Work Text:
Today
🔒 Messages to this group are now secured with end-to-end encryption. Tap for more info.
Commander Jane Shepard created group “GARRUS APPRECIATION GROUP”
Commander Jane Shepard added you
Commander Jane Shepard added Garrus Vakarian
Commander Jane Shepard added Ashley Williams
Commander Jane Shepard added Kaidan Alenko
Commander Jane Shepard added WREX
Commander Jane Shepard added Liara T’Soni
Commander Jane Shepard added Tali’Zorah
Commander Jane Shepard added Joker
Commander Jane Shepard
gguys
listen
ii just wanted to say
im in love wiht garrus
hes perfec
@Garrus Vakarian
marry me
will u marry me?
i lov your crest
your crest ir really epic
can I touchh your crest
immmmm in love with you rrly
youre my best solder
youre my hart
youre my soul
2:34 AM
Commander Jane Shepard left
WREX
what am I supposed to do with this information
2:35 AM
Ashley Williams
…
commander
u kiss turians?
🤨
2:36 AM
Liara T’Soni added Commander Jane Shepard
Liara T’Soni
Commander.
@Commander Jane Shepard
Have you been drinking?
Are you safe?
2:37 AM
Joker
@Garrus Vakarian
come and see my buddy
you have a not very secret admirer
2:38 AM
Kaidan Alenko
hey it’s the middle of the night
can you all stop spamming?
2:39 AM
Tali’Zorah
@Garrus Vakarian
2:40 AM
Liara T’Soni
Why is everyone awake?
And can anyone check on Commander in her cabin?
2:41 AM
Commander Jane Shepard
guuuys
have you ever had sex with a turian
2:41 AM
Ashley Williams
🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨
no?
why would i?
2:42 AM
Kaidan Alenko
no
but I can try
in the future
life is about experimenting
experiencing
isn’t it?
2:43 AM
Joker
yeah kaidan but you need to find your own turian
garrus is already taken im afraid
he just doesnt know yet
@Garrus Vakarian
2:44 AM
Commander Jane Shepard
GARRUS IS MINE I LOVE GARRS
2:44 AM
Liara T’Soni
Commander.
You can’t say that Garrus is yours if he hasn’t agree to date you yet.
Have you considered deleting this group and asking him in private when you sober up?
2:45 AM
Joker
too late
i took screenshots
2:45 AM
Kaidan Alenko
tbh
I think I could really have sex with a turian
they are not really different, are they?
convergent evolution
different species, different planets
same organs
same patterns everywhere in the galaxy
2:46 AM
WREX
universe is full of dicks
2:46 AM
Commander Jane Shepard
sex
👍
2:46 AM
Tali’Zorah
I’m not really sure Garrus will like what he sees here in the morning
2:47 AM
Joker
nah
he’ll be fine
he likes commander
im telling you guys
theyre a match made in hell
2:47 AM
Liara T’Soni
Joker, how do you know the feeling is mutual?
2:48 AM
Joker
liara dont be silly
dont you hear what he says about commander
“I have never met anyone like her”
😏
2:49 AM
Liara T’Soni
He just admires her combat experience and commanding skills.
2:49 AM
Joker
hahahhahahah
sure sure
2:49 AM
Ashley Williams
maybe he has human fetish
🤨
i dont like it when turians fetishize humans
🤨
2:50 AM
Joker
williams
shut up
i ship them
2:50 AM
Kaidan Alenko
ship them to where
2:50 AM
Joker
im a pilot
i can ship them wherever i want
2:50 AM
Liara T’Soni
I’m not sure if I properly understand what’s going on.
2:51 AM
Joker
nothing
we talk
2:51 AM
Tali’Zorah
It’s kinda funny Garrus is the only one sleeping and he doesn’t see this mess
2:52 AM
Commander Jane Shepard
guuuys
turians like flowers?
2:52 AM
Joker
yeah i think so
2:52 AM
Commander Jane Shepard
guuuys
will you come to the wedding
2:53 AM
Joker
we will
2:53 AM
Ashley Williams
i wont
they can do whatever they want
but i dont support this
marriage is an union of two humans
not human and alien
2:53 AM
Joker
jesus fucking christ
williams
im gonna throw you out of the airlock
2:54 AM
Ashley Williams
try
2:54 AM
Kaidan Alenko
williams
chill
there will be cake
enough cake for everyone
2:54 AM
Tali’Zorah
But we need to find Saren first
2:55 AM
Joker
we’ll invite him too
2:55 AM
Ashley Williams
no
2:55 AM
Joker
why not
@Kaidan Alenko
you wanted a turian
saren is a bad boy but you can fix him
2:56 AM
Liara T’Soni
You all are joking now, right?
2:56 AM
Joker
we’ll invite sovereign too
2:56 AM
Kaidan Alenko
so the cake needs to be very big
2:57 AM
Joker
you know who wont be invited
udina
😂
2:57 AM
Commander Jane Shepard
udina
🤮🤮🤮
2:57 AM
Kaidan Alenko
no udina
it will be a beautiful wedding
2:58 AM
Tali’Zorah
How about The Council?
2:58 AM
Joker
they will be sponsors of the wedding
😂
2:58 AM
Kaidan Alenko
how are you going to convince them
2:59 AM
Joker
wrex will convince them
with a gun
😂
@WREX
2:59 AM
WREX
ok
2:59 AM
Joker
@Commander Jane Shepard
no worries
we have everything planned
you’ll have a beautiful wedding
3:00 AM
Commander Jane Shepard
tthhank you
😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
3:00 AM
Liara T’Soni
I’m still confused, is it normal in the Alliance to have… conversations like that in the middle of the sleep time? Is this what serving on a human ship looks like?
3:01 AM
Joker
yes
3:01 AM
Kaidan Alenko
yes
3:01 AM
Ashley Williams
yes
3:01 AM
Tali’Zorah
yes
3:01 AM
WREX
yes
3:01 AM
Liara T’Soni
@Commander Jane Shepard
Are you okay with this?
3:02 AM
Joker
she literally started this
3:02 AM
Commander Jane Shepard
yezzz
im really in love with my best solidier garruz
thank for pllaning our wedding
3:03 AM
Joker
anything for you commander
🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡
3:03 AM
Tali’Zorah
Alright, I strongly suggest going to sleep, we’ll see how Garrus reacts in the morning
3:03 AM
Joker
goodnight
3:03 AM
Joker
@Garrus Vakarian
@Garrus Vakarian
@Garrus Vakarian
@Garrus Vakarian
@Garrus Vakarian
garrus wake up
@Garrus Vakarian
@Garrus Vakarian
@Garrus Vakarian
8:15 AM
Garrus Vakarian
“Garrus Appreciation Group”
153 notifications
Have you started a cult when I was asleep?
Is there’s something I should know? Something I should be concerned about?
8:20 AM
Joker
YES read everything from the beginning
8:20 AM
Garrus Vakarian
Oh
This is… a lot of new information to process
8:25 AM
Joker
man theres nothing to process
you’re getting married
8:25 AM
Garrus Vakarian
That’s… rather unexpected part of the mission
But I’ll do whatever it takes to follow Commander’s orders
8:26 AM
Joker
so you agree?
8:26 AM
Garrus Vakarian
Do I have any choice?
8:27 AM
Joker
no
see
this is simple
marry our commander
save the galaxy
8:27 AM
Garrus Vakarian
I can save the galaxy, but who will save me?
8:28 AM
Joker
save you from what
8:28 AM
Garrus Vakarian
From getting crazy in love
8:29 AM
Joker
too late my friend
8:29 AM
Garrus Vakarian
I know
8:30 AM