Chapter Text
“We've been so close together. Each a candle, each a flame. All the dangers were outside us and we knew them all by name. Now see how the bramble and the rose intertwines. Now love grows like the bramble and the rose. Often cruel, often kind”
Tara thought she knew how to fit into Jax’s world. After all, she grew up on the periphery of it with Piney. When she left Charming, she found her world at college. Pre-med students, coffee shop study groups, trips with wealthy classmates to Malibu were a completely different world than she grew up in. She didn’t hide where she was from but she didn’t exactly go telling everyone she was a white trash biker princess either.
The first time she had to deal with it after she got to college was a trip to the beach. She hadn’t necessarily forgotten that she had a big crow on her back. When she got down to her bikini, her group of friends said, “WHAT is that?!” She almost died. “Girl that is some serious ink. Where did you get that?”
She played it off saying it was a teen-age obsession with the movie The Crow with Brandon Lee. One of her friends, Jacinta, just so happened to be from Oakland, and the sister of one Marcus Alvarez. She instantly recognized the Crow and pulled Tara aside.
“Ok, whose Old Lady are you?” Tara was scared. “I don’t know what you’re talking about” she tried to reply. “Bullshit, my brother is a Mayan. I know that’s a Crow. Look, I’m trying to downplay my shit too but we both know what’s up if that shit ever crosses wires with our cushy little ivory tower world. There are a few in our group that aren’t old money. Hell, Lin is a Triad.”
Tara honestly didn’t register that in her mind because at that time the Triad stayed closer to Oakland so the Sons didn’t have much beef with them.
Tara told her she was Jax Teller’s ex Old Lady and Jacinta almost passed out. “Are you serious?! Holy shit. Girl, you’re a legend right now in the MC world. Story is that you tore that man’s heart out. Apparently, he’s been fucking the whole state of California trying to get over you.”
Tara had to laugh. “Of course he is. Because sex solves everything in his world. Violence too. I just couldn’t stay knowing I would turn into his mom. I was told that I needed to get with the program and only worry about ‘sucking dick and serving beer’ by his mom, Gemma, Queen of the Bikers.
Jacinta laughed. “I know exactly what you are talking about. I have to chola it up when I go home for breaks or they tell me I’ve gone gringo. My ex is the Mayan version of Jax. The Mayan Man Ho, so I knew I had to get out. I talked Marcus into paying for my school and I play motorcycle mafia doctor on my breaks.
Tara thought of all of these memories as she was getting ready for her appointment with Hank. Jax was ready and wearing his kutte. She was pretty sure this was some sort of male-dominance thing. She didn’t bother telling him to put on something nice. This was him and expecting him to change had already backfired spectacularly once. She was not making that mistake again.
He never wanted to fit into her world, she should have realized this when he didn’t leave Charming with her over a decade ago. That decade only solidified his place in his world which placed her firmly on the outside of his. She tried to find a place and all it did was almost kill get more than a few times.
This time she was not going to make the mistake of thinking she wanted fit into his world of whores, gun running, violence, lies, and infidelity. The less she invests emotionally, the less she’ll get hurt.
He has his whores and she has her boys and baby girl. All she needed was her hand and she could live her best life on his dime. She does occasionally miss feeling truly loved. She’s not sure he has that left in him. She is his possession and he is her knight errant on a motorcycle. It’s the only way she can think of living her life out with him.
She remembers how they loved each other for one brief shining moment as teenagers and then when she returned. Then the dream was slowly killed by the porn, by Clay, the cartel, Otto, by Gemma, and the whores.
Jax walked into the room and was overwhelmed by how beautiful she was. He couldn’t help but reach for her hand. The hand he destroyed. She flinched. He knew she was scared of him and that’s the only way he knew how to love her anymore. It was the only way he knew how keep her. His only point of reference was the man who killed his father and a pit viper for a mother.
The appointment went well. Jax let Tara ask all of the questions since the medical area was her wheelhouse. Lin’s cousin was extremely good looking and Jax could see that he had eyes for Tara. He trusted that she would get the best medical care from him but he knew he would have to limit any interaction to strictly medical. No consultations without him present.
As they drove her home, he looked at her and just could not stop looking at her. She was so happy and talkative after the appointment. She looked at him nervously, and the fear was always a turn on for him but her happiness started to reopen the box he had worked hard to close again since the fake miscarriage.
When they got home, she went to call the nanny to bring the boys and Eva back to the main house. He stopped her. “She is keeping them overnight in the guest house. We are spending the night together. Just us. There is a gift waiting for you in the bedroom, go change and I’ll be in there soon.”
Tara was nervous. They hadn’t made love in a few weeks. She figured he was seeing the whores again and just made sure to keep up appearances. She wanted to be with him but was careful to only follow his leads. It would be too humiliating if he turned her down.
She waited for him after changing into the slip dress and shoes in the room. She loved how beautiful it was and was looking at herself in the mirror when he came up behind her. The look on his face was pure desire. He turned her around and led her to the bed. She really didn’t want to think about if this was the last time he had sex in the last few weeks, because she knew the answer.
She just loved him so much and it hurt so bad to think anyone else was doing exactly what she was doing with him. He turned her around and placed a diamond necklace around her neck.
It shocked her but all he could say was how much he loved her and how sorry he was for all of the pain and kissed her hand. She didn’t know what to think. All she could think was how much she loved him as he slid into her. The stretch was so exquisitely delightful that she felt guilty for enjoying it so much. She wrapped her legs around him and he couldn’t help but snap his hips so fast and hard that all she could do was say his name. His full name.
Jackson.
She was the only woman allowed to call him that ever and it always drove him insane. He held her face with his right hand as he kissed her. She tried to dissociate like she did the night they had sex after she came home from jail. She knows now that he had fucked the Madame while she was in jail for him. She had to let that thought go and finally gave into the pleasure because she just loved feeling loved again.