Chapter Text
sucroseCranium [SC] opened memo on board ~!gabe~ back!~
SC: ~wiggler~ and troll~ thi~ i~ your captain ~peaking~
SC: ~the galaxy~ greate~t di~appointment ha~ officially boarded~
SC: ~plea~e welcome him with applau~e and perfectly good wine bottle~ ~ma~hed again~t the hull~
SC: ~no fla~h photography~
SC: ~he ~tartle~ ea~ily~
horridHarbinger [HH] responded to memo.
HH: DON’T.
SC: ~no body like~ a bitch gabe~
SC: ~~ay hi ~
HH: HI.
SC: ~wa~ that ~o hard~
HH: TO PLAY NICE WITH YOUR DEGENERATE FRIENDS?
HH: YES ACTUALLY.
lynxSeventeen [LS] responded to memo.
LS: I do be1ieve my sound cana1s are burning.
widowMaker [WM] responded to memo.
WM: You are not meant to smash the bottles against spaceships, Sombra.
SC: ~?no?~
WM: That is sea faring vessels.
SC: ~cmon widow u~e your imagination a bit~
SC: ~imagine were back when thi~ ~hip wa~ new~
SC: ~and we hang off the ~ide and wave our handkerchief~~
SC: ~quivering in trepidation for our voyage to claim un~een ~tar~~
SC: ~knowing that out there there are no rule~~
SC: ~no ~illy little ~ocial more~ holding you back~
SC: ~we drink all that extra wine and ~uddenly our loin~ are now aquiver too~
SC: ~the impermi~~ible become~ permi~~ible~
SC: ~we pail with janitor~~
SC: ~walk around without our ~hoe~ on the railing above the power core~
SC: ~~lip the band credit~ to play bawdy ~ong~ from our youth~
SC: ~and dance the night away~
HH: WOW.
WM: I agree, wow.
WM: That was really quite difficult to look at.
LS: I 1iked 7he par7 where we co11ec7ive1y pai1 wi7h Jani7ors.
WM: You do realize that before the Successor comm&eered this vessel, it was used for subjugglating various sub-civilizations, not highblood pleasure cruises?
HH: PLUS, BACK WHEN THIS HUNK OF JUST WAS “NEW”
HH: WE WEREN’T EVEN A QUIVERING BULB IN THE SLURRY
HH: HARD TO GO ON A PAN-CLASS ADVENTURE WHEN YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A NERVOUS SYSTEM.
SC: ~you guy~ are no fun~
WM: What did you expect gathering all the people desensitized to your bullshit in one place?
SC: ~well excu~e me for thinking it wa~ a good idea for gaberl to actually meet the people were having thi~ little rebellion over~
HH: WHO NOW
LS: 7ha7 wou1d be me.
HH: GREAT. MORE HIGHBLOODS.
LS: An unfor7una7e side effec7 of s7a7is7ics.
LS: 7hough if highb1oods aren’7 7o your 1iking I have some bad news abou7 7he person we’re ac7ua11y having 7his ”1i771e rebe11ion” over.
LS: Speaking of
LS: Is Zarya invi7ed 7o 7his memo?
SC: ~bleh i ~ent her an invite like a half an hour ago~
SC: ~where i~ that fi~h~
WM: Perhaps in the middle of more frond muscle curls.
WM: Which at this point seems
WM: Unnecessary.
SC: ~hang on a minute~
SC: ~im ju~t going to go acro~~ the hall and throw a foot ba~ket at her~
WM: Well as long as that headache is out of the room
WM: Reaper, you should know that I have a spare punch card I think will work with your fetch modus.
HH: REALLY?
HH: WOW.
HH: I CAN NEVER FIND SHIT FOR GUESS WHO.
LS: 7ha7 seems fi77ing.
LS: Bu7 before we ge7 7oo away from 7he subjec7, may I ask
LS: ”Reaper”?
HH: YEAH? IT’S MY FUCKING TITLE.
LS: Ah. Forgive me. Hanging around Sombra 7ends 7o erode your sense of norma1cy.
HH: THAT’S PUTTING IT ONE WAY.
HH: WHO ARE YOU THEN?
LS: My name is 1ynx.
LS: I wonder if I shou1d be offended Sombra hasn’7 men7ioned me or re1ieved.
WM: I would go with relieved.
HH: WAIT
HH: I HAVE HEARD OF YOU.
HH: YOU’RE THE ASPIRANT’S KISMESIS.
HH: STRATEGOI OR SOMETHING
LS: S7ra7egos, bu7 yes. Here I was worried my repu7a7ion hadn’7 preceded me a11 7he way ou7 in7o empire con7ro11ed space.
HH: ALL SPACE IS EMPIRE CONTROLLED SPACE SLIME FOR PANS.
HH: AND YEAH IT SURE AS FUCK HAS.
HH: YOU WERE ALL THE FUCKING RAGE WHEN YOU HOPPED SHIP TO GET ON THE ASPIRANT’S BULGE
HH: WHILE SLAPPING THE EMPRESS’S ASS ON THE WAY OUT.
HH: TALK OF THE FUCKING GALAXY.
HH: COULDN’T GO FOR A DISCREET FUCKING DEFECTION LIKE THE REST OF US, COULD YOU
HH: HAD TO JUMP INTO AN ESCAPE POD WITH BOTH MIDDLE DIGITINDICATORS UP OUT THE WINDOW
LS: I suppose I did par7icipa7e in a 1i771e spi7efu1 fanfare on my way ou7 of 7he ga1ac7ic war machine. 7ha7 bi7 wi7h 7he gian7 rainbow-drinker 7hemed 7ower of wine g1asses suppor7ing a 1ifesized bronze s7a7ue of 7he Empress was 7oo good of an oppor7uni7y 7o pass up.
LS: 7hough I do find i7 ra7her bur1esque 7ha7 you shou1d accuse me a 1ack of discre7ion.
LS: 7ha7’s a ra7her in7ensive quirk. 7e11 me, have you made a bind for 7ha7, or do you have 7o 7ype ou7 7he s7rong 7ag every 7ime you speak.
HH: FUCK YOU.
LS: Ah, 7he 1a7er 7hen.
striationedCyberian [SC] responded to memo.
SC: I am here, I am here.
SC: What iz big hubbub?
SC: ~oh nothin i ju~t wanted to get u~ all together ~o we can get acquainted~
SC: ~gabe thi~ i~ zarya~
SC: We’ve met.
SC: Once, anyway.
SC: How are you, Reyezz? Zombra hazn’t told much
HH: WELL THAT’S JUST FUCKING PEACHY
WM: You’re probably better off if what she’s said about me is anything to go by.
LS: She does have a habi7 of misrepresen7ing
SC: And dizparaging
HH: AND LYING.
SC: ~guy~ im ~till here~
HH: NOTED.
WM: What Reaper means is that he is happy to be here.
HH: I DIDN’T SAY THAT.
SC: ~gabe chill~
HH: NO FUCK YOU I AM NOT IN A STATE OF CHILL. YOU THINK I’M HAPPY TO BE HERE WITH THE REST OF THE GALAXY’S REFUSE?
HH: JUST CHUMMING IT UP WITH A BUNCH IMPERIAL WASHOUTS THAT ONLY GOT MISSED IN THE CULLING RITES BECAUSE THEY WERE FACE DOWN IN THE DIRT?
LS: Ah, my ego. I7 s7ings.
HH: I’M NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU, LAW SCHOOL DROPOUT.
HH: EVERYONE ON THIS SHIP.
HH: THE LOBOTOMIZED HEIRISS, THE SMUGGLER WHO LOOKS OVER HIS BARELY FLYING SHIP LIKE HE’S THE EMPORER OF THE WORLD’S GREATEST PIRATE BAND INSTEAD OF A RUSTBUCKET FLOATING THROUGH SPACE.
SC: ~and now that include~ you }:)~
HH: DON’T FUCKING REMIND ME.
HH: I WOULDN’T BE HERE IF I HAD ANYWHERE ELSE TO GO.
SC: ~aw hh~
SC: ~here i thought you came to vi~it your old friend~~
SC: ~and to reignite our pale throe~~
HH: AND YOU.
HH: YOU’RE THE FUCKING WORST OF ALL.
HH: TREATING THIS LIKE A VACATION WHEN ANY NIGHT WE COULD BE SPOTTED BY A PASSING CURISER AND
HH: ZAP
HH: THAT’S IT, REBELLION OVER, REFUNDS OFFERED AT THE CONCESSION STAND
SC: ~~omeone had a bad time at baggage claim~
HH: ARE YOU LISTENING TO ANYTHING I’M SAYING SOMBRA
HH: THIS ISN’T A FUCKING CRUISE.
HH: WE’RE HAVING A SNIPPY LITTLE GROUP CHAT WHEN WE COULD LITERALLY DIE AT ANY MOMENT.
SC: ~?hey you know what?~
SC: ~youre right~
SC: ~~marter to join up with literally the mo~t evil force in the univer~e rather than do ab~olutely anything el~e~
HH: BETTER THAN DYING.
SC: ~?i~ it?~
SC: ~it may not be a vacation but im happier than i ever wa~ trying to find clown purpo~e~
SC: ~and you are too~
HH: IS THAT FUCKING RIGHT
HH: YOU WANNA TALK HAPPY? I WAS HAPPY WITH A STABLE JOB AND A GUN IN MY HAND. THIS IS NOT THE PARTED GATEDS, THE DARK CARNIVAL OR WHATEVER THE FUCK
HH: THIS IS A DEATH SENTENCE.
SC: ~!~o~ being a ru~tblood in the middle of the imperial fleet!~
HH: OH BECAUSE IM RUST I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL TO YOU? WELL LA DEE DAH LET ME JUST FALL ON MY KNEES AND GROVEL IN YOUR INFINATE MERCY
SC: ~that~ not what i meant~
HH: OH SOMBRA, THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FROM SAVING ME. NEVER MIND I HAD TO COME CRAWLING HERE. NEVER MIND YOU LOVE COLLECTING PEOPLE WITH NO OTHER OPTION
HH: YOU NEED TO FEEL NEEDED. YOU’RE NOT HAPPY UNLESS SOMEONE DEPENDS ON YOU.
SC: ~new~fla~h a~~hole i wa~ al~o fine before you came back into our live~~
SC: ~id buried you in the ~and where you belong after you left u~ to go live out ~ome ~oldier boy fanta~y~
SC: ~we made promi~e~~
HH: WE WERE KIDS.
SC: ~im ~tarting to think you were the only one who wa~ ~till a kid~
SC: ~you oink-bea~theaded, overdramatic,~
HH: CONTROLLING, EGOTISTICAL
SC: ~edgelord~
HH: PRIMADONNA
WM: Enough.
WM: Both of you.
WM: I also happened to be looking forward to this reunion, but when you refuse to meet in person, the only thing it is going to turn into is a pissing match.
WM: I told you to meet at the cargo bay, but did you listen? No, because you obviously know how to h&le your emotions better than I do.
WM: Reaper, you left us. & it hurt. The least you can do is apologize.
SC: ~!yeah!~
WM: & you!
WM: Gaberl lost everything in less than a sweep & you dare to bother him about crew moral? You should be ashamed.
WM: I am sick of typing. We will meet up tomorrow, & the both of you will talk like proper adults. Is that understood?
HH: …ACKNOWLEDGED.
SC: ~yeah fine i gue~~~
WM: Good. I am glad that is settled.
SC: ~im~
SC: ~uh~
SC: ~looking forward to it~
SC: ~~eeing you again in per~on~
HH: MM. SAME. I GUESS.
WM: ?
HH: I DID MISS YOU. BOTH OF YOU.
WM: That is not an apology.
HH: I KNOW. I’LL WORK UP TO IT.
SC: ~we mi~~ed you too bo~~~
HH: HM. YEAH.
SC: ~<>?~
HH: …
HH: <>
SC: ~}:)~
SC: ~~ee you guy~ tomorrow~
HH: YEAH. BYE.
[SC] ceased responding to memo.
[HH] ceased responding to memo.
SC: …
SC: Wow.
LS: I agree, wow.
SC: We’re not that bad, are we?
LS: Sufferer I hope no7. If we were, sure1y everyone around us wou1d die of secondhand embarrassmen7.
SC: Thoze pet inzultz, bleh. It’z zomething ztraight out of a zickeningly zardonic romance, like they never learned how to hate properly. I mean they were bad az adolecentz but
LS: 7his is qui7e some7hing.
SC: Indeed.
LS: Are you on for 7he res7 of 7he nigh7?
SC: Unfortunaely no, I have to get zeveral more frond muzcle curlz in before morning.
LS: hkqpdo,xc./.;
SC: What waz that?
LS: No7hing. Enjoy your workou7.
SC: You will hear about thiz later from me Zeventeen.
[SC] ceased responding to memo.
LS: Widowmaker, I know you’re s7i11 7here.
WM: Hm. Well. Merde.
LS: Hoping we had forgo77en abou7 you?
WM: In much the way I had forgotten the two of you, yes.
LS: 7ha7 was qui7e we11 hand1ed back 7here.
WM: It was nothing. I simply said the things I thought needed to be said.
LS: You have qui7e 7he na7ura1 7a1en7 for i7.
WM: Hm.
LS: I mus7 ask
LS: A7 risk of ruining 7he joke
LS: Why aren’7 you auspis7icizing be7ween 7hem?
WM: Sombra & Reaper are not pitched.
LS: And ye7.
WM: & yet?
LS: And ye7.
WM: They aren’t.
LS: If 7ha7’s 7he on1y reason you have I mus7 imp1ore you 7o 1ook a 1i771e deeper. You may find happiness in 7he p1aces you did no7 7hink 7o exp1ore. Ang1es 7o someone or someones 7ha7 cou1d be rea1 if you were on1y 7o ask 7he ques7ion.
WM: Is that how it came between you & Zaryan?
LS: My. You’re qui7e insigh7fu1 in a wide manner of 7hings, 1croix.
WM: Was that a jest?
LS: No7 a7 a11. I 7hink you’re a very percep7ive 7ro11 when i7 comes 7o 7hings 7ha7 aren’7 your own fee1ings.
WM: Have you been learning from Sombra these things that sound like compliments but are actually not?
LS: Oh no, I 7augh7 myse1f 7ha7 a11 on my own.
WM: They would not want me to auspistize.
LS: Have you asked?
LS: 7ha7’s wha7 I 7hough7.
LS: Bu7 anyway, 7ha7 is jus7 my opinion on 7he ma77er. You are free 7o do as you 1ike.
WM: “You are free to do as you like” is one of those things pretentious trolls say when they want you to do what they tell you & will think you’re very stupid otherwise.
LS: Again, a very percep7ive 7ro11.
LS: We11, I wi11 be 7urning in 7hen. Good 1uck 7o you.
WM: Yes. Good day.
[LS] ceased responding to memo.
[WM] closed memo.