Chapter Text
Horus
Horus resisted the urge to run to the bathroom after Seth. The spell should make things easier for him, but it still made Horus worry how it might affect the older god. What if it’s all too overwhelming? Or what if it makes him want to go back to the sun boat? He grimaced. Isis would be happy, then.
“You’re worried about him,” Thoth said, startling Horus.
Horus glanced at the other god, who was studying him with a cool expression. After a moment, Horus replied, “Yes, I am.” I asked for his freedom for so many years, it’s not like Thoth doesn’t know that.
Thoth tilted his head. “You truly believe in your advocacy of him after all these years?”
Horus frowned. “Did you think I was putting on a show?” Many gods did, though none of them could explain why. Horus had meant to push for Seth’s freedom. That he couldn’t fully explain the reasons why Seth deserved a lighter sentence had been frustrating but ultimately immaterial.
Thoth smiled ruefully. “I guess not. It’s just strange that he’s here now. Is he like how you imagined?”
“He’s still adjusting,” Horus said, looking back towards the bathroom and trying not to count the seconds. “He’s taking it rather well, despite everything.” Certainly, Horus had expected Seth to turn into sand and break through the windows. But it seemed like he was just staying in the bathroom.
“What do you expect him to do now?” Thoth asked.
Horus looked over at Thoth, confused. "What do you mean? Maat has a list of things for him to work on." He didn't know that he agreed with the whole list, but it's not like Maat had let Seth loose to run wild.
Thoth winced. "Yes, but... you weren't alive when he simply served your father. He was distant. Cool. Respected, but... feared in a way he wasn't even during his reign. And that fear was proven right when he took the throne and wreaked havoc on Egypt."
Horus frowned. "And how much of these considerations are framed by fear and a particularly flighty nature rather than looking at what's in front of your eyes?"
Thoth blushed at that. "My flightiness doesn't interfere with my reason. Maat's tasks at your hand will perhaps give him direction, assuming he's willing to be a biddable errand boy, but he hasn’t had time to acclimate to life here, unlike the rest of us. It will be overwhelming. He'll want out. How do you know he won't just do what he did to your father?"
"There are safeguards," Horus said. "Maat's spell of binding was removed centuries ago under Ra's supervision, but it can always be activated again. And I'm not the god I was when last we met. I know even better how to take him down easily."
Thoth sighed and said, "And what if he tries to join the human military in what little spare time he has?"
“If he does, so what?" Horus asked, already having considered and rejected the idea as immaterial. "It’s part of his nature.” There were administrative gods who commanded great power in the nation’s government. Seth would hardly be any different if he joined some military outpost somewhere and took over.
Thoth looked uncomfortable. “Humans are so much more destructive than they used to be. They don’t even need us to keep them in line, they destroy each other so fast. If Seth started backing them… it could be dangerous for everyone.”
Horus knew that was true. If Seth wanted to go back to destroying mankind, it would be easier than ever.
But something didn’t add up. “Don’t tell me you actually care about the humans,” Horus said with a frown.
Thoth glared, looking like he'd been wronged. “I care about them!” When Horus only gazed back at him, unimpressed, Thoth corrected, “Some of them!”
“You care about your scholars," Horus said. "The ones who pray to you and offer you new knowledge. You don’t care about much else.” Thoth was a quiet god who attended and sometimes gave lectures at universities. His head was always buried in academia. It was useful, but it also changed his priorities.
Thoth grimaced and looked way. “I just worry. There are more gods who are more used to the way things are. They won’t take kindly to Seth muscling his way into the military like he used to. They might think he’s trying to be king again, even if you stop him from killing you.”
Is that a threat? Horus wondered. “He’s not doing it yet, and you know that’s catastrophizing. He was struggling to use a fork.”
Thoth’s gaze was measured. “He doesn’t need a fork to aim a nuclear warhead.”
Horus sighed, truly tired of this. “My mother can redirect rivers and still drown humanity as she pleases, yet she, along with all the other river gods, chooses not to. Seth stayed on Ra’s sun boat for thousands of years, and not once has Ra complained about him, nor have any other gods who came from there.” He’d asked them himself and learned precious little about what Seth had been up to. Even Anubis had never said anything about talking to Seth. “Ra even requested Maat's spell of binding be removed. The humans believe that prison sentences are enough penance for some of their people to be returned to ordinary society, with trust. If we are to listen to them, why not emulate them?”
Thoth smiled. “There aren’t really any imprisoned humans who could start a war with their bare hands.”
He really believes Seth is incorrigible, Horus thought. Does Maat think this as well? “If you believe so strongly that he’s unable to reform, why were you so helpful?” Horus frowned at Thoth. “I looked at your spell. There was nothing evil in it. You could have done much with it, but you chose not to.”
Thoth blushed and fidgeted with his hands. “I just worry, okay? I trust Maat knows what she’s doing, and I trust that you know what you’re doing… But Seth was sentenced to the sun boat for a lot of reasons. He hurt a lot of humans and gods.”
“You think I’ve forgotten?” Horus asked, gazing evenly back at Thoth. “Just because I’m younger than the rest of you, doesn’t mean I wasn’t by Isis’ side for much of her exile.” Even if he sometimes thought his mother forgot.
He’d been there. He’d seen the terrible things Seth had done. And Seth had nearly killed him during the third match of the trial, even if he kept hesitating, waiting for Horus to do it first. Now, Seth was meeker and quieter, with history behind his eyes Horus ached to know. Perhaps he was just waiting for his chance once he had things figured out, but that didn’t change the fact that Horus still stood by wanting his freedom.
“Then why advocate for him so much?” Thoth asked. “It’s been so many years and he’s out now… Why go so far?” His expression was worried, but there was a hungry look in his gaze, too.
He just wants to know the secret, Horus thought. It’s knowledge he doesn’t have. He looked back at the hall. “Seth, are you okay now?”
Seth stepped into the room from the hall, where he’d been hiding, clearly listening to some of the conversation. He looked calmer than he’d been when he fled earlier, and his expression was neutral, his bright red eyes giving nothing away. If he had any bad thoughts about what he’d overhead, he wasn’t voicing them in any fashion. He looked a bit tired, though. “I’m processing things. Why do you even have a bathroom? You’re a god.”
“I have human guests over sometimes,” Horus said, glad Seth was snippy and not furious. “It’s convenient for them.” He sometimes invited over his neighbors or humans he was negotiating with, or sometimes people asking for his help. Keeping up the facade of humanity mostly kept the human governments from bothering him too much, and allowed him more freedom.
Seth seemed to consider this while Thoth said, “You’re feeling a little more stable? The spell settled in okay?” He even sounded genuinely worried. Horus wondered why: was he just trying to get on Seth’s good side before Seth went after people, as Thoth seemed to worry?
Seth nodded slowly. He hugged himself, though, seeming a bit unsure.
“It’s late,” Horus said. He looked at Thoth, who gazed back at him. “It’s been a long day. Seth needs rest. Thank you for coming by on such short notice, Thoth.” Even though I kind of ordered you to…
Thoth laughed nervously and stood up, “It’s no trouble. I was free.” He bowed to Horus and smiled at Seth. “I wish you luck on your journey, Seth.”
“You don’t have to lie,” Seth said, making Thoth’s smile waver. Seth’s expression was hard. “You don’t like me, and your wife doesn’t like me. That’s always been true.”
Horus almost smiled. Perhaps he’s not as meek as I thought…
“Ah ha…” Thoth said with a nervous glance at Horus. “That um…”
“You’re afraid of me,” Seth continued, “Fine. Get lost, then.” His red eyes were bright and confrontational, and although Horus didn’t think Seth would start a fight with Thoth of all people, Seth seemed prepared for one as needed.
Horus was prepared to act if necessary. Even though I didn’t like Thoth’s earlier questioning, either. He was tired of all the years of being second-guessed and called a fool. I earned my right to make my own way, yet they still treat me like a child. He gazed at Seth thoughtfully.
Thoth swallowed, nodded, and made a beeline for the front door.
Horus stood up to go lock it behind him.
“He’s a god,” Seth said when Horus returned. Seth was still standing by the doorway, his arms wrapped around himself. But the aggression in his eyes had cooled. “He can create portals like Maat. Or fly. Why the pretense of walking in and out of here like a human?”
Horus shrugged. “Gods over time have adopted more human mannerisms. We have to engage more with them to get by, so it’s normal to act more like them, because they’re usually around. Such habits are hard to drop quickly.”
Seth frowned. “Like food? And clothes?”
Horus nodded. “Living in the human world is more taxing than it used to be. There’s so many of them, with so many expectations. They pull at us from so many directions and require so much of our strength. Many gods exhaust themselves trying to look after them all, and it’s easy to run out of power.” He breathed in deeply, thinking about all the prayers he was ignoring to focus on Seth. But I wouldn’t change it. I’ve wanted this for centuries. The humans can survive without me constantly watching over them for a few days. He met Seth’s gaze. “You’re still strong from your time on the sun boat, and you were always strong. But a few gods have been caught at bad moments without their powers when stretched to their limits, and needed to blend in with humans to survive, with no gods to help them. If you made all your clothes out of sand, and your powers failed, what would happen if you were in the middle of a crowded street? Or you lost your powers passing through a portal to get outside?”
Seth’s eyes widened. “That’s… That’s really happened?”
Horus nodded. “It’s honestly the least of the disasters that happen in such instances. Plus, it’s easier to buy clothes than make them, especially when power needs to be better used elsewhere. And walking more never hurt any gods.”
Seth sighed and looked back at the abandoned tart plates. “No wonder Thoth is so afraid of me now…”
Horus smiled sadly. “Thoth is a nervous creature by nature. If you weren’t here, he’d be nervous about something else.” He hoped that was all it was, and Thoth wasn’t off even now rallying other gods to put Seth back in prison. Perhaps it’s a good idea that we’re going to meet with Anubis and Nephthys… If Seth can get more allies, then he’ll be safer.
“But you’re not afraid of being able to control me when your powers might fail you?” Seth asked, watching Horus thoughtfully.
Horus stared back at Seth, feeling the tension in the air. Seth was clearly looking for weaknesses, and Horus had lived too long to show any so easily, at least when it came to this. “I don’t think I need to control you. You haven’t attacked me or tried to get away. Even after Thoth’s spell, you walked back easily.” You walked back to me easily. When you could have run anywhere else. He tried not to cling to that thought.
“I was rude to Thoth,” Seth noted. He almost sounded childish, like he was annoyed.
“I was about to be ruder to him,” Horus replied with a smile.
Seth’s eyes widened.
Horus sighed and assumed honesty was better here, particularly with Thoth’s spell helping Seth a bit. “I’m tired of them hounding me about asking for your freedom. For thousands of years they’ve always spoken about thinking about your victims, yet ignore when I was one of them, and that I can make decisions for myself.” He could recall everyone who’d done it over the years, but he’d kept trying, regardless. Anyone could be an ally if he could just convince them. Still, the process was draining. “It’s incredibly patronizing.” It had been eye-opening learning just how many gods viewed him merely as Isis’ puppet, and not an intelligent being in his own right. His attempts to free Seth had been seen as the cries of a child unfit for office, and he’d spent much of his time after proving he was the ruler people assumed he wasn’t.
Seth stared back at him, clearly confused.
"At least when you question me," Horus said, "I know it's not patronizing, but genuine curiosity. You see me for who I am." And I just like talking to you, even if I worry how far to go or not go. He kept his expression serious, though. "I believe in your ability to choose your own path. And that you don’t want to continue what you were doing before the trial. If you were as evil as they say you were, you would have found a way off of Ra’s sun boat.” Horus had known back during the trial that Seth’s heart hadn’t been in it. And now, seeing Seth before him, when Horus had ascended as well, he was sure of it.
Seth smiled dangerously. “Who’s to say I didn’t try?”
Horus raised an eyebrow at him, curious. “Did you?”
Seth gazed back at him thoughtfully for a moment. Finally, he shook his head. “I didn’t. I thought about it, but… where would I have gone?” Sadness entered his gaze.
Horus wanted to take all that sadness away from him, to let him rest, but knew it would be unwelcome. “I would have taken you in.”
Seth scoffed in disbelief. “And what? Hidden me from the rest of the gods? Turned rogue? Why risk so much for me?”
“Because I love you.”
Seth’s eyes widened.
The things I would do for you... Horus spent thousands of years thinking over what he would say if Seth came back. How amazing it would all be. All of it had crumbled in the wake of reality, but he was too old to waste time beating around the bush. It was out on the table now, and he would work with it. “Because I want to be by your side. I have ever since I first met you.” There had never been anyone else in all the time since. Many gods and humans had offered, and none had ever interested him. It had made Isis endlessly frustrated, but she eventually accepted his decision.
Seth’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “You don’t know me.” All Seth knew of Horus was the trial, and the sentencing. He likely saw Horus as a simply temporary opponent still, and anything Horus had said to the contrary had washed away in the sands of time.
“I don’t know the god you’ve become in the years you were on the sun boat, it’s true,” Horus acknowledged, noting that Seth didn’t back away, for all he clearly didn’t trust what Horus was saying. “But I know the god you were back in Khemmis.”
Seth looked spooked at that. “…Khemmis? What are you bringing that up for?”
Horus breathed in, hoping Seth remembered. “You came to Khemmis while hunting Isis. And I found you there, drunk on wine and incense. You… You cried over me. You thought I was Anubis.” He breathed in, desperately hoping Seth was hearing him, and not still running from reality. “You held me and said you were sorry.”
Seth put a hand to his head, almost like he was in pain, but continued to stare at Horus. “That’s not…”
“You kissed my face,” Horus continued, wanting Seth to understand. To remember. “You begged for forgiveness.” Thousands of years later, and the memory was still fresh as ever in Horus’ mind. He’d cradled it in his heart and thought of it over and over. He knew the Seth before him wasn’t the same god, precisely, but… "And I saw how amazing the god of the desert was in all his power." “Stop it,” Seth said, covering his left eye. "I don't..."
Horus swallowed. Had he forgotten? Or was he choosing to not remember?
But then Seth frowned and gazed at Horus with wider eyes. “Those eyes… I remember your blue eyes…”
Horus felt his chest burn. “You remember!” He could still feel the warm and firm grip of Seth holding him. The soft curtain of Seth’s hair overhead. The way Seth had pleaded with him for forgiveness. "You were so addled from the alcohol and the incense and you never mentioned it later that I always assumed you wouldn't..." Seth truly was powerful.
Seth wrapped his right arm around his stomach, as if it pained him. “Maybe... But why? Why did you…? Why keep up the pretense? Why not kill me? You could have done it if I was so weak.”
“…I was jealous of the love you showed Anubis,” Horus said, trying to be calm enough to explain things properly, and grateful for all his centuries of practice in diplomacy. “I never experienced anything like that. In my life on the run, it was the first real moment of comfort I ever had. All-encompassing love and affection. And even then, I could see your power.” He recalled the sight of that vast desert, and how it had touched him all those years ago. If he gazed at Seth now, and shifted his sight, he could see it still, spreading in Seth’s shadow. It made the air burn. “I wanted more of the love of that god. Your love.” Horus swallowed as he daringly took a step closer. “I knew that you saw Anubis when you gazed at me… and I wanted to be the one you looked to, instead.”
Seth lowered his hands and frowned, but didn’t back away. “I’m not something you can just take. Your father tried that. And look where he ended up.”
Horus heard the threat there, and kept himself calm. Seth hadn’t vanished yet, there was still hope. “I’ve lived a very long time now. I’ve seen gods and humans act in some of the strangest ways when it comes to love and wants and needs. I don’t plan to just take you, Uncle. But if you want to know why I would gladly be by your side… Why I would gladly root for you, and wish for your freedom… That’s why.” Horus breathed in deeply, trying to settle himself. “You don’t have to return my feelings. I’ve made peace with that.” In a way. He still hoped that Seth might return them at some point, but he knew it might be futile. “But that’s never changed. Not after everything we’ve done to each other. Not after you being gone for so long.” If anything, his affection was stronger, seeing Seth now. It was still hard to restrain himself from pulling Seth into an embrace.
“You want me to owe you something,” Seth said, accusing. “By taking me in and helping me. That’s what this is.”
Horus shook his head. “I want you free to make your own choices, not shackled by the throne or Ra.” Horus smiled. “I want to get to know a you who is truly free of everything. And perhaps… be your friend. If you’ll let me.” He put his hand out, which Seth stared at with suspicion. “So… with Thoth gone, and hopefully your having a slightly better grounding in this place, I guess I’ll ask: are you still willing to accept my help?”