Chapter Text
A week, then two quickly passed with Horus visiting Seth nearly every day. Often they fought enemies – more often smaller groups of mercenaries, vermin, or the occasional giant beast. Horus had the impression Seth was testing him, still.
Horus hoped Seth was happy with what he saw.
Sometimes they traveled to Seth’s temples, so that Seth could oversee ceremonies to bless new soldiers. These new soldiers worshipped Seth just like his army had. And Seth smiled, contentedly.
Horus again wondered why Seth chose to be alone.
He watched Seth redirect lost travelers in the desert while still talking about other things. Horus noticed the other god seemed to have an instinctive understanding of the people and creatures who roamed the desert. When Horus asked him about it, Seth shrugged and merely said, “I listen. And smell. And you know, I have eyes. Isn’t your thing having good eyes?”
Horus found him very good at explaining certain things. Some things moreso than others.
And a few times, Seth would come to a quiet place and leave his chariot behind and settle in the sand, and his sha would come from seemingly nowhere and settle around him, fawning for his attention.
Horus watched them in awe, not daring to interrupt.
Close up, the creatures were large and thin, some easily dwarfing their lord. But they leaned into his touches, begging for pets and scratches, and the occasional bit of dried meat Seth pulled from a satchel.
And if Seth was grinning the whole time, and even laughing, well… that was a bonus.
(Horus found he liked Seth’s laughter.)
(He liked it a lot.)
Seth eventually beckoned Horus over, grudgingly, perhaps, and Horus wandered over, carefully, watching the animals.
“Don’t you have pets?” Seth asked, genuinely curious.
“Dogs, yes, but…” Horus looked around at the animals watching him. “Those are Father's animals, not someone else's.”
Seth snorted, and said, “They’re still animals. They like things others do.”
Horus reached out to pet one bright red one who was watching him, then hesitated.
Seth reached out and took his hand.
Horus tried not to stiffen in shock.
Seth’s hand was gentle, but firm. He placed Horus’ hand on the animal, moving it back and forth, then let go, seemingly not noticing anything. “Just like that. He won’t bite. Well… maybe he won’t.”
“Maybe?” Horus asked, watching the animal, who shut his eyes, seemingly enjoying the touch. His fur was incredibly soft.
“Just don’t hurt him,” Seth replied, smiling. “He’ll let you know if you screw up.” He turned to the other animals.
Horus realized as they traveled back to Seth’s encampment that, like Seth looking for Osiris in Horus, Horus was looking for Osiris in Seth. Isis, of course, he could see, but Osiris was also Seth’s brother. Surely there was just as much of him as Isis, or Nephthys. And Horus could see his aunt in Seth, too. A sort of calm in his smile, sometimes. Maybe part of his appreciation for moments of stillness and quiet.
But Horus would never know for sure what bit of Osiris was there. It was simply lost in whatever was Seth. And Horus was oddly glad for it. Because he was growingly aware that yes, he liked Seth as he was. Not the missing father Horus wanted.
Perhaps a friend, though.
Seth glanced up at Horus, flying above Seth’s right side. The corner of Seth’s mouth quirked in a slight smirk that Horus was growingly used to.
Horus smiled back.
“Horus?”
Horus looked up from the reports he’d been reviewing before heading out to meet Seth again, and saw Nephthys step into his rooms. She looked as elegant as ever, and he was surprised to see her visiting him. She was almost always busy with some ceremony these days, now that Horus didn’t need as much of her attention.
“I heard from Isis that you’ve been visiting Seth,” she said, smiling.
“Yes, but she didn’t want it to get out…”
She nodded. “Yes. People gossiped when he left, and Osiris was upset about the whole thing.” She looked a bit sad at that. “If people knew you were back to investigating Osiris’ murder, and were visiting Seth in connection, the whispers would start again.” She frowned. “Though they are starting to hear that you’re interacting, from reports of the soldiers, and are curious about it.”
“Osiris was upset about Seth’s absence?” Horus asked, not worried about what people thought of him. He was visiting his uncle. What was the harm in that?
She nodded. “He was morose about it… I’d never seen him so moody, honestly. Even Isis was confused over it. But he didn’t go after Seth, for some reason, though he could have. We expected him to.” She shrugged. “And then, well…”
“Did they argue?” Horus asked. “Is that what made Seth leave?”
“If they did, no one heard it,” Nephthys replied. “And neither Seth nor Osiris spoke of it. They were getting along just fine before that. In fact, the day before Seth left, we were all on a hunt together, just like normal. Everyone seemed to be getting along fine…” Her expression was sad. “If something happened between them, it happened that night. And then the next morning, Seth left.”
Horus watched her. “Do you think Seth murdered Osiris?”
Nephthys blinked, then her eyes widened. “Seth? Oh, no, no no no, not in a million years! They were so close! Plus… Seth wouldn’t have been able to kill him. His powers don’t extend to that.”
“But he’s the god of war.”
“Egypt’s greatest soldier,” Nephthys said, with a fond smile. “But not its greatest assassin. Oh, he’s good at sneaking around if he wants to, and certainly hacking up Osiris would suit his brashness… but simply ripping Osiris to pieces wouldn’t kill him. Osiris was the god of life, you understand. And Seth doesn’t have the kind of magic to deal with that.”
“Hmm… so it’d have to be a god with powerful magic, as well as physical strength.”
She nodded.
“Your notes were somewhat vague, though,” Horus said. “Well… Maat admittedly wrote most of them…”
“I was mostly busy helping Isis,” Nephthys replied. “Immortal pregnancies are… not easy things. And the shock of Osiris’ murder and having to handle everything else with managing Egypt… it was hard on her. I knew we were looking for someone, obviously, but outside questioning those who lived here at the time, I had no ideas. I don’t really conduct murder investigations.” She sighed. “I’m afraid I wasn’t all that helpful to Maat when she needed me, though I did try.”
“I’m sure she appreciated the help.”
Nephthys smiled. “Well… I’m afraid I have no insights to offer you, but I was wondering… if I could tag along with you to visit Seth?”
Horus looked at her in surprise.
“I miss him,” she said, looking down. “I haven’t seen him in so long, or spoken to him. We used to be so close…”
“I mean no offense,” Horus said, “But I don’t know that he’ll want to see you.”
She looked up in surprise.
“He’s very… private right now. He barely wants to talk to me.” Though he’d opened up more, lately. He talked about hunting, the different factions who attempted to invade, and campaigns he’d been on in the past. Never Osiris, but sometimes he’d bring up stories of Isis, Nephthys, or the other gods, too.
She smiled sadly. “Well… I’d rather he tell me that. Then I can at least be satisfied that I’ve tried.”
Horus studied her for a while, then nodded.
They arrived at Seth’s encampment around midday, since they took one of Horus’ chariots, guided by powerful black horses only gods could properly control.
Nephthys seemed perfectly at ease at Horus’ side, watching the landscape as it passed, staying quiet.
Horus was used to his aunt: she’d doted on him when Isis was too busy with her other duties. So the silence passed easily.
He hoped Seth wouldn’t be angry. It wasn’t like Horus had promised not to bring anyone else.
The encampment was the same as ever, and Horus stopped his chariot a short distance away, ensured the horses would remain calm in the hands of the servants, and led Nephthys to the tent.
She carried a large hamper with her, which she’d said contained a gift for Seth.
Horus stopped as usual at the closed flap and called, “Uncle, it’s me again!”
“You’re late,” Seth called back. “Isn’t it a sky god’s prerogative to get up early?”
“I’ve Nephthys with me, today. It took us some time to get here.”
There was no response to that.
In fact, so much time passed that Horus worried Seth was ignoring him.
But eventually the flap pulled back and there was Seth, staring at them.
Horus had to back up a step in surprise.
The other god looked no different than normal, but Horus could sense the tension in him. The surprise. His gaze was focused on Nephthys.
“Seth,” she said after a time, smiling. “It’s been too long.”
“Nephthys, I…” Seth swallowed.
Horus realized he was nervous.
She raised her hamper. “I brought you a snack. Your favorites. Would you like to sit and talk a bit?”
“I… of course.” After a moment he snapped at the servants and held the flap back so they could all go back inside.
The tent flap was tied open, letting in more air and sunshine, and making the tent less muggy. Horus was interested in how there were no sand chairs today: in fact, there was already a second chair waiting in the tent, but a servant brought in a third.
Was he… waiting for me? Horus wondered, with a spot of warmth in his chest. They’d talked more in the tent lately, but Seth usually made the chairs. Or they were out in the desert, traveling somewhere.
Servants brought a table, drinks, and snacks, as well. Nephthys settled in one of the chairs – not Seth’s throne – and set her hamper down. She pulled off the cover, revealing a wide variety of vegetables. She smiled as she turned to Seth. “I picked these this morning.”
Seth looked down at it all and smiled. “Nephthys, you didn’t have to do all this…” He reached out for a piece of lettuce, and Nephthys gently caught his hand.
Seth froze.
She let him go and said, “Sorry, Seth, I…” She sighed and looked at Horus. “I’m sorry, but… Horus, would you wait outside, please? Seth and I need to talk alone.”
Horus looked at Seth, who was only staring at Nephthys.
Finally, Horus nodded. He got up and left the tent, letting the flap shut behind them.
When he’d been standing for a time and been unable to hear anything from within the tent, he walked over to where the servants were watching the horses. He took over and lightly patted the creatures, smiling fondly at them.
He glanced back at the tent and tried not to feel uneasy.
“You’re acting like I’m going to eat you,” Nephthys said, settling back as she watched Seth. “I’m not planning to.”
Aren’t you? Seth wondered. He could smell her now, she was so close. The perfume in her headdress. The familiar smell of her sweat. The sound of her clothing as she moved. Everything about her was so familiar, as if they hadn’t spent nearly 30 years apart. The blink of an eye for a god, but in ways it had felt like an eternity.
And also not long enough.
Seth snorted. “Good to know.”
“I’ve never seen Horus so invested in something like this before,” she continued. “He’s come out here so much. And he’s friendly but… he spreads that friendship equally, to everyone. This is… a change for him.”
“He wants either a clear confession or stories of his father,” Seth said, dismissively. He’d thought over why Horus was friendly and… realized that yes, he had started appreciating the other god’s presence. It was definitely a change. He was so unlike any of the other gods Seth knew. But Seth had no illusions about Horus’ motives.
He thought, anyway.
Too often, he’d seen Horus’ relaxed smiles when he was enjoying himself.
It was… annoying.
“But I think… he’s happy?” Nephthys insisted. “He’s definitely a bit cheerier around the palace.”
Seth leaned back in his chair, attempting to appear a calm he didn’t feel. He didn’t like talking about Horus this way, particularly with Nephthys. “He does seem weirdly happy when he’s here. I didn’t know if that was just his disposition or what.”
“Perhaps being around you makes him happy.”
Seth scoffed. But for some reason, he felt his cheeks warm.
Nephthys looked around. “You seem to be doing okay out here.”
Seth shrugged. “I’m well enough.”
“You could come home, if you miss it,” she said.
Seth didn’t reply to that.
Her expression sobered. “Why did you leave? Without even saying goodbye?”
Seth grimaced.
“You can tell me anything, Seth. I promise.”
He looked at her, saying nothing for a long time, then looked away. “…Not this, Nephthys.”
“Was it…?” She hesitated, then shut her eyes. “Was it something I did?”
He looked at her in alarm. “No! No, never!” He smiled a bit sadly when she looked at him. “You could never… No.”
She smiled sadly at him. “I’m pleased, but also a bit alarmed…”
“You needn’t be, really. It wasn’t you.”
“But it was someone?”
Seth stiffened again, then looked away.
Nephthys got up and moved her chair closer to his, then sat down again, so that she could reach out and lightly cup his right cheek, turning his head to gaze down at her.
“I’m here,” she said, softly. “Please. Tell me.”
After a time, he shook his head. “I can’t, Nephthys.” His voice was broken. “I can’t.” If she knew, if…
The world shattered whenever he thought too much on it.
After a time, she bowed her head. “…I understand.”
He laughed, sadly. “No. No you… Hopefully you never do.”
She breathed in deeply, then reached forward and pushed her forehead against his, slightly knocking his large headdress off.
He was surprised, but quickly shut his eyes and fell into the old familiar touch they sometimes used to calm each other. Well, mostly Nephthys did it to calm Seth.
And it was relaxing, really.
In the calm, he remembered that once… once upon a time this had been all he’d ever wanted.
And in the calm he also realized… once.
He kept his eyes shut, but when Nephthys moved forward to brush his lips with hers, he pulled back in surprise.
She stared back at him, startled, but didn’t pull away. He realized there was a hint of... hurt, in her face. It hadn't been accidental, then.
“Nephthys, you…?” His voice was so quiet. Once, he would have given anything for her to be like this… whatever this was, if it was what he thought it was.
“I…” She swallowed. “I apologize, I thought…”
“No, I… I wanted… But since when?” It was a scramble in his head for the right words.
“For a long time, Seth.”
“How…? When…?” There were a dozen times he’d hoped, but…
She smiled fondly. “I don’t know that I can recall it that specifically.”
He smiled. He remembered how his eyes used to stray to her at parties. How he found himself going to her side more than Isis over time, though Isis was better at strategy when he needed someone to chat with. Nephthys always calmed him. She was a bulwark against the need to always be out on the sand, fighting something. With her he could simply… be.
Nephthys smiled. “Seth, with Osiris gone, you realize you’re the most powerful god in Egypt?”
“…What?” And like that, it felt like someone had dumped a cart of pottery on his head.
She blinked up at him. “You don’t feel it?”
“…Horus is Pharaoh.” He was. He had powers Seth didn’t, and had inherited more directly somehow from Ra. And who knew what Isis was teaching him? He was the King of the Gods. Not Seth.
“Horus is still a child,” she said, dismissively. “He is powerful, yes. But he’s not you, Seth.”
“Why… why are you saying this?” He wanted it to be any other reason… anything but…
"Peace may only be bestowed upon those who are strong."
He felt his hand twitch.
“I just wanted you to have your moment in the sun. Out of Osiris’ shadow.” She smiled. “Imagine how amazing you would be in court. You could come home. Not that you were ever barred or people wanted you gone, but… so many would flock to you again. They’ve missed you when you were gone.” She reached forward and caressed his arm. “I’ve missed you. And we could be together. For real, this time.”
He stared at her, thinking it over. Really thinking it over.
It was tempting. So tempting. Everything he’d wanted. He could see Isis again. Laze about more and leave his duties to his armies again.
And he’d have Nephthys. Wasn’t that what he’d always wanted?
But. A patronizing smile played on the edge of his awareness. “Why are you saying this after Osiris is gone?” Seth asked, quietly.
“What do you mean?” She was frowning.
“I’m no less powerful than I was when he was alive,” Seth insisted. “How long have you cared for me like this, without saying anything?”
Her frown deepened, and she was clearly confused. “I… For an age, Seth.” She blushed. “I simply… was too nervous about it.
“We’re gods,” Seth insisted. “Why do nerves matter?” You could have told me. You could have told me and I wouldn’t have even had to plan tell you. To tell…
She swallowed. “I just… needed more time, that’s all." She looked at him again. "I want you, Seth. That's not a lie, if that's what you're worried about."
A part of him wanted to let it rest. Why did it matter when? And so what if she primarily cared about how strong he was? He knew she cared for him in other ways, Osiris be damned.
…If he’d known about this, though, would it have changed things?
Perhaps.
But it didn’t change anything now, did it? It couldn’t change the past. It couldn’t fully change the two of them, sitting here now, being who they were.
Nothing could change who Seth was, now.
And he wondered why she couldn’t just see it on him when she stared at him. Why she couldn’t just tell. He wasn’t that good at hiding such things, was he?
Or perhaps he was a better liar than Isis always gave him credit for.
“I don’t mean to… focus on it,” Seth said. He reached out and caressed her cheek, making her smile. “I… am honored.”
He could see the stiffness appear in her expression. She understood, then. At least, that things weren’t as they were before he’d left.
Neither of them could go back to that, really.
He knew he’d always care for her, and when she moved her hand to caress his shoulder, he let a piece of himself finally go. It felt… oddly freeing.
“I could leave,” Nephthys offered.
He grimaced. “No, it’s…” He smiled. “It’s all right.”
She smiled sadly back at him.
“I don't mind," he said, honestly. "I wanted you for… for so long,” Seth said, quietly. “And I never told you.”
Her eyes widened slightly. “Seth…”
He smiled. “I should have. I'm so sorry, Nephthys.”
She squeezed his shoulder. “It’s like you said. We’re gods. Those things… They don’t matter.”
Seth huffed a bitter laugh. “Yes… I suppose they don't.”
"This was foolish of me," she said, quietly, looking down at her lap. "I should have realized..."
"No," Seth said, pulling her chin up. "It wasn't foolish. You were never foolish."
Tears glistened in her eyes.
"And I want to be there for you again," he continued. "However... however I can."
"I don't want to... take from you," she said. "That's... I won't."
"I'm giving it," Seth said. "I swear. You're not."
When she still looked worried, he continued, "Nephthys... Wise, kind, wonderful Nephthys, you are as beautiful as always. The most beautiful goddess of the Ennead."
Her eyes filled with tears. "Seth..."
He smiled at her, trying not to make it bitter.
"I wish I could give you peace, again," she said, quietly.
"Has anyone ever given it to you?" he asked.
She laughed and wiped away her tears, before looking at him again. "You always did."
"So let me do it again."
Her gaze softened.
This time, when she leaned in to kiss him, he didn’t pull away.
“Horus?”
The younger god perked up when he heard Nephthys’ voice. He found her standing before him, though a few paces away, respectfully. Her hamper was missing – he assumed she left it inside the tent.
He realized he’d fallen asleep, and it was getting dark. How had so much time passed?
“I think I’ll head home,” she said. She looked back at the tent. “Seth… didn’t want me to stay.”
“Oh.” Horus stood up. “We’ll head back then.” He wondered what they’d… talked about.
“No, I…” She frowned. “Would you stay with him? I don’t think he should be alone, but… Obviously I can’t... be with him.” Her gaze was searching, and a bit sad.
Horus’ eyes widened. What had they talked about? “You think… he’d be okay with me there?” Sure, Seth was more open with Horus these days, but Nephthys was Seth’s sister… If he didn’t want to talk to her, why would he want to talk to Horus?
She smiled sadly. “I could tell he was even more tense when you left. And the way he looks when he speaks of you… Perhaps you remind him of Osiris. Or Isis. Or both. He loved both of them, and Isis and Seth used to be thick as thieves…”
Horus was surprised to be disappointed at that thought. He found he wanted to be someone his uncle was close to. But not just because he reminded the other god of his parents…
“Please, Horus?” she said with a smile. “At least for me? I can make my way home on my own.”
“…Of course, Aunt. Are you sure you can manage…?”
She chuckled. “Of course. Seth taught me how to pilot a chariot, after all.” She leaned in. “Well, if I’m being honest, Father taught me how to ride, but Seth really wanted to show off, so I let him.”
Horus smiled.
She patted him on the shoulder. “Go on. Just…” She frowned. “Be gentle, please. Seth is one of the dearest people in my life. I don’t… want him to be hurt…” She opened her mouth to say more, then shook her head, and waved him off.
Horus paused at the closed tent flap, and hesitated before calling within, “Uncle?”
He was met with silence.
“Uncle, Nephthys wanted me to check on you.”
“...Fuck’s sake, stop shouting and get in here!”
Horus stepped inside and blinked in the light. His eyes settled on Seth, lounging on his cot, watching the tent flap. His expression was unreadable underneath his headdress.
“So Nephthys is that worried, huh?” Seth demanded, his voice oddly muted. He sighed. “Well, you can see I’m fine. Is she still out there?”
“She went home.”
“…Good.”
Seth didn’t say anything for a while, and Horus didn’t know what to say either.
Horus went and pulled up one of the chairs, so he could sit nearby.
After a while, Seth asked, “You’ve been Pharaoh some time now. Has anyone caught your eye yet, to serve as your queen?”
Horus blinked. Of course Hathor came to mind, but… “No. Not… quite.”
Seth snorted. “Well… that’ll change soon, I imagine.”
“…Perhaps.”
“Your parents were married long before Osiris took the throne. Ra, of course, never wed anyone, but well… more of us are marrying, now. Nut and Geb. Your parents. Maat and Thoth. It’s odd, still, but more common. I suspect you’ll join them.”
Horus said nothing to that.
“Do yourself a favor,” Seth said, looking at him. “When you know… tell her. Before… before it’s too late.”
Horus blinked. “Too late for what?”
“Just…” Seth swallowed. “Anything can happen, you know? You fall into love. You… fall out of love…” He grimaced. “Maybe you never really were in love… But… you owe it to yourself to grab it while you can.” Seth smiled, sadly. “If you can, that is.”
“Uncle, did something happen between you and Nephthys…?”
“Oh, a few things,” Seth said, shrugging. “Private things. Nothing terrible, really, just…” He sighed. “People move on. Even gods.”
Horus realized that he could smell them both in here. Someone had put out incense, but the smell was still there, still strong. Horus... didn't know how he felt about that, but it was worrying that Seth seemed so bereft now.
Like Isis.
“Uncle, are you out here in the desert because you’re sad?” He meant it with kindness. He knew it was something to do with Osiris. And maybe Nephthys, too. "Because... of something that happened at the palace?"
Seth was quiet for a time. Then he looked at Horus. “I thought I’d hate you. For being his son.”
Horus said nothing to that.
“And sometimes I do,” Seth said. “But you seem… perfectly normal. There’s so much of Isis in you, too. But… so much of you as well.” He looked down. “Who knows what kind of god you’ll be someday? I certainly don’t know.” Then he smiled. “But I hope… you’re a better one than your father.”
Horus was distracted from the odd praise when he noticed the tears leaking down Seth’s cheeks. “Uncle…”
Seth snorted. “Pathetic, right?”
“No, I… please, tell me what’s wrong, if you can.”
Seth laughed. It was a brittle sound. He put a hand to his forehead, over the headdress. “I thought Nephthys was giving me some of her peace, like she usually does. And maybe she did, and now that she’s not here, it’s fading, and just… worse for the absence, because I thought I’d gotten over it, I thought…” His fingers tightened on the headdress, painfully so.
“Uncle!” Horus stood up and walked over, and knelt before the other god.
Seth wasn’t looking at him, but like this, Horus could see his pained expression, the way he was trying to hold back the tears.
Horus reached up, then paused when Seth flinched away.
Seth’s breathing sped up, but he shut his eyes.
“I can leave, Uncle, if…”
“No, it’s…” Seth swallowed. “It’s…”
After a while, Horus realized Seth wasn't going to finish the sentence.
Horus reached up and carefully pulled the headdress off, dropping it on the cot. Then he tried not to freeze.
Even covered in tears and blotchy, his hair mussed from the headdress, Seth was beautiful. His long, brighter-than-fresh-blood-red hair brought forth the idea of the desert at its hottest, the sand a blaze disappearing into the horizon, heat haze, and the sheer endlessness of it. His red eyes were sharp, but delicate, too, with the fine kohl to enhance his features and help protect him from sun glare. His jaw was fine boned, yet strong. He was young, yet also obviously ancient, with the wisdom of countless battles. He was small, in contrast to Horus, yet fearsome, in the way he fought, the way he loved, the way he mourned.
Horus reached out automatically, cupping Seth's cheek.
Seth looked down at him, his gaze distant, sad, tears still falling. “Are you not afraid? I could easily kill you like this.”
Horus blinked. It was true. It was a very compromising position. And unlike his father, healing from dismemberment might pose an issue.
But he didn’t care.
“You could, Uncle,” Horus said, carefully. “But do you want to?”
Seth’s expression seemed to sink even more with that. “I haven’t known what I’ve wanted for longer than you’ve been alive.” He shut his eyes and bowed his head, letting his long hair fall in a curtain around him.
Horus pressed forward, carefully, and lightly wrapped his arm around Seth’s side, letting the older god rest on his right shoulder.
The moment felt precious and fragile. Horus was nearly too afraid to breathe.
“…You should call me Seth.”