Chapter Text
The shattered mirror made it impossible for Donnie to see his full face, but after this morning he was beginning to believe that maybe, just maybe, Raph wasn't lying that day. Usually he would ignore his reflection, not really caring to look at himself since he just couldn't be paid care to worry about his looks; but today he really, really wished that this mirror wasn't completely broken.
Like, what if he was absolutely hideous? This was the type of thing he NEEDED to know and there wasn't any denying that. Well, he could check with his phone camera. There he goes being the smart brother again. Is that really smart brother behavior though? Mikey coulda thought of that.
A soft sigh escaped him as he started pulling a change of clothes on. It's fine, he's fine. he's smart. He's in AP classes! Sure, he was originally in classes with his brothers and now looking back he wished he didn't switch classes but hey, it's okay. It's.. it's okay. It's all been okay. He's hidden his constant dependency on his brothers, especially Leo, this long. Donnie can hide his issues for a few more months until school ends.
Did he really hide it though? What if they all knew he was weak without them and treated him like he was strong to his face but talked behind his back? What if they're only coming because they think he wasn't able to care for himself ? "What ifs" began to flood Donnie's brain, his vision turning blurry as he felt a few tears building up.
A shaky sigh escaped him as he leaned against the sink, closing his eyes in the process and ignoring how his glasses that were now too large for his face started slipping down his nose as he began to whisper to himself "I.. I'm not weak. I can't be! It's just that they're only coming so I don't steal anything." Wow, what a pep talk he just gave himself, Donnie should get an award for how amazing that was and become a motivational speaker or something.
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Leo found himself wandering the streets of New York at some point, he couldn't really say when he started walking again. His mind had left his body to fend for itself. All he knew was that the cold feeling of the metal railing against his hand and the view of people walking on the concrete stairs beside or past him kept Leo from entirely shutting down.
He was focused on his surroundings, that was good enough.. sorta.
He didn't even realize that someone was being robbed in broad daylight (or tunnel light technically) until the screaming of people around him made something in him react on impulse when he spotted the thief try to run. Something in the back of his mind just made him think about how if someone just caught Donnie none of this would have happened.
So, when the girl ran past Leo his 'ninja instincts' took over and he grabbed her puffer jacket's sleeve, pulling her close to him so he could stop her. Immediately, he recognized her because this exact scenario happened before with the same goddamn girl.
Immediately he examined his brain for something to say, like he couldn't really arrest the girl or tell her off, he's not her father nor the police. He did just grab her so maybe he hurt her?? Should he make sure she's not hurt? While thinking of what to say he just stared at her, holding her while praying to find something, anything, to say.
"You okay?" He berated himself in his mind because great he stood there staring just for him to say that, Leo's gonna internally scream at himself for hours. "Sorry I.." he looked away and scratched the back of his neck while releasing her from his arms, fumbling over his words "fuck-" he sighed and looked at the girl who was now fixing her mask and slowly stepping backwards. "Woah hey you're not gonna leave. You just-" Leo pointed between the bag in the thief's hands and the woman she just stole from slowly stepping forward also.
"Are you expecting me to give it back?" Her voice was harsh and she was visibly ready to run. "I mean.. yeah kinda? It's not yours?" Leo shrugged "That's logic." Damn Mikey was rubbing off on Leo.
"That was the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I almost want to give you the bag cause I feel like.. insulted that you said that to me." The girl looked between the bag and Leo, standing still after making a good distance away from him. "That would be nice." He sighed, extending his hand out. "Genuinely who do you think you are saying that? Some tough guy? I was being sarcastic."
"No I don't—whhat? I don't think that-" he was cut off by a guy shoving past him, yelling what Leo would now PRAY was a nickname considering he was hearing her being referred to as "Pipe". Maybe it was short for Piper? Hopefully it was.
The guy yelling really didn't interest Leo all that much, though Pipe was completely focused on arguing with the dude, so Leo took this chance to do a dumb stunt of trying to grab the bag from her hand while she was somewhat distracted. She wasn't focused on him anymore so he had a SMALL chance, let the poor dude take it.
Even if it was dumb it worked, so hooray? But also, this caused Pipe and the dude to start yelling at Leo. which honestly he expected, but still, he managed to do something that his brothers won't believe so there's that.
After getting the bag back to the rightful owner and staying in defense mode for the girl who was given the bag until the two left, Leo debated going home or staying out. Going home meant seeing Donnie, staying out meant risking being seen by April and what if she somehow recognizes him???? Oh god April can never see him like this until Donnie fixes it.
What if Donnie doesn't fix it? Donnie wanted to be human. What if Donnie fixes this for everyone but Leo because of this morning? Leo was a horrible brother this morning. He wasn't mature. He was supposed to be mature.
Why wasn't he mature? Dad trusted him to be mature and maybe he shouldn't be trusted with such a big role.
Leo should apologize. No, an apology should never be enough for Donnie. He was practically Leo's baby brother. Leo saw and treated him like a baby, at least. Donnie had such bad attachment issues towards him and Leo just did this
Maybe Leo can fix this for Donnie. That's what a good older brother would do, right? If Donnie found the ooze at TCRI maybe he could find a fix? Would that be possible? Was there even a fix? Did this just become permanent? Wait, why was the sound around Leo getting louder? He could feel his chest tighten and began to lose the ability to think properly anymore.
Nothing looked correct. His vision was getting blurry and the world spun. Was his hoodie always this itchy? God, would everything just stop? Suddenly, it all slowed down and indeed, stopped.
Is this a panic attack? Leo remembered helping Donnie through a few and even Mikey once, but never really understood what went through their mind when they happened. Damn, Leo was a horrible brother. His brother could have had a panic attack and he just left him. Raph didn't know how to help him! Raph never had to help, Leo always had to help!
Oh God Leo left Donnie.
Leo felt like he was going to faint as he fumbled for the nearest bench to keep himself from hitting the ground, ignoring how he pushed past people. His breathing was jagged and sharp as he fell onto the metal chair beneath him and placed his head into his hands, imagining how he completely skipped over any concept of how his brothers would feel.
He was such a bad brother.
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The crunch of the destroyed remains of the TCRI building scraped at Raphs ears. It was just as annoying that they constantly had to step over retro mutagen while listening to it. They had no idea what the retro mutagen would do in contrast to the "retro human mutagen" so Donnie said be as careful as possible. Genuinely WHY did he willingly come again? What reason was there for Donnie to do this? "I regret coming here." Raph stated, watching as Donnie spun around so quickly his head should've fallen off.
"WHAT DID I SAY TO YOU? WHAT DID I SAY THAT YOU SHOULD NOT DO?" Donnie's yelling was cut off by Mikey covering his mouth, shushing him. "Shhhusshhh- EWWW!" Raph watched as he pulled his (now covered in spit) hand away fast and wiped it on his shirt before mumbling "You're gross.".
"You're annoying." Donnie huffed back before Raph (presumably) and his brothers heard the sound of rubble being moved behind him. Both of his brothers were in front of him so who the FUCK is here?
That must've been a question all three shared because their heads tilted in sync, seeing a the back of a dude around Raph's height with hair so greasy it genuinely pissed Raph off. Shit looked absolutely NASTY. "Eugh." He murmured to himself, turning to face the floor to avoid any possibly retro mutagen while trying to find a steadier place to stand. "WHO SAID THAT?! CASEY JONES IS NOT SCARED OF YOU." The dude whipped around and stood in a defensive position, giving the turtles..humans.. turtle humans(?) a better view of how he had a dark red tshirt on with a black longsleeve under it and dark brown eyes that showed how he was entirely as ready to fight as he acted.
"WHO ARE YOU?!" The three brothers looked between each other and debated telling him, Raph and Donnie were clearly on team no because Raph would probably freak if he spoke to him and Donnie just didn't.. actually Raph didn't know why. Mikey was on a different wavelength though. "We're the turtles who saved the city but we turned human so uhhhhuuuhhhmmmmm yeah."
Everyone stood in silence as Mikey said that. Who in their right mind would believe that shit?? "What? Like.. for real?" How. Just.. Raph couldn't believe the fact he was watching Mikey nod in response to this gullible ass dude. Casey stepped forward, his eyes practically glowing. "that's so cool! Oh my gosh-"
Raph slowly began to tone Casey's rambling out for god knows how long until he realized his name was being called. "Huh? What?" He shook his head, looking at Mikey and Donnie. "I'm not feeling well." Donnie mumbled, to which got a response of Mikey shifting Donnie's weight onto his shoulder more.
Donnie was almost the same weight as Mikey, a few pounds heavier sure, but nothing Mikey couldn't deny that he'd handle. "I mean.. like.. I don't.." Raph glanced at Casey as if he'd have an answer, but Casey knew less than he did. "Is it like.. an aura?" He stepped forward slightly, whispering the last word before his arms extended as he watched Donnie fall forward off of Mikey's body.
That was his answer.