Chapter Text
Seth stared at Nephthys’ door and thought about walking away for the thousandth time. He hadn’t had the guts to talk to Horus about it on the way here, and Horus had respected his wish for silence.
Horus had held his hand while they walked, though, and Seth had pretended he was squeezing back for Horus’ sake and not his own.
He marveled at the fact that he considered not dropping Horus’ hand before they went in, but felt it was for the best to be… whatever it is they were when they weren’t just the two of them, at least when it came to Nephthys.
He knocked on the door, and heard Nephthys call, “Yes?”
“…It’s Seth. I… would like to talk to you. Horus is with me.”
After a moment of silence, Nephthys called back, “You can both come in.”
Seth breathed in deeply, and then pushed the door open, stepping ahead of Horus.
The room was the same one she’d had when Seth had lived in the palace before, and looked just as beautiful. There were flowers, gifts from her followers and other gods, and the windows of her room opened to a beautiful view of the city beyond.
Currently the goddess reclined on a couch, looking at the newcomers with surprise. With her on the couch sat the cat goddess Bastet, with her black and gold cat mask, gold jewelry, and black, white and gold outfit, holding a small yellow kitten in her lap, whom she was gently scratching as she, too, watched Seth and Horus. On Nephthys’ other side sat the goddess Tawaret, with her bright red hippopotamus mask and its dark blue train covering her head entirely, her sheath dress perfectly cupping her large stomach, over which her heavy breasts rested. Her large, paw-like hands rested on the staff she often walked with.
Seth paused at the sight of the other two goddesses. He wasn’t sure how to…
“Bastet, Tawaret,” Horus said, stepping forward, “We have important matters to discuss with Nephthys. Would you please grant us some privacy? I’m sure you can return after we’re done.”
“…Of course,” Bastet said, standing and bowing slightly to him. “We were just checking up on Nephthys.” She turned around and handed the kitten over to Nephthys, lightly scratching one of its ears in passing. Then she smiled at Nephthys and said, “Just send me a message when you want me to come by again.”
“Of course,” Nephthys said, smiling. “Thank you so much.”
Tawaret stood up as well and lightly squeezed Nephthys’ shoulder. “Let me know if anything comes up. I’ll be here quick as can be.”
Nephthys smiled gratefully at her, “Thank you.”
Bastet and Tawaret then walked past Seth and Horus out of the room, shutting the door behind them.
Nephthys smiled at them. “So, have you decided on our punishment?”
“No,” Horus said, “Not yet.” Horus looked at Seth, who stepped forward. “Seth wished to speak with you.”
Seth swallowed, and realized they were crowding Nephthys. They’d kicked the other two goddesses out, and now it was just the two of them, standing before on the bench. They were—
Nephthys smiled. “Seth, I’m pregnant, not made of pottery. I can handle whatever it is you have to tell me.”
“How is… the pregnancy?”
She sighed and rubbed her stomach. “It’s going well. Bastet and Tawaret were checking in on me, like they usually do.”
“They’re helping you?”
Nephthys looked up at him in surprise, then glanced at Horus. “I’m not sure you want me to talk about this in front of Horus…” She bowed her head to Horus. “Pardon me, Horus, but it’s a private matter…”
“Whatever you have to say to me you can say in front of him,” Seth said, watching her, unsure of what it was she could say. “Unless… you’d be more comfortable without him here.”
Nephthys blinked, and then shrugged. “I’m all right sharing it. I… had some struggling conceiving when I obtained your seed, Seth. I needed help and reached out to Bastet and Tawaret. So they’ve been checking on me to make sure everything is fine. And it is.”
“You had… trouble?”
“Nothing bad,” she said, smiling. “It was just… more difficult than it should have been. But Bastet helped with the conception, and Tawaret has been indispensable with dealing with the day-to-day. Isis suggested it, after Tawaret helped her with her pregnancy.”
Seth digested that.
The kitten in Nephthys’ lap wiggled away and hopped to the ground, padding over towards Seth and Horus.
Seth looked down at her by his feet. “You got a cat?”
Nephthys smiled. “One of the many litters Bastet looked after had kittens. She was showing me, and I considered taking her in. Though I don’t know…”
The kitten pawed at Seth’s ankle.
Seth slowly crouched down and picked the creature up, watching her look at him in curiosity before sniffing his fingers.
“Aww, I think she likes you!” Nephthys said, grinning.
Seth cradled the kitten in a way he’d seen humans do, and the creature settled a bit, looking around, still. “Does she have a name?”
“Not yet. If I took her in, I’d name her.” After a minute, Nephthys continued, “Would you like to keep her?”
“What? Me?” Seth looked up at her in surprise, and was amazed to see a soft, fond expression on her face.
“You could consider it our homecoming gift, since I didn’t get you one. The servants who help care for Bastet’s cats can keep caring for this one if you move her to your rooms.”
Seth lightly pet the soft creature, and noticed she started to purr. He smiled at her, surprised. He already missed his sha, and the kitten would be a nice addition to things.
“But you came to talk about something?” Nephthys prompted after a while.
Seth stiffened, and looked up at her, though he was careful with the kitten. He wasn’t… quite sure how to begin, but he knew that waiting it out would be pointless. He glanced at Horus, who was looking at him, too.
Horus smiled.
Seth sighed and looked back at Nephthys. “When you came to me in the tent in the desert… You knew about… about Osiris. What he… did.” He swallowed down bile.
Nephthys’ smile faded, and sadness replaced it. “Yes. I knew.”
“…Why didn’t you tell me?” He didn't know what that conversation would have looked like, but it would have been... more. He imagined he'd feel less betrayed, at least a little, now.
She shut her eyes. “I wanted… I wanted you to tell me. It wasn’t my secret to divulge.”
“But you already—!” Seth swallowed and lightly pet the kitten, who had twitched as Seth’s volume raised. Seth pet her a bit, and said, “You already knew…”
Nephthys grimaced, but gazed back at him. “I just… I didn’t want you to feel like I was taking more away from you. Like Osiris had. I felt like if you learned that I’d found out without offering to tell me yourself first it… would be bad.” She shook her head. “Admittedly it was a foolish idea. An overly idealistic one, as if… As if any scenario would be good, rather than maybe the best of bad ones.”
“I would have…” Seth grimaced. “I would have appreciated honesty.”
She looked at him sadly. “I know. I’m so sorry, Seth.”
“So those things you said to me about… about not wanting to be someone who takes… Was that about Osiris?”
She bowed her head.
Seth lightly pet the kitten, feeling his heart race, feeling like a thousand eyes were watching him. “And I was too stupid to realize.” He’d thought she’d simply been overly polite. After all, he was consenting to it. And he’d been happy that at least she’d asked.
“No, you weren’t stupid!” Nephthys said, pushing herself up and walking over. She reached out a hand, but pulled it back before making contact. Her expression was still sad. “I… was manipulative. I thought you’d be able to see through it easily, honestly. It’s one reason I lied to Isis about going to visit you. I knew she’d warn me against it. That I’d reveal what we did.”
“…I fail to see how that doesn’t make me—”
“I think you’ve gone through a lot,” she said, watching him thoughtfully. “You were… are in pain from what Osiris did. You had a lot on your mind.” She glanced at Horus, then back at Seth. “Especially with everything else going on…”
If they were in private, Seth imagined either himself or Horus making a terrible joke about Horus being a big “everything else”, but he wanted to focus on Nephthys. He’d been stuck in his head so long and… “I just wanted you to be happy,” Seth said, quietly. “I suppose… that’s all I was really thinking about.” He certainly hadn’t fathomed that she somehow knew, or that she’d wanted to have his child. Godly pregnancies could be incredible ordeals, and no matter how much she wanted to sleep with him for whatever reason, bearing his child was a whole other complication!
But he supposed that meant she hadn’t been lying when she said she wanted to be with him, which was some comfort. There was no other reason to bear his child, after all.
When he looked up at her, he saw there were tears in her eyes. She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Seth, I… I shouldn’t have done what I did. I wanted…” She swallowed. “I just wanted to be with you, and… I didn’t care that in doing so I was hurting you. Not as much as I should have cared, anyway.”
“Nephthys…”
She pulled away, waving him off, and laughed. “I was honest, when we talked over dinner.” She put a hand on her round belly. “If I couldn’t have you for myself, I wanted a piece of you, in some form. So… I took one.”
“…I wish you’d asked.”
She laughed. “Yes. I should have. Even knowing you’d say no, I should have asked. And knowing you’d have said no, I shouldn’t have tried. In the end I’m just another person who takes from you. And I'm so sorry, Seth.”
Seth blinked, then sighed. “I wouldn’t… necessarily have said no. It’s not really something I was thinking about.” Once upon a time, he’d imagined having children with Nephthys, particularly after Isis became pregnant. That rosy future he’d imagined once he’d finally courted her. But after Osiris… Well, like most things, the idea of it was gone. He couldn’t fathom the idea of having children, particularly given he didn’t even know how long he’d survive…
When Seth looked up at her, he saw she was surprised. A part of Seth wanted to comfort her, and the other part… well… “Yes, maybe next time you could just ask me? I know running out to the desert doesn’t exactly inspire trust in my ability to listen, but I always listened to you in the past, didn’t I?”
After a moment, she smiled fondly at him. “Yes. You always did. You were always a good listener.”
Seth lightly rubbed the kitten’s ears. “I can’t say I’m not… hurt by all this. It’s… frustrating to know that you did this.” He looked up at her, and saw the pain on her face. He didn’t want to go on, to hurt her more, but…
Horus’s hand touched his elbow, and Seth looked at him. Horus’ expression was calm, and a little stern.
Seth breathed in and looked at Nephthys again. “I don’t know that I can trust you very much right now.”
Nephthys shut her eyes. “I know.”
“I want to,” Seth said. He swallowed. “I still care for you. Truly. Even if it’s not the way you want.”
Nephthys smiled sadly at that.
“And I want to be in this child’s life, if you’ll let me,” Seth added, glancing at her belly. “I don’t know what that future will be like, but I’ll be there to help.”
“Of course,” Nephthys said, smiling a little brighter. “You’ll be welcome. I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful father, too.”
Seth wasn’t so sure about that, but it was a nice idea, anyway. And nice that Nephthys was voicing it as if she believed it, too. And maybe she did. But he didn’t quite trust her at the moment, so…
“I want to say all’s forgiven,” Seth said, quietly. “It was consensual. I wanted to be with you in the way you wanted inasmuch as I could be. I have no complaints. Obviously what you did afterward with your own body is your business. But…”
“It’s not that easy,” Nephthys finished when he didn’t go on. She was smiling sadly. “I don’t expect it to be.” She rubbed her belly and continued, “I expect to spend some time earning back your trust, if I can. And… selfishly, I’m happy you at least don’t hate me, though you probably should.”
“I couldn’t hate you,” Seth said. “I…” He sighed. “I love you too much. Have loved you. For centuries.” He saw the softness of her gaze at those words, and felt a twinge of pain in his chest. “If I’d had the guts to tell you sooner, this whole debacle might not have happened at all.”
“Don’t blame yourself for that,” Nephthys said, worry coming back to her expression. “That’s not your fault…”
Seth smiled a little at that, not knowing how else to respond.
Horus touched his shoulder again, squeezing it lightly, and Seth smiled up at him, glad he was there.
He knew there was no point in imagining what ifs. It was just a way to blame himself. He’d spent thirty years castigating himself for it. He looked back at Nephthys, who was glancing between them, but smiling again, just a little.
“I’m glad you have each other,” she said, a bit quieter. “Perhaps you won’t believe me, but I am happy for you both.” She looked at Horus. “Horus… I don’t know how much you want it, but I hope you may also be involved in the child’s life? Much as I was in raising you with Isis.”
Horus looked at Seth. “If Seth is all right with it…”
Seth knew he was weak because he could suddenly imagine them all sitting in a room together, watching a toddler play with a cat, or toys, or running about in the yard. He imagined them laughing, relaxing… At peace.
Maybe not all what ifs were a waste of time. He hoped.
“I think that’s an excellent idea,” Seth said, quietly. “I’d be happy if Horus was there.”
“Then I’d be honored,” Horus replied, watching him for a moment, before turning to Nephthys.
She smiled.
Seth didn’t know how they made it to Horus’ rooms. He vaguely remembered speaking to a servant to take the kitten away to be fed, and then imagined Horus must have half-carried him to the bed, where Seth promptly collapsed, exhausted.
Horus got in with him and maneuvered them both around, until Seth was on his side and pulled against Horus’ chest.
“I don’t know that I have any more in me,” Seth said, quietly. “I feel… wrung out.”
“Today has been more than enough for most people,” Horus said. “You were amazing, though.”
Seth laughed. “I’m glad you were with me.”
Horus rubbed his back.
Seth leaned into Horus’ chest and asked, “And you? How are you doing now that you’ve had a little more time to process?”
“…I’ll let you know in the morning, I think,” Horus said. “I feel better after speaking to Mother, though. And it does me good to know that you can rest some more.”
“…Really?”
“Yes. I’ve been worried about you ever since Sekhmet first confronted us in that hallway, and then everything else happened… But now we’re here, we’ve spoken to my mother, we’ve spoken to Nephthys… And I find I can actually breathe easier, particularly knowing you’re resting here and not off to some other confrontation.”
“...Are you mad I spoke with Nephthys?”
“No. I think it was important. I’m glad you let me know you wanted to see her. It was an important conversation. Besides, it distracted me a bit from our conversation with Mother. In a good way.”
“And you’ll… let me know if that changes? In the morning?”
“Yes.”
Seth smiled. “I’m just… I’m glad you’re honest, Horus. It’s one of the things I like the most about you.”
Horus made a contented humming noise.
“I guess I didn’t… consider how much it mattered until today,” Seth said. “Not… fully, anyway.” He blinked. “I guess Sekhmet was right again, in a way. It is better when there’s more honesty among us. Even if I can’t talk about… about that night, much at all.” He swallowed. “I hate that it still bothers me. I still feel like the ground will pull me down into it if I think about it too much.” Though the conversations with Isis and Nephthys had calmed him a little. Or at least distracted him in a helpful way.
“I wish it were easier,” Horus said, squeezing his shoulder. “And you’ve already talked to me about it. No one’s asking you to stand witness against my father, to tell everyone what he did.”
“What if you have to put Isis and Nephthys on trial or… Or something?”
“If it comes to it, I’ll figure out some other plan.” He pulled Seth close and kissed his hair. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Honesty is a double-edged sword at times. In this in particular.”
“It makes me think about how if I’d been honest with Nephthys earlier, perhaps this who thing would have been averted… but who’s to say Osiris wouldn’t have done something later?” Talking to Nephthys, thinking about how long she’d waited to visit him, he’d realized some things about Osiris that he’d danced around over the years, wondering just how long he’d harbored the feelings he’d acted on that night.
Osiris was one of the most patient gods Seth knew. Horus had some of that in him. They could wait out whatever they had to in order to achieve their goals.
“He was Pharaoh and one of the most powerful gods in our pantheon,” Seth added. “If he didn’t want Nephthys and I together, and he wanted… me… Even if Nephthys and I married, that wouldn’t have stopped him.”
“Honesty isn’t a shield against all the world’s horrors,” Horus said, quietly. “But it does help. I wish Mother had trusted me, but I understand why she didn’t. It must have been hard for her, afraid she’d lose me while trying to do right by you, in her own way.”
“Mmm…” Seth murmured. He shut his eyes. “So some of us should have been more honest. And some of us… did our best.” He swallowed. “I should have… come clean about what happened sooner.” He laughed. “I thought I was done with what ifs.”
“Perhaps a goal for tomorrow?” Horus offered. “And hopefully today will set a precedent for more honesty where it is most needed among the members of this court.” Horus leaned his head down near Seth’s. “And you shouldn’t blame yourself for staying quiet for so long. Who could you trust here? And I am Osiris’ son. How would you know to trust me, especially when we’re strangers, and you thought my mother might even have been involved in Osiris’ schemes?”
Seth worried at his lips, but snuggled in closer. “…I suppose you’re right.”
“I’m glad you trust me now,” Horus said. He ran a hand down Seth’s back again. “You don’t know what a gift it is, to be able to be this close to you.”
Seth snorted. “You sure you don’t just want to fuck me into the desk or something later?”
“I am definitely not averse to fucking you anywhere in this room,” Horus said, kissing his forehead. “But I also appreciate your trust in general, Seth.” He leaned in. “Now let’s sleep. I love you.”
Seth smiled. “I love you, too, Horus.” He shut his eyes. He thought it’d be harder to stop thinking about a potential trial, dealing with Osiris, even, perhaps, whatever child he and Nephthys would have someday in the relatively near future. But with Horus’ arms wrapped around him, the palace quiet as it settled into evening, and a better handle of where his family stood around him, he was able to more easily drop into sleep than he had in some time.