Chapter Text
Nacelle wasn't difficult to find. Ka always sat in the same spot—a spot that Thundercracker avoided to the best of his abilities. Just taking a step toward it was difficult. But Thundercracker had to—for both Windshear and his mission.
Nacelle looked up, kas wings rising slightly, as Thundercracker approached. The dagger in kas hands shone in the light. Thundercracker fought a shudder, trying not to imagine it sinking into his plating. Rays needed time to charge, but blades did not.
Thundercracker knelt in front of kan. He kept his wings low and his voice quiet. Despite that, the stares of the other Seekers in the valley burned his plating.
"I have something to ask you," he said.
Nacelle's wings fluttered as ka straightened kaz. Ka stared at Thundercracker, optics not quite meeting his.
"What is it?" Ka said quietly. "Did you change your mind about—"
"No!" Thundercracker hissed, his plating flaring before he could stop it. Nacelle flared kas wings in response. Thundercracker forced his plating to lie flat and softened his voice. "No, that's not what this is about. I need your help."
Nacelle's wings relaxed back into a neutral position. "With what?"
"I need a custom weapon made," Thundercracker said. He paused, gauging Nacelle's reaction. Kas optics widened, kas wings raising. The air tingled with anticipation. Thundercracker continued. "Blast's seekerling—Windshear—needs something to help vam hold onto prey."
A smile formed on Nacelle's face.
"You're the first Seeker to take an interest in that," ka said.
Thundercracker flicked his wing, fighting a twinge of irritation. He shouldn't have been so angry, but all he could think about when he was near Nacelle was when Skywarp was hurt, even though vorns had passed.
"Can you do it?" He asked.
Nacelle sheathed kas dagger and placed it into kas cockpit.
"Of course," ka said. "But I'll need a few things from your first."
Thundercracker expected that.
"What do you need?"
Nacelle grinned at him. "Supplies, permission to examine vam to make sure everything is properly sized and to vas liking. That sort of thing."
"That's fine," Thundercracker said. "Just let us know what you need and we'll provide it."
"I will."
Supplies didn't include food, and Nacelle never asked for it, but Windshear was a generous seekerling. No one stopped vam when va offered Nacelle a place beside vam after ka fitted the straps that would fasten the weapon to vas arms. And if Nacelle continued to come back even during moments when ka wasn't working on Windshear's weapons, well… no one kicked kan out.
The first time it happened, Starscream turned toward Thundercracker, a wide grin splitting kas face. Thundercracker smiled back. Maybe Nacelle wasn't so bad after all—at least when ka wasn't actively attempting to court Thundercracker.
!!!
The moment Thundercracker woke, he knew he couldn't hide it anymore. His claws sank into the leaves that lined the nest. His plating crawled. His spark turned rapidly, the ball of anxiety in his chest refusing to let him rise. Still, he forced himself to stretch, then gently shook Soundwave awake.
Nas visor powered up with a quiet hum. Na tilted nas helm.
"Can you go visit Blast or Thrust?" Thundercracker whispered. "We're going to be busy for a while."
Soundwave wasn't a stranger to this. Na nodded, carefully extracting naz from between Thundercracker and Skywarp. Despite nas carefulness, Skywarp stirred awake with a tired grumble. By the time waz optics finally opened, Soundwave was already gone.
"'Sup?" Wa mumbled.
Thundercracker sighed and prodded Starscream awake. Ka jolted with a startled noise. Vacant but wide-eyed, Starscream blinked for a few moments before orienting kaz.
"It started," Thundercracker said. "A few cycles ago, actually—"
"And you didn't tell us?" Skywarp said, waz olfactory ridge crinkling.
Starscream scoffed. "Na was hiding it."
It wasn't a question. The air on Starscream's side of the burrow was completely calm. Had ka known the whole time?
The air around Skywarp grew sharp. Wa chewed waz lip as if fighting not to bare waz dentae. Then, wa stood up.
"Let's go," wa said, motioning toward Starscream.
After a moment of hesitation, Starscream rose. Ka glanced at Thundercracker, then back toward Skywarp.
"Where?" Ka said.
"Hunting," Skywarp said.
Starscream glanced at Thundercracker again. "Shouldn't one of us…?"
"We need something large enough to feed all three of us," Skywarp said. "You can't carry that back on your own."
Starscream's claws curled. Kas plating tensed. Then, as quickly as it tensed, it fell, kas wings drooping with it.
"Fine," ka hissed.
The two left the burrow. The knot in Thundercracker's chest tightened, collapsing in on itself. It turned into a hole that sucked everything inside, leaving him hollow. They were angry at him. He knew they would be.
Had they changed their minds? Were they going to leave him here? Alone?
He dug his claws into the leaves that lined the nest. They crunched beneath his hands. Closing his optics, he blocked out everything else around him, only able to focus on the fear in his spark.
If they left him, what would he do?
He knew part of it was Data Hunger. His frame wanted his potential mates close by. But that wasn't the only cause of his fear. After leaving behind everything he knew, Skywarp was the first one to reach out to him. Wa offered kindness and something to hold onto while he floundered. If Skywarp was a tree rooted still in the eye for a storm, Starscream was the opposite—a flowing river that he coasted down, always heading forward. Ka encouraged him even when the odds seemed impossible.
After a thousand moments, a thud startled Thundercracker. He opened his optics with a jolt. Before him laid the body of a ferrowolf. It was more than enough for that day and even the next. But all Thundercracker could focus on was that they had come back.
The air was thick with tension. Skywarp's plating was relaxed despite it. Wa settled on the other side of the ferrowolf and began carving it. Starscream entered the burrow next. Kas wings quivered, kas plating snapped tight.
Kas optics landed on Thundercracker. Ka scrambled forward, nearly falling into Thundercracker's side. Repeatedly, ka nuzzled him. A purr rumbled from kas chest, but it was nothing like the contented purrs Starscream made in the past. It was quick, high-pitched, and desperate.
Despite Starscream's odd behavior, relief crashed into Thundercracker. If Starscream was snuggling him like this, then they didn't plan to leave. He pulled Starscream closer, purring back to kan. Kas purrs slowed as ka pressed into him, slowly becoming more typical.
"You hid that you were in Hunger from us."
Skywarp's voice was firmer than Thundercracker had ever heard it. Wa stared down at him, lips pressed into a line.
"I'm sorry," Thundercracker said. "I was scared."
Skywarp's wings lowered. Wa frowned. The air wasn't filled with sadness nor anger.
"Why?" Skywarp said.
Thundercracker couldn't tell wan. Thundercracker couldn't tell anyone. It would ruin everything.
"This is all new to me," he lied. "Remember?"
Skywarp slumped. Wa closed waz optics, hanging waz helm, and sighed. Then, wa came forward, sitting beside him.
"We'll be there for you," wa said softly. "No matter what. Even if you're scared. Even if we're scared. That's what trine is."
In that moment, Thundercracker was tempted to just tell them. If that was true, they would accept him. He wouldn't need to hide it. But fear gripped his spark and sent him a reminder: Skywarp had courted him because wa thought he was a Spark. If wa learned he was more than that, would wa still want him?
It was better to stay quiet.
Skywarp nuzzled him. "Just… tell us next time, okay? No more hiding things."
"No more hiding things," Thundercracker repeated.
If they never found out, they'd never be upset. He loved them. He loved this. He didn't want to ruin it.
"Should we do it now?" Thundercracker asked.
It was better to get it over with before he grew too anxious. But Skywarp shook waz helm and motioned toward the ferrowolf.
"Let's eat first," wa said.
So, they ate. Thundercracker struggled despite the lowness of his fuel gauge. Anxiety kept him from enjoying the meal, only worsened by the typical restlessness Data Hunger caused. But eventually, his trinemates-to-be ate their fill. Skywarp tucked the remains of the ferrowolf in the corner of the nest for later.
"Ready?" Wa asked softly.
Thundercracker nodded, opening both of his wrist panels. Skywarp and Starscream did the same. They sat in a loose circle. Each handed the one next to them their cord. Thundercracker plugged Skywarp's in, then Starscream's, and let his firewalls down.
The expected spark packet request came through, but was paused almost immediately by another: Two connections detected! Engage trining protocol?
Thundercracker confirmed it. The protocol powered up. The spark packet request was canceled—the trining protocol was the only way to cancel an ongoing spark packet request besides disconnecting.
[Listening for synchronization key.]
"Synchronization key?" Thundercracker said.
Starscream and Skywarp exchanged glances. Starscream flicked kas wings. Skywarp flicked waz back. With a sigh, Starscream relented.
"The song of your spark," ka said. "Or whatever other sentimental scrap they call it. Just close your optics, relax, and sing."
Sing? Thundercracker hadn't ever sung before…
Prowl had, a few times. Thundercracker would creep into his room for one reason or another—usually to complain about the cold—and freeze. A voice would drift through the air, soft and melodic. Prowl was the only one in the room besides him, but it was hard to believe it came from him.
Prowl always stopped when he noticed Thundercracker was there, but he never forgot the sound. He called upon those memories now, letting the same sounds sail from his vocalizer. But as they exited, they twisted into something new and yet the same—a melody in a different key.
A voice joined his own, but quickly disappeared, as if hesitating. Then, it returned, gradually growing louder as it provided an accompaniment for his melody. When its volume finally matched his, a third voice joined in. It was loud, clashing with his at first, as if trying to dominate. But it quickly sank behind both his and the other voice, and created beautiful countermelody.
[Synchronization key obtained!]
The notification came through, but Thundercracker continued to sing. Starscream and Skywarp continued with him. His cooling fans clicked on, the trining protocol straining his frame. Messages streamed through his processor too quickly for him to read them as the program established links.
Then, everything stopped.
[Select trine role:]
Thundercracker's fuel lines froze. His vocalizer cut out abruptly. Starscream and Skywarp's songs trailed to a stop.
"It's a drop down menu."
Thundercracker opened his optics. Skywarp stared back at him. Starscream's optics were still closed, kas helm buried in Thundercracker's side.
"It's a drop down menu," Thundercracker repeated, as if that would force it to make any more sense.
Skywarp's wings twitched. "So?"
Did wa know? Did they all know? This entire time, all of this was predicated on a drop down menu? A menu that only allowed three exclusive choices?
This wasn't real. The roles weren't even real—just some stupid things made up to justify entries on a drop down menu. Spark-Claws weren't real. Thundercracker wasn't real. He was just defective after all. He knew he was. Why had he ever believed he wasn't? It was all just some fantasy he made up to feel better about himself.
He was defective. And stupid. And defective. Something in his helm wasn't right. He knew that. He'd always known. But here was irrefutable proof.
Defective. He wanted to crawl out of his body. Defective. If he dug his claws in, could he peel it all away? Defective, defective…
Something against his plating vibrated. Defective. A rumble traveled to his audials. Defective. His claws scraped at his own plating. Defective, defective. It stung.
"Hey."
Muffled. Quiet. He could barely hear. Defective. He was trapped in his own body. Why couldn't he get out? Defective. He just wanted to get out! Why couldn't he just get out? Defective, defective—
"Thundercracker."
The voice was calm. Familiar. Out, out out! There was a weight against his chest. Defective! Claws gently peeled his own away, taking his hands in theirs. Why couldn't he just—!
Shapes faded into view, but Thundercracker had been seeing the whole time. He just wasn't comprehending. Defective… A hand gently squeezed his. He squeezed it back. The weight against him was identifiable—Starscream's helm was buried in his shoulder. Why…
"What's going on?"
Skywarp's voice came from his other side. It was waz hands that held his.
"I—" Thundercracker's voice dissolved into static. "I don't know."
Starscream nuzzled him. Thundercracker closed his optics and focused on Starscream's purrs until they were the only thing in existence. When he opened his optics, Starscream and Skywarp were still there, waiting.
"I'm okay now," Thundercracker said, sitting slightly straighter. "Let's get back to… this."
Skywarp's brow furrowed. "Are you sure? That was really scary."
Thundercracker didn't want to scare wan. He wasn't exactly in control of whatever that was. It was as if his processor was hijacked. Maybe it had been. But he was in control of it now.
"I want to do this," he said.
Right now, before he had the chance to think about it. Before he had the chance to change his mind. Because he had to, and because he wanted to. He wanted to spend his life with Skywarp and Starscream, even if it meant…
Thundercracker selected Spark and hit confirm. It didn't matter anymore. None of it meant anything.
[Awaiting trine role data…]
[Data received! Confirming link…]
Thundercracker's fans slowed. The protocol began shutting down.
[Link confirmed. Activating…]
[Link activated.]
The program terminated itself. Skywarp and Starscream's cables were ejected automatically. Thundercracker's cables wound back into their places before his wrist panel snapped shut.
A new array of commands was available to him. He selected one just to see what it did. Data streamed into his processor.
[ID: STSC
VCR: 15 CPK
SCR: 32 RPK
FL: 42%—]
He cut it off there. All he really knew what to do with out of that was FL, the fuel level. Hadn't Starscream just eaten? He stared at kan.
Ka scowled. "Don't look at me like that."
Thundercracker huffed. He tried another command. This one brought up a prompt for input. A message appeared. Well, not quite appeared—it was more like Thundercracker felt a message.
[{ID:SKWP} hey]
Thundercracker sent a message back.
[{ID:THCR} Hey]
Another came in.
[{ID:STSC} I see you two finally found the trinelink.]
[{ID:THCR} Finally? We've only been linked for a couple of kliks]
[{ID:STSC} You have an excuse. Skywarp doesn't. It's not that hard to run a couple of commands you've heard about repeatedly for your entire life.]
[{ID:SKWP} eat slag]
[{ID:STSC} Only if you do it first.]
"Stop it," Thundercracker hissed.
Skywarp and Starscream both startled. Starscream recovered first.
"Wa started it!" Ka said.
"No," Thundercracker said, gently tapping Starscream on the helm. "You insulted wan first."
Thundercracker thought they got along better than this. Were they just good at hiding it? And now they had a commlink to insult each other whenever they wanted…
Starscream growled quietly and buried kaz deeper into Thundercracker's side. With everything in him screaming for his trinemates to stay close, the contact was reassuring, but the more rational part of his processor pegged it as odd. Starscream typically wasn't affectionate unless ka felt like scrap.
"Are you okay?" Thundercracker asked.
"I'm not the one that just got caught in a bad loop," Starscream said.
Thundercracker reached up and stroked the edge of Starscream's wing. "Answer me."
Starscream growled quietly again. Ka shifted onto kas back so ka could stare up at Thundercracker.
"I'm fine," ka said. "It's nothing I'm not used to."
Thundercracker hooked an arm behind Starscream. He wrapped it around and rested it around Starscream's waist, just barely touching kas belly. But it was enough for ka to hiss and shift away, swatting his hand.
Of course.
"I understand you're in pain, but you can't take it out on Skywarp," Thundercracker said. "We're a trine now, and trines work together. We can't work together if we're mad at each other."
Starscream rolled kas optics but didn't protest. Thundercracker's plating slackened in relief. It was over. He had trined Starscream and Skywarp.
Tiredness washed over him. He closed his optics. As he slipped into recharge, Skywarp's weight pressed against his other side.
!!!
Thundercracker's Data Hunger ended shortly after that, cut multiple cycles by the act of trining. Starscream and Skywarp seemed to expect it, but for Thundercracker, it was a welcome surprise. Despite the new commands, little changed between them. After all, they had already been together for vorns. This just made it recognized by others.
A new layer hummed beneath the signals other Seekers emitted, which Thundercracker slowly recognized as a beacon broadcasting their status as trined. Trinemates had matching beacons. He couldn't feel his own field, but the extra layer in Skywarp and Starscream's fields brought him comfort, and he knew his must have been the same.
Idle chatter filled the space where food couldn't—vague remarks about the weather and presence of prey. They had retaken a particularly lucrative stretch of land recently, which allowed them to spend less time searching for prey and more time together. Even Starscream couldn't protest Megatron's choice to fight for that particular location.
In front of him, Thrust leaned into Ramjet, purring, as na ate. Thundercracker wondered if na would try for another seekerling if na went into Hunger. His spark hurt thinking about the loss of nas newspark, even though it had been vorns. He could only imagine how Thrust felt about it.
He brought a hand to his chest, the other slowly sinking to the ground, as he thought about his own newspark. He hadn't lost that one—he didn't give himself the opportunity to. Va would've been only a handful of decacycles now…
If va would have survived. At the time, the newspark's death seemed inevitable. But Windshear had survived. Maybe his newspark could have as well.
"Like that," Nacelle said.
Windshear's wings fluttered as va pulled a set of straps on with vas teeth. The blades attached to the other end of them shone in the light. Carefully avoiding them, Nacelle adjusted the straps until the claws sat flush to the ends of Windshear's arms. Soundwave leaned in, watching closely as Windshear turned them.
Both Soundwave and Nacelle leaned away as Windshear swiped the empty air. Va giggled, a grin spreading across vas face. It was only a matter of time before va would be hunting and flying. Blast already told Thundercracker that va had managed to hover while he was still hiding away in the burrow during his Hunger. He wished he didn't miss it.
Thundercracker's spark hurt. He fought not to show it, but he must've failed, because he caught Skywarp watching him. Wa looked away, wings lowering slightly.
"Um," wa said. "Are you… okay? You seem a bit…"
Thundercracker sighed, pulling his hand away from his chest. "I'm fine."
He never told Skywarp about the newspark. If Starscream hadn't been there, then none of his trinemates would know. Starscream was supportive—ka was the one who fought for Thundercracker to be allowed to make the choice—but that didn't mean Thundercracker would have wanted kan to know if he had the ability to keep kan from it. Killing a newspark was wrong, whether to spare vam from future suffering or not.
Skywarp wasn't convinced. Waz concern drifted through the air. Thundercracker wished he could tell wan. He knew wa wouldn't be upset by it the way he was. But he just couldn't.
"Would you ever consider siring a newspark?" Thundercracker asked instead. "Not right now. Just… someday."
Skywarp's wings drooped. "It's not safe. And I wouldn't know what to do."
"But would you want to?" Thundercracker said, trying not to let the disappointment leak into his voice. He knew it wasn't safe, but some irrational part of him wished wa would just say yes.
Skywarp looked away.
"Maybe," wa said quietly. "When it's safer."
Thundercracker turned toward Starscream. Ka paused mid-pour of kas powder, tipping the container up without even looking at it.
"I can't," Starscream said.
Starscream had said that before. But it wasn't the answer to what he asked. Perhaps ka couldn't carry because of kas condition, but siring took a lot less resources. When they trined, kas systems accepted his spark packet request just fine, so what would stop kan?
There were a lot of possible answers, but Thundercracker doubted Starscream would give any of them, so he settled for just one.
"Do you want to?" Thundercracker said.
Starscream turned away, pouring the powder into kas mouth. Ka licked the remains of it from kas hands, moving more slowly than Thundercracker had seen kan in the past, as if stalling.
"I'll raise any newspark you carry," ka said.
It still wasn't an answer, but it was close enough. Thundercracker forced himself to let it go. Really, he received the answer he wanted—both of them were open to newsparks in the future. Still…
What would his newspark have looked like? Would they be timid and quiet like Skywarp, or bold like him? The weight of a tiny seekerling on his chest flashed in his mind. Windshear was so big now, and he had never known Soundwave while na was that size. He missed having a seekerling so young around.
Movement caught his optics. A stare burned into his plating. He followed it. Thrust beckoned him. After a quick glance toward Starscream and Skywarp to ensure they knew he was getting up, Thundercracker approached Thrust. Thrust motioned for him to sit, and then with a flick of nas wing, sent nas trinemates away.
"What's going on?" Thundercracker asked.
"I should be asking you that," Thrust said. "I could feel your sadness from all the way over here. Neither of your trinemates seemed willing to approach it, so I figured as the only mech with bearings in our little flock, I'd address it."
"It's nothing," Thundercracker said quickly.
Because it was nothing. It had to be.
"It's clearly something," Thrust said. "Otherwise you wouldn't be staring at Windshear like a kicked cyberpup and clutching your chestplates."
Thundercracker shool his helm. "It really is nothing—"
"Did you lose a newspark?" Thrust said, nas voice steady and confident.
Thundercracker's wings drooped. He did, in a way. But he'd chosen to lose it.
"You did," Thrust whispered, nas brow furrowing.
"No," Thundercracker said. The words struggled to leave his vocalizer. "I—I got rid of it. It was that or…"
"Or risk vam dying," Thrust said.
Thundercracker looked away and closed his optics. He spared his newspark suffering, but he still killed it. How could anyone look at him the same way after that?
"How far along?" Thrust asked.
Thundercracker still couldn't look at nam. "A couple of orns."
It was barely a dent in the time a carriage truly took. The egg didn't emerge from the spark chamber until a full vorn. It stayed in the storage chamber, developing internally, for two more.
"That's early," Thrust said. "The early orns are always the hardest."
The newspark would draw the most from their dam's spark during that time, with it being nothing but a little spark chamber. All of its energy had to come from the dam, since it would have no energy producing systems of its own.
"I wouldn't know," Thundercracker mumbled.
"You do know," Thrust said. "At least a little bit. My first two carriages were difficult. One of them took me right out of the sky. Dirge had to catch me."
Thundercracker finally looked up. Thrust had a smile on nas face. Nas optics were focused somewhere far away. There were no seekerlings here. Thrust was only a decavorn or so older than him. They wouldn't have had time to grow up.
Had na lost them all?
"You had others?" Thundercracker asked quietly.
"Just the two," Thrust said, the air around them growing heavy as nas optics refocused. "But I'm going to keep trying. One of them will live someday."
Didn't it hurt to lose them? How could Thrust keep trying when na had already lost three? Just the thought of losing a newspark was enough to make Thundercracker terminate his. It was better to be in control of his newspark's death than to allow it to happen when it could feel pain and fear.
"I hope one does," Thundercracker said quietly.
And he meant it. His gaze was drawn toward the hill. Above everything sat Megatron, kas silver plating gleaming as ka glared at the Seekers below. Ka shifted, turned kas helm toward Thundercracker. Though Thundercracker glared back, the distance was too far—Megatron wouldn't know he was looking.