Chapter Text
Seth
Seth didn’t like the tailor.
It wasn't because she was rude, but because of the whole reason for why she was in Horus' apartment at all. He remembered, back before he was king, when Isis would sometimes get her gowns fixed up, and would stand around for long periods of time messing with her clothes, wigs, and jewelry, usually using her magic to arrange it all in a way that seemed more complicated than a troop formation. He’d always thought it took far more patience than he had for anything. He couldn’t even tolerate anyone cleaning his own weapons.
The tailor was a small, older human with a kind, weathered face, and a tall younger assistant who followed almost entirely unspoken commands as they took Seth’s measurements in the now cleared living room of Horus’ home. All while Seth struggled to stay still and not just leave and tell them he’d walk around naked if he had to, he was powerful enough, maybe the power issue wouldn’t be a problem?!
While they waited for the tailor to arrive, he’d been reading through the instruction manuals for his new phone and computer, trying to understand so he could remove one obstacle between his contacting Anubis unaided. Thoth’s spell helped make it easier to understand, but it was surprising to see all the things humans had invented, all in one tiny place. Seth had even tested a phone call and text message with Horus before the tailor rang the ball, and Seth found he wished he could go back to that than trying not to move while a strange human moved all around him and made comments he couldn’t understand.
“Seth,” Horus said, grabbing Seth’s attention, “why don’t you focus on me?”
Seth frowned, looking at Horus like he was an idiot, and feeling shivers down his spine as the tailor worked. “And how will that help?”
“You can track where she is without watching her,” Horus noted. “Maybe this way you won’t constantly try to triple-guess where she’s placing her measuring tape.”
Seth’s lips tightened and he glared at a wall instead, trying to remain still. Of course he would suggest such a ridiculous thing, after leaving Nephthys vulnerable...
The tailor made a soft sound and Horus kept silent.
Thankfully, everything after that went quickly. The tailor gathered all her notes, was thanked heavily by Horus, and departed with her assistant and gear. All in all, but for Seth’s fussing, they had barely been there long at all.
“Well, now that useless experience is over,” Seth said, “I think we’re done here.” He turned and went to his room and shut the door. He leaned back against it, breathing in deeply, because if he didn’t, he’d storm out and smash something. He didn’t like people getting that close to him, and knew the tailor probably felt him stiffen when she measured his lower body. But nothing had gone wrong. She’d taken her measurements and moved on.
He heard Horus walking in the hall before the younger god called, “I can make us dinner. Or order something in. Do you have a preference?”
“…I’m not hungry,” Seth said, increasingly irritated.
“Well, I could make you something for later,” Horus offered. “When you’re feeling hungry.”
“I won’t.”
“All right. Well, you could also try taking a shower. Those can be rel—”
“If that’s not an order, then just fuck off!” Seth said, even louder. “Gods don’t need to bathe! Why do you do all this nonsense, even when there are no humans around to fool?!” He stood for being fitted for clothes he’d likely hate, judging by what he saw outside, he’d learned how to use the human technology, he talked with human shopkeepers… Did it not even end when he was in the place where he slept?!
Horus didn’t reply to that.
Seth listened to the sound of his labored breathing. He realized he was waiting, every second, for an attack to come. For Apep and his hoard of monsters. For Osiris and his hoard of servants. For the gods and immortals on the sun boat who sometimes had his back and sometimes didn’t. For Nephthys, furious at how he'd abandoned her. But nothing came. He just had to be around blasted Horus and his attempts at niceness. Horus’ attempts to help Seth learn to fit in to this nightmare place. Where gods bent to human whims instead of their own.
Seth spent thousands of years bending to the sun and working to keep the world safe, and now he had to be poked and prodded by a stranger for reasons he couldn’t fully understand. But if he couldn’t fit in, would he have to hide in in this tiny home forever? Or flee? And go where? He knew Maat and Horus would come after him. He knew he was being childish, but he didn’t know how else to be at the moment.
“I’ll leave you be,” Horus finally said. “Let me know if you need anything.” Seth heard his footsteps fade away as he walked off.
Seth breathed in and sank to the floor, feeling like a coward, a fool. He wondered if Horus would try to punish him later for the insolence. Or if Horus really meant what he said about his feelings for Seth, and if that was blinding him to the reality that Seth wasn’t being a docile enough prisoner. Horus didn’t have Ra’s humor or power, but he was still powerful, and he if wanted to punish Seth, he could do a lot.
There was a ringing noise from bed, where Seth had placed his phone and computer when the tailor showed up and they needed to clear the living room. He stared at the phone in surprise, recognizing the ringtone from Horus’ test call earlier. He didn’t think Horus would call when they were in the same building, but Seth felt that the more he understood Horus, the less he did.
Still, he finally stood up and walked forward, picking up the phone and staring at the name on it in shock before finally hitting answer and placing it on speakerphone, because the idea of pressing it to his ear was uncomfortable. He said, quietly, “Hello?”
“Seth?” a familiar voice said through the device. “It’s really you?”
Seth’s heart raced. “Mother?” He hadn’t believed the caller ID, and wondered if it was some trick of Horus or Thoth.
There was a soft laugh on the other end of the call. “Yes. It’s me. I can’t believe I’m talking to you. It’s been a while.”
He remembered the last time they’d spoken, centuries before, on the sun boat. He’d been in pain and could barely move. Osiris had taunted him. The gods on the boat had taunted him for his weakness. Seth had been left in his room to potentially recover, and Nut had whispered to him asking about Seth’s health, and Seth had asked, “Why are you never here when I need you?”
And then she’d gone silent.
Seth had squeezed the mat he’d been laying on, feeling the burning from his wounds, and said, “I don’t care about your comfort. It’s just empty words. You never helped me when I needed you, and you aren’t helping now. Just go away.”
And she had.
Seth never had it in him to apologize or ask her to come back. He hurt everyone he cared about. It was right that she was gone.
“…It has,” Seth finally said to the phone.
“Horus said you were upset,” Nut said. Her voice was a little different through the phone, and Seth wondered if it wasn’t her, just someone who sounded a little like her.
Seth sighed in annoyance. “Horus asked you to call me?” Another debt owed to the fucking pigeon, though Seth wasn’t sure if it was really a debt owed. He hadn’t told Nut to fuck off yet, but there was still time. With his short temper and all the bad history between them, this call might just be one more miserable experience in his miserable life.
“He said you might like to hear from me,” Nut noted. “And… I wanted to talk to you. To see how you’re acclimating.”
“You can see me any time,” Seth flatly said. He wondered if she’d been watching them outside. He imagined the gods still loved gossip, so they had to be aware of what was happening. But Nut was so busy, he doubted she'd bother. It was such a difficult thing, but it was easier than him visiting her or getting her attention on his own.
“It’s harder these days,” Nut said. “I sleep more than I used to. It’s… It’s no matter. It was easier to watch over you on the sun boat, since you were so close. Though I know you didn’t want me there, which made it harder in a different way.” She sounded sad.
Seth sat on the bed and picked at the blanket. “Why bother, then?” It was a question he’d never really asked her in all the times she spoke with him on the sun boat. One of many, given she never asked him about Osiris, Nephthys, or Isis. There was always an invisible but ever-present sense of tension in their conversations. Like they’d reached some sort of compromise, but they could break it any moment if they touched the part of their relationship that was just pain. He was surprised she didn’t berate him for Osiris or the way he treated Anubis or Nephthys. But there was only support for his injuries, and even, on occasion, encouragement. At times, Seth had hated it. And at still other times, it had been one of the few things that got him through days, knowing someone didn’t want him to give up on himself.
In the end, though, he couldn’t stand lying to himself that anyone cared about him. He didn’t want to mirage of her compassion. So he got her to leave, even if he later regretted it.
“I worried about you,” Nut said.
Seth snorted. “Since when?” Thousands of years without her doing much at all, and suddenly she was there at his side on the sun boat? He had pretended it was for his benefit, but he knew she was watching him just as closely as everyone else. Waiting for him to slip up to justify worse punishment. Or maybe she just liked watching him suffer. He didn’t know. The sky was an ever-changing thing, and not always that predictable.
“I’ve always worried about you,” Nut replied insistently. “I worry about all of you. I just never had the time to devote as much of my attention to you all as I wanted to. It’s hard with my responsibilities.”
Seth knew that. But there was a difference between his understanding and trying to not feel pain over it. He always felt that Nut was closer to his siblings, anyway. He often heard about things they’d discussed with Nut when he returned from war campaigns. And yet he’d never hear from her at all when he was out on them. He didn’t like the jealousy of it, so he always told himself she was just busy. Or perhaps she disliked the brutal work he had to do, work that no one else cared for.
But over time, his thoughts had wandered to other, more painful places. That even then, she was ashamed of him.
“The world is more complicated now,” Nut said into the silence when Seth didn’t reply. “I imagine it’s very overwhelming.” She sighed. “You always try to handle things yourself, though.”
Seth frowned and let go of the bed sheet, which he was seemingly destroying. “What do you mean?”
“Isis always said as much,” Nut replied. “She said you were closed off around your siblings, and hardly spoke about what you did on the frontlines, only explaining if your new strategies you and she planned worked or not. She worried that something bad happened to you sometimes, but you always came back fine, so she tried to stop worrying, even though it didn’t work.”
Seth hadn’t known Isis worried about him, and he'd always shrugged off any issues on the battlefield: he'd just do better the next time, and he usually did. He tried to wall his duties off from his family, afraid they’d be contaminated by the things he did. It was too bleak and depressing an existence.
“I know your probation will require much of you,” Nut said, “but if you need help, you can always ask for it.”
Seth’s lips twitched. “I asked for help once. From Isis. She rejected me.” He said it as much as to remind himself of that night as to refute Nut’s overly saccharine words.
He was glad at least that hadn't stopped Isis from helping Nephthys, but it didn't change anything between him and Isis, at least on the front of offering help.
Nut was quiet for a while before asking, “After you killed Osiris?”
Seth breathed in deeply and set the phone on the bed where he wouldn’t crush it. It had been easier to lie when she had never asked him directly about it. When no one had. He finally asked, “Why did you call? I’m the murderer of the only son you care about. You have no reason to talk to me.”
Nut was quiet for a long time.
Seth shut his eyes and wondered if that was the end of it. He couldn’t tell her the truth, even after all this time, even after Isis and at least to some respect, Horus, knew, and he somehow needed to get justice for Nephthys. No matter how many years passed, he couldn’t weaken himself like that. Not yet at least. His time on the sun boat had already shown him that he had to keep himself strong, and hide any weakness he had.
He wondered how she’d react if she knew. Would she be angry? Upset? Not believe him?
He assumed the latter.
“Because I trust Horus’ judgment,” Nut finally said. “If he believes in you, then I choose to believe in you, too.”
Seth felt his eyes heat. Of course I could never make her believe in me on my own.
“Do you think the other gods didn’t wonder why he stood by you all those years ago?” Nut asked, still in that quiet, calm voice of hers. “You didn’t force him to do it. Isis checked. Thoth checked. After everything you put each other through in the trials, after you killed his father, tormented his mother, and ruined his life, Horus stood by you. I want to believe he had a good reason for that.”
Ah yes, Seth thought, bitterly. All that is my fault. Not like your precious Isis couldn’t have waited for a moment. He thought back to Horus’ words, though, and said, “All those years he was advocating for me, and you never said anything.” She’d had little else to offer him on the sun boat that he'd stewed over what little she did say. He didn’t know what he would have done with the information, but it would have been a good joke or curious puzzle to consider to pass the time. And maybe it would have made Seth’s transition to Horus’ prisoner less bizarre, if he knew about Horus’ work in advance.
“I didn’t know he would succeed,” Nut said. “And I didn’t want to give you false hope. We all thought it was foolish. But he wore Maat and your mother down. He wore Ra down. And… and you didn’t want to talk to me anymore.”
Seth breathed in deeply. “I didn’t want to talk to you before that.”
“You called for me in your sleep,” Nut said. “On the sun boat.”
Seth remembered, long, long years ago, dropping into bed after a hard day’s rowing, wondering if he’d be able to feel his hands again. It was only his third day of it, and it felt worse than the first two. He’d drifted into a doze, but woke to feeling arms around him.
“Seth,” Nut had whispered. “You’re in so much pain…”
Seth had stiffened on the mat, fully awake, and stared into the dark. He was alone. But there was a small space in the wall for air to get in. “What are you doing here?”
“You called for me,” Nut said.
“No I didn’t.”
“I heard you,” Nut insisted. “You are so near to me now in the sun boat, I couldn’t ignore it.”
“…Fine, I called to you for some reason. But I don’t need you.”
She’d quieted after that, but as he lay on the mat, after a while, he thought he heard her singing. It was unnerving at first, but after a while, he fell asleep to it.
As time passed, he’d never understood why she came to visit him over the years, often to sing, sometimes to seemingly just worry over him, and he’d been too nervous about her answer to ask. They never talked about the trial. Sometimes she’d mention that Geb was with her somewhere. That Geb worried about Seth, too, in his way, which was strange, given Seth had spoken with his father even less than he’d spoken with Nut.
And then he’d gotten her to leave and that was the end of it.
“Well, I didn’t call for you now,” Seth said to the phone. He certainly hadn’t been asleep.
“Seth,” Nut said, sounding desperate, “please talk to me. All the years you stayed on the sun boat and never once rebelled. Never once tried to escape. After everything you did in Heliopolis, you served your punishment properly. I know you. And I know what you did to your brother. The god you were before Osiris died would have done what you did on the sun boat. But not the one who killed Osiris. He would have fought back.”
Seth breathed in deeply, clutching the blanket. “You don’t know me. You never once paid attention when it mattered.”
“What did I miss, then?” Nut asked. “Tell me. If you must damn me, then tell me what I am damned for!”
“You didn’t protect Anubis!” Seth said, standing up with the yell as his heart raced again. “You didn’t stop Osiris!” If there was one thing he hated about his family, it was their hypocrisy.
“Stop him from what?”
“From hurting Nephthys! Seth snarled. "From hurting Anubis! Osiris nearly killed him, and you never stopped him. I had to protect him. I had to—!” He swallowed, realized what he was saying, and pulled away. He was shaking.
Weakness, he thought.
“You had to what?”
His throat was stopped.
“Osiris attacked Nephthys and Anubis?” Nut demanded, sounding truly alarmed. “When?”
Seth stared at the phone, not knowing how to reply.
“Seth?” Nut finally asked. “Are you still there?”
Seth wondered how annoyed Horus would be if he smashed the phone to pieces. He recalled once, when he’d asked Bastet what she thought of Ra’s servants.
“You won’t get far attacking Ra’s servants,” Bastet had noted as Seth eyed one of them walking across the deck. “They’re liable to burn you alive where you stand. Or eat you.” She smiled at him. “Or just do it for fun. Save your anger with your situation for our enemies.”
Seth didn’t have enemies to attack now. He couldn’t destroy pollution by ripping the window open. And knocking out Horus would do him no good. And he wouldn’t get to see Anubis or Nephthys.
Nut didn’t say anything else.
Seth shut his eyes and put his face in his hands. He tried to drown out all his screaming thoughts by focusing on the fingers against his scalp. He knew that the problems he had weren’t with the world of the living. It was in his head. Where he couldn’t think up proper ways to solve anything.
There was a knock on the door and Seth looked up in alarm.
“Seth?” Nut called, alarming him even more. “I’m coming in.”