Chapter Text
|-Sunday afternoon. Lincoln Park, 1 County Road 605, Jersey City-|
"Hmm... Most of what I'm thinking involves her sitting on the edge, but I don't know if that's an okay thing to do." I hear Kati talkin'. She might be a flatlander, but bless her heart, she's sharp as a tack. She sees stuff Gold just ain't pickin' up on, and things I'm blind to, too. It's a real blessin' havin' her eyes around here. We done good choosin' her. Not only is Gold City takin' off like a scalded dog here on the East Coast in only four months, but Kati... I wouldn't be shocked if she ends up bein' as big as Gold herself. And some folks I know 'round here are sayin' she's fixin' to be in high demand. Four months, huh? That's all it took to get here? Well, I'll be, that's somethin', even by my reckonin'.
"This is a public space. I don't particularly see any issues arising." I say, tryin' to ease any worries Kati might be havin'. Then I glance over at Gold, whose eyeballs are glued tight to that eagle perched up on top of the fountain pillar. She's fixin' to do some thinkin'. And not about the job we're here to do. It's somethin' else entirely. But what that somethin' else is... beats me. Been happenin' more and more here lately too. Anyways, she musta felt me lookin' at her, 'cause she turns right around to face me.
"I like the idea. With the pillar in the background... I think we can get some good shots out of it. Especially if we manage to get the eagle in as well." She says, lookin' at that ol' eagle one last time. Now she's thinkin' 'bout that job. Good. That's what I need right now, bless her heart. "Maybe get out here in the evening, just as the sun is starting to set. Make the shots even better.
"Hey, don't take my job." Kati then cuts in, makin' 'em both crack up. Lord, she's been squirmin' like a tadpole these past months, but when Kati gets her mind on somethin', she works her tail off. That work ethic just shines right through. Another reason we done so good, I reckon. "I'm the one who's supposed to see the vision."
Time just keeps on tickin' by as them two are eyeballin' and arguin' 'bout what'll make some purty pictures. What kinda glass they oughta use. How far back Kati needs to be from Gold. While they're jawin' at each other, I'm over here thinkin' 'bout what's fixin' to happen here in a few weeks: That Haunted Runway thing at the Gershwin. Still gotta bring that up with 'em. Got a whole heap to talk about. I just hope they cotton to it. Especially Kati. She ain't gonna be able to take no pictures while it's goin' on, bless her heart. I mosey on over to them two women, fixin' to let 'em know what's what. Shoot, I shoulda said somethin' 'fore now, but stuff just kept gettin' in the way.
"Alright, debate over. Pep talk. Now." I say, tryin' to get 'em all lookin' my way. They mosey on over, heads cocked to the side, lookin' all puzzled and curious-like. "We've got some plans to discuss."
"Those plans being?" Gold's fixin' to ask somethin' fust, wants to rap with me a bit. Reckon I could listen to her jawin'.
"First, the shoot here won't be for another few weeks. I just wanted to see how the place looks." I reckon I'll just jump right in, and they're lookin' at me like I got two heads. Don't seem too happy 'bout me wastin' their time one bit. Guess I gotta spill the beans. "Before either of you ask: Haunted Runway. Fashion show being hosted at the Gershwin that showcases pieces influenced by horror movies and literature. I managed to secure us a spot."
"There's a catch. What is it?" Kati, bless her heart, she clocks right off the bat that somethin' ain't right. Now, how do I get this here bandage off without causin' her too much misery?
"You won't be able to bring your camera. They won't allow outside photography at the show." I answered, watchin' Kati's face real close to see what she thought. Outta the corner of my eye, I seen Gold's ears droop down, which meant she weren't too happy 'bout this news. Can't say I blame her none. I felt pretty much the same way myself.
"I... won't be able to take any shots? None?" Well, she ain't takin' this too kindly. We gotta jaw 'bout this, just us two. Don't wanna raise no ruckus out here now.
"We'll discuss this later. Just you and me. I'm not happy either, if it's any consolation." I'm tellin' her, seein' as how it's sinkin' in some. Leastways a little bit. And that's better'n a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Means she'll hold her horses 'til we have our... come-to-Jesus meetin'.
"I still don't see why it would be a problem. So what if I'm am 'outside photographer'. Other fashion shows let outside cameras take photos all the time whenever they happen. Like Paris or Milan. Why is this different?" Kati's fixin' to pitch a hissy fit, Lord have mercy. Reckon I oughta just let her be and get it all off her chest. But I found out 'bout this whole shebang when I heard they done gone and let Gold in. And that's just how it is—ain't no budgin'. Which is just gonna pour gas on the fire, ain't it?
"Believe you me: I tried. I tried negotiating. I tried diplomacy. Those thick-headed, bougie flatlanders wouldn't listen." I'm sayin', tryin' to get Kati to simmer down. She's gotta quit actin' a fool. I seen Gold peekin' her head 'round the corner yonder. Told her to git on outta earshot, but them dang ol' horse ears o' hers hear ever'thin'. Reckon she jes' can't hep but be nosy. She's gotta stick her nose in. "This is a massive point of contention for a lot of people. But the organizers are stubborn."
"Oh, I bet they are. I bet that they don't ev-" I held up my hand, stoppin' Kati right there. Hit's bad enough Gold's earwiggin' on this. We don't need just anybody gawkin' at a grown woman of twenty- three carryin' on like a young'un in broad daylight.
"Just breathe. Okay? Breathe for me? Deep and low. In through the nose. Out through the mouth. Breathe... and listen. I'm not happy about this either. In fact, I'd say I'm angrier than you. It's not just Gold City who's been making waves throughout the Northeast Megalopolis. A lot of people want to know who's the magician behind the camera." I say, watchin' Kati do like I told her, 'fore it dawns on her what I jes' said. She... well, she looks like she's stuck between bein' momicked and bamboozled. Kinda funny to watch her face switch back and forth like that.
"I'm sorry... What? People want... Want me? No, no, that... That's not... That's not how this works. Like, at all. I'm not supposed... to be famous. I just... I just operate the camera." She's talkin' with a real bad stutter. Reckon confusion won out in the long run. Guess she ain't cut out for the limelight after all. Then again, a lotta folks ain't. I peek over at Gold City; she's still pokin' her head 'round that corner, duckin' back when she sees me lookin' her way. If anybody I done worked with has had a hard time with bein' famous, it's her. Shame that colic made her hang up her boots. Seems like she loved the feel of that dirt track under her feet. Leastways, that's what Tomo told me when he brung it up. I'm fixin' to get back to Kati, though, 'cause I wanna stay right here, right now.
"I know I didn't stutter. Unlike you. It's jarring, I know. But you'll get used to it. Try not to think about it too much." I tell her, tryin' to get her head outta the clouds right quick. I need y'all two ready for whatever might come down the pike. That includes stuff that ain't quite right, like this here. I hauled off and took a big breath, tryin' to get myself settled 'fore I said another dadgum word. Then I watched Kati playin' Monkey See, Monkey Do, takin' one herself as she opened up her ears, listenin' close.
"We'll figure something out later. We have ideas for the future, but for right now, we need to prepare and get ready for the show." I say, knowin' full well ol' Gold been listenin' in the whole dang time. Looks like she done caught on too, 'cause she's comin' our way, ears all drooped down, lookin' right shamefaced. Can't rightly fault her none. Lord, I done been there myself aplenty. Still do, sometimes. Gotta... well, never I mind. Ain't got no time to be stewin' on that kinda stuff. Leastways, not right now.
"How long until we need to be at the Gershwin?" I hear Gold ask, her voice shakin' a little bit. Ain't comin' from me, nor this mess we're in. It's somethin' else. But what in tarnation? What coulda knocked the wind outta her like that? It ain't the bellyache again, is it? Nah. Can't be that. I follow where she's lookin'. It ain't at me... Nope. Uh-uh. I ain't doin' that.
"It's, what, the 12th as of today? The show is on the 23rd. We have eleven days. A Canadian designer is working with us. Best to not disappoint him." I'm fixin' to answer, 'cause I'm ready to be done with this day, I tell you what. Shoot, we done had our fun. Time to sit a spell, and figure out what we gonna do next. "Miguel Brouillard I think is his name."
"Brouillard? Eh bien, c’est intéressant. (Well, that's interesting.) Always wanted to work with him." Gold, bless her heart, comin' at me with that Frenchified talk. But then again, ain't really all that surprising, now is it? Reckon I better spell out how things gonna be, right quick.
|-That evening. Little Island Park, Little Island, Pier 55 at Hudson River Park, Hudson River Greenway, Manhattan-|
The city seems so much more alive in October. Guess it must be that Halloween spirit coming through more and more as the end of the month approaches. You can't help but feel that energy. It's lively. It's invigorating. It makes me want to join in. Inhibitions be damned. I just know that if Helios was here, she'd be the life of whatever party she turns this into. She has the uncanny ability to do that. One of the reasons we became friends. Her energy and attitude is simply infectious.
"Try not to wander too far. No telling how many creeps would try to take their chances." I hear Kati say, her face close to my ears. Don't know why she's so close. I can hear her pretty clearly even if she was on the other side of the park. But to each their own, I guess.
"I'm more than capable of taking care of myself, thank you very much." I respond, trying to assuage her fears. "If anyone tries anything, I could always kick them." But then again...
"What if someone sees that? I don't want to tempt fate. Gossip spreads fast. Especially here in New York. I don't want to think about what people might say if that happened." Kati says, putting in it my face why that would probably not be a good idea. So I should probably stay close to her. Not that I mind. I've come to enjoy spending time with Kati. Very much. She's nice. She's calm. She's attentive in conversation. And she gets so far into my head...
I still have those thoughts. They aren't an uncommon occurrence at this point. But I manage to keep them in check throughout the day, though sometimes it can't be helped. I slip up. I make mistakes. And it allows my mind to wander. But I can't accept this. Not... Not yet. Not until I can fully understand why Kati makes me feel this way. How it's so effortless sometimes. How it can side-track me so completely. I need to understand why this happens. I can't do anything else before-hand except acknowledge that I feel sexual and possibly even romantic attraction towards another woman. It's still too much to think about, even with that in mind. Especially when...
No. Do not think about such things. What would mother think?
How is that relevant? She's always been supportive of me. I'm failing to see the connection.
It would not be pleasant for her to find out. There are standards that we must uphold.
Again: I fail to see how this would be detrimental. And what standards? I want to be able to accept this. I know what repressing feelings like this do to one's psyche. I'm not keen on becoming another statistic.
This can only end poorly. Just be professional. It's nothing more than an immature infatuation.
Oh great, my own mind infantilizing me. I am a grown woman of twenty-three. I'm more than capable of processing and understanding my own emotions. I just... I just need time with this. I don't want to rush this. That would end disastrously.
We eventually come to a small part of the small park where we have a solid view of the World Trade Center. It's quite nice, being out here. The cool October breeze is something I welcome, and I've been in New York long enough to draw some parallels with Tokyo. Both cities have a large population, being the largest in their respective nations. Both cities have a bustling night-life, clubs and bars being common place. Especially on Manhattan Island. Both cities are world hubs of culture for the arts, theater and music. New York being famous for it, having been the back drop for many different Hollywood blockbusters. Not to mention being an epicenter for movements such as American Punk Rock with venues such as CBGBs. Quite the history. It's fascinating. Almost as fascinating as the way Kati is looking at me. I know it's unintentional on her part, but I can't help... No. Not now. I can ruminate on that thought at a later date. Besides, her eyes aren't the only ones I feel on me
"It's quite nice out here." I say, more so trying to distract myself from the feeling. I know why it's there: People are staring. I'm becoming quite popular here. It's terrifying, really, how fast this has happened. It took years for my name to become common-place in Japan. But here, in New York City... Only four months. That's how long it's been. And I'm already half-way to what I currently have back home. Again: It's terrifying.
"Yeah, it is. I like Little Island. Nice little green space out in the Hudson. Good place to just... disappear whenever I feel stressed or worn out. Just wish it was a bit closer to the Bronx." I hear Kati say, her voice carrying quite well on the breeze. "Though... Tonight isn't doing us any favors. Not with how many people are staring."
"I know. I can feel it." I respond, surprised by the shift in Kati's voice. She's not used to fame. Frankly, I'm still not. Not by a kilometer. I've just gotten used to navigating the terrain. "I'm surprised that no one has come up for a photo or autograph."
"Probably too busy to notice that it's you. I'm more surprised no-one has tried to hit on you." That is... and interesting response to hear from her. Why would... anyone want to do that?
"I'm sorry? Hit on me? What?" I ask, still trying to process Kati's response.
"I mean, look around. Do you see how many dumbass fratboys there are out here tonight? Anyone one of them could take their chances." She says, gesturing to the people going by us. I see what she means. At least, I think I do. A few of the men we've passed by... All young. All looking for their next "date". I don't intend on that being me. Not that it matters. None of them are really my type. They seem so... I don't know how to describe it, really. Predatory, maybe?
"How often does it happen to you?" I ask, unsure if I should be putting the question out there.
"Way too much considering the kind of person I am. I just..." Kati starts trailing off. Now I feel guilty. Like I've put her in some kind of limelight that she's woefully unprepared for. "Just wish it wasn't guys all the time." It's quiet, almost imperceptible, even for uma ears. But I still heard it. Do I prod a bit further? Or do I leave it be? My want to respect her boundaries is too high, but so is that dark need at the back of my mind. I need to know.. if she is...
"What do you mean?" The words slip out before I can really think. So much so that I immediately regret saying them when I see Kati ever so slightly turn away from me. I've struck a nerve. I need to course correct. "I- No. Forget I said anything. If it's too perso-"
"No, no. It's... It's alright. Just, uh... wasn't expecting that." Kati cuts me off, waving her hand like it's not a big deal. But I can tell that it is. The hesitancy in her voice. The way she looks at everything except me. "I, uh, I'm not attracted to men."
"Oh... I see." Is the only thing I can really respond with. I don't want to make this something grand or worth talking about in public. If anything, this kind of conversation should be happening in a more private setting. But I suppose beggars can't be choosers. For better or worse...
"Yeah. Not... exactly something I like to discuss in public like this." Kati picks up, hesitance still in her voice. We should remedy this. Not that... I want to keep prodding, but...
"We could go somewhere more private, if it helps you relax and feel a bit more at ease. No serious talks. Unless... you want to have that kind of thing. I'm fine with whatever happens." I say, watching closely to gauge Kati's reaction. Seems that it worked. She takes a deep breath, and then stands up, confidence evident in her posture.
"Yeah. I like that idea. Come on. Let's go."
We've been driving around Manhattan for goddesses know how long. Not that I mind. I do enjoy spending time with Kati. Talking with her. Just... being around her in general. I feel at ease with her. Not just another pretty face to be oggled at. But someone to be listened to and heard. Only other person I felt that way with was my old trainer when I was still racing. I wonder how Masaru's been. I should reach out to him when I have the chance.
"So the term is 'lesbian'? Interesting. How'd that come about?" I ask, engrossed in this little lesson in queer history.
"Well, it comes from the Greek island of Lesbos, which was the home of Sappho, who's name is where the term 'sapphic' comes from. Sapphic is broadly used to describe any woman who's attracted to other women. So lesbians, bisexuals, pansexuals. If you're a woman and you feel that way towards another woman, you're sapphic. But lesbians like me are only attracted to women." Kati explains. She knows a lot about this topic. Rightly so. I would expect it from someone like her. "Sappho's poetry was so intimately about women. The contours of the body. The ways in which she felt about other women. So when you hear historians say she killed herself over unrequited love for a man... Yeah, I'm inclined to call bullshit."
"Well that's certainly colorful language." I respond, chuckling as I do so. Seems I've found a topic that Kati is passionate about.
"It's erasure. Outright erasure. But I'm gonna stop myself there. No need for this to be a rant." She says in response. Probably for the best.
"When did you start feeling this way?" I ask, wanting to know more. Maybe it... can help me understand this bisexuality.
"Oh, that... I want to say I was ten. Maybe eleven. All I can remember is that this one girl just looked so pretty and... I couldn't take my eyes off her. Just grew from there." Kati says, voice growing softer as she speaks. "There was one girl I knew. Mutual friend of me and Met. Wrestled with the thought for months. 'How could I ask her out and not come off as a creep?' Kept me up at night until she asked me out."
"Wow. Quite the development." I say, knowing that the conversation will die down soon. I don't mind it though. The silence is welcome in this instance. It allows me to think. To ruminate. I... think I am one step closer to understanding why Kati makes me feel this way. But at the same time... the shame returns. Best to not let it get to my head.
|-Monday morning. Noonan Towers, 929 Woodycrest Avenue, the Bronx-|
It's hazy, my eyesight. Hazy and full of lust. So much so that I'm unsure if what I'm experiencing in this moment is real. But what I can see... God is it good...
"Oh... Oh wow..." Gold says in a breathy manner, her neck covered in little bite marks and hickeys. Such a beautiful sight... That pristine skin with remnants of my work on it...
"Relax, baby... Enjoy yourself..." I say as my hands roam over her back, looking for the strap to unclasp her bra. I want... I need them in my hands. To feel them. To play with them. To worship them. Actions befitting a woman like Gold City. I find the strap, and deftly get it unclasped, pulling it forward as Gold brings her hands to cover her chest. Still nervous. Milyen aranyos. (How cute.) I gently place my hands on her wrists, looking deeply into those beautiful blue eyes clouded by lust.
"Is this okay? You can say if it isn't." I tell her, wanting her to be comfortable with what's happening. I watch the blush slowly creep down from her face and onto the pale skin of her neck, gradually becoming redder and redder as she processes my words.
"Oh, I'm... I'm fine with this. Just..." She stammers. Nerves. She'll get used to it, though. I slowly pull her wrists away from her chest, uncovering that divine bosom I have fantasized about since June. They're even more beautiful than I could've imagined. I go to place my hand atop her left breast, but stop before I make contact. I want to make sure that it is really okay for me to do this. I look at Gold, hoping to see some form of approval, and when she nods, I gently cup her breast with my hand. Soft, yet firm. Plump, yet steady. I slowly start to knead the fatty tissue in my hand, watching Gold's face as I do so. She seems to be enjoying it, judging by her head being craned back and the soft moans that escape her lips. It spurs me on. My hand moves quicker, eventually being joined by the other.
"Enjoying this?" I ask, voice husky with desire. I want Gold to be enjoying this as much as I am. If she isn't, then there are major problems. But the response I get is a good one.
"Yeah, this... this is nice." She says, voice equally as husky. Good. What I want to hear. I slowly lean in, pressing my lips to hers before making my way down, slowly but surely leaving a trail of heat that stops between her breasts. I then lean back, taking in the sight before I lean back in. I tilt left, lips making contact just above the areola before I make eye contact with Gold. I can tell from the look in those lustful blue eyes that escalation is more than okay, so I gently take the sensitive bud between my teeth, occasionally flicking it with my tongue as I slowly squeeze her other breast with my hand.
"Woah... That's..." Gold stammers again. I don't know why, but seeing that confidence of hers melt away because of my own actions here just does something for me.
"Want this to go further?" I ask, wanting to escalate more. But I won't if she's not comfortable.
"Oh, please do..." Gold responds, prompting me to push her onto her back, her head coming to lay on one of my pillows while I slowly close the distance, pressing my lips to hers once I reach her. I can't get enough of them. Their softness... that plump feeling coupled with her wanting for more. So we kiss. And kiss. And kiss, all while my hand goes lower and lower. I gently caress her stomach, delighting myself with the reaction it gets out of her.
"Ticklish much?" I ask in a teasing manner, watching her ears perk up and down as she listens. The soft chuckles mixed with moans is the answer I get. So I continue with this sensual caress of mine. But that lust is telling me to keep going. Lower... and lower...
My hand reaches the lowest point of my desire. I'm hesitant at first, but something tells me that Gold will enjoy this. So I slowly bring my hand closer to that sensual place we share, gently applying pressure, watching Gold's face closely in between kisses.
"Kati..." She whispers, surprise drenching her weak voice.
"If it's too much I can st-" I don't get to finish the statement. Gold captures my lips with hers before I can get the last words out.
"Keep going..." She says after we break away. So I do. I keep going, adding more pressure until I can feel her squirm beneath me. But it isn't pain or fear. It's lust that's making her move like this. I then start moving my hand in circles, caressing that oh so sensitive flesh beneath the fabric of her underwear before I move my hand a bit higher. I then slip my hand underneath the fabric before resuming that same motion, circling that little sensitive bud with my fingers.
"Oh... Ô déesses... Ça fait... (Oh... Oh goddesses... That feels...)" Seems my little ministrations are good enough for her to start speaking French. I wonder... What else can I do here? What other things can I make her say? So I apply more and more pressure, watching and listening to the sounds that Gold makes. Every moan. Every whisper. I then get risky. With one finger... I apply the most pressure, until...
ring
ring
ring
ring
ring
Ó Istenem... Miért ilyen hangos? (Oh my god... Why is that so loud?) I turn over to see what's making that loud claptrap. It's my phone. My alarm is going on. I quickly grab the small black box and turn it off, and then realize something odd. I feel... wet. Why am I wet? Did I... Was I sweating in my sleep again? As I try to figure it out, it hits me. The worst possible realization I could have in this moment. Oh no... Oh fucking Christ help me now...
I dreamed of sleeping with Gold City.
Fuck. Oh fuck. Fuck. Just... no... I feel disgusting. I need a shower. That's... That's not okay. Especially with everything we talked about last night. I... I can't tell anyone about this. Ever. No one can find out that this happened. I quickly grab a change of clothes and head to the bathroom. I strip, get the water running and wait until it steams. I then step it... and immediately sit down in the tub. Fuck... Fuck... How... How and why did this happen? I... I feel sick, knowing that my mind went there.
You should, degenerate scum.
Oh great, you again.
Spare the pleasantries. You're in deep shit now. Only one way to end this: Cut things off.
What? No. What is wrong with you?
What is wrong with ME? What is wrong with YOU? YOU'RE the one who dreamed of that. YOU'RE the one who let her mind go in that direction. Cut. Things. Off.
I shut that voice out. I'm not listening to it. I can't let something like this be the end of my working relationship with Gold City. I just can't. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I can't let it slip away. I need to find a way to deal with this. I quickly do my routine before drying off, changing into the fresh clothes when I hear my phone go off. It's not a text. It's a phone call. Who could... OH SHIT! Jessica. I forgot we had that today. I quickly rush over and answer the call.
"Uh, hey Jessica. What's up?" I say as soon as I get my phone in my hand.
"Ye haven't forgotten about our little jaunt today, have ye now?" She responds, her voice soothing, allowing me to forget about my troubles, if briefly.
"What? Me? Forgetting about our plans? Noooooo. Never." I say, trying to be playful and sarcastic in the vain hope that it can mask whatever fucked up mental state I'm in. Seems like it's worked too.
"Grand. That's music to me ears, so it is. You know the spot where we're meetin'?" Jessica responds, that accent of her helping to calm me down even more.
"Uh, Madison Square Park, right? By the Flatiron?" I ask, confident that's where we're meeting, but somewhat unsure. After a few seconds, Jessica gives me a response.
"Aye, that's right. The park by the Flatiron. Noon we said, wasn't it?" I hear, thinking that sounds like what we agreed on.
"I think so.? It certainly sounds right." I then say in response, wanting nothing more than to get out there and clear my head.
"Grand. I'll be seein' ya." Jessica says before hanging up, leaving me with my thoughts.
I take a deep breath. Anything... Anything to purge that dream from my head. Jézus Krisztus, mi a fasz bajom van? (Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with me?) I can't let that happen again. I need to keep things in check. We have eight more months to go. If this is how I am four months in... No. No time to dwell on that. Not that I want to. I'd rather not think about this. Or it's ramifications. So I start getting ready to meet up with Jessica. God, please let her help me. Even if she doesn't know what's going on in my head.