Chapter Text
The lack of response didn't stop him from going out every night and calling. Seekers operated on slightly different timetables from Autobots. While Autobots preferred only the light hours of the cycle, Seekers tended to be most active towards the start and end of the cycle, sleeping most during the middle of both night and day. Thundercracker slept during neither, missing recharge to call for Starscream.
He knew it was unhealthy, but he couldn't stop himself. Every time he laid in the nest, all he could think of was that Starscream wasn't there. Skywarp slept soundly. Wa didn't seem to mind as much as he did. It only made him feel more guilty.
Tiredness pulled at his frame. He sank to his knees, letting out one final call before his vocalizer fritzed out, his voice enveloped by static. It would recover in a few moments, but he wouldn't be able to speak at full volume for the rest of the cycle. That didn't matter. Starscream was still out there. There were no message delivery errors in the trinelink, so ka had to be alive.
"Skywarp is looking for you."
Thundercracker jumped, whirling toward the voice. It was familiar, but he didn't know the speaker's name. Before him was a figure that he barely remembered, red and blue plating reflecting the rising sun. The Autobot. The one he let go the first time he fought alongside the Seekers.
A mixture of relief and horror flowed through him. The Autobot was alive! But now he was staring down a mech whose loved ones he had killed. Soundwave was different. He eventually learned that Soundwave had no loved ones even before his creators were killed. But this mech? Thundercracker could still recall his cries.
"Oh," Thundercracker said, having no words. What was he supposed to say? 'Sorry I killed your friend, please don't be mad?'
"It's difficult, isn't it?" The Autobot said.
Thundercracker's wings twitched. "What is?"
"Losing someone," the Autobot said quietly.
"He's not dead," Thundercracker said. At the Autobot's silence, he said again, "He's not. Or I would feel it. We're linked."
Bonded was the word Autobots would use for their equivalent of trine. It was so similar, yet so different. There were no minimums to bonds, and no maximums. Trines were always three. But bonds were not as intensely woven into daily functions, if Thundercracker understood them correctly.
The Autobot frowned. "I see…"
"It—it's different," Thundercracker said. "I know he's out there. But I don't know where he is or if he's okay. I need him here. I need to know he's safe. The link is the only way I know he's alive right now."
His spark hurt. Every moment in a nest with one less member was hollow. How did Blast ever cope with losing nas trinemates? Thundercracker knew Starscream was alive and he still couldn't rest. In the past, when the other place beside him was empty, Starscream was only a short flight away. Thundercracker could drag kan back with ease. But now…
"Her name was Elita."
The Autobot's voice was firm but in an unexpectedly gentle way.
"Who?" Thundercracker said.
"My bondmate," The Autobot said. "The mech you killed that day."
Thundercracker's wings drooped. If the Autobot wanted him to feel guilty, it was working. At least he had a name for that face now.
"I'm sorry," Thundercracker said. "She hurt Skywarp and I couldn't…"
The Autobot stepped closer. "She was protecting me, just like you were protecting Skywarp."
The guilt only grew stronger. Thundercracker forced himself to stay still as the Autobot closed the gap between them.
"I can't hold it against you," the Autobot said. "We were both trying to survive. But I want you to know who she was."
Thundercracker closed his optics and hung his helm. He knew the Autobot wouldn't understand the gesture—wouldn't know it was a thousand silent apologies—yet he did it anyway. Thundercracker yielded.
"Now I do," he said quietly. "But… who are you?"
"Optimus," the Autobot said. "Optimus… Prime. Though, I fear I've lost that title."
Thundercracker stiffened, his wings rising in alert. A Prime? Primes were graduates of the Autobot Academy, trained in all sorts of skills and almost always placed into a position of authority. The title was required in order to hold any position of power. For a Prime, losing their title was losing their purpose.
"I'm sorry," Thundercracker said.
If the Seekers hadn't attacked, Optimus wouldn't have lost his title. His village would still be alive. Megatron had justified it by saying more Autobots would come if they didn't kill them, but what came of that? After vorns of fighting, the Autobots found them and drove them out of their home anyway.
"I already said I don't hold it against you," Optimus said. "We were enemies at the time. But you spared my life. I wouldn't have survived if you didn't let me go. I know what the Seekers did to other villages."
"I just wish it hadn't happened," Thundercracker said. "Our lead Seeker directed us to attack you because you were traveling through our territory. Starscream protested it. I did too. But there was no changing his mind."
"We weren't told," Optimus said. "If we had known, we would've taken a different route."
Them not knowing was the only explanation that made sense. But such a large group was likely directed by the Magnus. That was standard protocol Prowl had drilled into Thundercracker's mind, although he didn't recall most of the details. Mecha whose homes were destroyed often passed through or even permanently moved to the base, with notice always given ahead of time by one of the Magnus's aides.
The Magnus had to know. Prowl had maps of estimated Seeker territories from them. That was how they figured out where to strike.
"Why would they send you that way?" Thundercracker asked.
Optimus's brow furrowed.
"That's the question," He said. "If I tell you something, can you keep it quiet?"
Thundercracker nodded. "I won't share it with anyone."
Optimus closed his optics, going still for a moment. Then, he turned toward Thundercracker, determination blazing in his optics.
"Prowl and I think we were misrouted on purpose," he said. "The route I was given doesn't match the one he was given. We've been consulting with other bases for evidence, and it's only been piling up—misroutes, dropped and delayed communications, undeclared operations. Something is happening, and someone at the top is keeping it secret."
Thundercracker didn't know what to say. If Prowl believed something was wrong, then it definitely was. Optimus and his mecha passing through Seeker territory made a lot more sense if there was sabotage going on. But why? Wouldn't there be more effective methods?
"We're going to get an appointment with the Magnus," Optimus said. "We can't risk alerting whoever is doing this."
"How?" Thundercracker asked.
The Magnus was difficult to get ahold of. Mecha didn't just get appointments with the Magnus.
"We'll travel to Iacon," Optimus said. "From there, we'll just have to hope."
When Thundercracker went back to the base, the knowledge weighed heavy on his spark. Did it have anything to do with those Autobots trying to capture them? That other Autobot told Sentinel the Seekers were wanted alive. Why?
And did Prowl and the others know about it, or was it an 'undeclared operation?'
!!!
The orns snuck up on Thundercracker. They blended together—sleepless nights with an empty part of the nest. Prowl and Optimus were due to travel in just a couple of decacycles. Thundercracker's plating itched, and he was restless, but there was little time for him to focus on that between helping them prepare and managing the flock. At least Sunstorm had convinced the other Seekers to accept treatment from Ratchet as long as na was there to supervise.
Thundercracker sipped his energeon, sighing into it. Refueling was one of the few free moments of the day he had. Across from him, Prowl took a long sip of his. His creator—Prowl let him call him that now—always refueled quickly, never letting himself enjoy it. Thundercracker knew now that it was because there was rarely a break for a mech responsible for what he was responsible for.
"I had to break up Dirge and Dreadwing the other day," Thundercracker said.
Prowl hummed, inviting him to continue.
"Apparently, Dreadwing's trine was recharging in the corner of the burrow that Dirge's trine had been recharging in for the past few cycles," Thundercracker said. "Neither of them wanted to give it up."
The scratch on his arm from Dreadwing's claws still stung. The two Claws were so locked into battle that they didn't notice Thundercracker came between them until they had already attacked. Although staying in a single burrow was the most efficient—and safest—thing to do, Thundercracker was beginning to understand why the flock hadn't shared one before. Over the past handful of decacyles, he even had to stop himself from letting out a growl or two when he caught other Seekers sleeping in his place.
"And Bitstream is sparked, so now Sunstorm wants a private burrow," Thundercracker said. "I can't do that! The others will all ask for one and then the ground will fall in because it's too unstable, or—or we'll run out of space because we have to keep that from happening, and I just… I promised I would take Soundwave on a hunt today but now I have to go tell Sunstorm I can't give him a private burrow!"
"Welcome to my world," Prowl said.
Thundercracker stopped staring into his energeon and looked up. A small smile occupied Prowl's face. Amusement—muffled but present, as Prowl's emotions always were—drifted on the air.
"I know!" Thundercracker groaned. "Doesn't make it any less stressful."
Prowl placed his cube on the table with a quiet click.
"Look," he said. "You're doing a good job. That's why they're listening to you."
The temptation to pout like a newspark was difficult to resist. Thundercracker knew that. It was what everyone said. But he didn't want to do this. He never asked to be Winglord, or for Starscream to leave, or…
"Thanks," Thundercracker said, because it was all he could say.
He missed when his spare moments with Prowl were spent showing him a new move he figured out, or a cool thing he found outside. Scrap, he even missed Prowl's boring lectures. Now, all he was doing was complaining. It was all he had time for.
He downed the rest of his cube and stood up.
"I should get going," he said.
!!!
The meeting with Sunstorm went about as well as Thundercracker expected. That was to say: Sunstorm passive-aggressively talked his audials out and Thundercracker kept reminding nam why he couldn't give them a private burrow until eventually na ran out of steam and Hotlink and Bitstream chimed in. They managed to convince nam that it was okay not to have one, and Thundercracker kept himself from asking them why they couldn't have said something before.
Skywarp was already gone with Soundwave. He could've asked where they were and joined them, but he was tired. So, he leaned back against a tree at the edge of the clearing and waited. The milling about of the flock became background noise, slowly lulling him into recharge.
But as he began drifting off, a conversation reached his audials. He startled awake, catching his name somewhere within it. He turned up the sensitivity of his audials, knowing he shouldn't eavesdrop, but too curious not to.
"Everything is so much better now."
Ramjet's voice.
"It is."
Thrust.
A quiet grunt of agreement from Dirge. Then, Ramjet spoke again.
"It's nice to finally have a Spark in charge again," wa said. "Claws just aren't supposed to lead."
Thundercracker leaned forward. They were just ahead of him, huddled against a tree of their own.
"They're too violent," Thrust said. "They don't know what it means to nurture like Sparks do."
Thundercracker dug his claws into the ground. Anger and fear rose up inside him in equal measure. Starscream was nothing but gentle with Windshear. Was that not nurturing?
Claws were as nurturing as Sparks, because Claws were capable of anything Sparks were capable of. Thundercracker bit his tongue, quelling the urge to say it aloud. He knew the Seekers held these sorts of beliefs, but it still hurt. He felt safe around Thrust's trine, but now he couldn't anymore. Not if they viewed Claws like that.
How would they feel if they found out what he actually was? Would they decide he was actually secretly violent all along? Would they decide he wasn't capable of caring for news parks anymore? All because he identified himself differently than they wanted him to?
He ran his claws down his arms—not enough to hurt, but enough to exert pressure. He wanted to peel his plating off piece by piece. Maybe then, whatever was left would be free from all of this.
Hotlink said the Claws in waz birth flock carried Seekerlings. If anyone would understand, it would be Hotlink. And that was all Thundercracker needed.
He rose, tuning out the conversations of those around him as he made his way back toward Sunstorm's trine. As usual, Sunstorm had gone back to managing nas supplies. Between Hotlink and Bitstream was a half-disassembled ray gun. They looked up at him, wings raised in greeting.
"Can I talk to Hotlink?" Thundercracker asked.
Hotlink placed the part wa was inspecting on the ground. After a glance toward Sunstorm, wa leaped up. Thundercracker turned away. They headed toward the forest.
"What's up?" Hotlink asked.
Thundercracker flicked his wing. They weren't far enough to be unheard yet. He waited to respond until they were.
"You said that in the flock you came from, Claws were the ones who had seekerlings," he said.
Hotlink shuffled, biting waz lip. "I did."
Thundercracker took a step, then another, quickly breaking into an anxious pace. His spark turned quickly, sending an electric tension throughout his frame.
"So different flocks view the roles differently," he said. "They only mean what the flock believes."
"Yeah," Hotlink said.
Thundercracker froze. Wa said it so lightly, with no doubt or fear. Waz plating was relaxed, waz stance even more so. After Starscream had been so angry with him and Skywarp had dismissed it as being the fault of him growing up among Autobots, he hadn't expected such a casual acceptance.
It pushed him to keep going.
"So if other flocks have different beliefs, then maybe… there are Seekers who aren't just one of the three. Or any at all."
Hotlink's wings twitched. Wa stared at him, scrutinizing. Then, wa turned away.
"Stay here," wa said.
Wa took off. Thundercracker's pacing renewed. Hotlink hadn't seemed upset, but maybe he said something wrong. Maybe Hotlink didn't actually understand it, and was about to tell the flock about it. If Hotlink told the flock…
Thundercracker shuddered. He was the main reason the Autobots and Seekers hadn't attacked each other. If the flock were angry with him, they would stop listening to his commands not to fight. If they attacked him, the Autobots would attack them. Prowl loved him enough not to care about peace. He knew that.
Pedesteps grew closer. Thundercracker forced himself to stay. Behind Hotlink were three mecha—Jetfire, Jetstorm, and Acid Storm. Thundercracker had never spoken with Acid Storm, and only recognized ka because kas green plating was so distinct.
There was no anger on the air, only trepidation. Still, Thundercracker's plating tightened. There were three of them and only one of him. He took a step back as they approached.
Hotlink paused in front of him, then sat. Wa motioned for him to do the same. Spark still turning rapidly, Thundercracker obeyed. Jetstorm and Jetfire settled on one side while Acid Storm settled on the other.
Hotlink scanned the group. Wa motioned vaguely with waz hand. "Who's going to start?"
The rest of the group shifted awkwardly. A brief silence fell over them before Jetfire finally spoke up, voice quiet and hesitant.
"I and Jetstorm did not do growing with the roles," Jetfire said. "Jetstorm did the choosing of Wing. I… did not like any of the choices. They are not me. But the flock does the knowing of me as a Spark."
That sounded a lot like Thundercracker. But Thundercracker wasn't completely disconnected from the roles. They just restricted him. And if Jetstorm chose to be a Wing after growing up without roles, that meant some Seekers in his position did become comfortable in trine roles. Thundercracker just wasn't one of them.
"I'm a Claw and a Spark." Acid Storm's voice was steady, kas wings held high. "The flock knows me as a Claw, but my trine knows I'm both."
That was what Thundercracker thought he was, before he realized he felt no difference. He arrived to the flock from the outside, traveling like a Wing. He nurtured seekerlings and led like Sparks were supposed to. He protected his trine and flock like a Claw. And though he knew that those roles weren't set in stone—there was nothing stopping a Claw or Wing from having seekerlings, or a Spark from fighting, or Claw from leading—it was the perceptions of others that trapped him. It was his spark that hurt when he was viewed as only one part of his greater whole. That lack of separation was why he was all of them.
"I—" The words caught in Thundercracker's vocalizer. "I'm all three."
That was what he wanted to be. That was where he found comfort. But as silence stretched on, his confidence—what little of it there was—waned.
"I know there's nothing stopping a Claw or a Spark or a Wing from doing what the other roles do," he said. "Not physically. And being called a Spark was wrong but not wrong enough. Everyone else seemed fine, but I couldn't… I was trapped. Even when I knew there were no real restrictions, I was trapped."
Quiet fell over the group again. Its members exchanged glances. Thundercracker wilted. Now would be where things went wrong, just as they went wrong before. They would tell him all three was impossible. That he was mocking them.
"What do you want us to call you?" Hotlink said.
The question caught Thundercracker so off guard that he nearly flinched. What should they call him? He had no idea. If he was a Spark, there would be no problem with being called one. There would not be any problem with being called a Claw or a Wing, either. But the idea of saying it was fine to call him a Spark made him hesitate—not because he wasn't one, but because that was a reminder that most Seekers would only see that part of him.
"Anything," he finally said.
For the first time, he didn't want to shrink when another Seeker looked at him.
!!!
Thundercracker landed. The flock settled close enough to the Autobots for the distance to be walked or driven, but he felt like flying. As he touched down, the Autobots guarding the perimeter paused. They watched him, clutching their guns anxiously, until recognition crossed their faces.
Thundercracker wished their first instinct wasn't to shoot. But from their perspective, Seekers were dangerous. He couldn't undo generations of war in a few orns. But he was trying.
Thundercracker approached the entrance, the two guards nodding at him. Then, the sky screamed.
Dirt sank into Thundercracker's seams as he was forced sideways. He grunted, plating stinging from where he hit the ground. Claws dug into his chest and pedes pressed into his abdomen. Against the midday sun, magenta plating shone.
"Starscream?" Thundercracker said.
His first impulse was relief. Starscream was alive! But his second recognized the situation for what it was. Above him, Starscream hissed, dentae bared and wings rattling.
"Starscream," Thundercracker said more firmly.
Ka growled. Thundercracker rolled, throwing kan off. As ka struggled to kas pedes, he glanced at the guards. The two Autobots reached for their guns.
A strike to his cheek caught Thundercracker off guard. He staggered backward. One of the guards aimed their blaster. It hummed as it powered up. Thundercracker blocked Starscream's second strike.
Scrap. They were going to shoot.
Thundercracker leaped and took off. The scream of a jet engine behind him told him that Starscream had followed. He kept flying—toward the Seekers' temporary camp, then beyond. When he was far enough past everything, he dove. Starscream dove with him, altering the steepness of kas dive so that ka crashed on top of him as they landed.
But Thundercracker had prepared for that. At the last possible moment, he changed position, drifting just out of kas range. Ka landed heavily. But the botched landing didn't keep kan down for long. Before Thundercracker could prepare himself, ka was already up, kas swords at the ready.
Frantically, Thundercracker took whatever he could to block the blow. He ducked behind trees when he could—anything to avoid taking a hit. Eventually, he saw a moment and seized it, dodging yet another swipe before slamming a branch he grabbed into Starscream's wrists.
It wasn't enough to break kas old injury, but it was enough to force kan to let go of the swords. Thundercracker leaped on kan, pinning kan to the ground. Starscream struggled beneath him, hissing and growling. Ka was nothing but a flurry of claws.
"Yield," Thundercracker said.
He knew what this was.
"No!" Starscream spat.
He didn't want to be right.
"Why are you doing this?" Thundercracker said. "Just surrender. I don't want to fight."
Starscream kicked. Thundercracker flinched at the pain it caused, but remained steady.
"I can't," Starscream said.
Thundercracker adjusted his grip. Taking advantage of the brief freedom it afforded kan, Starscream launched kaz upward, striking Thundercracker in the face. Both Seekers stumbled backward.
"You don't understand," Starscream said. "You're never going to. I need to do this."
"Why?" Thundercracker said.
Starscream shook kas helm and charged. Thundercracker sidestepped the attack. All of Starscream's blows had been sloppy—as if ka were a panicked mechanical rather than a warrior. Ka stumbled in an effort to avoid running straight into a tree. Before ka could regain kas footing, Thundercracker slammed ka into that tree.
"Please," Thundercracker said.
Starscream struggled in his grip, but kas struggles died as quickly as they began. The whirr of fans reached Thundercracker's audials. Starscream's plating was thin and brittle beneath his claws, so breakable that he could bend it if he put any more pressure.
"What am I?" Starscream said. "What am I if I'm not Winglord?"
"You're Starscream," Thundercracker said. "My trinemate who helped me take down Megatron. Who supported me. You're one of the Seekers I love."
Starscream went limp, kas optics falling along with kas wings.
"Love," ka mumbled bitterly. "Look at me. I'm not worth anything."
A realization crept to the front of Thundercracker's processor. Starscream's creators died when ka was young, leaving kan with Sunstorm. The less said about kas relationship with Sunstorm, the better. The rest of the flock viewed kan as an entitled brat, unwilling to follow kan and insulting kan with ease. Kas sparkling-like plan of becoming Winglord and having power over all Seekers wasn't a true plan—it was a fantasy ka escaped into.
Thundercracker wrapped his arms around Starscream, holding kan close even as ka made weak efforts to squirm away.
"You're worth something to me," Thundercracker said. "When you were gone, I couldn't sleep. I missed you. I needed to know you were okay."
Starscream finally gave in, returning the embrace and burying kas helm in Thundercracker's chest. Kas plating shook as kas grip tightened, holding Thundercracker as if letting go would cause him to vanish. But Thundercracker wasn't going anywhere.
It was easy to forget that Starscream, like all individuals, had fears. Not because ka didn't show them, but because of how ka showed them. Skywarp trembled and hid, but Starscream responded in the opposite way—facing kas fears with bared dentae and claws at the ready. Fight was as valid a response to fear as flight or freeze, but it didn't invoke compassion the same way the other two did.
As he led Starscream back toward the base, kas gaze remained low. Ka didn't look up even as they passed through the middle of the flock's new camp. All the way back to their room, ka was silent. When they entered, Skywarp jumped up, running toward Thundercracker.
Wa paused as waz optics landed on Starscream. Kas wings shook. Ka lowered kas helm further. Skywarp's optics narrowed.
"Oh," wa said. Wa bit waz lip. "Did ka hurt you?"
Skywarp reached out, attempting to examine Thundercracker, but he gently brushed wan off. He led Starscream to the nest, pulling ka down. Ka went limp—as always—allowing Thundercracker to bring kan down with ease. Both he and Starscream would need medical exams, but not now. As Skywarp settled on his other side, he pulled Starscream close. With that side of the nest no longer empty, Thundercracker was finally able to rest.
When he woke in the morning, the spot was empty again. Starscream laid a short distance away from the nest, shivering, and no amount of coaxing or dragging could bring kan back in.