Chapter Text
Beetlejuice's Grave
Lydia was up first, staying near her daughter’s bed. Astrid was still sleeping soundly. After yesterday, she must have been worn out. She had no idea what time it had been, but she had heard a sound that woke her up.
Sleep wasn’t something Lydia was going to get more than the basic amount of, she was too unaware of what would happen.
“Morning, Lydia.”
She jumped. He didn’t touch her, but he’d appeared just right beside her. “Morning.”
“Breakfast, Lydia?” Second time he used her name.
She did tell him that she wanted him to use her name, so she couldn’t blame that on anything. “I don’t know.”
“Too bad, breakfast. Being late for work has really bad ramifications when it’s a punishment,” he said. “What do you want? Juice?”
She shouldn’t be picky, but she should make sure it was edible. “You can make orange juice.”
“Sure can. Sweet of you to remember that.” He juiced up a pitcher and poured some into a glass.
She took the glass when it was full. “Thanks.” She looked back toward Astrid.
“She sleeps like the dead,” Beetlejuice said. “Makes sense, she’s in a grave. How’d you sleep?”
“Rougher.” He entered into her dreams last night. Her one place where she could escape, was not escapable. In fact? When she had gone back to sleep, in her dreams. She wore the red dancing dress he gave her in it. “That dress won’t disappear.”
“Course not, it’s a gift,” he said.
“In my dreams,” she reminded him.
“Yeah.”
“Is there anyway you could just stay out of my dreams?” She did it as kindly as she could. Anyone entering into her dreams, let alone him, didn’t leave her feeling well rested. She felt trapped.
“I will, once you figure out that nightmare you keep having,” he said. “Hey? At least you have a pretty dress for the nightmare.”
Her repeating nightmare. “Your inner child wants to kill everything, but Astrid and I.”
“Right, yeah, but there’s more to it than that. Why?” he asked. “Why do you think that is?”
Because he was a possessive scrungy demon that for some reason loved playing with them. “I don’t know, why?”
“Yeah you do.” He leaned in closer and stared straight at her a few seconds before saying, “I’m nothing but a demon that wants to play with my prey. Pretty close?”
Way too close.
She watched him move back some. “I’m not what you think I am. I mean? Well, yeah I am. But, there are some good qualities in me. Somewhere. I think? Maybe, I don’t know, it’s been awhile. Good juice?”
She looked at the juice. She hadn't drunk it yet. She never actually ate or drank anything that was whipped up by him before.
“Don't worry,” he smirked, almost seductively. “It’s not gonna kill you. I would never get paid.”
Paid. Right. “We should address that.”
“Later, gotta go to work. Wake our daughter up- your!” He said. “Your daughter. Sorry, what can I say? I was looking forward to being a real family man when we were supposed to get married.”
Oh, that was creepy. Could he ever not be creepy? Still, if she did marry him. “Well, it's not too late?”
“Nah.” He turned her down and didn't add anything to it.
Lydia touched her daughter’s forehead. “Astrid.”
Astrid opened her eyes. “Hey.” She stood up.
As soon as she stood up, they were both juiced into some kind of office wear.
Astrid went toward him. “You are supposed to ask first.”
“You are supposed to remember who you are talking to,” Beetlejuice said right back to her. “Power compare. Who’s stronger?”
Astrid didn’t say anything.
“Yep, there’s the answer.” He gave her some juice. “Breakfast.”
Astrid took it. “Yeah, but I don’t back down on bullies.”
“I know.” He actually sounded happy. “Powerwise, I’m way stronger, Astrid. So what do you have over me?”
Lydia watched Astrid glance toward her. What did she do that for?
“Right, yes. Leverage,” Beetlejuice answered to her, juicing her back into her clothes from yesterday. “Power isn’t everything.” He went ahead and juiced himself into office wear. “Okay, let’s go before the Wolf comes after me.”
Afterlife Call Center
Okay. To say he didn’t feel a lot of his energy come back yesterday would be an understatement. Ever since he’d been trapped with the botched ceremony results? It bugged him. A lot.
He dealt with it. He dealt with her marriage. He dealt with never seeing Astrid. Hell, he was dead, they didn’t hang out with the living. But when the dead kept seeing the living?
Yeah. It was a pain. Nobody felt sorry for him either when he complained. They thought he should be ‘grateful’. Eternity decided he would feel other people’s emotions to become a better person and get on the soul train.
He didn’t see it that way. Most of the time it was just a form of torture. At least when everyone else died, they weren’t tied to the living again.
Now though? Lydia and Astrid. They were actually, finally, there. Though he’d wandered through eternity for centuries, the last thirty years or so, it felt like it was three centuries in itself.
The two people that if they were to look at the records of the Neitherworld, would be shocked to see their labels. As long as Wolf Jackson kept quiet until he had everything in place, the better.
Still. He finally got to have one, small, teaching lesson with Astrid. Lydia didn’t blow a fuse either. She was probably still wondering how the hell to get his help and then leave him behind. Heh. Making her think he had absolutely no interest in marriage had to be some of his best work.
The one that kept fighting him on the marriage, was now the one begging for it. She thought she’d be strapped in as luggage probably forever. Well, they didn’t have that long.
He had his luggage sitting over in a corner. Astrid was on her phone. Since there weren’t living connections to Earth, she was probably playing one of those mobile games.
Lydia just waited in the corner, looking around, not knowing what to do.
Which was fine, let her be bored. She could be bored less than fifteen feet away from him. Because that’s where they’d be now. Right next to him.
He watched as one of the shrunken heads handed him a phone. Usually, they wittled out the non-important people that just needed basic stuff. “Important?” He shook his head. “Gotta shit?” He nodded. “Off ya go.”
Beetlejuice answered the phone, hearing the yapping from there. New ghosts were always a pain in the ass. Let’s see which drawer this asshole goes in. He walked toward the filing cabinet. “Uh huh. Uh huh. Did you try scaring them? Yeah? Couldn’t see you, huh? Alright. Go work on your scares, and uh, try again in three years.”
Yeah, no, that didn’t go over well. “Uh huh. Yeah, last time I checked I had a pair of ears. Just like a pair of legs I could-” Use to kick their ass. Man, this job sucked. The only good thing about it was that sometimes, rarely, he’d find a client for himself.
Not often though. “Uh huh. Name again?” He got the name and thumbed through the unprocessed files, grabbing the name.
He looked at his basic drawer labels. Dicks that can’t Scare. Dicks That Can’t Listen. Dicks that Didn't Read the Handbook. Oh, he found it.
Fuck That Guy drawer. “Yeah, I got it. I got your name down, Ma’am. Someone’s gonna come see you in your house in one to six months. If you don’t get anybody in six months, there’s a number to call in the handbook on page 293, paragraph 8. Call that number. Tell them your file is 164-AD-129-FY. Don’t mess your number up, you’ll spend years trying to find your file, bye.” He hung up before they could ask him to repeat the file code.
It was easy to file these. He went to the side of the filing cabinet to the shredder. He shredded the file, then put the shredded file pieces into the stack of other shredded file pieces in the drawer.
He looked at the bottom of the shredder. “Missed a piece.” He grabbed it and also put that piece in the Fuck That Guy drawer.
His job wouldn’t let him get rid of a single file. It never said he couldn’t shred that shit and mix it up with other shredded pieces of others just like them. Loopholes. It was a specialty.
“Why is the word luggage stamped on their heads?”
Beetlejuice turned and saw Wolf. “I got them here safely, that’s all that matters.” He brought out measuring tape and measured. “It’s less than fifteen feet away.” He put the measuring tape away.
“What are you doing?” Wolf asked.
“Just filing another customer’s complaint,” he said as he walked past him. He watched his employee head back as he made his own call. Wolf probably wouldn’t mind if he worked on their issue right now, as long as he was doing real work between. “Hey! Yeah, you remember me. Who forgets me?”
He sat down. “So, do you have any contracts for Lydia and Astrid Deetz? I’ve been in a collecting mood. Uh huh.” Yep. “Forty two, huh? What a haul. Wow. So, can I have those?” The direct way was usually best. “I can buy them. What’s the asking price?” He thonked a pencil up and down. That’s a lot. He didn’t have that. He wouldn’t have that until he got the deal.
He looked toward Lydia. She cheapened out on two deals. If she left him without paying somehow? She’s stuck. For good. She can't leave me again. Still. “I might buy those off you, just hang onto them.” What? “No way, I’m good for it. I got the money.” She better pay up this time.
Wolf came right in front of him as he took a customer’s call. “Afterlife Center, we are here to help.” He moved away. “Oh yeah?” He pulled out some paper and started to put the ideas for the contract he needed to make. “Yeah. No, I’m writing the whole situation down.” He would be able to juice the contract up, but he needed to make sure he got everything in it, even the small agreements and compromises.
Ugh. Astrid was going to regret wanting him to take a bath. She must have thought he’d never done that before. Well, she’d learn. The toothbrush thing, he couldn’t forget that. The no touching relationship marriage tie. Either gonna make enough money to live in luxury out of the grave, or marry Lydia.
He knew which one he wanted more. He always knew which one he wanted more.
“Do you have something else to eat?” Astrid had wandered over. “Orange juice won’t work for too long.”
“Are you taking good care of them?” Wolf accused him.
“Totally.” Of course. Let’s see, what did regular humans eat? Eating wasn’t his specialty, he was fine with what he ate. He’d have to juice up something he knew, he couldn’t juice up something he didn’t know.
He knew a lot of stuff. He didn't know shit when he first died, had to learn just about everything.
If he wasn't using his juice, then he was learning what was going on in the world. The time he was born in, was boring as hell. It was a shitty time to be alive. “What do you want?”
“Maybe some cereal? It would be easy to eat.”
Super easy. He juiced up a bowl, spoon, milk and a cereal box.
She took the free-floating things and made cereal. “Thanks. I will make some for Mom too.”
He juiced up a second bowl and spoon and looked at Wolf. “See?”
Wolf didn't seem impressed. “It's basic but no father of the year.”
Beetlejuice looked toward Astrid. None the wiser by what Wolf just spewed out she took the bowls and walked away. Man. “Isn’t your job to keep me out of trouble?” He knew Wolf wanted to question him, but he couldn’t right now.
He was still working on the phone. “No, Sir, I had to handle an emergency, sorry. Yeah, with cereal. Why would I be lying? I’m not your wife. Yes, the situation, still got all the details here.” That seemed to cover most of it, but he did want to see how far he really was from his goal first.
He took an official piece of paper, wrote down the actual client’s name, and then jotted down ‘Fight between ghosts. Shit happened. House is falling apart. Recommendation: Separation.’ He didn’t need any of the explanation about how they felt about each other, how they died, who killed each other, or what they’d been through. Just the facts sufficed. “Uh huh. Someone will be down there soon to check it out.” He hung up and got up, putting the filings where they actually belonged this time.
Afterwards, he went over to the file drawer Dicks that Didn't Read the Handbook. He moved backward in it and grabbed a file at random. He dialed up the number. “Good Morning, Sir, this is the Afterlife Call Center-”
On and on the client droned about waiting three years for help and getting nothing.
“Uh huh, and did you read the handbook like you were asked to?”
A little was the answer.
“Got it. I’m gonna have to put you on hold for a minute.” He hung up and picked another file in the drawer.
“Richard?”
He was distracted when Lydia called her ex husband’s name. She got so bored, she fell asleep? Nah, that didn’t make sense. She was getting drowsy though. Sometimes newcomers had a hard time staying awake, like jetlag.
That sensation of almost being asleep and almost being awake, was leaving her open to feeling the connections in the Neitherworld for the first time. Would she figure it out now?
Lydia rubbed her eye slightly and looked around.
Meanwhile, Astrid was staring at him. She still wanted to know too. She still had her bowl of cereal, but the other was next to her, uneaten. Lydia wasn’t eating his food yet. Not like he poisoned it.
Eh, later. He really had to work. He had to get things figured out. Now wasn’t the time for some emotional crap to get in the way. Spewing out the truth would have to wait. He dialed the next number.