mean! You act like a bystander in it all but you weren’t, I know you played a part in at least half of the pranks.” Severus exclaimed and Remus took a clarifying breath.
“Ok, yes that’s true. But to be fair, you gave as good as you got. You weren’t some tragic victim Severus. You hit back.” Remus said as Severus straightened in his seat.
“See how you didn’t say I ‘pranked’ back. See how you said ‘hit’ back? Also, did you forget that it was four against one?” Severus asked.
“Ok, but what about your friends? You had Regulus and Avery and others, right? Why didn’t you just team up with them, why didn’t you just… just have them help you and prank us back?” Remus asked with tension in his voice. Severus stared dumbfounded at Remus for half a minute.
“I– You’re kidding me, right? You think I should’ve had Regulus Black help me ‘prank’ his older brother whom he idolised at the time. Lets not forget by the way that he started Hogwarts a year after us and Regulus and I didn’t even become friends until I was a third year,” Severus lectured while frowning,
“What about Lily? She would’ve helped you!” Remus said desperately. Severus scoffed as he shook his head.
“No she wouldn’t have, as always she would have just told me to ignore it and be ‘the bigger person’. Besides, I didn’t need to hide behind the guise of harmlessness like you did every time you acted like an onlooker.” Severus hissed in agitation
“I had to protect myself, protect my… my sickness.” Remus said defeatedly.
“I wasn’t an onlooker or bystander and I did participate but I honestly never thought we were that harmful and that it was a spot of guiltless fun.” Remus said as he stared deep into Severus accusing eyes.
“See. This is why I hate you. Not because you’re a werewolf, that doesn’t have anything to do with me. But this right here, guiltless fun huh? In that case, Voldemort targeting the Potters was just ‘boys being boys’. Men being men and starting pointless dumbass wars as they always have done and will continue to do.” Severus said defeatedly. Remus watched the tension fade from Severus' weary brows, the furious light left his dark eyes making Severus look vacant.
Guilt ate away at Remus. Shame, anger, resentment, frustration and disgust. Both at himself and Severus. They were both rotten little bastards, rotten and sad and pathetic. But Remus couldn’t help but feel he was the most pathetic of them both.
…
…
“I didn’t peg you for a chef ” Severus said, cutting into the silence and Remus' self-retribution.
“Is that it? Are we done with the previous conversation?” Remus asked indignantly, Severus screwed up his face in annoyance as if he was looking at a bug.
“Lupin, neither of us owe each other anything. We argued, we finished it and now we move on. Good timing too, I see Potter,” Severus gestured over Remus' head at a less haggard James who followed the server towards them. Remus smiled at James wearily. James slowed his steps at Remus' expression.
“Did I interrupt?” James asks hesitantly as he sits himself on Remus left and directly across from Severus.
“Apparantly not. Turns out no matter how deep and serious a conversation gets, it doesn’t really mean anything,” Remus answers James bitterly and Severus just rolled his eyes.
“You’re only here because you want absolution from your guilt. I’m here for free lunch.” Severus said matter of factly.
“Wouldn’t putting past hurts make things between us less awkward?” James asked with a raised brow as Remus nodded.
“No. I already told you Potter, I don’t want an apology from you nor do I want to give you one. I was and am a shit cunt, so were you. Maybe you’ve changed, I don’t care. Again, I’m here for free lunch and protection from a stalker. Which is what Black amounts to by the way. A bodyguard and a walking wallet. Again. I’m still a shit cunt.” Severus said shamelessly as he looked through the menu.
“You don’t have to be Snape, we could literally put it all behind us and move on.” James tried again,
“This is how I move on. We can just pretend like nothing is wrong and just ignore it out loud and let petty little wins get us through the days.” Severus said in annoyance.
“You’re just making it harder on us!” Remus hissed in annoyance to Severus' chagrin, James stared wide eyed at Remus outburst.
“I’m not trying too! I just want us to be curt strangers at worst and polite acquaintances at best. Why do we need more than that?” Severus hissed back in frustration,
“You don’t get it, Severus,” Remus voice had a pleading quality as he spoke,
“You’re one of the only things we thought of throughout all these years. Me, Lily, Remus, Sirius and apparently, Peter too. Whether you were dead or alive. Whether our tumultuous relationship sent you on the brink of existence,” James explained as he patted Remus shoulder calmingly
“We know now that the letter was a meaningless attempt at spite, but you have to understand that we held that guilt for all these years. You telling me that it meant nothing and me reiterating it to the guys doesn’t automatically make that well of emotion go away. What else are we supposed to do with it but direct it towards you?” James said seriously. Sirius returned at that time and sat beside them, noting the awkward and charged air.
“Did you start without me?” Sirius asked.
“Told Snape about my furry little problem,” Remus answered him through deep breaths. James winced and turned curious eyes on Severus while Sirius nodded his head understandingly.
“And how did we take it?” Sirius asked curiously
“I don't care, not my problem. We’ve moved on now, about how a letter I wrote years ago made you all feel guilty and how Lupin and Potter think I should help you all find a way to I don’t know,” Severus scrunched his face up and shrugged his shoulders as he continued speaking,
“Help you dick heads get over it. Like I'm responsible for your emotions. I said we should just pretend like nothing's wrong, but they’re not having that.” Severus said cantankerous,
“Snape called you a walking wallet by the way,” Remus interjected, James' eyes widened and Severus smirked in response.
“Yup, I did.” Severus said shamelessly with a beatific grin.
“You were gone a long time, did you have a big crap?” Severus asked loudly, intentionally drawing attention to their table and conversation. Sirius flushed in embarrassment as James tried to suppress a smile.