Chapter Text
Seth
Seth and Nephthys sat in the empty living room of Horus’ apartment while Horus sat in his closed office a distance away. Seth imagined that the younger god could hear everything, but the appearance of privacy was something, at least.
Nephthys wore a pale green dress and sat primly in one of the bigger chairs. She smiled a bit apologetically at Seth and said, “Sorry for ambushing you, I just… had some trouble getting the courage to come talk to you, and so I came over as soon I got it.”
“It’s fine,” Seth said, putting a fake smile on his face as he considered what was troubling her. Perhaps criticizing him for what he’d done to her? What he’d failed to do to support her? “What did you want to talk about?” After their last meeting, he’d considered meeting with Nephthys again anyway, even if he felt superfluous to her life here.
He’d sat in his room, seething over what he learned, unsure what to do, and knowing he couldn’t just go for a run or go practice attacking fighting dummies without making people panic he was going on some sort of rampage. Or having Horus watch his every move.
He couldn’t attack Osiris, and that was frustrating. And he agreed that worrying Nephthys more about the realities of the situation be an issue, but that didn’t make him happy, either. It was part of why he’d acquiesced to Horus’ idea of being a fighting instructor for humans. It gave him an excuse to learn and practice modern martial arts techniques – with supervision – which let him focus on something else and get some of his anger issues out (at least if he was punching anything with Horus watching, Horus would assume it was for work, not other reasons). He’d been a fast learner, particularly since he could adapt techniques he already knew, but there was still more he could learn.
And at least the children he was teaching needed someone to help them. Someone the humans evidently weren’t supplying.
It didn’t fill up the emptiness in his chest, the sense of failure he couldn’t really avoid, but it let him compartmentalize a bit. And it put off his thoughts about returning to the sun boat, at least for a short while.
But then Nephthys showed up, ruining what was actually a decent day.
He supposed he wasn’t entitled to decent days, after everything.
“Horus told me that Anubis told you Isis and I are married,” Nephthys said with a soft smile. “I imagine you’d have figured it out in time, anyway, once you browsed online more. You could have easily found photos of us. But I just… didn’t know how to tell you myself.” She sighed. “It seems so cruel, to act like… like you were gone and I just… moved on or something.”
“I wanted you to be happy,” Seth said, quietly. “I’ve always wanted you to be happy. And if Isis makes you happy, then that’s all that matters.” He didn’t expect her to wait thousands of years just for him to get back and reject her again. And going back to her… It wasn’t even the last thing on his mind, it wasn’t an option. And he assumed she knew that, and didn’t want to get back together, either. He had never wanted her to live alone in suffering, though.
Nephthys smiled at him again. “I know you want that. And Isis does make me happy. I make her happy, too. But… I just think up too much as the years go by, I suppose.”
Seth could relate to that. Thinking was all he had most of the time on the sun boat. And he knew his thoughts were unpleasant company.
Nephthys breathed deeply and said, “Isis talked more to me about what happened with the mirror. More than I spoke about when we met the other day.”
Seth couldn’t keep himself from tensing.
“I know Osiris was targeting you,” Nephthys said, gazing at Seth with a worried expression. “I know… I know Isis’ perspective of what happened the night Osiris’ died. What she saw. Between you and him.”
Seth stood up and felt his heart race.
Nephthys stood up with him and put her hands up, “Seth, please, I just want to talk!”
Seth was breathing hard, and only force of will kept him from dissolving into sand. She knows! She’s known!
“It was wrong for her to break your confidence that way,” Nephthys said, still looking at him with worry. “And I’m sorry! But she wanted me to know why I should stay away from Osiris and stop… looking up to him, as it were. She… We were already more involved, and she felt she had to be honest if we were to continue.” She winced. “It was out of concern for my safety. And while that’s… not exactly a good reason to share your trauma, I… I’m glad I know. And Seth, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for all you went through.” Her eyes grew wetter as tears fell down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Seth.”
Seth clenched his hands into fists. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know if he should be mad at Isis, understanding, or… He didn’t know.
He’d assumed Isis would have talked about it to everyone. Shared his indignity around. So he was surprised that so few apparently knew about it. But that she then went on to talk about…?
A part of him understood the reasons. The other part just wanted to scream into the floor.
“I don’t know if Isis told me everything,” Nephthys said. “I’m sure there are also things she missed that… I’m not asking for a full detail or anything,” she clarified. “I just want you to know that I’m here if you need me. You don’t have to run.” She smiled ruefully. “Though I ruined that by ambushing you, didn’t I?”
Seth shut his eyes, trying to calm himself. He was here, in this room, and Osiris wasn’t with them. Nephthys already knew, and he couldn’t change that.
He was able to gather his thoughts together, and finally said, shakily, “I always ran from you even before that night, though. I’m not surprised you felt you had to ambush me.”
“You never run from a fight, Seth.”
“I was afraid of what you might say,” Seth replied, gazing deep into her worried eyes. “I was afraid of you rejecting me. So I argued with you. I know you saw that.” He couldn’t imagine how hurt she was. He thought that was what made her run to Osiris, among other things. Even though he was seemingly wrong, it didn’t change what he’d done.
“I assumed it was the battles you were fighting,” Nephthys said, seemingly in an attempt to reassure him. “You had so much weighing on your shoulders. I didn’t want to make things harder for you.”
“That doesn’t excuse my being harsh to you to make you go away,” Seth insisted. He didn’t know why she wasn’t seeing him for who he was. It reminded him of her staying by his side during his reign, as if she was suffering for them both. He’d thought she felt guilty herself, then, but he’d hoped she’d just leave and find happiness somewhere else, or perhaps help his enemies fight him. Instead she just sat in her cell, unmoving and sad.
“You were never that harsh to me,” Nephthys said, looking a bit upset, but firm now, unlike how she used to be. “You were a good husband. A good father.” Before their falling out, she’d been a rock for him, keeping him happy on the harder days, teasing him, reminding him how lucky he was.
So he never forgot how much he let her down with his actions.
“How can you say that?” Seth demanded, quietly. “After… After everything…?” His voice was shaking. He’d thought about speaking to her for so long while he was on the sun boat. He’d wondered if she’d hate him more as time went on.
At one point, he’d asked if Tefnut and Shu ever fought much during their marriage, and Tefnut had laughed and said they argued all the time.
“Bastet helps us sometimes,” Tefnut said as she and Seth watched the port side of the boat with ready spears. “Sometimes you need someone to come in and knock your heads together before you go back and realize you still love each other. Having a partner isn’t always happy.”
“But don’t you ever hold grudges?” Seth asked as he watched a bird made out of bones fly over the water and vanish in a flash of light. “Doesn’t it ever go too far?”
“We talk before that happens,” Tefnut said. “Of course there are things I remember over the centuries, and that he remembers. But we work it out. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t stay together.” She smiled at Seth, looking fierce with her lion headdress. “He’s the one I trust most at my back and my side. And I know he feels the same about me.”
Seth wondered what would have happened if he’d just gotten over his fear and talked things over with Nephthys. If it would have made any difference, given Osiris’ madness.
“Being in this place also puts that kind of thing to the test,” Tefnut said, gazing ahead to where some other gods were chatting at their own watch, even as everyone was on alert for attacks. “There aren’t many gods here who maintain more than friendship, and even those can be hard. In a way, it’s a challenge: how do we find ways to love each other, despite the circumstances? And yet, century after century, we find a way.”
Seth wished he had Tefnut’s wisdom, since all he thought of were his own failings. “You must think your grandchildren are pathetic, then,” he commented. Seth and Nephthys had broken apart, and Isis and Osiris were in shambles. And they’d barely been together for a fraction of the time Tefnut and Shu had been together.
“I think it’s notable that you tried,” Tefnut said, surprising him. “Clinging to each other for love and comfort is something I can understand. I honestly thought you would try more things out, as there are so many gods now. But I don’t exactly dictate how you live your lives.”
It had helped him understand his grandparents a little more, at least, and made Seth feel like he still had so much to learn.
At least Nephthys and Isis figured things out, Seth thought as he gazed back into Nephthys’ wet, worried gaze now. Even after everything they both went through, they found each other.
He wondered what Tefnut would think of Osiris’ antics, and hoped she never knew.
“I know what I felt,” Nephthys said to him. “Even though I was manipulated by Osiris, I remember you as you were.” Her gaze grew distant. “You were always so quiet. And yes, you were often distant and closed-off. I remember Isis always had a better chance of getting through to you, especially as the years passed. But you were still kind and generous. And you loved our son, despite my deceit.”
“It wasn’t your deceit,” Seth insisted.
“Yes,” Nephthys said, more firmly than he expected. “It was. The mirror didn’t force me to stay silent, and my love for you never meant I had to go against my instincts as I did when Osiris encouraged me to treat Anubis as your son, which I interpreted as lying to you.” She sighed. “Perhaps much could have been avoided if I’d just been honest about that. If I’d told you what I’d done. But… I felt safer lying. And then the lie continued and then that night with Osiris, when everything came out, you were hurt even worse…” Her hands tightened on her knees.
“You can’t blame yourself for what he did,” Seth said, angry on her behalf. “It was all Osiris’ fault.”
“Yes,” Nephthys said. “He shoulders most of the blame for everything. And he shoulders all the blame for what he did to you. And what he tried to do to Anubis.”
Seth grimaced at that. He just didn’t want to think about whatever Isis said, but…
He had to know.
“What did she tell you?” he finally asked, quietly.
Nephthys winced and said, “Are you sure you want to know?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.”
They talked for some time. Seth wasn’t sure how much more Isis knew, based on the fragments Nephthys shared, but Seth was able to fill in any blanks. Nephthys looked horrified, but she didn’t turn away. She didn’t cast him looks of pity or disgust. She just listened and looked a little worried and surprised from moment to moment.
Seth wondered if Nephthys really was stronger than they all felt, considering how well she was handling everything. She said she’d felt safer lying to him, but while she was clearly upset, she sat up properly and listened as he talked about it all. She found courage to come see him and explain these things, when she likely expected him to floor or do something else to get out of it.
He wondered if Isis made her more confidant, or if time had really helped her far more than it had helped him. If the latter, he supposed he could be grateful.
When they were done, Nephthys asked, “Can I get you something to drink? Or eat?”
Seth looked at her in surprise, wondering how they’d ended up like this. Nephthys was the one who’d been brainwashed, after all.
“…I’m fine, thank you. You’re the guest, anyway.” Though he wasn’t sure what to fetch her. He wasn’t the most familiar with Horus’ kitchen, given how much he avoided it. But he supposed he could look around and see what was there if she wanted something…
Nephthys smiled sadly. “You did always have trouble eating, I remember.”
Seth looked away, feeling embarrassed. “I… It’s not as bad as it used to be. I needed to eat on the sun boat. So I did.”
Nephthys’ expression grew sadder. “It sounds like you’ve done a lot of things you had no choice over.”
Seth frowned as he replied, “I made choices when I was king. I did a lot that… that I’ve had to make up for.”
“I know you did,” Nephthys said. “I remember it all. I remember helping Isis with the labyrinth. I remember Anubis coming to me in tears while you were king, and my never helping him.” She breathed in deeply. “I don’t know how he forgives me for all of that. Or if he just… settled his anger elsewhere. On you. On Osiris.” She shook her head in frustration.
Seth hadn’t thought of it that way. He’d always assumed Anubis had Nephthys to comfort him if he wanted. Seth had been afraid they’d leave to be with Osiris somehow, and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to stop them, even though it was dangerous, but he was too afraid to explain why.
He only hoped Nephthys was wise enough to keep Anubis out of proper danger, but even that hadn’t worked.
“I don’t know how much Anubis knows,” Nephthys continued, quietly. “About what happened the night Osiris died.”
“He knows Osiris was responsible for what happened to you,” Seth said, wearily. “And he knows Osiris is obsessed with me. But… I don’t know if I can talk to him about it.” Anubis was the last remaining person it made sense to talk to, given Seth had no idea how to begin anything with Geb, but Seth was still ashamed. He felt hollow just talking about it with Nephthys. Hearing part of what she heard from Isis.
It felt like hands scraping over his body, picking the pieces apart.
“It’s okay,” Nephthys asked, trying to smile warmly. “You don’t have to talk to him about it. He’s curious and he wants answers, but it’s been thousands of years already. He can wait longer.”
“I owe him proper answers,” Seth said, firm in his resolve. He hated the pain in Anubis’ voice. His frustration.
“He’s a god in his own right now,” Nephthys said. “And married. Things are different. He’d want you to settle in more. Get the hang of things. I think he learned a lot when I was recovering from being restored. He was very helpful, and very patient.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you,” Seth said, thinking of yet more he’d missed in his absence. “I should have been.” He didn’t imagine how he would have helped, but…
Nephthys smiled as she replied, “It’s not something you need to apologize for. You didn’t know. There was no way you could. And I recovered. And you were busy with your sentence.”
Seth felt it was cold comfort.
“It feels like we need everything upfront now that you’re here,” Nephthys said, “because we’re all adjusting. But we all understand that it’s been a long time for you, too. And you’ve been through a lot we can’t imagine, while we’ve all been rebuilding and evolving alongside the humans.”
Seth smiled grimly. “And here all I’ve done is had a serious conversation with Nut and gone back to training humans again…” He felt like he’d done little.
“I’m glad you spoke with Mother,” Nephthys said. “Was it a good conversation?”
“It was difficult,” Seth said. “I… told her about the night Osiris died.”
“So she knows as well?” Nephthys said, clearly surprised. “I’m glad you feel comfortable telling people.”
“Fewer secrets,” Seth said, remembering Anubis’ anger. “I wasn’t planning on it. But… she wanted answers and I was angry, so when I revealed more than I planned, well…”
“I understand,” Nephthys said. “Though it’s really okay to have secrets. You don’t need to share your pain with everyone if you don’t want to.”
“Isis told you in order to keep you away from Osiris,” Seth noted. “How else will people know he’s awful?”
Nephthys looked down at her lap. “During all the wars you fought, you worked hard for us. Hurt yourself to keep us safe. You didn’t like talking about it, but I could tell when you came home that you’d seen and done horrible things.”
“I didn’t want you all to have to deal with that,” Seth said, quietly, unsure where she was going with this.
Nephthys nodded. “Given your nature, I can understand that. But it was hard to be your partner and see you suffering and do nothing while I respected your space. Or tried to. And when we both pulled away more, I think it only got worse.”
Seth grimaced, annoyed with himself. “I only made it worse generally.”
“No,” Nephthys said. “That’s not my point. My point was… you spend a lot of your life cutting yourself open for other people. Going to war for us, sacrificing yourself for Anubis, and then the sun boat… Osiris is a terrible person, and he’s done horrible things. But I mislike the idea of you destroying yourself even more to deal with another threat.”
“It’s just talk,” Seth said, quietly, thinking about them sitting here, while the world continued to spin. “Does it really matter?” He could survive it, after all.
“If it didn’t matter,” Nephthys said, “would you have avoided sharing it for so long?”
Seth looked away.
“It’s hard to bare yourself that way,” Nephthys said in a gentler voice. “It is Osiris’ shame, yes, but that doesn’t exclude your pain from it all. He hurt you.”
“And I hurt others.”
“The two aren’t mutually exclusive,” Nephthys noted. “And it’s okay to take time for yourself. Even all the time you’ve been taking.” She breathed in deeply. “Osiris has fewer allies these days, anyway. It’s one reason Maat finally acquiesced to Horus’ plea. Your service on the sun boat has won you some favor again. And Osiris is seen as stewing in Duat while Anubis runs things on his behalf. Some people even equate him to Ra in the waning days of her reign.”
Seth frowned as he replied, “Things really are changing.”
“Slowly, perhaps,” Nephthys said with a warm smile. “But they are changing.”
Seth supposed he could try to take some comfort in that.
“And how are you getting along with Horus?” Nephthys asked. “He’s fiercely fought for your freedom for centuries, but you weren’t here for that.”
Fiercely? Seth thought. It’d make sense, given his affections. “It’s… been complicated. He’s supportive and respectful. And he seems to be a decent king.”
Nephthys nodded and said, “He is. And I’m glad. He’s made a good example of not being cowed by the manipulations of the gods. After what Hathor’s mirror did to him…”
“Yeah, he said she used it on him, too,” Seth said. “But what did it make him do?”
Nephthys nodded. “The mirror muddled his thoughts, and apparently made him attack you fiercely, for which he holds regrets.”
“It made him attack me?” Seth asked, surprised. “When?” Horus saw him on the night of the first match, and they hadn’t talked until the second match.
“After the second match,” Nephthys explained. “He didn’t go into much detail about it, but he was pained.”
The night I assaulted him, Seth thought. And he… That was the mirror?!
“Knowing how it felt when the mirror controlled me,” Nephthys said with a shiver that made her hug herself, “I can only imagine how bad it was.”
Seth frowned down at the coffee table, unsure what to do with this. Horus hadn’t asked for sympathy on the matter. Did he not expect it, after what he did? Seth wondered. Or did he think it wasn’t relevant? Or has he decided to move past it, since it’s been so many years?
“Ra, Hathor, and Osiris,” Nephthys continued, “they’ve hurt us all. And we all understand parts of that pain.” She smiled at Seth, who looked unsure. “I’m glad you’re opening up more. And I promise I’ll try not to ambush you in the future. But if you’re uncomfortable… please know I’ll listen.”
Seth wasn’t sure he’d have anything to say to Nephthys. He certainly didn’t have anything he’d come up with his during his sentence on the sun boat. But he could respect her trying to open the door again, when he’d shut it himself.
So he smiled in a way he hoped was agreeable and said, “Okay.”
She grinned back at him, as sunny as ever, almost like the old days. “Well, why don’t you tell me about the work you’ve been doing? You said you’re training humans again?”
“Just children,” Seth said, grateful for the topic change: he wasn’t sure about how to deal with Horus in all of this. “Kids who need something to focus on.” The familiarity was good. And focusing in a different way than just going through exercises on his own.
“Tell me about it,” Nephthys said as she sat back. “If you’d like.”
It was a calmer subject, and more direct. And Seth found he didn’t mind talking about it all.
“Okay,” he began.