Chapter Text
“I’m going to mention… someone,” Seth said, still sitting with his back to Horus on the cot, facing a tent wall. He still felt unsettled but didn’t know how else to deal with this. “And you have to promise me, to swear it, that they won’t come to harm because of what I’m going to tell you.”
When Horus didn’t reply, Seth grimaced, “Or else I won’t tell you. It’s not my story to tell if you won’t.”
“Why do you think I would hurt this person?” Horus’ voice was calm, measured, and unreadable. And Seth didn’t look at him.
“Because…” Seth grimaced. “Because what they did is the kind of thing a pharaoh would have to punish.”
“Is it…?” Horus swallowed. Seth could feel the cot twitch. “Are they the person who killed Osiris?”
Seth frowned. “…No. No, I don’t think so. It’s… I don’t think they have the ability to do so. Circumstances for them doing this were unique, and…” Seth swallowed. “They’d have needed help, at best. And they have no reason to have killed him.” Well… he supposed there hypothetically might have been some motive, but she wouldn’t have acted on it. And helping him wasn’t the same as killing Osiris.
“This is someone we haven’t talked about, then?” Horus asked, his tone neutral. “Someone you didn’t bring up as a suspect?”
“…Maybe. Maybe not. Horus, I’m not going to tell you about who murdered your father or how, because I truly have no idea. This isn’t about that.”
“…Okay.”
Seth frowned and turned to look at him. “Okay?”
“Okay,” Horus repeated. “So long as this person was not involved in my father’s murder, they shall not come to harm at my hands or by my order because of what you’re about to tell me.”
Seth’s hand twitched, and he glared at Horus’ impassive expression. “That’s not what I was asking for and you know it.”
“If you believe this person wasn’t involved, then it should be enough.” Horus watched him, then continued, “Unless you believe they were involved and your story would implicate them.”
“I don’t believe they were involved in your father’s murder. I’m purely asking for this because… they did something for me, which I can never repay, and put themselves at great risk for doing it. And I won’t see them harmed for it.”
“Then my oath is fine.”
Everything seemed to narrow for Seth. It felt like something hard was pressing on his chest.
“I can’t, Osiris, please!”
“Yes, you can, Seth.” Osiris leaned in and whispered to him. “You will always have more to give me, so long as I command it.”
And he was filled with anger.
Seth glared. “Get out.”
Horus blinked. “What?”
“Get out. Go back to Heliopolis.”
“Seth—”
“Do you have ears?! I said get out!”
Horus stood up. “You’re angry.”
“Oh, you figured that out, did you? Congratulations!”
“Seth, I am…” Horus winced. “I am trying.”
“You don’t trust me!”
“Can you not understand my position?” Horus was glaring now.
And Seth was too angry himself to be afraid, even though Horus was Pharaoh, and Osiris’ son.
Well, he was maybe a little afraid.
But Seth did what he was always did and allowed the rage to buffer him.
“You’re being incredibly cagey,” Horus continued, “and demanding in a very specific way that makes me feel like you are hiding information that could be helpful to solving my father’s murder!”
“You don’t know how hard it is to talk about this!” Seth yelled back, standing up and walking away. “You have no fucking clue! And instead you’re making qualifications and loopholes like this is some fucking game… What, was the fucking just part of it? A seduction just to see if I had anything left in me because you ran out of options?”
Horus was quiet for a while, and Seth wasn’t facing him again. Couldn’t stand the sight of him anymore. He didn’t care about his guilt or shame or whatever it was. He didn’t know if he fully believe Horus could do that. But what did he know about Horus? Horus was Isis’ son as much as Osiris. He was the child of them both.
And he’d been fooled before.
What if it was some stupid long game? Not even a long one, since Horus hadn’t had to try all that hard.
Seth could feel his hands start to shake.
But after a time, Horus replied, “Seth, I wouldn’t… I… I swear I would never do that to you.”
Seth wanted to believe him. But he was too angry.
“Get out,” Seth repeated, quieter. He knew Horus could hear. “Get the fuck out.”
After a time, he sensed Horus finally walking out of the tent and leaving.
Seth stared at the wall. He felt phantom hands on his arms, his legs, a threatening chuckle in his ear.
“It’s time to remind you of who you belong to.”
Seth dissolved into sand and fled out of the tent, opposite the direction Horus had gone. He headed back into the deeper desert. He didn’t want to remember what it felt like to have skin for a while.
The next few weeks were a blur. Seth didn’t really remember who he was fighting or when, but he fought. He called some of the worst sandstorms he’d made in centuries to slaughter armies when he couldn’t be bothered to manifest in physical form, and the rare times he did properly manifest, he tore enemies apart with his claws and bare hands as often with his khopesh or bow. He often came to sleeping amidst a pile of his sha, more often than he did on his cot in his tent. The creatures were more protective of him lately, and even fought at his side more and more. He considered inviting them into his tent sometimes, in the rare times he could think clearly, but they didn’t much care for enclosures. They preferred the open desert. Seth could relate.
Deep down, Seth knew that something had broken again, and he knew he had broken it, again.
Sometimes he wondered if Horus would return to cart him back to Heliopolis, as Osiris never had. Horus had been more persistent, after all.
Seth should have been more trusting. Horus had been quite giving during the exchange. The oath hadn’t been empty.
And Sekhmet couldn’t have killed Osiris. She might like chaos and screwing with people, but killing the Pharaoh? Killing Osiris? It wasn’t something she was capable of. And why would she? She’d have had more fun watching Osiris go after Seth than Osiris dead.
So why did it matter? Seth himself had constantly reminded Horus that Horus was Pharaoh and Seth was not, and that changed things between them. Should he be surprised that Horus was putting his foot down in the mildest of possible ways?
But the fear came back. The sense of hands on his skin. Being trapped. Being a thing someone could manipulate at their will.
Seth sensed another group of mercenaries on the horizon and buried any thoughts in the sand as he sprang into action.
After a while he just stayed in his tent, too exhausted to keep roaming. This had happened after the years when he’d pushed himself too far, and the storms had been a bit much this time, falling too close together and being a bit stronger than necessary.
So he slept, and thankfully didn’t dream.
When he awoke, he heard one of his servants calling for him from outside the tent. He’d ordered them to leave him alone unless something dire happened, and these servants were pretty smart, since Isis had picked them, so it must be urgent.
He considered ignoring them, but he supposed it might help to know how long he’d been asleep, so he called out, “What?”
“My lord, Lord Horus wishes to speak with you. He asked that I speak to you first.”
Seth was silent for a time. He considered simply ignoring Horus’ presence.
…He realized it would be childish, though. Better to meet his fate than pretend he could avoid it forever.
He scoffed and said, “He can come in.”
He flew over to his chair in sand form, reformed in a seated position, and then arranged himself as neutrally as possible, facing the tent flap, his headdress on, his expression cool and empty of emotion.
Horus stepped in, looking calm as ever, and no different than he had when they last met. He let the tent flap close behind him. “Thank you for seeing me, Seth.”
Seth’s left hand rested on the chair arm, and he felt his fingers clench over so slightly. It should have been easier to pretend he didn’t care. That Horus meant nothing to him.
But even now his lips wanted to quirk into a damn smile. He felt… calmer. Like it was easier to breathe. Despite how they’d parted ways, despite how afraid he was that this would go as badly if not worse than last time, Nephthys had been right, and he’d grown to care for Horus. And part of his pain these past weeks had been the sense of betrayal. Again. But he still clung to that care, that affection, like a lifeline, because he was weak and it was all he had.
Why couldn’t he not care for once?
“What do you want?” Seth asked, quietly. He kept any pleading expressions off his face. He wasn’t a dog, hoping his owner would give him a treat. Much as he felt like it. Do not make me send you away again.
Thinking about it, he was amazed Horus had listened to him. He didn’t have to.
Of course that only made that part of him that cared for Horus pulse stronger, because perhaps Horus hadn’t been lying. Perhaps Horus cared, too?
No. Seth was his subject. Horus was Pharaoh. That was all. Horus made that infinitely clear.
“I wanted to see how you’re doing,” Horus replied. “The sandstorms have been… a very noticeable occurrence this past month, though they seem to have stopped since last week, at least.”
“I won’t be making any more any time soon, unless the situation requires it, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“What qualifies as requiring it?”
The corner of Seth’s mouth twitched. “If I believe the best way to defeat an army is to rip the flesh from their bones grain by grain, or to drown them on dry land with dust.”
Horus was quiet for a while, then said, “I have thought and thought over our argument, and I still cannot see what was wrong.”
Seth grimaced. Of course.
“And I don’t say that because I believe I was not in the wrong… but because there is information missing for me to understand fully how I was wrong.” Horus grimaced. “You are trying to protect someone. I understand that. If your belief in them is strong, then my oath should be enough. But something happened that made it not enough, something you cannot get past. And I do not know what it is.”
Seth scoffed. “I am not the issue.” He was, though. He always was. “I wanted a simple promise from you. And you refuse to make it.”
“You want full protection from someone who may be a danger to me. To my family. Our family. To Egypt.”
“They didn’t kill Osiris!” Seth nearly stood, but kept himself in place, clenching his hands instead.
“Then what is there to fear?” Horus gazed back at him, unafraid.
“Why do you have to demand more than I’m willing to give?!” Seth yelled, standing up, his hands still balled into fists. “Why do you have to keep demanding and twisting and…!” He swallowed. “Why do you have to keep taking like it’s your—!” Sense came back to him, and he realized who he was staring at.
“It’s time to remind you of who you belong to.”
“…Seth?”
Seth sat on the chair again and stared at the floor. “It doesn’t matter. Forget it.” He realized he was shaking, and didn’t know how to stop.
“…I swear I will not harm this person based on what you tell me, or give orders that they be harmed. Is that fair?”
Seth looked up at him in surprise.
Horus’ expression was unreadable. “You have extended me trust, Seth. More trust than I realized. I will extend trust, as well.” He walked over and knelt by Seth’s chair, making Seth stiffen. “Now please, tell me.”
Seth looked down at him, feeling uncomfortable having him kneel there. His fool heart was doing odd things. He was still shaking, but it… wasn’t as bad, now, for whatever reason.
After a time, he said, “A pharaoh should not be so ready to grovel. Get up, get a servant to get you a real chair.” He sighed. “I will try to be brief, but I don’t know how long it will be.”
Horus smiled and obeyed, giving Seth more time to breathe.
After the chair was by Seth’s side and Seth had leaned back, staring at the very shut tent flap, he said, “You must not tell others this. I will not… It cannot go past the two of us. And… the person who helped me.”
“Of course,” Horus replied, his expression serious. “I swear I will not divulge anything you tell in in this story to someone else, unless I have your permission.”
Seth relaxed, and shut his eyes briefly. “It’s not a good story about your father, either. Are you prepared for that?” He peeked open one eye to glance at Horus.
Horus’ expression was still unreadable, but it leaned more towards the stern than not. “I am prepared.”
“It’s not a good story about me, either, in all honesty.”
“I understand.”
Seth laughed, and the sound was mocking, even to him, “No you don’t.” He placed a hand over his brow, as if he didn’t have to face the world just by hiding his eyes from it. “Once upon a time, I… I wanted Nephthys, for my own. To have her at my side, as your father had Isis. She was my friend, in the way that the four of us were friends, though she was closer with Isis and Osiris than I.” He grimaced. “But still. I was shy, afraid. She was so beautiful, so wise, so powerful… I felt like she could never want my hand. But Isis encouraged me.”
He swallowed. “But I still hesitated. And it was then that… that Sekhmet found me. And suggested I visit Osiris, for more support.” He wondered again, had she planned it all along? Had he been a fool to demand such an oath of Horus? Did she deserve such protection?
When he was quiet for a time, Horus asked, “Seth…?”
Seth shook his head. “So I visited my brother. It was late. He was in his chambers.” He grimaced. “I was so nervous, thinking it was silly. I explained that I was going to court Nephthys…”
Osiris had stared at him, seemingly in surprise.
Seth laughed nervously. “I know, I know, it’s a bit… sudden. But I think it’s time I gave it a shot.”
“Let’s have a drink,” Osiris finally said, stepping back to the table. “So we can talk.”
“Of… of course, Osiris.”
“You haven’t broached the topic with Nephthys?” Osiris asked after handing Seth a cup of wine.
Seth drained his cup dry, needing the courage. “No. Well… not really. I think she’s open to the idea.”
“Oh?” Osiris was smiling, encouragingly, as he often did. Always Seth’s support when he needed it. His brother, his friend. Seth was sometimes shy of him and his power, but Osiris was always there with reassurance when Seth needed it.
“Well… recently… I don’t know.” Seth laughed. “I mean she likes me well enough, you know? As siblings. But… I don’t know if she wants more. I want to ask her, but...” He laughed again. “I’m afraid of rejection, like a teenager with a crush…”
Osiris seemed to consider that, then said, “Perhaps you shouldn’t.”
Seth blinked. “…What?”
“Perhaps you shouldn’t,” Osiris repeated, smiling. “You clearly already don’t think it’s a good idea, so you should follow that instinct.”
“No, I… I want to!”
“So why come to me for advice?”
“I just… wanted the support, I suppose…”
“Or you need someone to tell you it’s a terrible idea,” Osiris said. “To which I agree.”
Seth blinked at him. “…Why do you think it’s terrible?”
Osiris sighed. “She’s the goddess of peace, Seth. She’ll only give herself to someone who’s strong. Even you could figure that out.”
Something chill entered Seth’s chest. “…What does that mean?”
“It’s the way of goddesses. They choose the powerful. But Nephthys in particular. Peace can only be bestowed upon the strong. And Seth…” Osiris smiled at him, kindly, “that’s not you.”
It felt like something had shifted around Seth, only he had no idea what it was, and thought maybe he was imagining the things coming out of Osiris’ mouth. Maybe it was nerves or something. But the table beneath his hand felt real. There was a chill in the air.
Finally, he was able to get out, “…What?”
“I gave you your power, Seth,” Osiris continued, his expression calm, as if they were discussing the weather, and not the chills down Seth’s spine. “She’d sooner agree to sleep with me than you.”
“What are you—!” Seth stood up, then wobbled as the world seemed to shift. He stumbled slightly, blinking at the way his hands seemed wavy before his eyes. “What…?” He looked at Osiris, who was watching him with a sad look on his face.
Another wave of dizziness hit Seth, making him crouch on the ground, and he realized, “The wine…” He looked up at Osiris, feeling a burst of alarm, “You… What did you put in the wine?!”
“I’ve noticed you watching and talking with her more and more lately,” Osiris said, standing up and walking over. “I hoped it hadn’t gone this far, but even Isis mentioned how obvious you were.”
Seth flushed. He felt woozy. Osiris had… had drugged him. Seth didn’t know if it was deadly. But Osiris wouldn’t, would he? And Osiris didn’t really kill with poison – that was Isis. So why…?
“I guess it’s time to remind you who you belong to,” Osiris said, suddenly nearby and cupping Seth’s chin.
Seth shrugged him off, feeling sluggish. “What are you talking about…?”
Osiris crouched before him and smiled. “Seth, you’re mine. Mine to grant power to, mine to de-power. Mine to watch, to play with. Mine to take.” He leaned forward and pushed their mouths together.
Seth mumbled something and shoved him, but his arm strength was nearly gone. He stumbled back a bit and Osiris followed him, surrounding him. He tasted like sour wine.
Osiris broke the kiss, looking down at him. “You are nothing that I haven’t given you, and you would do best to remember that. As if I’d ever share you with Nephthys.” His expression was sharp on her name.
“I am the God of War,” Seth attempted to growl. But he slurred it and tilted his head, trying to clear it. His headdress fell off, already half pushed by the kiss.
“Yes,” Osiris said, smiling. “My sweet little God of War. My desert, packed in one.” His vines grew from the floor and wrapped Seth up tightly, lifting him in the air.
Seth tried to fight, but whatever was in the wine kept him sluggish. He couldn’t escape the tight vines on his limbs. His body wasn’t turning into sand, and the spikes he called from the sand were weak and quickly dissolved. Things warped and shifted back into focus, and Osiris seemed far away and close all at once. His mind kept going back to the fact that Osiris had kissed him, called him weak, and now…?!
“How I’ve waited for this.” Osiris’ right hand skated over Seth’s chest in an oddly intimate manner, making Seth feel sickened. “She’ll never have you, Seth. Even if she wanted you, which she won’t. You’re mine.”
“Why are you doing this?” Seth demanded. He didn’t know Osiris thought so little of him. And yes, it encouraged his anxiety of Nephthys, but… But why was Osiris being like this, touching him, trapping him?!
“I already told you, Seth,” Osiris replied, smiling at him. “You’re mine. And you clearly need a reminder.”
“I’m not yours!”
Osiris chuckled, and Seth’s chest felt cold.
“…Seth?”
Seth blinked and realized he’d been gazing at the tent wall in silence again. He looked back at Horus, surprised.
Horus had a look of concern on his face. “What did my father do?”
Seth’s expression flattened, and he looked away again. “He… took me. Used my body. Like a toy. The drug he’d used was strong. My powers were nothing against a pharaoh. Against the God of Life.” He realized his hands were shaking. “I don’t know how much time passed. But I remember it all… Mostly the pain… And…” The laughter. Osiris’ damned laughter.
Seth swallowed. “At one point I must have passed out from it all. I awoke on the floor, next to an unconscious Osiris. …Sekhmet stood over us.” He smiled. “She told me to run. That she’d snuck in and knocked Osiris out, and that I should leave while I had the chance.”
“What are you…? Were you watching?” Every part of Seth hurt, but mostly his ass, his jaw. He smoothed it out with sand, dissolving the skin away and reforming it, but his powers were still slow to respond. Faster than it had been before, but still sluggish. His face was wet with dried tears. The rest of him was wet with… He tried not to think about it.
He could feel every place Osiris had touched him. Since it was apparently everywhere. His cock was sore with overstimulation.
Sekhmet scoffed. “…Perhaps.”
Seth didn’t know if he was angry or ashamed or just… empty. Even colder than before. He felt small and too spread out all at once.
Sekhmet grinned. “Does it matter? I couldn’t help you while he was too aware. He must have been out of it near the end, too focused on you and maybe overwhelmed by his own euphoria. Didn’t even notice me sneak in.” She looked down at Osiris and grimaced. “You should go. You don’t have long.”
Seth frowned. “Are you going to confront him? Sekhmet, he’s too strong!”
“What, worried for me, Seth?” She grinned at him. “When I practically gave you to him?”
Seth stilled, the pieces of it all coming together, and he wanted to run from her. He’d never been afraid of Sekhmet, but now… “You… you set this up?”
She shrugged. “You never even noticed all the times he looked at you. Particularly when you looked at Nephthys. It was annoying. Now you know. So what will you do? Wait for him to wake up so he can go back to fucking you?”
Seth grimaced, feeling himself shaking, not knowing what to do with her. He was in no shape to attack anyone, much as he wanted to.
But still, he wondered, if this was another of her games, he weirdly wanted to know… “Why save me?”
“Hmm…” she practically purred. “Perhaps I felt bad… about your soft ass.”
Seth hissed and called his sand to him to restore his clothes, grateful it was coming back faster by the second. “Screw you, Sekhmet.” He focused on his anger at her, to avoid everything else.
She laughed. “Maybe I was worried for my little grand-nephew.” Her expression softened. “Maybe even I didn’t think he’d go as far as he did.” She grimaced slightly, and looked down at Osiris, her expression hard.
Seth blinked at her, surprised. He was still angry, still afraid, and now…?
She grinned back at him. “Get out of here, Seth. Who knows what he’ll do when he wakes. Stay in the desert.”
“…He’ll find me there.”
“Well, are you a god of the desert or aren’t you?”
Seth stiffened. Osiris’ words danced around him. Osiris had demonstrated time and again how weak Seth was. How useless. How his powers were only what Osiris allowed…
“…All things end, Seth,” Sekhmet said, quietly, her smile oddly soft. “Even the sun sets. Go.”
Seth didn’t say anything after that.
After a time, Horus said, “And then you just stayed in the desert?”
“I don’t remember much of what happened after I left Heliopolis,” Seth said, finally, quietly. “The desert was like… a beacon. Safety. I buried myself in it. Became a storm. I thought that even Osiris couldn’t grab a storm, surely?” Even as he was afraid Osiris could just yank his power away at any time. “Time passed, and eventually I could think again. I took a more normal shape again, and there was Isis’ messenger, telling me Osiris was dead.”
“Sekhmet never contacted you again?”
“…One of her lionesses wandered my way during one of the calms between my storms. I knew it was hers, it stank of her. It followed me for a time, doing nothing else, and I got the message. She lived. After that, the lioness returned to wherever they go.”
“Sekhmet is alive and well, so far as I’m aware,” Horus said. “She doesn’t stick around me much. I think she finds me boring. She likes annoying Mother, though.” He had a soft smile on his face.
Seth shrugged. “Sekhmet and I were never close. I don’t… know what her game was.” He still didn’t know if she was worried about him, truly. But whatever her reasoning, she’d saved him. Risked her life for him in attacking the Pharaoh. Maybe it was all a ploy to mess with Osiris. Maybe Osiris had died in their battle, but it seemed strange to imagine such a thing took a month, and neither Isis nor Nephthys had spoken of it, and Horus didn’t apparently know about it.
He was grateful to her, in his own way, and he chose to focus on the parts of that interaction that had been for his benefit. A repayment of whatever debt he might have owed.
Though perhaps she had repaid her debt to him, in sending him to Osiris in the first place. Rescuing him from her own machinations.
His feelings for her were complicated, and likely always would be. But in any case, she had acted to stop Osiris from further harming him, and Seth didn’t want her to be hurt for attacking the Pharaoh, to Seth’s knowledge, on Seth’s behalf.
“All things end,” Horus said to himself abruptly, dragging Seth out from his thoughts.
Seth realized he’d been lost in his own head for quite a while.
Horus looked up at Seth. “You realize that sounds rather damning. And you left her alone in a room with Osiris while he was unconscious.”
“Sekhmet doesn’t have the kind of power to kill him,” Seth insisted, rolling his eyes. “Knock him out when he was distracted? Yes. But kill him? Particularly a month after the fact? No.”
“She knew his weakness, though.”
“That he was euphoric while ra—that…” Seth swallowed. He tried to collect himself, mostly failed, and just said instead, “You think she blackmailed him?”
“It’s possible.”
Seth scoffed. “Osiris wouldn’t care. I said I’d tell everyone at one point, what he’d done to me.” He shuddered at the idea, but it was said in the moment, and it felt like all he’d had, covered in tears, snot, semen, blood, and fear. “He was overjoyed. He wanted to brand me as his. Cover me in jewelry. Fuck me in court if he got the chance.” He shook his head. “I’m not sure what he expected Isis to do… Just be fine, I suppose? She wasn’t Pharaoh, after all.”
Horus frowned. “The Ennead would—”
Seth laughed. “Would what? Meet because Osiris had enslaved his brother?”
“Yes.”
Seth’s smile twitched. “No, it wouldn’t. The Ennead didn’t care when Isis tricked Ra. It wouldn’t care what Osiris did… whatever he planned.” He had no idea what had been the plan after their encounter. He assumed enslavement.
He tried not to think about it.
“Mother wouldn’t have allowed it,” Horus insisted.
Seth looked away, feeling cold again. “We’ll never know, will we?”
Horus thought for a moment. “Is there something else you’re not telling me?”
Seth grimaced. “Osiris wasn’t always the most interested in Isis’ work, and it just… it always seemed odd that… that…” He swallowed. “The drug he used. He could probably make whatever it was himself, since he could make any plant, but… that kind of thing was always more Isis’ thing than his.”
Horus’ eyes widened. “You think Mother gave him the poison. Or at least… told him about it? To weaken you? To… take control of you?”
“She’d have no reason to,” Seth said, repeating the mantras he’d told himself over the decades. He loved Isis. She was his closest friend. She would never have…
But he’d loved Osiris, too.
“She might have even done it without knowing what he planned to use it for,” Seth continued. “Or maybe he did pay attention to her work and made it himself for later. Or he just knew what the plants did. Maybe he taught her about some of those things. I don’t know.”
After a while, Horus replied, “…I see why you didn’t go back.”
Seth laughed. “Because I am a coward.” He was still so afraid. Still shaking. The tent felt too close.
“Because you were hurt badly there," Horus explained. "And there was no one you could trust... Except perhaps Nephthys?”
Seth grimaced. “For all I knew, she was Osiris’ ally. Though… I doubted it, the way he spoke about her.” Osiris seemed to hate her. Why? Because Seth had liked her?
All of it made no sense. Even after decades of thinking about it and hearing Osiris tell him how long Osiris had wanted Seth in his arms while fucking him, Seth still couldn’t believe it all.
“What convinced you otherwise?” Horus asked. “Unless… you weren’t?”
“I didn’t… think too much about it, really. Until she came here. And then… I simply knew.” Seth shook his head. “If she was or… is… his ally, then… Then it is beyond me. She was not interested in humiliating me, anyway, so there’s that.” She had seemed safe enough out here, though being around her in its own way made his skin crawl just a bit, because of Osiris, because of what she’d said, because of… Too much.
He still cared for her, and she for him, it seemed. In her own way.
Horus was quiet for a while, before saying, “I’m sorry I kept trying to convince you to go back. I can see why you wouldn’t want to.”
Seth laughed, but had no reply.
"That my father would do something so..." Horus frowned. "It is monstrous. It's not enough, but I'm sorry you went through all that."
Seth shrugged. It was all he knew to do. He didn't know what he was expecting. He felt the distance again. Like he could just dissolve into sand at any moment, to match how he felt.
After a time, Horus said, “I believe Isis and Nephthys do genuinely miss you. And others, I think. Perhaps… I could speak with them?”
Seth stiffened. “You must not tell them!” The idea made his shaking worse.
Horus raised his hands. “I won’t! I swear it!”
Seth sagged, still feeling a trickle of fear. Now Horus knew. Yes, there was the oath, and what he'd said, but…
“I’m sorry,” Horus said. “I didn’t mean to alarm you. My oath is still binding. I will not tell them.”
Seth bowed his head. “…I know. I… I know.”
After a time, Horus added, quietly, “Mother misses you. I hear her sometimes, talking about you. Sadly. Mournfully, as if you’ve already died.”
Seth grimaced. He felt heartsick, in a way he couldn’t put into words.
“But I can see how hard it would be, to talk to her.”
Seth laughed. “About my weakness? About her husband’s cruelty? She believes he was a good man. Let her believe that. Let them all believe that.”
“Just to talk about normal things,” Horus explained. “Things as they were, before my father assaulted you.”
Something settled in Seth’s belly and he wanted… he wanted to crawl away. No one had said it aloud to him. Even Sekhmet hadn’t. It felt too real, once more.
Seth felt tired. “I need to lay down.”
“…Of course.”
Seth floated over to the cot and settled, dismissing his headdress.
“Do you wish me to stay?”
“Do you wish to stay?” Seth demanded, not looking at him. There would be pleading on his face, even after everything, and Seth couldn't bear that.
Weakness, he thought.
“I don’t want to leave you alone,” Horus said, walking over and kneeling by the edge of the cot.
Seth felt too distant from himself. He didn’t know why Horus chose to stay. Who could, after learning all that? It must have disgusted him.
Seth could be alone again, as he had been. Just him and the desert wind and his sha.
“I just… I don’t know what to say,” Horus added. “Thank you for trusting me with that.”
“You think Sekhmet did it, still,” Seth said, coming back to himself a bit.
Horus sighed. “It was very damning.”
Seth sighed. This was too tiring.
“Why don’t you think she did it?” Horus asked. “Maybe she enlisted aid of some kind… She’s crafty like that. She could get favors out of people to help her, once she realized she could knock him out once.”
“Why?” Seth replied, actually curious. “What reasoning? She doesn’t like Isis enough to put her on the throne, and she didn’t know you. She certainly has no interest in ruling herself.” Sekhmet was a flighty creature, given to pranks. She had her own duties, as they all did, but court functions bored her. And despite her willingness to fight, even war bored her. She’d never helped him in his battles. Not that he’d expected her, too. It was just another way they weren’t close.
“I don’t know, Seth,” Horus replied. “But I should speak with her.”
“…So long as you keep to your oath.” He realized he didn’t care anymore. This whole thing felt silly, pointless. Why had he been angry? Why had been upset?
“I know.” Horus frowned. “You are worried about her. Why?”
“No matter her reasons, she saved me. I will grant her this in return.”
“…Those with your regard are well-protected.”
Seth scoffed, then reconsidered the sentence, noting the oddness of Horus’ tone. He looked at Horus, who was watching him thoughtfully. He was frowning, slightly. No, he was pouting.
“Are you… jealous of her?” Seth was incredulous.
“Perhaps.”
Seth snorted. His shaking was mostly gone, and he felt that foolish warmth return to him. He realized Horus wasn’t angry or disgusted. Wasn’t demanding more than Seth could give. Their conversation had let him calm down a bit.
Even in this, Horus was trying. Seth wished he’d noticed sooner how much Horus was trying, for him.
And that… made his heart lurch.
“You are a fool,” Seth finally said. “…Get up here. My back is cold.”
Horus smiled and clambered up onto the cot, behind Seth, dismissing his headdress. It was only twilight, but Horus made no protest about sleeping so early.
For whatever reason, Horus at his back wasn’t suffocating anymore. And Horus didn’t wrap an arm around him, as if to give Seth more space, even as they were right next to each other.
It felt like a barrier, between everything Seth had talked about, the world, and everything he was afraid of. Horus’ skin was warmth against the cold that Seth felt surrounding him at all times, and all Seth wanted to do was curl up into it.
Weakness, Seth thought again.
His eyes were wet, and he shut them. Then he was weak. So be it.
He was still afraid, but too tired to push Horus away. And he was afraid that if Horus didn't hold him in place, he might dissolve into sand again for another few years.
After a time, Seth said, “You’re not mad at me.”
“Of course not.”
“You don’t find me repulsive.”
“How could I ever?”
Seth swallowed at the honesty in those words.
“May I… hold you?”
Seth made an affirmative noise, and Horus wrapped a warm arm around him. Horus squeezed him a little, and Seth was nervous, but he also wanted to dissolve into the touch. The reminder that Horus was here with him, now. Horus. Not Osiris, not Nephthys. Not nothingness. This man who had stayed by his side and simply wanted to be there. Who time and again had respected Seth’s boundaries – even though he could be pushy and demanding, but not in a way that hurt (too much) – and enjoyed being around him. Who called him beautiful and glorious and…
Seth wanted, and for once… the cost of that wanting was nothing. For once… things were okay.
“…You believe me,” Seth said, some time later, still incredulous. This was Horus’ father, after all. Surely there was a ploy or… or…
“I trust you.”
Seth shut his eyes. “Fool.”
Horus pulled him close. “I’m glad you told me, Seth. It must have been hard.”
Seth’s tears fell, but he didn’t reply. He simply curled back against Horus, and prayed for no dreams. Reality was too nightmarish and too beautiful for anything else.