Chapter Text
Seth
Horus’ lips were pressed into a thin line, but he said nothing at Seth’s dark look. His eyes were guarded, as if he was ready for a fight.
Clearly there’s a lot more I haven’t heard, Seth thought, angrily. Was he afraid of what I might do if he told me?
“The space inside the mirror is somewhat timeless,” Nephthys said as she glanced between the two gods with a slight frown. “And dark and lonely…” Her voice was so sad then, and Seth’s hurt at it. “But one day, Horus appeared. He said he was the son of Isis. And this was during the trial in Heliopolis for the throne. I explained what happened to me, as I understood it.”
So far it all matched up with what Horus had said, and Seth supposed it made sense, given Horus hadn’t explained how he’d found out about the mirror, just that he’d talked to Isis about it.
But instead of going on, Nephthys looked fully at Horus. She had an odd expression on her face, like she was expecting him to talk.
Horus breathed in deeply before saying, “At the time, I didn’t believe Nephthys could get out of the mirror. Well… I believed that was what my intuition was telling me. So rather than help her, I left.”
Seth had to hold himself back from crushing the table and causing a scene. He also reminded himself that sending himself back to the sun boat wouldn’t help Nephthys, either. “You abandoned her?!” The sheer audacity of it infuriated him. “You left her in the dark?!”
Even Seth hadn’t pushed Nephthys into her cell. She’d put herself there of her own volition and refused to leave. And Seth had never pressured her to stay in there. He assumed for years she’d escape on her own and go elsewhere, especially if she disliked him so much that she went to Osiris… but she never did.
Horus gazed back at Seth, his expression hard. “Yes. I believed there was nothing that could be done.”
Seth felt his throat tighten. “You fucking coward,” Seth hissed, wanting to rip the man apart. Horus had everyone on his side who mattered. There was a lot he could have done! “No wonder you were okay with—” He stopped himself and glared at the plate before him.
He could feel Anubis, Khnum, and Nephthys all watching him in concern.
I can’t tell them about the night Osiris died, yet, Seth thought in alarm as his heart raced. He knew he wasn’t ready. And he couldn’t do it in a restaurant like this, where it was so public. He just… couldn’t.
Horus bowed his head and said, “It was a mistake on my part.”
Seth looked up at the man with a frown, wondering what excuses he’d offer now.
“At the time,” Horus continued, “I relied overmuch on my intuition for guidance, or at least what I presumed was guidance. This led to me massively misinterpreting what my intuition was saying. I believe it said that Nephthys would not get out in the near future, not that she could not leave. As I told no one about her presence, and anyone who knew of her presence there stayed silent, she very much did not leave the mirror. But without thinking over the possibility of alternate interpretation, I landed on my first idea for it and viewed it as she could not get out. And didn’t second-guess that conclusion until after your sentencing.”
Self-fulfilling prophecy, Seth thought with some annoyance.
“We have discussed this,” Nephthys said, making Seth look at her in surprise. She looked sad. “I cannot say I have precisely forgiven it, but Horus was young, then, and had a great deal on his shoulders. And my anger solved nothing.”
“You’re more compassionate than he deserves,” Seth said, thinking of all the years she lived in misery in the dark. And all the years she suffered for decisions that weren’t hers. “He could have gone to Isis for help earlier. They were always in each other’s company during the trial, save during matches. It wouldn’t have been impossible.”
Seth had told her to run if she wished once. And then he avoided her. And she never ran. But at least Seth had tried, even if he couldn’t be the lover she wanted him to be.
“Although that is possible,” Nephthys acknowledged, “it’s likely better Horus and Isis began their efforts after Ra departed Heliopolis. As it was, they began when Hathor was also absent, and so had an easier time undoing the spell without potential interference.”
Seth supposed that was true, given all the ways Ra had caused different wars during his time as the god of war. And Seth imagined that Ra was too focused on tormenting Seth on the sun boat to do much else.
Seth had the odd thought that his punishment may have helped Nephthys, which… gave him complicated feelings about everything.
“It doesn’t absolve him of not trying,” Seth muttered in irritation. He’d given up a lot in the trial, and he’d been gone thousands of years. Horus had been helpful ever since he got back, and the visit with Nut was truly a surprise. But that didn’t meant Seth couldn’t be vindictive or critical. The sun boat had been a sharp place, after all, full of mockery. Mistakes were deadly, grudges were deep. If Horus avoided the obvious, what else was he missing? What else wasn’t he telling the truth about?
“No,” Anubis said in agreement, his dark eyes sharp. “It doesn’t.”
“Mother was aware of the dangers posed by Ra,” Horus said, ignoring Anubis, “and viewed her as a necessary evil in the lead-up to the trial, and perhaps to maintain control in Heliopolis after the trial. But when Hathor approached me with views of courting again, I went to Mother with what I knew, knowing that it would be even more dangerous to get tangled up with Hathor. I learned that Sekhmet had already visited Mother and was talking to her about such matters. And then Sekhmet showed Mother more about the mirrors.”
“The spell was difficult,” Nephthys said, looking uncomfortable. “But Isis worked hard.”
Seth grimaced before saying, “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” Nephthys said.
Even if Nephthys was right – Seth had neither cast the initial spell nor would have had any ability to break it – it didn’t change how he wanted her to feel better. But he supposed to he’d abandoned the right to comfort her years ago. When he’d first turned his back on her before the revelation of Osiris’ obsession, and when he’d been gone on the sun boat for thousands of years. Now they were virtual strangers, and he got to hear about their lives like listening to a storyteller.
“It hurt,” she said, smiling sadly at Seth, and then at Anubis, when he looked worried. “But when I was myself again… Everything felt right.” She lowered her head, sadly. “Even though I could see all the terrible things I’d done over the years…”
“You were brainwashed,” Seth insisted. “By… You were brainwashed. You can’t blame yourself.” It was always Osiris at fault. Manipulating and ruining people. He hated that Nephthys was trapped in that.
She smiled again, as if anything he was saying was remotely helpful. “I should have known that what I was doing went against my nature, but I did nothing about it. And I could barely speak to you about it.”
“I pushed you away,” Seth said, quietly, ashamed of himself. “Even if you tried, I wouldn’t have listened.” Forget Horus leaving her in the dark, Seth had walked away from her too many times. She’d been harmed while he’d been paying attention to her, let alone when he hadn’t, and he’d been none the wiser. It wasn’t on Nephthys to convince him to stop being so useless.
“You felt my pulling away from you,” Nephthys insisted. “I know you did.” She was still trying to reassure him, seemingly.
“I focused too much on myself,” Seth said, bitterly. “And left you in pain.” He bowed his head. “I’m so sorry, Nephthys.”
After a moment, a gentle hand reached out to rest on Seth’s clenched right fist. Seth looked up to see Nephthys’ sad expression.
“It’s really not your fault,” Nephthys said. “If I can’t blame myself for it, neither can you.”
I should have been the one to take the blow, not you, Seth thought, bitterly. But he was still afraid, still a coward… He couldn’t say it yet.
He knew Nephthys deserved better than him.
He almost smirked, because he imagined that if Horus loved him, perhaps it was fate: cowards deserved each other.
“The spell is gone now,” Nephthys finally said in the silence. “And it’s been many years. I recovered, and I was able to help Anubis acclimate after his ascension.” She smiled sadly. “I’m only sad I couldn’t properly speak for you at your sentencing. But it’s one of many regrets that I have learned to live with. Not that it changed anything for your punishment.”
Seth shook his head. “My crimes are my own. You have no part in that.”
“If I’d been there to support you properly—” Nephthys began.
“It’s not on you,” Seth insisted, almost angrily, making her hand move away. “It’s… There are other factors.” He’d thought long and hard over the years over what he’d done during his life, as there’d been time enough on the sun boat to remember all his foolishness. He could blame Nephthys’ infidelity all he wanted, but what was the point? Seth had failed to control himself. Failed to be stronger.
And learning about the mirrors just emphasized that: even at his best, he’d been too weak.
Nephthys looked worried, but didn’t argue.
He didn’t want her to worry about him or ask too deeply about things he didn’t want to lie more about. The years hadn’t made it any easier, particularly when he was facing her.
“How are you doing now?” Seth asked instead, wondering what her life was really like when Horus wasn’t the main way he was checking in on the world he missed.
Nephthys smiled again at that, clearly allowing the topic change. “Well. It took a time for Isis and I to recover our relationship, but things are much better between us these days.” Her cheeks warmed, and she seemed genuinely happy. “And I have lots of work where I can help humans and even other gods. And I see Anubis more these days.” She beamed at Anubis.
Seth felt so distant from it all. But he was glad she was happy.
Nephthys looked back at Seth. “And you? How are you doing now that you’re back?” He could see she wanted to ask about the sun boat, but likely hadn’t figured out how to ask about such a big thing.
Seth thought to what he’d learned about Osiris and the mirror. He thought about how Nephthys hadn’t once suggested things return to how they were between them, and that Seth didn’t want her to. He thought about his talk with Nut. About all the things he’d yell at Horus about. He thought about his anger at the way humans and gods were now.
He thought about how it was probably too soon to meet with her. But too late, as well. And he was glad that other people had been there for her when she needed it.
Even Horus, in the end, had helped her. Where Seth hadn’t.
“I’m fine,” he said, not sure he could lie better with a straight face.
Nephthys smiled and said, “You used to say that whenever you came back from campaigns. And then you’d go and be on your own.”
Seth grimaced a little, recalling how he’d sometimes avoid his family even when he was home. He’d been too worried about muddying them with what he had to do for their protection. Humans and their messes were too awful on the frontlines, and death in all its forms too miserable.
“We should talk more later,” Nephthys said. “Horus sent me your new number. If… it’s all right to contact you that way?”
Seth nodded and said, “It’s all right.” He imagined he’d be a mess, as usual. And he was unnerved that Horus had done that. But it meant Seth didn’t have to ask, anyway, so there was that to be grateful for.
Nephthys smiled in that sort of sad smile she had.
A phone ringtone went off, and her eyes widened in surprise. She looked down at her pink purse, which was sitting nearby. “Oh, I’m so sorry!” She reached in and grabbed it. “I just… I worry about emergencies sometimes and… Oh…” She and looked up at Seth with embarrassment. “Do you mind if I run outside really quick to deal with this? It’ll only take a moment.”
Seth smiled and said, “Go ahead.”
Nephthys smiled thankfully back at him before nodding at the others, grabbing her purse, and trotting outside.
Seth looked at Anubis, who was watching Seth thoughtfully as well. Seth also looked at Khnum, who was sitting quietly.
Seth ignored Horus as much as possible.
“So,” Seth finally asked. “You’re married now. Congratulations.”
Anubis smiled brightly and said, “Thank you, Father.”
“Thank you,” Khnum said, quietly, with a soft smile.
Seth wasn’t sure what to say, so he asked, “I heard you ascended during a war?” He looked at Anubis in worry.
Anubis smile grew grim and his gaze distant, as if he was remembering things. “Yes. I was trying to protect humans. To make up for not being able to protect them… and you.”
Seth’s eyes widened, surprised at the inclusion.
Anubis sighed in exasperation. “That was the step I needed. To not focus so much on myself. Afterward, my mind was a bit muddled… because of the spell Osiris did to keep me alive. I went to him for help, and he tried to use me as his servant again.”
“And that’s why you fought with me on the sun boat,” Seth said, quietly. He glanced at where Nephthys had vanished. “Does your mother know?”
“She knew I viewed you as an enemy for a time,” Anubis said, “but she was worried about trying to force me to pick a side between you and Osiris.” He looked at Horus, then back at Seth. “One time I was on the sun boat fighting, Ra said I should ask who used the mirror on Mother. And when I said it was Hathor, she laughed.”
Seth stiffened, realizing that Ra had said far more than he imagined.
“So I asked Horus about it,” Anubis said, his expression growing darker. “And he explained that it was Osiris.”
Seth could feel Khnum’s gaze on him, but Seth didn’t know how much Isis had told Khnum. And Anubis and Khnum were married.
This was just as risk as talking to Nephthys.
“I only told him that Osiris sent the mirror,” Horus said, calling Seth’s attention. “Nothing more.”
Seth wondered if he should feel grateful.
“In all these years,” Anubis said, “he’s refused to tell me. But despite seeming evidence to the contrary, I could put a few things together.”
Seth tried not to clench his hands together too hard.
“Osiris is still obsessed with you,” Anubis said. “I thought it was just because of the night he was killed, but based on the mirror’s timing, I think it’s far more than that. If it were jealousy about Mother, he would have spared even a single bit of affection or thought for her, but he’s never once spoken of her in all these years.”
Seth tried to keep his expression neutral as he began, “Anubis, I…” But the words failed him. He didn’t know how to comfort his son. He didn’t know how to explain what they’d so narrowly avoided the night Osiris died.
“You can’t tell me, either,” Anubis said with a frustrated sigh. “Because this family is still full of secrets.” He looked angry.
Seth didn’t blame him for the anger.
“You know our wedding,” Anubis said as he nodded to Khnum, “was a double wedding? Mother and Isis were married, too.”
Seth’s eyes widened in surprise. What?
“Mother doesn’t know how to tell you,” Anubis said, as Seth stared at him. “But she didn’t get me to promise not to. She’s likely on the phone with Isis now.”
Seth just stared at Anubis, who gazed back at him with an increasingly worried expression.
She remarried? Seth thought, dimly. To Isis?
“And Horus said it was Mother’s thing to tell you,” Anubis said. “So I know he hasn’t said anything.”
Seth laughed and rubbed a hand over his face. “Of course.” He glared at Horus, who still had a neutral expression on his face.
He recalled Horus’ words about Nephthys staying away from Osiris and shook his head. No wonder. Even if Isis lies to her, she probably keeps Nephthys away from him.
He supposed that was comforting on its own. He knew Isis would take proper care of Nephthys and protect her. Though he wondered how Isis, who clearly still hated Seth, could get along with Nephthys, who seemingly didn’t hate him. Unless Nephthys was a better actress than Seth knew.
“Are you really okay, Father?” Anubis asked with a brief sharp look at Horus. “I know this is a miserable situation for you.”
Seth was touched by Anubis’ concern. He smiled as warmly as he could. “I’m getting through it. It’s certainly not being on the sun boat under Ra’s supervision, at least.” He could walk far more easily, at any rate, and the bed was more comfortable. And Ra wasn’t around to taunt him.
“That’s not exactly high praise,” Anubis said with a sad smile. “You’re always welcome to message or call me. And we should meet again soon. Maybe next week?” He looked at Horus with a cooler expression, clearly expecting pushback. And ready to fight, if needed.
“If Seth wants to,” Horus said, simply.
How charitable, Seth thought, angrily. He forced a smile and said, “I’d love to.”
Anubis smiled back and said, “And maybe, one day… you’ll tell me what it is you’re also hiding from me about Osiris.”
Seth kept the smile, though his hands felt shaky, and replied, “Of course. One day.” He breathed in deeply. “So you don’t… talk with him much, anymore?”
Anubis shook his head, his anger clear in his fierce eyes and frown. “We barely ever do. He knows to avoid me when I’m in Duat, or I’ll make him regret it.”
Seth chuckled and said, “That’s amazing. Good job.”
Anubis smiled brightly at him, and for a second, it was just like when he’d been little, so happy for Seth’s praise. So happy to spend time together.
Seth also recalled how he’d cut off Anubis’ arm. He remembered Anubis’ entreaties before the sentencing. That little boy wasn’t quite visible in the face of the confidant god sitting before him, who was clearly willing to work hard for what he wanted, but Seth could almost see him, still. Anubis had a determination Seth envied.
Seth, meanwhile, had given up centuries ago of achieving proper reconciliation between them or restoring their family. And he’d assumed Anubis had moved on when he’d ascended, because why else would he attack the sun boat and Seth in particular? Despite that, Seth had still hoped to try to make things right with Anubis. To see him again and at least see how he was, if nothing else, without Ra around to interfere. And seeing Anubis sitting close with Khnum now, sometimes glancing at him fondly, and to hear that Anubis and Nephthys got along, that Anubis was safe in regard to Osiris, that he stood his ground with Horus…
It was good. And it was all things Anubis had accomplished on his own.
Both Anubis and Nephthys had found new family and friendships without Seth around. And Seth didn’t want to interfere with that. He realized again that they’d spent thousands of years living their lives, while he’d been isolated far away. They’d all moved past a lot of the things he felt were problems, and learned to keep living, without him.
What use was he to them anymore? Anubis didn’t speak of broken promises, betrayal, or any of that.
Does he really need me anymore? Seth wondered, feeling a thin part of himself that he’d walled off for years tremble in a fierce wind.
“I’m glad you’re off that boat,” Anubis said eventually. “I’m glad you’re back. Whatever anyone says.”
Seth swallowed, unsure how to respond. He finally managed a tight smile, and Anubis grinned back at him.
Nephthys came back, and they pretended nothing had happened, though Seth noted her cheeks were even pinker.
He was glad she was in love. He could be happy for her, even if she didn’t want to tell him for some reason. Maybe she was afraid of his response. Maybe she assumed he was still the monster he’d been through so much of their lives.
He couldn’t blame her for that.
He’d be happy for her. And Isis. And Anubis. And even Khnum, though Seth didn’t really know the man. He seemed to make Anubis happy, which was all that mattered.
Seth thought back to his time on the sun boat, moving between battles, learning how to survive, and guarding himself against enemies outside and within the sun boat. He’d been isolated for a variety of reasons, typically boiling down to survival. It meant he didn’t talk as much and lost much of the little art of conversation he used to have. He felt awkward and weird amongst his family now, with their complex lives in this new world he was still getting to know.
And he realized he wanted to be with them, even if he didn’t think he deserved it. He wanted to spend more time with Anubis. He wanted to hear more about Nephthys’ work.
But he didn’t know how to be with them without being an open, ugly wound on everything, to be appeased or pushed aside. A mark on calendar, and nothing more, at risk of jeopardizing beloved relationships the people he cared about had cultivated hard.
Meanwhile, Horus and Isis, the winners of the trial, had solved most everything, showing how much better things were when Seth wasn’t around. Seth wanted to appreciate Anubis’ admission and Nephthys’ kindness, but… he was beginning to realize he really didn’t belong. And maybe he’d have been better off staying on the sun boat.