Chapter Text
|-Thursday evening. The Gershwin Theater, 222 West 51st Street, Manhattan-|
"Ah, hush now, would ye? Don't be wantin' to let a soul know we're here." Jessica says as she shoves me past the wall to hide me. For someone that small, she sure is strong.
"Hey! Careful! You rip my dad's vest, you're payin for it." I tell her as I get steady on my feet. Sta tosa, ghe giuro a dio. (This girl, I swear to god.)
"Like hell she's payin' for it." Mark chimes in before lookin me dead in the eyes. "Impara a vivere un pò. (Learn to live a little.)" I go to respond to that but Kati cuts me off.
"SHH. Someone's coming. Be quiet." She says, peerin over the wall to see who it is. We then hear her take a deep breath, seemingly realizin who it is. Kati then looks back at us and makes a gesture sayin 'Stay here. I'll handle this.' She then walks out and starts talkin to whoever it is.
"Oh, Kati. You're still here?" Someone says in a gruff voice. Masculine, probably close to his thirties.
"Yeah. Still here Randy." Kati responds, givin me an answer to who she's talkin to. Vậy ra đó làgiọng của Randy. (So that's what Randy sounds like.)
"Looking for City, I take it?" Randy then asks, almost immediately peggin why Kati is back here.
"Who else would I be here for?" Kati retorts, givin him some sass. My pupil has learned well, it seems.
"Point taken. She's still in the dressing room. Just checked on her. Might want to hurry up though, place is about to close." Randy then says as he starts shufflin himself down the hallway. Kati comes back once it's clear and leads up down to the dressin rooms, but not before I catch my elbow on the corner of the wall. I try to not make any sound, but it seems like someone noticed. I turn around and see Randy just starin at me, dumbfounded. Tipico. (Typical)
"What the…" Is all he can muster out as I just stand there. It's funny. He's shorter than I thought he would be. Either way, I just give him a little wave and make my merry way to the dressin room with everyone else. Though now I'm curious… Tôi tự hỏi liệu người mẫu trông giống Ma Tràng đó có còn ở đây không. (I wonder if that one model who looked like Ma Trành is still here.) Probably not, but it is an interestin thought.
We move silently through the halls, or at least as silent as we can given that I am fuckin six foot ten. I have loud footsteps you can hear a mile away. Doesn't matter since there doesn't seem to be anyone else here at the moment. From the sounds of things, I'd say we're not that far from the dressin room. Only a few more steps if I'm bein conservative. And that hunch turns out to be right as Kati starts slowin her pace as she approaches a closed door. I look at the signage near it and it confirms everything.
'Ladies dressing room'
Ben alora, ła dovarìa esar na situasion interesante. (Well then, this should be an interestin situation to be in.) Kati knocks on the door, waitin a few seconds where it then slowly opens, followed by a familiar voice comin from the other side.
"Kati, I… What are you still doing here?" City asks her, confused as to why Kati has stuck around.
"I, uh… well, we wanted to congratulate you." Kati responds, makin City even more confused.
"We? Wha… Who do you me-" She starts before I cut her off, leanin over Kati from behind the door, gettin a surprised look on City's face.
"Hi." I say as Mark and Jessica then move out from behind the door. City can only laugh in response before she speaks up.
"You are just… I'm surprised. Really surprised." She says as I give her a once over. Her posture, her stance. Her general body language. Somethins tellin me that what happened tonight had a major effect on her. And I think I know what. But for now, I'll just observe. I don't want to jump the gun.
"It, uh… It was Jessica's idea." Kati says as City looks to Jessica.
"This was your idea? All four of you coming back here?" She asks her, causin a large smile to form on Jessica's face.
"Ah, sure, after a night like this, the only proper way to congratulate someone is in person, so it is." She says, smile beamin so bright it could light up a cave.
"I guess that's just how it is in Ireland, yes?" City says as Mark replies.
"If it helps ya rationalize what's happenin', yeah." He says before lookin at me. Seems like he's noticed what I have. He then turns back to City. "So are all of us allowed in, or do da men need to stay out?"
"Usually I'd say to stay out but given that everyone else is gone, I see no harm in it." City says, openin the door all the way so the four of us can enter, Kati first, then Mark and Jessica before-
whack
"EUGH. Địt mẹ. (Fuck.)" Comes out of my mouth as my head makes contact with the top of the door frame. Why is that so damn short?
"Oh, Met. Are you okay?" I hear Kati say as she runs over to me.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I've had worse, you know that." I say as I rub my forehead, duckin down and slippin through so that no other accidents my happen.
"Ya owe me ten bucks, Jessica." Mark says, clearly havin made a bet on whether I would knock my head against somethin tonight before I got to their apartment.
"Stronzo. (Asshole.)" I say to him as I take stock of the room. Hmm… smaller than I thought it would be. Kind of like Randy. "Pretty quaint little place they put you in."
"Yes, it is. I'm surprised everyone could fit in here given how many models were walking tonight." City says, agreein with my assessment as she makes room for the four of us. But there's somethin in the way she walks. It wasn't present like it was earlier in the month when I ran into her and Kati in Central Park. An… uncertainty. No. No l’incertesa. (No. Not uncertainty.) She is absolutly certain of… somethin. What that somethin is, well I have a pretty good idea. I could see it in her body language on the runway. She didn't seem as focused as I thought she would. Somethin was clawin at the back of her mind. And it came roarin to the forefront durin her performance. She's fallen. Hard. The question now is: Can she deal with this? Chỉ thời gian mới trả lời được. (Only time can tell.)
I find a good spot that can accomodate me easily and park there, watchin over everyone else in the room like a wizard watches the kingdom from his tower. Reminds me, still need to get that one photo of me and popà framed. Halloween, 2013. Gandalf and Aragorn. Cuttin back to reality, I watch as Jessica gives City a once over. Okay, scratch that. More like a four over with how many times her eyes go up and down.
"It's so… ethereal. I like it, so I do. No, not just like it. I love it." She says, causin City to chuckle a little as Mark decides to chime in.
"Youse ain't the only one who loves it, Jess." He says, not so subtly side-eyein Kati as he does so. No. Non sul mio orologio ti putto siciliano. (Nope. Not on my watch you Sicilian bastard.) I reach over and grab Mark by the collar of his shirt, hoistin him up just as casually as he glared at Kati. "YOU MOTHERFU-" He starts but the sound of the ladies laughin gets him to shut up.
"Seems they disagree with you." I tell Mark as I set him down, though he does not move from his position. In fact, he gets closer to me. Seems he wants a bit of a private talk.
"Da quando ne hai parlato ieri sera, non posso non vederlo. (Ever since you mentioned it last night, I can't unsee it.)" He says, keepin his voice as low as possible so City doesn't hear him. Don't think it will work as much as he wants, but we're also speakin Italian. No ła saverà comunque cossa che disemo. (She won't know what we're sayin anyway.)
"È curioso come ciò accada, non credi? (Funny how that happens, don't you think?)" I say, ponderin what the say next. I've know Mark for a few years now. I can trust him with a lot of things. Usually. This is an entirely different beast. Don't know if I can trust him enough to not make a fool of himself. "Ho bisogno che tu mi faccia un favore. (I need you to do me a favor.)" I say, gettin his full, undivided attention. But he doesn't speak, not yet. That's just how he is. He asks questions after eharin someone out. Tôi thích điều đó ở anh ấy. Điều đó có nghĩa là anh ta rất nghiêm túc với mọi việc. (I like that about him. It means he takes shit seriously.) "Ogni volta che ti trovi con Gold City e Kati, osservali da vicino. Ma non renderlo ovvio. So che non sei attento come me. (Whenever you find yourself with Gold City and Kati, watch them closely. But don't make it obvious. I know you're not as observant as me.)" Mark looks down for a second before he returns his eyes on me.
"Non posso fare promesse ma ci proverò. Lo vedi anche tu, immagino? (Can't make any promises but I'll try. You're seeing it too, I assume?)" He responds, now lookin at Gold City. I can see it clearly, every minute fidget she makes. Every sneaky glance towards Kati. Don't know how much Mark can see, but I know he sees some of it.
"Tutto. Ecco perché ti chiedo di guardarli. (All of it. That's why I'm asking you to watch them.)" I tell him, now lookin at Kati, how her face is slowly turnin redder and redder, usin the dim lights in the space to try and mask the blush. Ma la vedo. (But I see it.) And City sees it too. "Ancora. Non renderlo ovvio. Basta uno sguardo ogni tanto. Probabilmente avrai maggiori possibilità di farlo se Jessica è nei paraggi. (Again. Don't make it obvious. Just a glance every now and then. Probably have better chances of doing this if Jessica is around.)" Mark just nods at that. No more words spoken. No more words are necessary.
I watch as Jessica yawns pretty wide. Gets Kati and City yawnin too. Even Mark. But not me. I'm used to being up this late. Though I so suppose I need to head home. No voéo ciapàr ła "rabia" de Scott. (I don't want to incur Scott's "wrath".) But I'm not the first to speak.
"I should really be heading home now. It's gotten late and the theater should be closing for the night soon." City says, getting a defeated look form Jessica before she eventually relents.
"Ah, sure it is that. And don't let us be blockin' your way." She says as she looks to Mark. He moves towards her, whisperin somethin in her ear that I don't particularly care for. I do care about what Kati says, though.
"Do you, uh… Do you have a ride back to your apartment? Or did Randy get you here?" She asks, and I watch as those tiny, near invisible fidgets return to City's hands as she responds.
"He did, yes. I don't want to saddle you with this, but if it's alr-" She stars, but Kati cuts her off before she can finish the thought.
"Oh, of course. Don't worry about it. I'll stay behind and wait for you to change out of that before we head south." She says as Mark walks towards me, words comin out in English rather than Italian this time.
"Guess dis is our cue to leave. Big boy heah bummed a ride wit us." He says, thinkin that I'm heading back to Brooklyn with them before I head back to the Bronx.
"What? Nah, I'm headin straight home. There's a metro station, like, two hundred feet from here." I say, gaugin. Mark's reaction as he formulates a response.
"Cawse yuh'd say dat." He finally responds, turnin around and headin for the door, but not before I catch one last thing. "Asshole." I linger for a few seconds, makin sure they're gone before I head out myself. But before I do, I turn back to see Kati and City one last time.
"See you two around. Take it easy. Be safe." To them, it's just a goodbye for the night. For me, it's somethin else. Xe una vana speranza che i tiri avanti. (It's a vain hope they pull through.)
|-Friday morning. Noonan Towers, 939 Woodycrest Avenue, the Bronx-|
I can't tell if it's my glasses or something else, but my vision seems kind of blurry right now. Probably my glasses. I'll need to clean them off when I get home. Vagy nézd meg, hogy szükségem van-e új receptre. (That, or see if I need a new prescription.) Probably the second one. Doesn't matter, we're at City's apartment now. We both linger in my car for a second. I… don't quite know why. The silence in here is tense until City breaks it.
"You're welcome to come in for a little bit if you want to. I wouldn't mind the company." She says, offering me an invitation. I don't know if I should take it. Would it be wrong of me to? No, it wouldn't. It's not like I haven't accepted this before. But at the same time, it's past midnight. I need to head home. A few seconds goes by and it feels like a lifetime. But I do eventually answer.
"Probably against my better judgment, but sure. Why not?" I say as I unbuckle my seatbelt, hearing City do the same. We cross the street and enter her apartment building, making a b-line for the elevator to take us up to the 17th floor. That painful silence comes back though. It stays the entire time. Nem tetszik. (I don't like it.)
We eventually reach the 17th floor and exit the elevator, heading to room 1708. We reach the door, and City puts her keys in, unlocking and then pushing the door open, allowing both of us to enter her apartment, the silence following us as we do. I watch City slip her shoes off, immediately regretting it as my mind starts going to places it shouldn't. So I turn away from her, taking my shoes off as well, setting them down with a soft thud. I don't really know what else to do here, so I head over to the couch while City heads to the kitchenette, presumably to get herself a glass of water. How she manages to look just a beautiful outside that dress, in those simple black clothes, astounds me. I sit down and take a deep breath. I try not to let my mind go to those places, but after tonight… It'll be hard.
I hear soft footfalls on the tiles behind me transition to nothing as I feel the sofa settle next to me. I look over and see City has two glasses of water, one for me and one for her. She extends her arm, wanting me to take one.
"Here. You look like you could use some." She says, seemingly having noticed whatever blush is on my face. I take the glass and sip a little. Szép. Szép és menő. (It's nice. Nice and cool.) I take another sip before turning slight to look at City, though I don't make eye contact.
"Thanks." Is all I can muster out as a whimper. And City notices. Because of course she notices.
"You look a bit nervous. Is everything okay?" She asks, almost causing my mind to burst at the seams.
"Yeah, I… I'm fine. Nothing wrong at all." I say, voice still shaky and lacking confidence in the lie. And once again, City notices.
"Please don't lie to me. Remember what I said the other day? How I'm open to listening to things if you want to get something off your chest? Please, tell me what's wrong." She responds, laying out an interesting path for me to take. A dangerous one, but still interesting. I take another deep breath, trying to figure out what I can say. If I should even go down that path. For the second time tonight, I go against my better judgment.
"It's just… I… I feel…" I start, but the words won't come out easily. It gets to the point where rational thought takes over. "I was thinking that… No. No, I… I can't do this. I can't say this. Not to you." City gently places her hand on my shoulder in response.
"Yes you can, Kati. I won't judge. Je vous le promets. (I promise.)" She responds, both calming my nerves and making my heart beat so fast it feels like it'll burst out of my chest. Another deep breath. Another sip of water.
"I just… You looked so beautiful on the runway on in the theater that I… My mind couldn't help itself and I…" I trail off again as my eyes meet hers for the first time today through this cloudy haze. The thought forms, and before rational thought can protest, the words come out. "Would it… be alright if I…" It takes hole, stopping me in my tracks. "No. I can't do that. I can't say that to you. You… You'd think less of me." City just looks at me, hand leaving my shoulder, trailing down.
"I… Wow. You were really about to go there, weren't you?" She says, and at first I prepare for the worst. Prepare for rejection. But that's not what I get. "You would like that, wouldn't you?" It's not harsh. It's not angry. It's… Valami más. (Something else.) But I don't know what. At least until City speaks up again. "Certainly an interesting thought."
"No, don't…" I start, stoping abruptly to think about my next words carefully. "Don't entertain my delusions. Please." Gold just looks at me with those gorgeously pale blue eyes of hers. And then she places her hand on top of mine, gently squeezing it to try and reassure me that nothing about this is wrong. She then speaks up again.
"I think… That I wouldn't be opposed to something like that. That I want to know what it feels like." She says, eyes never leaving mine, even as her face flushes red with blood as she blushes hard before she speaks up one last time. "Tonight was… certainly an experience. Eye-opening at that. So much was going through my mind, but you were the one constant. The one thing that kept me going throughout all of it. Everything we have done so far… It means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me." She pauses for a second, collecting her thoughts before she continues. "I want to know what it feels like. To be intimate with another woman. And I think that I trust you enough to show me."
The haze gets thicker as my heart rate spikes. I can only imagine how fast City's heart is beating as I watch her lean in. I then do so, whether consciously or not, I don't know. All I know is that we're getting closer and closer.
"Is… Is this really okay…" I whimper as the distance between us grows smaller and smaller. And City gives me an answer. Not with words, but with her lips. My eyes go wide as I actually process what's happening. Gold City's lips. Against mine. They are… Sokkal puhább, mint azt valaha is el tudtam volna képzelni. (So much softer than I ever could have imagined.) Once I accept that this is happening, I close my eyes, wanting to savor and enjoy every last second of this while it lasts. Her hand shifts so that our fingers can be laced together while we kiss, but I break it. My right hand finds her left, fingers locking as my left hand comes to rest on her cheek, where we then break away for a few seconds, eyes meeting while we catch our breath.
"That felt…" City starts, trailing off only slightly before she continues. "Très bien. (Really nice.) But it can be better." She follows up with her lips once more, pressing the soft skin to mine, this time with more purpose. City wants to make this enjoyable for both of us.
And I'll be damned if I don't match her energy.
My hands move again, coming to rest on City's hips where I slowly push her onto her back, something that she does not protest. In fact, she goes with the flow, letting it happen. The result is me on top of her, now grazing the pale skin of her neck with my teeth, leaving small, but noticeable marks in my way. I listen closely to all the sounds City is making. Every small groan and sigh of content as my hands now wander over her torso, wanting to feel more. But I need to make sure it's okay to do that before anything else. I push myself away slightly, making direct eye contact as I ask the question.
"How… How far are you comfortable with this going?" I ask, watching her eyes look up and down my body before she responds.
"As far as you want it to go, I'll follow." She responds, prompting me to move my left hand over her right breast.
"So… If I did this…" I trail off, hand hovering over her chest, waiting for consent. "It would be alright?" City responds by taking my hand in hers and gently lowering it until I am cupping her right breast.
"More than alright." She says as she snakes her hand behind my head, slowly pulling me back down to her where our lips meet once more. I shift, one leg crossing the other so that we are comfortable doing this. I break from City's lips again, tilting her head slightly so that I can have good access to her plump neck. I lightly rake my teeth against her skin, eliciting a soft moan from her lips as I kiss the small pain away. It's at this point my hand finds it's way underneath her shirt, and she immediately knows what I want to do. City pushes me to a sitting position as she rises, looking deep into my eyes as she pulls at the hem of her shirt, lifting it over her head before throwing it to the floor. She then looks at me, face flushed red with blood from arousal and exertion.
"I can't be the only one undressing, can I?" She asks as she starts to unbutton my vest. I let her before I undo my shirt, deftly loosening the buttons before it too is thrown to the side. I feel her hands reach around my back, trying to unclasp my bra so that everything can be laid bare. I hear a soft click, and then the garment slides off my chest as I watch City reach behind her, doing the same before she gently places her hands on my head, craning my neck where she does to me what I just did to her.
"Ó, hűha... (Oh, wow…) Didn't expect that from you." I whimper out, taking in the sensations as they come.
"Let's just say I'm a fast learner…" Gold retorts as she unbuttons her pants, moving back from me slightly so she can pull them off her legs. Before I know it, those too are thrown to the wayside as she spreads herself as much as the sofa allows her to, inviting me in so that we can continue. I take the invitation, leaning back in, lips meeting hers as my hands roam over her stomach. The perfect blend of soft and toned. What I would expect from someone who spent almost three years running some of Japan's toughest tracks. My hands go lower and lower as Gold drapes her arms over my shoulders, letting all of this intimacy happen without so much as a second thought. I decide to be bold, letting my hands go as low as they can, a finger sliding beneath the fabric of her underwear where I start to circle the sensitive bud that is hidden away. Another soft moan comes from her lips as she leans up and nibbles at my ear. It makes me chuckle slightly as I turn my head, looking deeply into those pale blue eyes before I close the distance and press my lips to hers once more. It starts slow, just a few tense circles at first. But as we get more comfortable with this, I ramp up the pace as I feel my wrist getting tired from the motions I break away again, looking into those blue eyes just to make sure.
"Is… This okay?" I ask, watching as City writhes gently beneath me, eyes trying to focus on me through their half-lidded stupor.
"C'est... c'est... (It's… it's…)" She struggles at first as her breath becomes slightly ragged, but the words come out one way or another. "It's more than okay, Kati… Keep going, please." I waste no time, taking my hand back and hooking my fingers into the waist band of her underwear, slowly sliding the fabric off of her and then discarding it, just as everything else has been. I take one look at the sight before me and feel my heartrate spike. Nem tudtam, hogy ennél erősebben tud verni. (Didn't know it could beat any harder.) I gently push her legs apart, leaving a trail of fire as I press my lips to the skin of her legs, slowly making my way to where I want to be. Once I'm close, I look back up, wanting to make sure that this is okay. No words are spoken, just a nod. But it's all I need to-
ring
ring
ring
ring
ring
I shoot up to a sitting position, my alarm sounding louder than it usually is. Guess I must've been really tired after last night. But that dream… A fenébe is, miért? Miért történik ez folyton? (God dammit why? Why does this keep happening?) I need a shower. A hot and long one. So I get out of bed and walk over to the bathroom, taking off my pajamas and turning on the hot water. I step in, immediately letting the heat wash away whatever sin I had been soaking in during the night. Nem akarok tovább meredezni ebben az érzésben. (I don't want to steep in that feeling any longer.) I just stand there, eyes closed, head tilted down. Shame and guilt washing over every fiber of my being alongside the water. I don't know how long I've been in here, but it feels like an eternity. Long enough for the water to start feeling cool, so I turn the handle in order for the heat to return again. Maybe it'll be hot enough for me to melt away in here. But that doesn't happen. And somehow, I manage to turn off the water and step out. I start drying off and head back into my bedroom afterwards, hearing my phone buzz as I start getting dressed. I walk over and see it's a text from Randy. Oh right… That…
'Heading up to Claremont Park in twenty. Expect to see you there.'
|-Later that morning. Claremont Park, Clay Avenue & 8016 East 170th Street-|
Zborowski Point, huh? That's where we're meetin' at? Oughta be a gazebo-lookin' thang up on the north end of the park. I hop out of my car and start walkin', passin' by a few folks out for their mornin' jog and others just loungin' in that crisp fall air. Ain't but a minute 'fore I spot that gazebo, and sure as she said she'd be, Kati's sittin' right in there. I mosey on up, lettin' her get a good look at me.
"Oh, Randy. Right on time." She says, but somethin' ain't right. Plenty ain't, if I'm tellin' the truth. But I can smooth over those wrinkles later. For now…
"You say that like I'm late all the time." I fire back, watchin' a funny look creep onto her face while I keep on jawin'. "Lincoln Park. That's out next shoot. Autumn chic is the theme. I was thinking about using the fisheye again."
"Oh, uh… Yeah, I can work with that." Kati says, straightening up[ when it's mentioned. We ain't used the fisheye but a few times, but every time we have, it's been a sight to see. Seems like that's out ace in the hole. I like that. Reckon Kati and City do too. "EF 8-15mm again? or do you want me to use a different fisheye?"
"I was thinking an AstrHori 6mm f2.8. You don't need to worry about buying one yourself. I already went out and got you one the other day. Should be arriving at your doorstep sometime Monday." I say, watchin' her face go through a right mess of emotions. Even the one that's got me a little skittish. It's just a blink, but I know it all too well. No, what I ain't ready fer…
"Is Gold up to date? Does she have any clothes for this? You said 'autumn chic', right? Does she know about the lens we're using?" Kati starts in on me, and it hits me that I oughta have been ready for somethin' like this. I keep my breath even, then I giver her my answer.
"No. Not yet at least." I start, catchin' that little ol' bit of mad creep onto her face. "I told her to take today and the weekend to rest. I'll let her know on Monday." I wrap it up, watchin' that mad on Kati's face ease off some. But that thang I been seein' for goin' on three weeks now is still hangin' around. An' it gits my goat that I cain't put my finger on it. Worry? Unease? Naw. I reckon I been more than easy on Kati and her ways so far. Leastways, I hope to goodness I have.
"Who are… Who are we working with for this one?" I hear Kati askin', joltin' me out of my daydream. She reckons it's another mag shoot, and she ain't too far off. More like a particular designer from Old Bridge's Waterpass Outlet - Douglas Howley.
"Douglas Howley. Works for Waterpass Outlet based in Old Bridge Township. I pegged him as someone we could potentially work with at the end of September but he wanted to see more of City in action before he made a conclusive decision. Seems last night's show impressed him." I tell her, rememberin' what that up-can-comin' big shot said to me and Brouillard 'fore we headed into the theater for the shows.
'A model who can perform is a model who can last a lifetime.'
That sorta thing sticks with ya. And Gold City, she's right at home on that stage, what with havin' to play all them shows after every race. But then again… would it be wrong of me to put her through that? Have I already done her dirty by movin' her here to New York for a whole year? 'Cause I've seen the looks folks give her when she's out and about. That kinda attention. The grins and the peepers. The fangs and the bait. The sneers and the grimaces. The hawk-eyed looks. Some folks ain't cut out for the limelight. I know Kati's one of them, but I'm startin' to reckon Gold City's one of them too. I sure don't blame her none. I ain't too keen on it either. I'd rather stay back in the sticks. But with what we do, sometimes that limelight's just bound to find ya. No two ways about it. Anyhow, I'm fixin' to have a sit-down with City on Monday. Pray she's in better spirits by then. She looked… kinda off last night. Like somethin' was eatin' at her. Maybe this three-day break'll help her get her head on straight. Speakin' 'bout folks who ain't got their head on straight…
"One last thing before I let you go." I git started, drawin' Kati's eye right off. She perks up quick, movin' so fast her glasses 'bout slip off her face. "Is everything alright? You've seemed kind of… spacey these last few weeks." I keep on, watchin' a little bit of red creep up on her face, makin' her shut down all quick like. Like she's guitly of somethin'. Can't see her face clear, but I know it's got that same ol' look on it again. And I know she's fixin' to tell me a lie, say she's doin' fine, that it ain't nothin'. that ever'thins right as rain in her camp even though we both know good and well it ain't what it looks like. And the worst part is that I''m gon' let her get away with it, 'cause I don't want her to feel like I'm puttin the squeeze on her. 'Cause I still ain't got a clue what's eatin' at her.
"Uh, yeah. I'm fine. Maybe a bit tired from all the work, but fine." Kati starts tellin' that lie, and I'm seein' through it. Mostly 'cause she ain't lookin' at me. She's lookin' past me, like I ain't even here. I get that she's shy and all, but bless her heart, this is jsut flat-out embarrassin'.
"Are you sure? Again, you don't seem to be all there. You can talk to me. At least, I hope you trust me enough to say certain things in confidence. I understand if you don't." I answer back, aimin' to get Kati as settled as she can be. Get her head right so she can spill the tea. But it ain't workin'. Not right this minute, leastways. Not like I figured it would fix things right off. Keep my hopes low, and all.
"Yes. Very sure. Just… not used to working with one person for so long. And then…" She starts to fade out, like she's wishin' she never started that thought. My eyes spill the beans, and this time, it takes. I catch a slice of the why. A half-baked truth at best, which is likely all I'm gonna get for now. "I don't… like the attention that much. Being recognized and spotted like I'm a zoo animal. Utálom a paparazzikat... (I hate paparazzi…)" The tail end of it slips out like a whisper, and I reckon I catch her drift.
"Yeah, me too. Paparazzi are scum. They contribute nothing and sometimes make someone's life worse. You're not alone with that thought." I say as I plop down in this gazebo, the crisp fall air driftin' through free as leaves get whisked up in the breeze. Kati does the same, lettin' her legs take a load after Lord knows how long she's been standin'. "It doesn't get much better, honestly. Which is horrible to think about, but that's just how it is. Some things are beyond our control. I think City would know about that more than both of us."
"Maybe she can teach you a few things on how to deal with them." Kati says, half-laughin' as the words slip out, hidin' what's goin' on in her head with that dry, Hungarian humor. Is dry even the right word? Don't matter none. Ain't important.
"Maybe we both could." I say as I get back on my feet, keepin' my hand low, tellin' Kati to stay put. Reckon she could use a breather. "I need to head down to Old Bridge. Talk to Douglas about what he clothing he wants to showcase. I'll see you then." I say as I start heading back to my car, leaving Kati to chew on those words. But the more steps I take, the more it feels like a big 'ol mistake. This poor girl... Vad har jag gjort med ditt liv? (What have I done to your life?)
|-That afternoon. Morningside Park, Morningside Drive, Manhattan-|
I take a deep breath, letting the cool autumn air fill my lungs. I'm still shaken by last night. All the things that were running through my mind. How it all made me feel. The things it… made my subconscious conjure up while I slept. Sono kōkei wa marude shinsen na mama no yō ni, ima mo nao nokotte iru. (The scenes still linger, as if they were fresh.) I felt so dirty, so… wrong to think of Kati in that way. Not even a long shower could seemingly remove the invisible filth that I was covered in. Yet at the same time, considering everything that I have to rethink and revaluate, it felt oddly right. And that's the part I hate most. That the dream was sensual and intimate, yet still soft and tender. It felt like I was peering into another timeline. Seeing a different way events could have unfolded. The way Kati's words entered my ears, soothing every insecurity I had. Those little nothings whispered, the ones that you only tell someone when you know you feel a certain way about them. Ce serait agréable d'avoir ça maintenant... (Would be nice to have that now...) To have her here to reassure me that everything I feel towards her is valid. That it can be reciprocated. That we can make this work. But then again… How could we make it work? There's still so much about this that I don't know. It's not enough to acknowledge that one can be queer. De mo, sono genjitsu o ukeireru dake no tsuyo-sa ga jibun ni arudarō ka? (But am I strong enough to accept that reality?) Am I ready to aceept that I am falling in love with another woman?
buzz
buzz
buzz
My thoughts get interrupted as I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Someone is calling me. It's not Jordan or Palmer. I already talked to them this morning. Maybe Victor? I quickly reach into my blazer's pocket to grab my earbuds before I take out my phone and immediately see that this is different. It's not Victor.
It's Père.
I connect my earbuds to my phone and answer immediately, Père's gruff voice coming through clearly as he answers.
"Ah, City." He opens with, voice gruff, but also calming. Je ne savais pas que je devais l'entendre tant. (Didn't know I needed to hear him this much.) "Comment vous êtes-vous passé, mon petit trésor? (How have you been. my little treasure?)"
"J'ai été bien, Père. Et vous? (I've been well, Père" What about you?)" I respond, taking a deep breath so my heart can stay steady as his voice comes into my ears again.
"J'ai certainement vu de meilleurs jours. Bien que je puisse dire que c’est une journée beaucoup meilleure maintenant que j’entends votre voix. Ça fait trop longtemps depuis que nous avons parlé la dernière fois. (I've certainly seen better days. Though I can say that it is a much better day now that I'm hearing your voice. It's been too long since we last talked.)" He says, a slight amount of joy filling his voice as he speaks.
"Oui, c'est vrai. Nous avons parlé la dernière fois, la dernière fois que je suis revenu au Japon? Bien sûr, avant de m'emballer pour l'Amérique, je le sais. (Yes, it has been. We last spoke, what, last time I returned to Japan? Certainly before I packed up for America, I know that.)" I then say, hearing a sigh from Père on the other end as he ponders his next words.
"Non, ce n'aurait pas pu être avant. Ou est-ce Victor que vous avez parlé la journée avant de partir aux États-Unis? En parlant de votre frère, il m’a montré les vidéos de hier soir ce matin. Vous avez l'air étonnant, comme toujours. (No, it couldn't have been before then. Or was it Victor you spoke to the day before you left for America? Speaking of your brother: He showed me the footage from last night this morning. You looked stunning, as always.)" Père responds, and hearing that Victor showed him the footage of the fashion show irks me. I should be the one sharing yet. Yet he always got to it before I could. "Chute de la Dame Blanche, non?"
"Oui, Chute de la Dame Blanche. Nous avons travaillé avec Miquel Brouillard qui est basé à Montréal. Je voulais travailler avec lui depuis longtemps, alors c'était agréable d'avoir finalement l'opportunité. (Yes, Chute de la Dame Blanche. We worked with Miquel Brouillard who is based in Montreal. I've been wanting to work with him for a long time, so it was nice to finally have the opportunity.)" I tell Père, my own voice filling with pride as I remember some of the night. I kept seeing every major modeling and fashion magazine saying that it was the best piece I've ever showcased, and looking back on last night, I'm finding it harder to disagree.
"Votre grand-mère aurait aimé ça, vu comment elle était de Boitschatel. (Your grandmother would've loved that, seeing as how she was from Boitschatel.)" He then says. My grandmother… Come to think of it, I don't know if I've ever actually met Père's parents. That is… Zotto suru kangae da. (A horrifying thought.)
"Je suis sûr qu'elle l'aurait fait. Est-ce que je l’ai rencontrée? Votre mère? Vous n'avez toujours eu qu'une louange à dire à propos d'elle. (I'm sure she would have. Did I ever meet her? Your mother? You've always had nothing but praise to say about her.)" I respond, unsure if I should bring something like that up. But Père doesn't seem to mind it, giving me a very concrete answer.
"Malheureusement, non. Elle est morte deux ans avant votre naissance. (Unfortunately, no. She died two years before you were born.)" He says, voice becoming somber as I look out towards the pond, starting blankly at the waterfall. Naturally, my mind starts to wander.
All the little things that I let slip by between me and Kati. All the things I could've said. Could've done to show her that… Maybe I'm not as certain of myself as I claim to be. And then, as if on cue, the little wendigo and oni appear on my shoulders, whispering their venom and poison into my ears.
Foolish little girl. This can only end ONE way.
Oh please, like I'm afraid of that.
You should be. Think about how many women in your position had everything come crashing down because OF WHOM they decided to pursue.
Are you trying to tell me that queer models can't exist? Because Helios being openly bisexual runs counter to your narrative, little oni.
She is the exception that proves the rule.
You should listen to us. Listen to your conscious.
"City? Mon petit trésor? Vous êtes là? (City? My little treasure? Are you there?)" I hear Père say, snapping me out of whatever fugue state I found myself in while banishing the oni and wendigo to whatever decrepit pit they crawled out of.
"Uh… Oui, je suis toujours ici. (Yes, I'm still here.)" I respond, voice weak though I try to hide it.
"Bon. J'ai peur de devoir terminer ceci ici. J'ai quelques choses à attendre sur la ferme. J'espère que vous appréciez le reste de votre journée, mon petit trésor. (Good. I'm afraid I'll have to end this here. I have some things to attend to on the farm. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day, my little treasure.)" He says, something that brings my day down a little. I was hoping to talk with him a bit longer. "C'était agréable de vous parler, City. (It was nice to talk to you, City.)"
"Je peux dire la même chose, Père. (I can say the same thing, Père.)" I say as he hangs up. As much as I wish we could've talked longer, he is a busy man. I reach up to take the earbuds out, sighing as I place them back into my blazer pocket. I take one last look at the waterfall before I turn on my heel and start walking south. The click of my heels against the cobble pavers beneath me is enough to keep my mind from wandering, but I don't know for how long. It's then that I feel a yawn come upon me, and I do not fight it. With everything that has been on my mind since yesterday, it was hard to get a good night's sleep. I take the moment to listen to my surroundings, taking in the noises that permeate the air on Manhattan Island. Central Park isn't too far from here if I'm not mistaken. Maybe I can go to the North Wood to try and clear my head. Īe. Mattaku warui kangae de wa arimasen. (No. Not a bad idea at all.) I open my eyes and start to make me way there when I come across something, or rather someone, I was not expecting to see today.
Kati. All by herself. Sitting on a bench. Uchū tte hontō ni omoshiroi yūmoa ga aru ne… (The universe sure has a funny sense of humor...)
I stop, heels no longer making noise and it seems that absence catches Kati's attention. Her head snaps to where she thinks she heard something, only to find me, and her face flushes with red. As a result, Kati looks down at the ground, hoping that I didn't see it. Of course, I did. But for her sake, I'll pretend I didn't. Not that it matters. I can feel blood rushing to my head as the sight of her is enough to bring back last night's dream. I slowly approach, letting her know I'm here. That this isn't some kind of dream.
"Well… Wasn't expecting to see you out today." I say, taking note of how her eyes are effectively glues to the ground."
"I, uh… I can say the same about you." Kati responds, voice trembling with anxiety. I know that she most likely feels a certain kind of way towards me, but this… Je me sents mal pour elle, honnêtement. (I feel bad for her, honestly.) "Randy says you have today and the weekened for rest and releaxation."
"That I do. Room for one more?" I ask, watching her blush become more fierce as she processes the question. But she does pay it some heed, sliding over to give me some room. I then sit down, looking into the softball diamond Kati was, though I don't think she was interested in the game that was being played here. No, her mind is somewhere else. And I think I know where. The way she avoids eye contact with me. How fidgety and nervous she seems to be. She must've had another fantasy last night. Just like I did. Looks like it did a number on her as well. Wouldn't be surprised to hear her say she didn't get a lot of sleep last night after she got home. "Simply out and about? Wanting to take in some sun before the days get too short?" I ask, wanting to make some small talk to try and ease the tension that has been built up so far.
"Uh, yeah. Something like that" She says, voice still trembling but at least she is able to look at me this time. Well, look in my general direction. "Didn't… really sleep well, last night."
"Me neither. But that's just par for the course in my life. Makes sense why I'm such a late riser now, doesn't it?" I respond, catching Kati sneaking quick glances at me in the corner of her eyes every so often. It's hard not to feel like I'm in a trance looking at her. For as much as she compliments my beauty, she is quite the looker herself. Especially with the glasses and how they frame those gorgeous brown eyes of hers.
"I… can certainly see that now." Kati feebly retorts, voice still nervous, though she is more comfortable. That much I can tell. I just wish… Kanojo ga ima konna ni kokoro o tozashite inakere ba ī no ni to omou. (Wish that she wasn't so closed off right now.) "Did your work ever interfere with your track record?" Now that's a question I haven't heard in a while.
"It was more so my academics that took the biggest hit as a result of me still modeling while I was enrolled at Tracen." I start explaining, remembering a lot of sleepless nights and rough mornings where Bamboo Memory had to effectively pilot me to make sure I wasn't late for any classes or training sessions. "Every now and then it would interfere with the training regimens my trainer, Masaru, had planned out for me, but he was always able to work around it whenever that happened." I say, feeling another yawn rising. I don't fight it again, letting it happen as I slink back, head coming to rest on Kati's shoulder, left hand falling atop her right, albeit inadvertently.
The odd thing is that neither of us stop it. At least, not at first, we just simply let ourselves exist like this. As if it were nothing. And for the briefest moment, I feel compelled to let Kati know what it is I feel. How I see her. What she makes me feel on a daily basis. But I immediately shoot that idea down. I need to learn to accept my bisexuality before I can even confess that kind of thing to Kati. This is also when we seemingly get our heads back onto our shoulders, as I feel her tug at the sleeve of my blazer.
"Uh, you okay over there? Guess you really didn't get a lot of sleep last night." She says as she slowly pulls away, allowing me time to get my sense of balance so I don't fall.
"No. It would seem not." I say as another yawn decides to rise up. This time, I manage to control myself a bit better. I don't bump into her this time. Nor do I linger there. Though the warmth that radiated into me was… very nice. I wish I could feel it again. Certainly a bulwark against the cooling air of October.
"I assume you got here on your own?" I ask as we step out onto Manhattan Avenue, looking around to see if I can spot her car. Though I don't seem to have any luck.
"No. I took the metro. I'm actually meeting with Met in about an hour after he gets some free time." She responds, and I feel a hint of disappointment hearing it. Of course, I know why. I'm attracted to her. But I can't let that get in the way right now. Kati has her own life she lives. It's not my place to dictate who she spends her time with.
"I see. Well, I hope the two of you have a good afternoon then. I'll see you, Tuesday? I think that might be when Randy has us back out in Lincoln Park." I say as Kati takes a second to gather her thoughts. I don't think she has considered that.
"Uh, Randy wants to speak with you individually first before we head back out to Jersey City. Mostly about clothing." Kati says in return. Oh right, I haven't actually gotten anything to wear for that shoot. All I know is that it's supposedly "autumn chic" in theme. I'll have to see how this plays out. Regardless…
"I see. Well, I'll see you… whenever we both feel like it I suppose." I say, watching as her face starts to flush read again. Seems she still can't understand that I genuinely enjoy spending time with her. I don't think she ever will at this rate. Shōjiki, kawaī. Kanojo ga konna fū ni sukkari awatete iru no o miru to. Watakushi ga kanojo ni kore hodo made ni horekonda no mo muri wa nai. (It's cute, honestly. Seeing her get all flustered like this. No wonder I've fallen for her as much as I have.)
"Uh, yeah…" Kati starts, clearly having multiple thoughts form in her head at once that cause her to trail off. "Tuesday? During the day? If it's alright with you?" She then adds. A proposition. One I will gladly accept.
"I see no reason to decline. I'll see you Tuesday." I say as I turn on my heel again and head north to where I've parked my car, listening closely as Kati's footsteps become more and more distant with each footfall.
If this much can happen in four months... Où serons-nous dans les quatre autres? (Where will we be in another four?)