Chapter Text
Seth
Seth stood up just as Nut opened the door. He didn’t know if he should put his headdress back on or what. Or if he should escape somehow. But… he didn’t know how to escape the sky.
Nut was as tall and striking as she always was, even wearing a more modern human dress. Her dress was black and fell loosely around her legs, and her neckline was still low, but hid more of her sky-blue skin, which glowed in odd ways in the artificial light. Her long, wavy, starry hair billowed around her like clouds. Her eyes were still dark, and her face was drawn in worry as she gazed at him. She shut the door behind herself, leaving them alone in the small room together.
“Why are you here?” Seth quietly asked, unsure what to do.
“Seth, you look terrified.” Nut stepped closer.
Seth stepped back, bumping against the bed.
Nut paused, and her golden necklace glittered in the light. “How is a god of war afraid of me, when I come alone?”
“You could end my probation,” Seth said, wondering if she genuinely didn’t realize, or thought he was too stupid to know. “I yelled at you. I…”
“That is not why you are afraid,” Nut said, still looking worried. “Why did Osiris attack Nephthys and Anubis?”
Seth’s mouth snapped shut. He couldn’t tell her. He wanted to lie. It had been easy when no one ever demanded the truth from him and just made assumptions. Gods, humans, they always asked other people. Not him. And he was content to leave them to their imaginings. It was hardly worse than anything else he’d gone through.
“Nephthys said she was in love with Osiris," Nut said after the silence continued too long. "And Osiris is Anubis’ uncle and biological father. Osiris would have no reason to attack them.”
Seth shut his eyes, deeply uncomfortable, and wondering if he should just tell her to leave again or something. If you assume Osiris had no reason to attack them, why do you think I attacked him?
“Seth, please…” Nut stepped closer. This time her left hand reached out to his right arm, resting on it. The air smelled of an oncoming storm. “Tell me. You are my son. No matter what has happened, I love y—”
“Don’t. Say that,” Seth said as he sharply pulled away from her grasp. “Don’t. You don’t…” He swallowed, feeling too shaky. He hated how weak he looked. How he could barely hold himself together. The phone call from before was even more embarrassing now. He wondered if he should just dissolve into sand.
Nut looked upset. “I watched over you when you went to the sun boat because I was better able to see you than I ever had been, and I thought watching over you would be my duty. My own penance for allowing Egypt to suffer under your rule. For not seeing when Osiris was killed and intervening before it was too late. I was ready to step in if need be. And I never had to.”
Seth grimaced, not sure what she was getting at, but he was used to his family going off on random speeches at him.
He wondered if she'd have tried frying him on the spot with lightning or something if he stepped out of line.
“I instead watched you toil day after day,” Nut continued, “year after year on that boat, under Ra. You fought, you were wounded… You nearly died a number of times. But you never tried to escape or wreak havoc on the ship. You obeyed orders. You worked with your fellow crew. No matter how hard it was.”
Seth remembered too much of it to want to rehash it with her. He wondered how much she’d really seen. How much she could tell when he’d felt like giving it all up. How much the hatred and viciousness just on the boat from the other gods got to him.
“I am tired of seeing you suffer,” Nut continued. “But even after you told me to leave, I continued to watch, wondering if that was when things would change. And they didn’t.”
Seth almost laughed: even when he gave up, his family refused to trust him, always expecting him to stab them in the back. He supposed he was lucky Osiris had been too arrogant to follow suit when it mattered.
“I went to Maat to protest for a decrease in your punishment,” Nut said, surprising him. “I supported Horus, because of your behavior. Osiris has been king of Duat for longer than you were king of the living. The price has been paid. But if… If there was something else… If you were on that boat for the wrong reason… Seth, I want to know.”
“Because you’re curious?” Seth asked, mildly, feeling distanced from it all. Nut wasn’t here for him. She was just here because gods thrived on gossip. It was easier to understand than her possibly being worried about him. “About what drove the god of evil to his evil ends?”
“Because you are my son,” Nut said, surprising him again. “And though you don’t believe it, because I love you. Because I once went to war with my grandmother over you, and I know how battle between family can go. Why did Osiris attack Nephthys? Why did Osiris attack Anubis and nearly kill him?”
Seth didn’t know if he could believe her entreaties. But he knew one thing, and said as much, “You won’t believe me.”
“I have lived through human history and beyond,” Nut said. “I have seen many, many things in my life. Indulge my ability to have an open mind.”
Seth sat on the bed and stared at his knees, thinking about what it would be like if he told her. If he pushed through his terror and explained to someone, for once. Nut wasn’t using a truth spell. She was asking.
Nut walked up and sat on the bed nearby. It was close, but not too bad. Like the sky always had been. Close but not close enough.
He hadn’t thought anyone would help him the night Osiris died. He’d felt more alone than ever. And perhaps… this was too late. But did it matter, then, to talk? And if more people knew the truth, he imagined Anubis would be safer.
He breathed in and quietly said, “No one else can know.”
“I’m not a gossip,” Nut said.
Yes, Seth thought, you only talk to Isis or Thoth. A part of him felt vindictive: he could show her what she missed while she was too busy with everything else. But he knew that she couldn’t change how her powers worked. So he breathed in deeply again to focus himself. He needed to find a good place to start, and he didn't quite know how to cover everything with Nephthys. So he began, “Osiris… the night I confronted him about Nephthys… he gave me drugged wine.”
Nut’s eyes widened. “What?”
Seth smiled. “They don’t tell it that way, do they? The stories say I drugged him.”
Nut shook her head. “I don’t care what the stories say. I care about the truth.”
Seth sighed. “Osiris… admitted he’s been obsessed with me for… long before that. Physically.” When Nut didn’t say anything, Seth continued, “So obsessed that he refused to allow Nephthys and I to have children. So he stole my seed without my knowledge for who knows how long, so that I couldn’t get her pregnant.”
Nut covered her mouth.
Seth grimaced and continued, “He said that Nephthys told him that I believe children are a sign of love or something… and that’s what he believed, too." While lying through his teeth, because he manipulated Nephthys into loving him. "So he thought… if he and I had a child, that would be his… symbol of love or binding of love or some other nonsense, I don’t really know.” He stood up and walked around the room, feeling frustrated. “Before Anubis was born, Nephthys went to Osiris for – according to Osiris – help to have children, since she and I couldn’t conceive. Osiris said he gave her his seed, in exchange for Nephthys giving him the power of creation that only goddesses have.”
He looked at Nut, who still looked horrified, but she wasn’t interrupting or looking away.
Seth had to look away, though before he continued, nerves making him shake a bit. “Nephthys said she loved him. And... there's more to that, but that's probably her story to tell, not mine." He wondered if she'd be mad he told Nut, especially since it seemed like Nephthys hadn't spoken to Nut about it herself.
Another thing I'll apologize to her over, he thought, miserably, knowing he was just looking for distractions.
"Okay," Nut said, encouraging him. It was so bizarre.
"But," Seth continued, "Osiris was preparing to use the power of creation on me so that I could have his child… using the soul of Anubis.”
Nut stood up and walked to him.
Seth hugged himself and turned his back to her even more. “He took Anubis’ soul for this.” Even the memory was terrifying. “I was so afraid, I just wanted Anubis to be okay.” He breathed in shakily. “Osiris forced himself on me briefly, so I knew that part of what he wanted was my body… So I offered myself to him instead. I’d sleep with him if he let Anubis go.”
“Seth…” Nut said in a sad voice. She rested her left hand on his right shoulder.
Seth breathed in shakily. “He… went along with it. At some point I fell unconscious. When I woke up, Sekhmet was there, and Osiris was unconscious. Anubis’ soul was restored. But Osiris… he wasn’t dealt with for good. And when he awoke, he wouldn’t let me go.” Seth breathed in deeply, remembering his desperation. “I just wanted to be free of him. So I tried killing myself.”
Nut’s hand tightened on his shoulder.
“Over and over,” Seth said, remembering the pain of it. It had seemed like nothing at the time in comparison to what he’d gone through before. “But he kept bringing me back to life, insisting I lived or died at his behest. On top of that, Osiris said…” Seth paused to breathe in deeply, feeling the old anger. “He said that he was the one who made me what I was. That all my power is because of him. That I’m nothing without him.” He smiled. “So I opened a way to Duat, to show him the souls of those killed in war, and how they hungered for death, something I know all the time.” He felt it often on the sun boat, with the dead souls clinging to the boat for him. Those dead souls who died in war and went to work on the sun boat always had venom in their eyes whenever they saw him. It was one reason they always attacked him when they could. “The wine he drugged me with… it was filled with life, so when I seemed to die at the hands of the hungering dead, a piece of me managed to cling to life, in hiding. I assumed he’d give up and leave or something, allowing me time to plan some other strategy, maybe contact Isis for what to do next… But I watched Osiris devour the power of creation, sacrifice his own immortality, and enter Duat to follow after me.” He breathed in deeply again, feeling that it was hard to get air still, knowing Nut was listening to it all. “And so he was dead. Anubis was safe. Or… so I thought.”
“What do you mean?” Nut asked. She was still close to him, not backing away or pushing him away. Her touch was warm.
Seth grimaced and said, “During my reign, Anubis despaired and killed himself… going to Osiris for help. Osiris placed a lotus flower of life inside him to keep him alive, and used Anubis as a puppet up through the trial to appear outside of Duat. I imagine it’s the only way Osiris was able to manifest in the land of the living.”
“You mean during the opening of the trial…?” Nut breathed in a shuddering breath.
Seth nodded. “Osiris appeared again after the second match, and we fought. I injured him… but Isis intervened, revealing it was Anubis being controlled by Osiris. And we saw the flower.” He bowed his head. “After Isis explained about the flower, I knew then that… if I dealt with Osiris permanently, Anubis would likely disappear, too. But if I went to Duat… Anubis would continue to live.”
“…That’s why you accepted your punishment?” Nut asked.
“There was no alternative,” Seth said, some of his frustration leaking into his voice. “I… I didn’t want to give everything up. I refused to ever be Osiris’ toy. But at least Anubis might be okay if I did… but Ra changed things, with her plan. I didn’t expect Maat to go along with it.”
“It was surprising,” Nut said, quietly, “but Ra is like that. And… she’s had a fascination with you in particular for some time.”
Seth was never sure why. He’d never been close to the goddess, or done anything in particular to get her attention, even during the war.
“Seth,” Nut said, drawing his attention back, “what you went through… that was monstrous.”
Seth wasn’t sure what to reply. He'd thought so long about what happened to Nephthys and Anubis, and wondered if he deserved it.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Nut asked. Then before he could reply she continued, “No, don’t… Why didn’t you come to me? I would have…” She swallowed and asked, “May I hug you?”
Seth blinked in surprise at the question. But he nodded, and was even more surprised when Nut pulled him into a tight embrace, pressing him to her chest. The fabric of her dress was soft against his face, and her grip was firm but gentle.
“I never knew,” she said, her voice sad. “Oh Seth… I’m so sorry…”
Seth stood there in her arms and asked, quietly, “You believe me?”
“I believe you,” Nut said.
“Why?” Seth asked. The entire night and ever since, he’d expected no one to take his side. Isis had turned on him. Nephthys had already pulled away from him. Anubis could never know the truth. Sekhmet was mercurial. All the other gods loved Osiris and the lie of him. He hated that Nut, who would have been more able to see what happened, hadn’t seen it, but he was under no illusion why she hadn’t, with the way her powers worked, making her able to see everything at once under her sky.
It was Seth’s duty to guard, not be guarded.
Nut sighed. “You’ve never spoken of that night. Not to anyone. All you’ve exhibited is spitting rage towards Osiris. And you were never much of a liar in all the time I’ve known you. During the trial, you were arrogant and antagonizing, which was exceedingly strange. And when Isis was on the run, your vengefulness was even more odd. But given Nephthys’ confession, and what I know of your love for her and for Anubis… too much of this makes far too much sense with what you described.”
“But you all sided with Osiris at the trial,” Seth said, remembering Osiris’ simplified recital of what happened the night he died. It was arrogant and made Seth want to rip him to pieces, the way he was mocking everyone, including Seth, with his half-truths. And the other gods ate it up.
“We wanted the truth,” Nut said. “I wanted to know what happened. But even that day, and for long afterward, I wondered at all that was left out of Osiris’ testimony. His story was detailed in its own right, but also vague. Osiris has always been skilled at saying little while seeming to say much, reassuring his audience that he is wise, while giving away none of his secrets.” She sighed. “Isis always told me he was good at sweet-talking people, in a way that was a struggle for her, because he could talk her out of things she felt were the right decision. That he used it on the gods en masse is no shock.”
Seth considered that, and just how many gods had their doubts after the opening of the trial, and never voiced them. He just assumed all of them were unflappable idiots, happy to join in on taking Seth down after all he’d done to them. Unable to see through Osiris’ manipulation.
“It’s also not the best lie,” Nut noted. “It’s too detailed. And it’s clear you expect no sympathy from me for it.”
Seth breathed in deeply. “I didn’t expect you to believe me.”
“Does anyone else know?”
Seth sighed and said, “Isis knows. She came in while Osiris and I were arguing. And she used a truth spell to force me to tell her the rest during the trial.”
Nut breathed in shakily. “She never said a word of it.”
Seth wasn’t surprised. He added, “Sekhmet knows. Somehow. And… Horus knows. Sekhmet told him during the trial. No one else.”
“…No wonder Horus wanted to shorten your sentence.”
He loves me, too, supposedly, Seth thought miserably. But that wasn’t his secret to share.
“He’s always had a decent understanding of right and wrong,” Nut said as she rubbed Seth’s back, in a way that was strangely a little calming. “It might be part of Isis raising him to be her vengeance. And… in all this time, he’s never developed a close relationship with his father. Despite having the opportunity, and everyone expecting him to.”
“You don’t think he should anyway?” Seth asked. “His father hurt Horus’ worst enemy. Why wouldn’t he be happy, knowing the truth?” After all, Isis and Horus had gone to war with Hathor over the mirror, and that had been somewhat less bad than what Seth had done to Isis and Horus.
“If he knew his father brought about his own demise,” Nut said, “then no, I don’t think he should be happy knowing what you suffered. I’m not surprised Horus is the way he is. Even after everything you did to Horus and Isis… Your sentence was the sun boat. Not what Osiris put you through before it.” She pulled back and pulled him back to the bed with her so they could sit down again.
Seth went with the motion, not sure what else to do. Nut hadn’t yelled at him or accused him of making things up yet. She hadn’t leapt to Osiris’ defense, either. He knew she’d cried over Anubis during the trial.
Nut looked sad and kept holding Seth’s hand. “I’m glad you told me. I wish… I wish it wasn’t so hard to tell me. To tell anyone.”
Seth breathed in deeply and looked at the turned off television. “Well, I made up for it with my reign, didn’t I?”
“You’ve been serving your punishment on the sun boat for thousands of years,” Nut said. “More humans have lived and died a dozen times over in that time than those you killed during your reign. Anubis could tell you that better than anyone.”
Seth winced. “We haven’t talked all that much, yet. Though we’re planning to. I don’t know why he’s so okay seeing me.” Rehashing things with Nut had only reminded him how foolish he was to hope for things.
Nut sighed and said, “Things have been difficult for him. His ascension was… complex. And for a time he did work with Osiris… but then that relationship collapsed rather dramatically, and neither of them explained why. All we really knew was that two of the most notable gods in Duat were not working together. It made matters in Duat difficult for a time.”
Seth frowned. “Things were really that bad?” He’d only ever seen how things were around the sun boat, not in Duat proper. And it was easier to think about than what he’d said. It felt like so little in comparison to all that he’d missed being on the sun boat. Anubis had lived a whole life without him.
Nut nodded. “Maat and Isis were troubled greatly by it. And sometimes I saw much fighting in Duat itself. Anubis has more details on it, given he was more central to the conflict.”
Seth had a lot more questions for Anubis for their meeting. He hoped it would help distract him if Nephthys was there. “I remember he fought against the sun boat for a while, but I thought he was still angry with me.”
“It was on Osiris’ orders,” Nut said. “The other gods would gossip about it. How Osiris was finally claiming Anubis as his… but no formal announcement was made. And Horus still held his throne. The assumption was that Osiris didn’t want to anger Isis, who claimed Horus as their heir. And Anubis, though older than Horus, is a younger god than Horus.”
Seth frowned in confusion. “What?”
“Horus ascended before Anubis did,” Nut said. “Shortly after you left for the sun boat.”
“…But how?” Seth asked.
“You’ll have to ask him,” Nut said. “He never told anyone. Isis might know, but I assume you’d have better luck with Horus.”
Seth wondered about that, given Horus had contacted Nut. Everything was such a mess. And he felt too tired to sort it all out. "Maybe."
“And thank you,” Nut said. “For telling me all this.” She pulled him close to kiss his brow. Her breathing grew hitched. “My dear… You fought so hard. It's what you always do. I wish... I wish you didn't have to, for this. I wish I'd been there for you when you needed me. I'm sorry I wasn't. I'm sorry none of us were.”
Seth leaned into her, unused to the comfort, and wanting to soak it all up before it vanished. His eyes were hot again, and he felt tears leak from his eyes. A part of him still felt distant from everything. He knew he’d have to get up and move on eventually. But it was nice to pretend that things were somehow better, at least for a little while.
He still had to talk to Nephthys, after all.
Nut wrapped her arm around him. And for a while they sat together like that.