Chapter Text
Horus
Horus was sitting at his desk in his office, working through a backlog of paperwork in an attempt to get things done and not overthink whatever Seth and Nut were doing in Seth’s room not that far from where he sat. He had excellent hearing, and he could use his powers if he wished… but he wanted to grant Seth some privacy.
He’d thought contacting Nut was a good idea: at least his intuition had said as much. And judging by the large lack of yelling and storming about, he imagined it might have been. He hadn’t expected her to show up and demand to see Seth, but he had her word that she didn’t want to hurt Seth, so Horus left it at that.
Another hour went by, and he was actually making a sizeable dent in his paperwork when he heard a door open. He stood up just as Nut came up to his office door.
Nut looked solemn and beautiful as usual: she’d been a firm presence in his case for Seth’s release, over the years. She finally smiled at him. “Thank you, for letting me visit. And… for fighting for him. And looking after him.”
Horus bowed his head, feeling embarrassed that he’d been unable to help when it mattered. He didn’t want to distress Seth even more, though Horus longed to comfort him in any way possible, if only Seth would let him.
“He’s sleeping,” Nut said. She sighed sadly. “He was tired.”
“Was your talk good?” Horus asked, desperate for information. If Seth slept, that was good news, and exhaustion was expected, but it also fed his worries.
Nut’s expression grew sadder. “It was informative. And… I must think on what I will do next. But I know what happened now. And… I am angry.”
“What happened when?” Horus asked.
“The night Osiris died. Before. And after.” She breathed in deeply. “I thought my leaving my children to be themselves would give them freedom Geb and I didn’t have. But it seems like all they did was hurt each other…” She shut her eyes, seemingly weary. “Seth never told any of us. We thought him mad with power and jealousy, trying to take over the seat his brother had. We thought… We never would have guessed such terrible things…”
Horus simply gazed back at her, letting her process. She hadn’t had all the thousands of years he’d had for it, after all. He’d been just as shocked as she was on the night Sekhmet had told him.
Nut opened her eyes to gaze at him. “Why did you not use this against him?”
Horus’ eyes widened in surprise. “What?”
“He is your enemy,” Nut said. “You could have used this to weaken him or his position. But you never brought it up.”
“…You are troubled over what happened to him and upset I didn’t use it to hurt him?” Horus asked, confused.
“You could have,” Nut noted. “But you did not. I want to know why. In all the time we’ve worked together to bring him home, all you said was that you felt his punishment was served. But what about before then?”
Horus gazed back at her for a while, thinking things over, before saying, “Because I love him. And I have loved him for most of my life.”
Nut’s eyes widened.
“I would never hurt him in such a way,” Horus said. “To reveal his secrets, when they hurt him so greatly? I would never do that. I swore I would keep the night of Osiris' death secret during his sentencing. And I have kept my promise.” He certainly didn’t imagine Seth would talk to Nut about it. He imagined Seth truly had been overwrought.
Nut bowed her head, and her hands trembled slightly. “We never knew…”
“He hid it,” Horus said. “He didn’t tell me.” He was almost envious that Seth had told Nut instead. “Sekhmet was the one who told me.”
Nut grimaced in distaste. “My aunt has always been manipulative. But why would she only tell you and not others? Laziness? Or something else?”
Horus shrugged, unsure what to think of Sekhmet, as ever. She was indeed manipulative and mercurial, and evaded attempts to be described otherwise, even after agreeing to speak to Isis about the mirrors. “She told me, and that’s all I care about.” It had infuriated him at the time, to learn such a thing, and to not know what to do about it. He had wondered if he should confront Seth, confront Osiris, confront Isis… and in the end, he’d confronted no one for too long.
Until Seth went to the sun boat.
Horus breathed in deeply. “I know, and I was prepared to never tell anyone. But if Seth finally wishes to speak of it… I think that is a good sign.” He hoped, anyway. Seth kept so much to himself, that Horus hoped Seth’s reaching out to other people was a good thing. If he understood, at last, that other people were there to help him?
Even if the people he reached out to weren’t Horus.
“I don’t think he does wish to speak of it,” Nut noted. “I think I cornered him into it.”
“…Ah,” Horus said. He began to regret calling her here, though he was unsure what to do with that now…
“But I think a part of him wished to speak of it,” Nut elaborated. “He let some of the truth slip out while we were talking on the phone, and then I practically begged him to tell me the rest.” She breathed in deeply. “And I think he knows that it helps to have someone to talk to. He seemed somewhat better after he knew he didn’t have to hide it anymore.”
Horus hoped she was right. He wasn’t sure how to do damage control on this kind of situation otherwise. After, Seth hadn’t talked to Horus about any of it… except when Horus cornered him about it. And Horus hadn't elaborated on matters with Nephthys out of nervousness.
I have no right to judge Nut, Horus thought, glumly.
Nut looked around the room for a moment before saying, “This information changes things, though. Maat should know.”
“If Seth wants to tell her,” Horus noted. It would have to be Seth’s decision.
Nut grimaced in frustration. “I know. But you should encourage him to at least know he has that option.”
“Are you leaving?” Horus asked, hearing the message in her words. She was handing off the situation back to him, even though she knew Seth had spoken to her, not Horus.
“I can’t stay for long,” Nut replied. “I must think on this… but he has my contact information. And I’ll be there for him as I can. As I was for you and your mother.”
Horus remembered how long he and Isis lived without Nut’s protection. And how much longer his mother had lived without it while she was pregnant. Nut’s promise wasn’t precisely encouraging, though he understood part of her absence and lack of awareness was how her powers worked: the world was so small in her eyes, and the being before him was only a piece of her, broken from the whole, which made her presence painful and complicated. She had tried harder since Seth’s sentencing, as clearly evidenced by her appearance here, but Horus knew it was difficult for her.
But when so much progress with Seth had been made, progress Horus struggled to make, it was difficult to consider Nut’s struggles. She hadn’t been sentenced to the sun boat for centuries, after all.
“You are angry,” Nut said.
Horus bowed his head slightly, embarrassed for being so transparent. “I do not like that he is upset. And that I cannot comfort him.”
Nut smiled a little and said, “You really do love him.”
“Of course,” Horus said. It was strong and burning, and hard to contain. But he focused on Seth’s needs, not his own. “I have for some time. Though… he dislikes my presence. For good reason. He views us as enemies.”
“And you are not enemies?” Nut asked with a thoughtful tone.
“I do not view us as enemies,” Horus insisted. He hadn’t, even during the trial. He considered the matches obstacles to be surmounted. A way to help his mother, nothing more. Seth was a difficult opponent, but not an enemy. Horus only wanted one difficulty dealt with before… he didn’t know. He had never really thought about what they might have if somehow things worked out in a way that Seth was still around after losing his throne. There were daydreams and imaginings, but nothing that made any kind of sense. “I wish to help him, as I can.”
Nut studied him for a while before finally saying, “I’m glad you contacted me. I’m glad he has someone else on his side. And you are a good ally to have, so I’m gladder of that, too.”
Horus wished his allyship did more. He knew it would be a difficult process to get Seth to acclimate, but so much seemed to just lead to more frustration. He didn’t want things to get worse before they got better, but that seemed unavoidable… if better was even possible at this rate.
“I always wondered about how you so often kept your council,” Nut said in the silence, bringing him back to her. She smiled at his confused expression. “It made me feel a kinship with you. Isis schemes and Osiris is guarded, but he both of them had tempers. Isis always sought alliances, though. She brought people together and shared information, except when it was a tool for power. But you…” She tilted her head at him. “You were a quiet child when she brought you to me. You’ve always been that way.”
Horus remembered first appearing before his grandmother. She was so tall and powerful, and Isis had ordered Horus to be respectful. Horus had been worried he’d mess up somehow, and had done his best to be his best.
After all, getting power from Nut was one way he could help his uncle, and that had been his true life’s goal, even more than helping Isis.
“I’m also quiet,” Nut explained. “Sometimes… keeping your own council is valuable. It lets you think things through. And sometimes it can isolate and weaken you, and make you not see when allies might help you.” She looked away, her expression sad. “If Thoth had not reached out to me… I may never have had your parents. Or my suffering would have been prolonged. I was too nervous to reach out, myself.”
“I work with my allies,” Horus said. He had many of them. He was routinely complimented for his ability to navigate difficult diplomatic situations. He didn’t know if Nut was criticizing him for that.
Nut smiled at him. “You do. But never before this day did I know that one particular reason you were so ardent about Seth’s case was your care for him, when perhaps knowing might have changed my stance on matters sooner. Was Seth right that few people actually know?”
Horus shook his head. It was a secret he wondered if he’d take to whatever grave awaited him.
“And while I can understand why you’ve been silent on that matter,” Nut said, “it’s meant you have been isolated in this for some time. And perhaps… Perhaps your nervousness is why you have not found many allies in your task of freeing him.”
Horus knew she was correct, but he replied, “And what would you have me do? For all this might have won him allies, it may have won him enemies, too, or changed nothing at all.” He breathed in deeply. “Besides, it is the past.”
“Then we must ensure the future is better,” Nut said. “Talk to Anubis, perhaps. Put more feelers out to those who have spoken of being open to Seth’s return.” She sighed sadly. “He was not so deeply disliked before he took over as king. Once, he was beloved and respected.”
“But everyone has forgotten that,” Horus said, with frustration. “Most remember him as an evil god.” Maat’s sentencing and Seth’s disappearance had heavily tarred his reputation.
“Would those on Ra’s sun boat think so?” Nut asked, making Horus widen his eyes in surprise. “He worked with them for centuries. Surely they’d have just killed him if they thought as much. My parents do not suffer blights in their presence.”
Horus had never approached Tefnut and Shu. He spoke with them on rare occasion, but it was always formal and distant. As for the other gods who sometimes worked on the sun boat… He was distant from them, as well. Ra hardly needed to guard her allies: they looked down on other gods and stayed apart. They were older and more powerful, and thus felt they didn’t need to fuss with modern problems.
Still, he thought it wasn’t a bad idea.
“Tell me what you find,” Nut said. “And if you can’t find anyone… I’ll reach out, too. Though it is difficult.” She smiled. “You have my support still, too, Horus.”
Horus was warmed by that. For all the faults he had with his family, Nut had his back for longer than most. He could rely on her in many ways. “Thank you. And thank you again for helping him. It… it means a lot.”
“…Does he know?” Nut asked. “That you care for him?”
“Yes,” Horus said. “He knows. Though I don’t think he understands it. Or wants it.”
“Will you force yourself on him?” Nut asked, neutrally, surprising Horus. “He’s in your power now. You could. As your father did.”
Horus blinked in surprise. “No! I… no.”
“I did not think you would, precisely,” Nut said. “But… I am learning all kinds of new things about my family today. I trust your promises.” She sighed. “But I trusted Osiris once, as well.”
Horus felt that almost like an actual physical injury. He looked away. “Well, I promise not to hurt Seth, if I can avoid it. Any more than I already have, anyway.”
Nut frowned. “What do you mean?”
Horus sighed and said, “He did not tell you about what happened after the second match?”
“No,” Nut said, clearly confused. “What happened?”
Horus sighed. “He attempted to assault me. He came to my room and got into my bed, but… I overpowered him.” The whole memory was muddy, filled with what he thought happened and what he’d recovered after dealing with Hathor’s mirror. “Hathor’s mirror that she'd given me… it affected me a little, and messed with my desires. So… I ended up assaulting Seth.” Horus clenched his hands into fists. He hated himself for it. “It was a shameful thing.” He'd had to confess it to his mother, and she'd been furious. At that point, he knew there was little chance they'd avoid war.
“…Why wouldn’t Seth mention this?” Nut eventually asked.
Horus breathed in deeply, unsure how to feel about her not berating him for his actions. “Pride. He has chosen to view it as a moment of bad luck, nothing more. And I do not imagine he enjoys looking back on the event.” He remembered the viciousness of the third match, how fully Seth had rejected him, even laughing about it.
“No wonder he views you as enemies still,” Nut said.
Horus nodded. “But still, I will do my best by him. If he lets me.”
“He has no choice in the matter,” Nut noted. “He is allowed what you allow him, under his probation.”
“I know,” Horus said with some frustration. “I’m trying to enable him to find his own freedom. But it’s hard. He’s… not ready to face the world as it is. But I know he can get there.”
Nut nodded and said, “So long as you don’t hold him back when the time comes.”
Horus didn’t know what to say to that, and simply gazed at her.
“I let you and your mother go at what seemed like the right time,” Nut said. “Even after I found you both and knew you both needed my help, and Isis asked for me to help you personally. I gave you what I could and let you go when you were ready. And you defeated Seth. Isis took her throne back. Perhaps not everything was as it should have been, but you did what you both set out to do.”
Did I? Horus wondered. It was a question he had pondered for many, many years. And knowing his uncle slept due to exhaustion from a traumatic day in a traumatic life in a room near him did not help convince him he really had accomplished what he wanted in the end.
“When the time comes,” Nut said, “you must do better than your father. You must let Seth go, if that is his wish.” Her gaze was hard.
Horus breathed in deeply and said, firmly, “I know, grandmother. I have always known that.”