Chapter Text
"Oh, Max. You're soooo cool!" Angelica giggles, rubbing her head against Max's arm. Tom stares at them, extremely annoyed.
"Hey, fuckbirds. I'm right here!" Tom interrupts Angelica loudly, dropping his backpack and watching the two basically make out.
"Ugh, it's my dumb brother. What?!" Angelica yells at Tom, annoyed by the interruption.
"Can you fuckers do it elsewhere? You guys are always moaning!" Tom mocks the couple, glaring dead on at Angelica.
"Oh, sorry, are my moans not feminine enough?!" Angelica defends herself, crossing her arms as Max sticks his tongue out dopeishly.
"No. I get a boner hearing it. Pogo gets nightmares over it!" Tom points to Pogo, his eyes rolling at the thought of Pogo being such a fucking pussy over the most standard vanilla sex he has ever heard.
"But, Sex is scary! Waaaaa!!!" Pogo cries comically, jets of water falling from his eyes and flooding the kitchen behind him!
"Please, you never got laid." Angelica scoffs at Pogo's childish tone. "Tom, get this fucking suicidal threat out of here before it's you next!"
"Hey, I'll have you know, Pogo is a pro-suicide clown! That's metal if you think about it. He helps me with killing people I loathe, doing my laundry, and signing contracts from the government for free money. He's basically a slave, but white!" Tom proudly grabs Pogo, spinning until he turns into liquid and spills onto the floor with a loud honk. Angelica rolls her eyes. "Well, you're going to the mall. We can't have my brother hanging with a retarded clown with those clothes. What would the jocks at school think?!"
"Why?!" Tom yells back with an annoyed glare before hearing Sandra from the garden, "Aw, let her! She wants to be with you for the day!" Sandra says with a chipper attitude! She walks into the living room with a mop to clean Pogo's corpse and puts it in a bucket. Angelica and Tom are comically kicked out for the day.
"So... Do I get to fuck you?" Max teases playfully.
"Aw, you have a way with words!" Sandra giggles to herself.
At the Mall, Angelica runs off to the clothing store, ignoring whatever Tom does with Pogo. "Bye, dipshits! I got a new coupon to spend this perfume on!" She rushes into the store, leaving them alone.
"Okay, so I'm just gonna go!" Tom shrugs until Pogo hears something, his ears popping out like a satellite dish, then points to Angelica, who's about to pay over a million dollars in clothing!
"Look, it's a gnome!" Pogo points over, giggling at the small green body waddling through the store.
"Fine, I guess we can kill him to make up for our assassin skills! Let's go!" Tom and Pogo charge into the store to kill the mysterious gnome.
"Ugh, this place smells like shit!" Barry puffs a cigar and catches his awful breath, making some people sprint away. "Yeah, please, I don't wash myself anyway." He scratches his ass. "Come on, there's gotta be money from here! The Mafia will rape my ass if I don't... Haha!" He spots a dumb girl's credit card on the counter just as she heads into the dressing room. "YES, THIS WILL SOLVE MY DEBT- OW!" He gets launched against the wall and groans in pain, "Who the fuck did that?!"
Pogo spits his tongue, wielding his big toy hammer, and Tom stands with a gun. "Nothing personal, bitch." He smirks at Barry's small size. "Aw, is he hurt?"
"What would you like to know, bastard child?!" Barry grits his teeth. "Why don't you losers scram?" Blood flows from his wrinkly, disgusting nose!
"Oh, boohoo! Unlike you, I'm rich as fuck!" Tom casually reveals the stack of money his sister stole for clothes. Barry's eyes widen, dollar signs flashing. "You're r-r-rich?!"
"Rich with flavor too!" Pogo laughs, gets in Barry's face, and tries to dance with him, but Barry slaps him, and Pogo frowns and walks away.
Barry goes into a monologue about the implications of this kid being rich: "If he's a rich kid. Then I could mooch off of him and GET OFF OF MY DEBT and leave these losers poor! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! IT'LL BE THE BEST PLAN YET!" Barry cackles for a solid moment. "I'll join you! Anything!"
"..." Tom glances at Pogo with a shit-eating grin. You would only know that grin for the most fucked shit ever!
"Yeah, just let me go to the dressing room and... What the FUCK?" Barry chokes as Tom puts a leash on Barry. "Just told my sister to buy me a leash! Welcome to the family, Barry!"
"I DIDN'T CONSENT TO THIS!" Barry screams, trying to flip Tom off, but Tom rolls his eyes. "Aw, is the widdle doggie mad?"
"I'M GOING TO FUCKING CLAW YOUR-" Barry begins to curse like a sailor, "I'M GONNA RAPE EVERYONE YOU KNOW..." Tom basically zones out Barry's retarded screams. Pogo interjects, concerned, "Should we really have a gnome in our business?"
"Of course! Free Slave. Look, he's already getting used to his chain!" Tom points to Barry getting pissed on by a dog. Barry wails, "I DID NOTHING!" He stops wailing when Angelica leaves and responds with a creepy grin, "Who's that hot- Ow!" Barry gets bashed by Pogo's toy hammer. "Bad Gnome. Bad." He chuckles at Barry's wound.
"I think I've made an awful choice staying with these two..." Barry mutters, walking down the sidewalk with Tom and Pogo as they buy ice cream.
"We should get him neutered." Tom suggests with a sly, mischievous grin, "Talks a lot, don't you think?"
"Yeah... I still need a job though! Your mom told me I sit around all day!"
"Then get a fucking job? Lol?" Tom punches Pogo's arm and walks away with Barry still chained to the leash.