Chapter Text
|-Friday morning. One West Luxury Apartments, 1 West Street, Manhattan-|
"Wow, that's a lot to take in." I say as I process what Jordan told me. That girl and her romantic flings. "So how long did this boy-toy last? A month? Two weeks? Only a few hours?"
"She ended up being a one-night stand. I get why it was like that, but... I wouldn't have minded if it was for a bit longer. She was so pretty and nice and considerate..." She responds, voice trailing off and dropping slightly through the call. I keep forgetting that she's bisexual. Bisexual... Right... It's been tense, to say the least. These past few months. Those little fantasies only became more common, though they're still tame. My mind will wander, thinking about how it would feel to have Kati's hands caressing my skin. The softness of her lips against mine. And that's where they usually end. When we kiss... When our lips meet... I snap back into reality. Reality and... disappointment. Deep seated disappointment. I know why. But I don't want to admit it. Because that means accepting the reality this presents. But before I can start sulking, Jordan's voice grabs my attention again.
"So you've been in New York for over four months. How's it been? Anything fun? Any new... interests?" She asks, the tone of her voice hinting that she wants to know more about how things have been going. And as always, wanting to pry into my love life.
"A lot more that I was expecting. Hard to believe that four months have passed already, with how much I've been busy since landing in June." I respond, voice lightening a bit as I speak. "The photographer I've been working with has been constantly showing me around every inch of the city every chance she gets. It's more than just Manhattan, you know."
"Your photographer? Is she cute? " Here we go again...
"Really? That's your first question? Not 'Is she nice?' or 'How good are her shots?' or 'Does she get your good side?' You ask 'Is she cute?' That's the first thing you ask. I get that your bi, Jordan, but you have to reign that in every now and then. Leave a good first impression." I hear her chuckle on the other end as I finish speaking.
"Why is the first assumption that you make insinuating that I want to get into her pants?" Jordan counters. That... is kind of on me, now that I think about it. Probably shouldn't have insinuated that she wanted to... do that with Kati. "I just wanted to know if she was cute. I didn't mean anything else by it."
I sigh, taking the moment to get a clear head before I respond. "I'm sure you'd find Kati to be cute and up to your standards, Jordan. Then again, you don't have particularly high standards. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing." Saying that makes my heart ache.
"Oh, so Kati's her name? How come you've never mentioned that before?" I hear Jordan respond. Have I... really not told her yet?
"I haven't? I could've swore that I did." I say, confused by this.
"Nope. Only that you decided on someone you want to work with." She responds, voice getting more upbeat as she speaks. "Who's this new manager by the way? Been meaning to ask since you said you were heading to America."
"Randy Jenkins. Wanted to, quote: 'Bring the biggest model in Japan Stateside.' I like to think we're succeeding." I say, taking pride in the work we've done so far. It's only been four months but I feel like we've gotten a lot done. About twenty shoots so far. Averages around five per month. Not bad. Not bad at all. In fact, some people might say it's a bit too much work. But I don't mind. I like being productive in this way. Keeps my senses sharp. Keeps me focused. Wish I could say that same thing about Kati. Poor girl... And just like that, I'm borderline fantasizing about her again. I guess it can't be helped sometimes...
"How'd you meet Randy?" Jordan is my saving grace again.
"Uh... He's a friend of Tomo's. When Randy made his intentions known, Tomo immediately suggested he work with me." I saw, voice faltering slightly, but not enough to be noticeable over the phone.
"He's friends with Imari? Never would've guessed." She sounds genuinely surprised. Frankly, I was too. But after working with Randy, I can see why he and Tomo became friends.
We keep talking for a few hours. Not that I mind. It's been far too long since me and Jordan had a conversation like this. It was overdue. But I also have plans today, so I can't keep talking for much longer.
"I gotta go. I'm meeting with Kati later today." I say, sighing slightly as I speak the words.
"Oh? A date is it?" Jordan says, laughing after she says it. The more things change... With that said, I can't help but laugh with her. Her energy is infectious.
"No, no. Just hanging out." I say, adding some clarification to my previous words. Though now that she's said it... Les pensées sont tentantes. (The thoughts are tantalizing.)
"Well, don't let me keep you. I'll talk to you later. Hopefully you won't keep me waiting for months again." She laughs again after speaking before sending me off. "See ya."
"See you too." I don't think I get the say that before she ends the call. So I'm left with my thoughts. My fantastical and... borderline lewd thoughts... Maybe a shower can get my head straight.
I slide off the bed and make my way to the bathroom. I quickly undress and get everything ready. Brush my hair, brush my teeth, put on the ear socks. The standard routine. I turn the shower on and wait for the steam to start rising before I enter. As soon as I see the mirror start to fog up, I step in, the heat of the water hitting my skin, keeping my sense alert. I don't dawdle. I quickly go through the motions. Soap, shampoo, conditioner, tail shampoo, tail conditioner. Step out and dry off. No point in wasting time. I quickly head back into the bedroom and get dressed. Once I have that classic red shirt on, I grab my phone and check the time. Eight thirty. Hmm, interesting. I'm usually a late riser. But a change in routine can be a good things, if you manage it right. I go over to the dresser to grab a belt as well as some black pants. It's gradually getting colder, so more warm clothes are starting to become a necessity. Now that I think about it... I didn't really bring a lot of cold weather clothes. I should fix that. But at a later date. It's cool, high fifites in Fahrenheit, around 12-13 Celsius, but not warm. So no need to worry now. Kati, on the other hand... No. Not now. I can do that later.
Tiens-toi ensemble, City. Concentrez-vous et respirez. (Hold yourself together, City. Focus and breathe.) I take a deep breath, slowly so that I can let my diaphragm expand fully. I repeat this a few more times before I feel grounded. With that, I continue getting dressed. Mon blazer de confiance. Le confort et la sécurité. Mais pendant combien de temps? Il est mieux de ne pas y réfléchir maintenant. Vivre pour le moment. (My trusty blazer. Comfort and safety. But for how long? Best no to dwell on that now. Live for the moment.)
|-Later that morning. Maine Monument, West Side at Central Park Street-|
"Traffic is not as heavy as I though it would be today." I say, looking at the lack of cars on the streets. It's weird. I'm so used to the sounds of engines and horns. Especially at this time of day. Guess the roads are still a bit too slick after that storm.
"It'll certainly make walking a lot less stressful." I hear Gold say in response. I guess she is right. "Those smells are... certainly interesting."
"What? The street vendors? May not smell too pleasant but it is good. Come on." I say, almost grabbing her wrist as I do so. We approach one of the carts that's by the monument, and I can see the gears turning in Gold's head. I'm sure that street vendors are a thing in places like Tokyo. But for them to be this common? She's probably not used to it.
"Where do I even begin?" I hear her ask, somehow getting the attention of the owner.
"Take your time, little lamb. You're in no rush. Not yet, at least." He says, voice gruff and boisterous. I think I know him... Mr. Abdalla? Thought he opened up at one. Guess he changed his hours. He then appears, face covered in sweat and eyes scanning Gold.
"Made up your mind?" He asks, voice now a bit more laid back.
"Uh... I don't know. There's a lot to choose from." She says, still overwhelmed by everything she's seeing. Guess I should help.
"That's on me. I overwhelmed her. We might come back, Mr. Abdalla. Sorry to take up your time." I say, stepping in to lend a hand.
"Oh, no worries. I'm not actually open anyway. Still setting up, so I won't be pressured for customers anytime soon, Ms. Jacobs." He responds, smiling as he always does as he gets back to setting up his carts. Guess my initial assumption was correct. I gesture for Gold to follow me deeper into Central Park. Not the first tome we've been here, but it's a good place to just spend time, even if you're alone.
We walk for a bit until we find ourselves at Lounging Rock, sat under a tree simply sharing the space we've found ourselves in. It's nothing special. Not suspect in the slightest.
So why...
Is my heart...
Threatening to burst out of my chest...
I shouldn't be thinking like this. I shouldn't be feeling like this. It's just time spent between two friends. That's all this is. Nothing more. Nothing less. But all those little idiosyncrasies of hers... Her laugh... How she looks at me... The way the light shines in her eyes... Azok a gyönyörű szemek... (Those gorgeous eyes...)
Tartsd. Tartsa magát stabilan. Maradj a pillanatban. Ne veszítse el a fantáziát. (Hold. Keep yourself steady. Stay in the moment. Don't get lost in fantasy.)
I'm trying... but she's making it so damn hard without meaning to.
Pathetic and weak. Just what I've come to expect from you.
Wow. Bit much, don't you think.
For you? No. Exactly what's needed to keep you focused.
Ne is kezdd. Amire nincs szükségünk, az az, hogy rontsunk a helyzeten. (Don't even start. What we don't need is to make things worse.)
Here we go again... I tune out of that conversation. I don't want to feel like a pile of szar while we're out here. I find myself staring in the general direction of Wollman Rink, not really thinking about anything because I know what will happen if I do.
"You okay?" I hear Gold say as she fidgets with the latches on her heels, sliding them off once they are loose. God, those legs on her... The way the fabric of her pants wraps around those toned yet feminine forms... Basza meg...
"Uh... Yeah, I'm fine." I respond, voice trembling. God dammit. I sound so pathetic right now. Just don't make it worse, Kati.
"You sure? You sound hesitant." She noticed. Fuck, she noticed. Pivot. Pivot. Save face. I quickly clear my throat before I respond.
"Perfectly fine. Nothing to worry about." I say, sounding a bit more solid. But those uma ears can pick up on anything. No doubt she can tell I'm still... well... a mess. But she doesn't seem to press the issue.
"If you say so." Gold says, voice still as smooth as silk. She then looks around where we're sitting, taking in the environment: Couples having an autumnal picnic. Children playing in the nearby baseball fields. People simply on their daily walks. "It's quite nice out here. Pleasant, even. Makes it hard to believe we're in the middle of one of the world's most important cities."
"Funny you say that when we're not even that deep in the park. I can see Empire State through the branches if I angle myself right." I say, trying to get a view of the city's most famous landmark. I crane my neck. Squint my eyes. But it's becoming obvious I can't see it. Not today, at least. Though my heart skips five beats when I hear Gold chuckle at my efforts.
"Hehe. I suppose you won't be able to see it today." She says, that small grin on her face toying with me like it has been doing since June. "Better luck next time, Kati." The next few minutes are spent in a peaceful calm, nothing really said out loud. Just the two of us sat together near Lounging Rock. I'm tempted though... Very tempted... To just each over... Subtly rest my fingers atop hers... If only to feel how soft they are again... I slowly inch my hand towards hers, wanting to be subtle.
But as I get close, City pulls her hand away. She starts to wipe still damp and wet grass as well as leaves off the bottom of her feet before putting her heels back on, fidgeting with the latch again in order to secure the shoes around her ankles. Once they are, she stands up, ears twitching.
"Something wrong?" I ask, not wanting to prod too far.
"Just..." She twitches her ears again, eventually turning them in a specific direction before finishing her thought. "Thought I heard something."
"Wanna check it out?" I respond, not sure if that was a good idea.
"Would you be okay with it?" City retorts. I stand and look in the direction her ears turned. I guess she takes that as a yes since she then starts walking. Looks like the general direction of the carousel. I follow not too far behind her.
We get to where we see the carousel and I can see the commotion. Looks like someone got into an argument or something. Gold keeps walking closer, but stops as soon as I'm able to hear what's happening.
"Aight, aight. Tell dat to ya mudda. Betta yet, imma have you meetin' ya maker in a hot minute if you don't bounce, feel me?"
"Oh, really? I've always wanted to meet Evil Chuck." Evil Chuck.? No, that... That can't be...
"Fuck Chuck. Where youse goin', youse gonna see Lemmy." "Even fuckin better."
Gold seems to has turned away, realizing that it's just a squabble between "thick-skulled hooligans", but I see something different: It's Met and some of his friends. And I know it's Met. The jet black hair, tall muscular build, the tail and the ears. No mistaking him with anybody else. And why is he not wearing a shirt?
"Hey, where's my shirt? Give me my fuckin shirt and hat you asshole." He says, which promptly gets said articles tossed at him, landing on his head and making him stagger back. He then puts the shirt on, tucking it into his pants before setting the hat between his ears. He then turns around... and spots me. I already know what's going through his head, marked by his signature two-finger salute. I need to go. I quickly turn around and tap Gold on the shoulder.
"What?" She asks as she turns to face me.
"We should get going." I say, speed-walking towards Playmates Arch. She follows, but I can tell she has questions. Questions that are soon answered when I feel an elbow on top of my head. I push it off and look to where it was coming from, only to find...
"Wassup? Havin a good time?"
A kurva életbe... (Fucking hell...)
|-That afternoon. Wollman Rink, Central Park-|
"God... I can't believe you actually wear that out in public. Do you not have any shame, Met?" Kati says, clearly takin issue with my shirt. Just like her mom... Don't know why Kati has a problem with my shirt. Everyone thinks that it's funny. I know I do.
"Because I think it's funny that Anthrax actually approved of this. I can't not have this in my wardrobe." I respond, takin note of how Gold City responds. Not as cold as I thought she would be. More analytical. It's... kinda unsettlin. Then again, she's been a model since she was a kid. Can't exactly say I'm surprised that she's analyzin me up and down. But she is focused on me.
"A male uma..." I hear her mutter under her breath. Guess I should let the cat out of the bag. So I reach into said bag and take out some of my HRT. I shake two of the little pills into my hand and reach for my soda, knockin my head back and swallowin. I then watch for Gold's reaction.
"What was that?" She asks. But as I'm about to respond, Kati answers for me.
"Met's trans. That was his HRT." She says in a 'matter of fact' fashion. Classic Kati.
"He's trans? Wow." Gold responds. It's a way that makes it seem like we don't exist. "Never thought I'd meet a trans uma."
"Today's your lucky day, I guess." I tell her as I knock back another swig before reachin for my gyro. The man may be Arab but god DAYUM can Mr. Abdalla make a mean gyro. I take a bite and savor the falafel as it hits my tongue. Amazin. Just as it always is. "God damn... Abdalla does it again."
"That he does." Kati says as she takes a bite out of her burger. Damn thing is big. I'm surprised she can get it in her mouth. "Maybe Mark can take some pointers from him." She says after swallowin. "Who's Mark?" Gold then asks. You'd think Kati would tell her about her own friends.
"Some asshole from Sicily we both know." I tell her, watchin Kati's reaction like a hawk.
"Wooooooow. Imagine if he was with us right now and heard you say that." She says while side-eyein me. I'll humor her.
"What could he feasibly do to me? Man's built like a worm." I respond, knowin that if he was here, he wouldn't argue with that statement. It also gets Kati to laugh, which in turn makes Gold City laugh. And it's here that I notice somethin: I know that Kati's got the hots for her, but there's somethin in the ways that Gold has been interactin with Kati... it's sayin that she may or may not feel somethin for her in return. I tend to notice things. Small things that would slip by anyone else. Sixth sense type shit that I've had since I was a kid. I know when someone is eyein my best friend in that way. It's usually these creep assholes that seem to make the Bronx their den, but Gold City... It's not exactly the same.
Gold City's gaze is more... sensual. Protective. If those would be the right words to use. And it seems to be doin a number on her psyche. Every so often, she fidgets, inchin closer and closer to Kati, seekin contact. As if she wants to be held by her. But at the same time, she has that guilty look in those blue eyes of hers. The look of someone who's mind goes to places that it shouldn't. She's learnin things about herself. The question is: Will she be able to accept these things for what they are? Can she rationalize these feelins and accept them as her reality? I'll have to keep watch whenever I see them together.
"Is that a new hat?" Kati's voice snaps me back to reality. For a photographer, she sure can miss things sometimes.
"You've seen this before.?" I respond, still unsure how she could miss it. "I have?" She then asks.
"Yeah. Got in at that concert in Huntington. Joggin your memory now?" I say, watchin her reaction closely.
"Oh, right. That... That was the other day, right?" She asks, now rememberin where I was on the 17th. "Yup. 17th. Neck still hurts from that." I say, now watchin Gold City to see her reaction.
"From what?" She asks. And now I'm questionin how she hasn't gotten the picture yet given how I am currently dressed.
"Headbangin. Moshin. Crowd surfin. Stage divin. Gettin fucked up by Municipal Waste." I respond, still watchin her reaction. It is exactly as I expected.
"Oh... Okay then... Who-" I cut her off before she can continue the question.
"Crossover band from Virginia." I say as I flatten the brim on my hat, showin off the band's logo. She takes a few seconds to read it, after which her focus shifts to my shoulder.
"Isn't that... Ah, what's his name? Eddie, right? Mascot for Iron Maiden?" How the fuck... "How... I... Cossa? (What?)" I have no words. How the fuck does she know that?
"An ex was a big fan." She says. I'm still just stunned that she pegged that. Làm thế quái nào... (How the hell...) Nevermind. Not important.
We lingered by the rink before we start movin again, the sound of Gold City's heels permeatin the air as they hit the stones beneath our feet.
"So where is Jessica from?" I hear Gold ask. And Kati answers.
"Limerick, right? That's where she said she's from? Regardless, she's Irish." She's lookin at me as if I remember what Jessica had said. Limerick sounds right. Certainly would be a good place for her accent to come from.
"I think so. I know Mark's dad comes from Palermo. The Sicilian fuck." I add, not at all expectin what Gold says next.
"Oh, his parent's are from Palermo? That's where my mom was born." What do I say to that? How do I respond?
"You're Italian?" I ask, gettin the feelin that it was a mistake.
"No. I'm half-Japanese half-Québécois. My mom's parents just happened to be in Palermo when she was born." She responds, which gives me another question to ask.
"Québécois? Isn't that French-Canadian? Were you born in Quebec or somethin?" I put it out there, gaugin her reaction to it.
"No. Monbetsu Town in Hokkaido. Père was born and raised in Oshawa but his parents are from Trois-Rivières. J’aurais aimé pouvoir les rencontrer." She says. That's... kinda sad. I think. Don't really know a lot of French. Only standard Italian, Vietnamese and Venetian. "What about you? Where are your parents from?" That's a question I should've seen comin.
"Venesia." I answer, bein simple but coherent. "Your parents are Italian?" I hear her ask.
"Just my dad. Mẹ is from Thành phố Hồ Chí Minh (Ho Chi Minh City)." Both women look at me like I just opened Pandora's Box.
"Your mom was Vietnamese?" I hear Kati ask. Thought I told her about this.
"You already knew that.? I mean, shit, you've heard me speakin Vietnamese before." I say, gettin legitimately annoyed by this.
"I have?" Oh my god... This woman...
"Cô gái, bạn là một nguyên nhân bị mất. (Girl, you are a lost cause.)" I say as I pick up my pace, realizin as I do so that Kati was just fuckin with me while not really lookin at where I am goin when-
whack
"Oh shit!" I say as I stagger back. I walked into a tree. Serves me right for bein an ass.
"Are you okay?" I hear Gold ask me. I quickly turn back, hidin the embarrasin blush on my face.
"Yeah, I'm fine. No me go mai sentìo mejo. (Never felt better.)" I respond, bustin out the Venetian, head still reelin from the impact. I take a step back, leanin on the tree I just walked into. Play it off. Play it off. Play it off.
"If you say so." I hear Kati say, clearly not buyin what I had just said. Typical. But that's our dynamic. I wouldn't change it for anythin. But Gold City... It will be interestin to see how she's gonna factor into things. Guess we'll have to see as events come.
|-That evening. One World Trade Center, 285 Fulton Street-|
"Thank you for today. It was nice to think and talk about things unrelated to work." I hear Gold say as we pass the World Trade Center. We're almost back at her apartment, so we'll have to part ways soon. I wish I had some kind of excuse to be with her longer. Something I could say that would convince her to stay with me. Even if it is only for a few scant minutes.
"Don't mention it. I think we both could have used this." I respond, ignoring how fast my heart is beating in this moment. The thought still lingers, though. It's becoming more and more present. I need to find a way to deal with it that doesn't make me get involved with that internal war in my head.
"I'm inclined to agree. Don't know what we'd be like considering how bust we've been." I hear Gold then say, her voice as smooth as silk once again. "We've been averaging, what, five shoots per month on average? Any sane person would find themselves on their wits end if they didn't take time to decompress on occasion. It's nice to think about other things every now and then. Not just be another pretty face on a magazine cover."
"Guess we're lucky that Randy is as lenient as he is." I jokingly say, knowing that the reason we're so productive is entirely because of that man. Him and his Southern work ethic. But it gets us results. And money. A lot of money. So I can't complain. Neither can Gold by the sounds of things.
"Speaking of... Have you heard anything from him regarding the next shoot? All I know is that he's looking at some fountain in Jersey City." Is the next thing I hear. Jersey City? We're taking things into New Jersey? Why didn't he mention that?
"I was not aware he was looking at New Jersey for the next one. Fountain? Lincoln Park, maybe? I don't know. First I'm hearing of this." I respond, still trying to process this.
buzz
buzz
buzz
My phone buzzes. Someone texted me. I quickly glance down and see that it's a message from Randy. Given what we were just talking about, I have a good idea what the contents of his text message are.
I'll have to look at it when I get home. Right now, I'm focused on the road. I don't want to get into an accident.
"Oh, looks like Randy is finally telling you about the plan." I hear Gold say as she looks at my phone. She then reaches over and takes it out, evidently going to Spotify or some other music platform. The idea is confirmed when I hear Deep Purple start playing through my car's speakers. Hmm... Highway Star. Ápa would love this. We stay like this for a few minutes, mostly because traffic is terrible right now. I know that Fridays are when people start letting loose after work and stuff, but god damn the streets feel more alive than they ever have. It's then that the music changes again. Something more synth heavy. Must be from the 80s. Sure enough...
"What is this?" I hear Gold ask. It's certainly not Madonna or Depeche Mode. She reaches over and grabs my phone, wanting to see what we're listening to. "Ozzy Osbourne... Shot in the Dark..."
"Oh. I bet Met is still hung on about what happened in July." I say. He was borderline inconsolable for two weeks after he heard that little piece of news.
"What happened? Did he pass away or something?" She asks, eyes still on my phone.
"Yeah. It shocked everyone. And I mean everyone. It was a common joke that he was immortal because of all the things he survived during the 80s. From what Met would tell me, he mixed alcohol with any and every drug you could think of." I tell her, not sure how she'll respond to it.
"Wow. He surely lived one interesting life then." Gold says, setting my phone back on it's rack. Traffic seems to be moving now, which means we're closer to her apartment. Which also means my heart beats faster and faster and faster. At this rate, she'll be able to hear it thumping in my chest. But she doesn't say anything. Probably so that she doesn't embarrass me further.
A few more minutes pass and we're at Battery Park. Right outside her apartment building. It's tense. I don't... want her to leave... And I think she doesn't want to either. But we both know that nothing gets done if we linger here. So she unbuckles without saying a word and opens the door.
"Thank you, again. I look forward to the next outing." She says, her voice strained. It... No. No, no, no. Don't. Don't think about it like that. She's probably... Probably just miffed that it's over. That's what it is. Nothing else. Don't read too much into things.
"Same. Same..." The second word comes out as she closes the door, leaving me with my thoughts. I watch as she enters the building, the light from the lobby illuminating her form as she then disappears further into the building.
Csak lélegezz. Túljutunk ezen. Nem kell ilyen jellegű dolgokkal foglalkozni. (Just breathe. We can get through this. No need to dwell on things of this nature.)
But how? How can I get through eight more months of this?
Nem teszek úgy, mintha tudnám a válaszokat. Nem úgy, mint egy másik hang itt. De tudom, hogy jobb napok állnak előttünk. Csak át kell vészelnünk a sötétséget. (I'm not pretending to know the answers. Not like another voice here. But I know we have better days ahead of us. We just have to get through the darkness.)
I take a deep breath. I need to get back to the Bronx. Back home. Home... Maybe I should see ápa. At the very least talk to him. It's been a while since we last spoke. Maybe it could help. He always knows how to get me out of a rut. That classic Ohio charm of his. How else would he have been able to catch someone like anya. Anya... Hiányzol, anya. Bárcsak itt lennél. (I miss you, anya. I wish you were here.)