Chapter Text
Eyes fluttering open, Addison woke up on her side, she lazily blinked, taking in the unfamiliar ceiling. Fuck, it wasn’t a dream—she thought while pulling the turquoise comforter over her face.
A soft snore made her smile, she rolled onto her other side, almost falling off her tiny bed and onto the night stand. Peeking her head out, she noticed Meredith laid on her back, the early sun rays shining on her face—it made the blonde strands glow.
Whispers coming closer in the hall distracted her, “You check on her.”
“No, you. She’s grumpy when I wake her up."
“You’re gonna have to get over that sometime, George.”
Soft footsteps moved closer, wide-eyed Addison panicked. Jumping out of bed, she shoved her doll bed off the night stand—it landed with a small thud, bouncing underneath the bed. “This is so stupid,” Addison mumbled to herself. “I can do this.”
The door rattled, “She locked it again.”
“There’s a key on the door frame.”
“For emergencies only.”
“This is an emergency.”
“Is it, though?”
“Yes.”
Addison gathered her courage, she backed up and ran, leaping off the edge—years of muscle memory from ballet came back to her—automatically landing into a soft plié. Straightening her legs, she climbed onto Meredith’s shoulder, walking over her chest, she lowered herself down the other side and ducked underneath the sheets, crawling down to her hip.
A red flush overtook her body when she realized Meredith only wore a shirt and panties to bed—the shirt had ridden up, showing her belly button and a freckle near it. Blushing, Addison stopped looking and went still. Despite herself, she sighed at the warmth emanating from Meredith, even clothed and under a blanket, she’d been cold the entire night.
Meredith shifted away from her cold body, snorting awake, “What Ad…”
Izzie walked in, “Mer, can we take your car to work?”
“You can’t just ask her like that.” George protested. “The heater went out in Izzie’s car, she’s—”
Izzie interrupted him, slapping a hand over his mouth, she explained, “I haven’t been able to afford the cost of a mechanic yet. It’s gonna take two paychecks to cover the cost and well...” She vaguely gestured to her situation.
George pulled her hand off, “Well you could, if you’d deposit that—”
“I’m still deciding what I want to do with it.” Izzie snapped.
Sitting up, Meredith yawned, “Yeah. Just make sure you fill it up.” The changing of positions forced Addison to roll even closer into her.
“Thanks Mer, you’re a real lifesaver. Rest and get plenty of fluids. There’s leftover soup and I made breakfast.”
“We’ll be back later tonight.”
“George, let’s go.” Izzie barked out, “I can’t be late.”
“Bye.” The door closed behind him, Addison laid there, keeping still just in case one of them came back.
Meredith carefully lifted the covers past Addison’s body, pulling the hem of her shirt down. She tilted her head.
Addison sat on her knees, smoothing her hair down. “Sorry, I panicked.”
She frowned, arching an eyebrow, “Why are you—oh. Addison, it’s fine. I walk around the house like this all the time. It’s fine, but…” Meredith paused, a small smirk appeared on her lips, “I’ll put on shorts next time you jump in my bed.” She got up, throwing a wink her way as she disappeared into the bathroom.
Addison picked her jaw off the floor, she pointedly did not look further down then her hips. Falling onto her side, she buried her face in her hands, berating herself for finding her attractive. She’s an intern. She is an intern. She. Is. An. Intern. I cannot go after her, it would hurt her career. She’s forbidden right now.
Addison wanted to scream, the creeping realization settled in her brain, it wasn’t like anymore—it was a full-blown crush, one she’d been in denial about for months now. It took her brain time to fall in line with what her heart had already known. Addison Montgomery was crushing hard on Meredith Grey…it was a recipe for disaster and the blonde was not helping matters with her flirtatious nature.
Muttering underneath her breath, Addison said, “I’m in a hell of my own making, blondes were always my weakness in college.” She laid there, listening to the sounds of Meredith moving from the bathroom and into the closet.
“Closet is all yours.” Meredith said a few minutes later.
Addison frowned at the sound of sturdy heels on the hardwood floor, pulling her hands away from her face, she took in her appearance. She was dressed in a fitted long-sleeve purple shirt and dark jeans, but it was the boots that took her by surprise.
“You’re wearing boots.” She said, dumbfounded at seeing her in a different shoes.
Meredith glanced down, showing off the ankle boots. “I own more than just converse, you know. I wear other shoes while I’m off-duty.” She straightened her posture, “We’re sneaking out to get your wallet and keys from the hospital.”
“What? How? You just gave them your car.” Addison sat up, she scooted over to sit in the sunlight. She hummed, the warmth from the sun and where the blonde had laid warmed her skin.
“We’ll take a cab.” Meredith walked to her dresser, running a brush through her hair. Continuing, she said, “We never got those yesterday. I figured you’d want to have access to your own skincare and stuff. Plus we can take your car from the hospital and put it in the hotel parking lot. Then take a cab back home.”
“Yeah, it would be nice.” Addison admitted, though how she would use any of it without making a mess was a mystery. Last night getting ready for bed had been a fiasco from start to finish, shaking herself out of that memory, she realized what the blonde said about her car. “You know how to drive a stick shift.”
“Yeah, an old girlfriend taught me back in college.” Meredith put the brush down, “She taught me a lot of things back then.”
Addison critically eyed her. There wasn’t any cocky attitude, only a quiet confidence in her demeanor—just like in the OR. “I’ll be the judge of that, no one has driven my Porsche other than me.” It was her pride and joy when she bought it.
Chuckling, Meredith turned around, “I look forward to being the second then. You ready to get dressed?”
Addison wordlessly stood up, walking over to the edge of the bed. Meeting her there, Meredith held a hand out and lowered her to the ground. The hardwood floor felt cool to her bare feet.
Oh, my bed. I should rescue that before I forget where I put it—she thought.
Addison ducked underneath the comforter, a clear box filled with all sorts of sex toys and right next to it was her doll bed. She paused, hesitating to grab it now or let Meredith find it on her own later. Rolling her eyes at her own hesitancy, just because she didn’t do that, didn’t mean she held others to it. Addison put the teal comforter back on her bed, dragging it out by the head board.
“I knocked it over so your roommates wouldn’t see.” She said matter of factly, for once grateful to be small, her blush hopefully wasn’t as noticeable this far away.
“Oh,” A faint blush appeared across her cheeks, clearly she remembered what else was underneath her bed. “I would, uh, hate for it to collect any dust bunnies.” Meredith bent over to pick up the doll bed and put it on her night stand. “I’ll be in here. Shout if you need something.”
Addison held in an unladylike snort, that box didn’t have a single speck of dust on it. “I will.” She walked off, the bed to the closet felt like walking a block in the city. She disappeared into the closet, finding the little nook Meredith cleared out for her last night. The few dresses the blonde owned had been moved to the other side of the closet, it freed up space for Addison’s things and for Addison herself to move around with ease.
Stripping her strawberry themed pajamas off, she set them aside to rewear on top of the dresser. She tossed her panties into the jar Meredith had emptied of q-tips for her to use as a laundry basket. Addison rubbed her sides where the waistband of the panties had dug into her skin.
“It could’ve been worse.” Addison muttered to herself, opening the dresser she pulled out a clean pair of panties and a bra. “I could’ve been forced to go commando—at least the bra fits.” Only if she ignored the band sitting up between her shoulder blades.
Addison put on the tights, taking care to not make a run in the delicate fabric. Opening another drawer, she put on an orange mini skirt with a brown belt—the shorts on the inside had been a welcome surprise when she was putting the clothes away—and pressed the velcro closed. She noticed that all the pants had more give in the material than the panties.
She pulled on the brown leather jacket over the green sweater tank top, grabbing long socks out of a drawer. Addison moved to her shoe pile—she organized it by types of shoes and colors—picked out the beige knee-high boots with a rounded toe box, sitting down on the chair, she put on the long socks and the boots. Standing up, she tested the give of the heel, a harder shell that could take her weight.
Addison walked out of the closet, “Can you give me a boost to the sink?”
She set a medical journal aside, “Sure.” She got up off the chair. Addison quickly glanced around, Meredith had made both their beds and the box of sex toys now had a towel to hide the contents.
Addison walked past the dresser and into the bathroom, Meredith a few steps behind her. Seven of her tiny steps could cross one of Meredith’s strides.
She couldn’t help herself but be drawn to the clawfoot tub. It looked big enough to hold two people comfortably. Addison loved a good soak in the tub after a long day of being on her feet.
Once Addison got in front of the sink, she took a seat on her waiting palm, holding onto her index finger. Meredith lifted her up and set her over the counter.
“Need anything?” Meredith offered.
Addison took it in. After last night’s struggle to get ready for bed—she had fallen into the sink, thankfully with no real injuries—Meredith had figured it all out for her. The items were all neatly laid out for her to use: small bowl of water, drops of face soap and lotion on a clean lid, a dab of toothpaste on the toothbrush, and a wash cloth. Even a hairbrush from one of the many Barbie’s had been collected, it sat next to several small elastics.
Addison got off, holding Meredith’s finger for a moment longer than necessary. “No, it’s—it’s good. Thank you.” She whispered.
“You’re welcome, let me know if you need anything. I’ll be in the other room.” Meredith backed away, her heels clicking on the tile.
Heavily swallowing, Addison noticed the handheld mirror Meredith had propped up against the wall. Why is she being so helpful? I just don’t get it. No one has ever been like this for me.
It didn’t help her growing feelings for her, it was too good to be true. She just knew the other shoe would drop, just like it always did when something too good to be true came her way.
The last time she’d felt like this had been two nights before her 19th birthday.
Addison stripped off her jacket, setting it aside, she braided her hair, tucking the end underneath her bra strap. The memory of that weekend coming to the forefront of her mind.
Saturday, October 11th, 1986
Addison stepped into the deep pink ballgown, she huffed out a small breath as she picked it up over her chest, the dress heavier than she thought it would be. The layers and layers of tulle gave the dress a smooth, puffed out shape. It wasn’t something she would have picked out herself. She ran her fingers down the silky fabric only for Bizzy to slap her wrist.
“None of that, your fingerprints will stain the dress.” Bizzy scolded her, a drink in hand as she critically eyed her daughter.
Wrist smarting, Addison moved both hands to hold onto the beaded bodice, waiting for the woman Bizzy hired to get her ready for tonight to tighten the corset. She didn’t dare look back, in fear of yet another reprimand. Bizzy’s gaze only added to the weight Addison felt, the dress and the pressure to live up to their exacting standards were equally heavy and suffocating.
She hated coming back home. If you could even call it that, a home was supposed to be filled with parents who loved you and each other. Or at least that was what happened in fairytales. From the age of eight and on, she stopped waiting for her parents to tell her they loved her. It only led to disappointment and crushed dreams. The only thing she could depend on them for was money, something the Forbes-Montgomery had a lot of.
The woman—Addison still hadn’t caught her name—snuck behind her and tightened the corset without any warning, stumbling backwards, she made a desperate grab to the spindle of her bed. She gritted her teeth with each tug, claustrophobia started to settle, the boning of the corset pressed into her ribcage.
Ten minutes later, Addison put on the white silk opera gloves as a final touch. She stood in front of the mirror, not recognizing the person staring back at her. The deep pink of the dress clashed with her hair, the woman only tutted and pulled Addison’s bright ginger hair into a bun with pins and hairspray to hold it up. The heavy layers of makeup hid her freckles and made her look older, more mature. Her eyes fell to her cleavage, the corset only enhanced what puberty had given her. Running her tongue over her bare teeth still felt weird after four years of braces, she’d gotten used to the metal. The braces had been taken off this summer and the lisp went away with it.
She felt fake, a version of herself that wasn’t real, just made up to be a man’s fantasy.
I don’t want to be here. I just want to go back to my dorm and cuddle with Karlie—she thought glumly.
“Smile Addison, it’s not everyday a gala is thrown in your honor.”
A practiced smile automatically appeared, a Bizzy approved one.
Bizzy tilted her head, her stare heavier than the dress Addison was wearing. “You look presentable, dear. Shall we go to the cars?”
Addison nodded, she pretended she didn’t hold onto her mother’s rarely given praise with both fists. The smile dropped as she followed Bizzy out of her childhood bedroom. All remnants of a child residing in the room were gone, in its place was a blank guest room for her to spend her summer or a weekend from college.
Addison kneeled, swiping the cleanser off the lid and dunking a hand in the water. Combining the two, she wet her face, and scrubbed—keeping her face over the bowl. A lather formed, she rubbed her face clean.
Underneath her parents’ watchful gaze, Addison danced with all the eligible men, quite a few her own age—also dragged out by their parents—some a few years older, but there was a worrying amount old enough to be her father interested in her. She felt gross when the older ones’ eyes never left her figure, not a single one interested in her brain or her academic successes. Just her body.
Addison missed Karlie. Tonight they were supposed to be studying for their big test on Monday. Her incentive with every correct answer made studying fun, soft lips teasing more to come. If she was here now, she’d be all over Addison, claiming her body as her own, dark blue eyes jealously guarding what she deemed hers. Normally, Addison didn’t care for that possessive kind of behavior but something about the way Karlie did it, made her feel cared for and safe.
The night ended, she picked up handfuls of her dress and left the dance hall. The coat man handed back her fur wrap, she draped it around her shoulders and went outside.
Her driver, Liam, whistled, catching her attention. “Miss Forbes Montgomery.” He got out, opening the back passenger door for her.
Addison got in, pulling the end of her dress in the car. The door gently closed behind her, Bizzy and the Captain never rode with her anymore. They’d come back home in separate cars.
Liam got in, his green eyes glanced at her in the rearview mirror. She looked away, not meeting his kind gaze. She wasn’t in the mood to talk, he put her favorite radio station on in lieu of forcing a conversation. The first real smile of the day appeared, a soft-rock song played on the speakers. She didn’t listen to the lyrics, only feeling the beat of the song. The lights from street lamps drifted in and out of the car, Addison watched the houses go by, her temple on the glass, something Bizzy used to chide her for as a small child.
Liam let her be. He had driven her everywhere in middle school and high school, he knew her moods and her tells. Addison missed her afternoon conversations with him, he treated her like a mature kid, always asking about things that interested her at the time. Never talking down or belittling her.
Addison rinsed and dried her face with the towel. Setting the towel aside, her shoulders dropped and rubbed the lotion in on the dry skin of her face. She eyed the toothbrush, it was smaller than last night’s but it was still too big. It’d dislocate her jaw, using her finger, she swiped the toothpaste off and brushed her teeth with a finger.
Taking down the last pin, she shook her hair loose and brushed it out. She took her robe off and got in the shower, scrubbing the memory of the night off her body. The bubbly water swirled down the drain along with the feeling of hands guiding her on the dance floor.
No one told her parents’ “no”. Not the help. Certainly, not their children. You came when beckoned, sent back to the sidelines with a tilt of a head. Only seen and heard when it suited her parents.
This weekend, despite the half-hearted protest of a big test, her parents got what they wanted: her here the weekend before her birthday. Archer managed to weasel out of it much to her annoyance.
Addison got out, wrapping herself in a towel. She quickly dried off and got dressed in a purple négligée. The silk soft and sensual against her skin, the hem fell to her knees. Pulling her blow-dryer out of her bag, she dried her hair with her fingers and then switched to a round brush for volume.
Arms sore, she left her tools on the counter and brushed her teeth, spitting in the sink. She took in her reflection, now she felt more like herself and looked her age—a teenager growing up and discovering herself.
Addison got closer to the edge of the sink, learning from last night, she dropped to her knees and spit the toothpaste out. Getting up, she stood in front of the mirror. She pulled her hair free, undoing the braid. The red strands a stark contrast to her ghost-like face, vividly remembering what happened next.
The landline ringing broke the spell she’d been under, notes scattered around her bed, a heavy text book on her lap. Addison scrambled to pick the phone up, papers crinkled under her weight and the book fell to the floor with a thud.
Addison picked up on the third ring, “Hello.” She said, wondering who’d call her this time of night.
“Addie!”
Her eyes widened, “Karlie, uh hi. How are you?”
Her lilting voice sighed into the speaker, if Addison pretended she could feel her breath ghosting her neck. “I miss you.”
Addison twirled the cord around her finger, a blush appearing on her face. “I miss you too. I wish I was there with you.”
“How was the gala?”
“Good, Bizzy put it together, it was…” Addison paused, hesitating if she should tell the truth on why she'd been summoned. A gala in her name, so she’d find a man, someone her parents approved of to give her the illusion of a choice. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t tell her. Karlie had a happy relationship with her parents, she never truly understood the stress of the Forbes-Montgomery household. “It was like a lavish birthday celebration.”
“Did you have fun?”
“No,” Addison said with a mock pout. “I kept thinking of you, wishing you were here with me. Now I’m dressed for bed—studying, my lips are cold.”
“Oh, you’re such a tease.”
She lowly chuckled, “Maybe. Maybe not.”
“You are.” Karlie insisted.
“It’s not my fault, your lips are so warm and inviting.”
“Is that all you missed, babe? Just my warm lips? I have other attributes as well. Ones you spend hours on, if only I’d let you.”
Addison let out a sensual sigh, shuffling her legs together, squeezing as a hot pulse formed between her thighs. “You don’t play fair.”
“Sure, I do, babe. Gotta go. I used my last quarter to make this call. I’m gonna hang up now. I just wanted to hear your voice before I go to bed.”
Addison let out a small barely there whine. “You only called to get me all riled up, leaving me with want.”
“Perhaps,” She giggled. “Goodnight. I love you.”
“Night, love you.” Addison hung up the phone.
She picked up her textbook off the floor, sitting with her back propped up with pillows. She found where she left off in the middle of the chapter. She read for a few minutes, the words starting to swim, her mind going back and forth between the dense text and Karlie’s tempting words. The hot pulse turned into an ache—distracting her from studying. She helplessly squeezed her thighs again, it did little to relieve the ache.
Addison groaned, she’d never been able to do it. Her fingers clumsy and unsure. No amount of encouragement from Karlie had helped. It just wasn’t something she did.
Huffing, she put the papers back in the textbook. It was late, she’d sleep and drive back to campus in the afternoon. She could do this, less than twelve hours with her parents and most of them were sleeping.
For once, Addison felt hopeful, she’d survived a weekend with her parents on her own. Tomorrow afternoon, she’d be back in Karlie’s arms—maybe her bed.
The next morning, Addison walked downstairs, a spring in her step, heels clicking as she walked into the dining room, a delicious breakfast spread set out. Her parents at either end, noses buried in different newspapers.
Addison sensed a thick tension in the air. Unsure why, she took a seat, desperately wishing for Archer to be here. He’d at least crack a joke to lighten the mood. She put the napkin down on her lap.
Stomach tightening with anxiety, she reached for a single biscuit and buttered it. Setting the knife down, she winced at the loud noise cutting the silence. Bizzy only turned to the next page while the Captain took a sip of his coffee.
Addison knew. Life had been too good lately, the other shoe was about to drop. Anxiety turned to dread, she picked at the biscuit, it crumbled into pieces on her plate. She popped a small one in her mouth, it tasted like ash.
If there was one thing she’d learned living in this house for 17 years full time, it was to wait. She finished the biscuit without tasting it, skipping the coffee—heart hammering in her ears, she waited for one of them to break the silence.
Bizzy set the newspaper aside, her sharp hazel eyes studying her. “The phone rang last night. Imagine my surprise when I heard my daughter take part in an obscene phone call.” She tilted her head. “To a woman no less.” The Captain tightened his grip on his newspaper, making it rustle and a tear forming, then his grip relaxed. “I didn’t realize I raised such a slutty homosexual.”
Addison felt the metaphorical rug be pulled out from under her, her heart plummeted, stomach tying into knots. At a loss for words, she fiddled with the ends of her hair, trying to find a way out of this or for the ground to swallow her whole. She had expected anything but that or to be called a slut.
“Stop playing with your hair.” Bizzy scolded.
She straightened her hair one last time, dropping her hands into her lap. Gathering her courage, she stuttered, “It—it wasn’t. Um. It wasn’t like that, I love her.”
The Captain lowered the newspaper, he drawled, “A monogamous homosexual then.”
Addison frowned, his words and stare were directed at Bizzy who pressed her lips together, her gaze even icier with him. “I don’t un—”
Bizzy cut her off, "What do you know about love? You will stop seeing this Karlie woman. If we find you seeing her or,” She delicately coughed. “Anyone else like her, you will be disowned, your trust fund taken away. You're not of age or married to take full control of it. It’s still within our control. Money talks as you very well know, so let me make this perfectly clear, Addison Adrianne, we will close the doors you so happen to enjoy. One toe out of line, you will find out what happens when your name is worth less than the dirt you stand on. Do you understand me?”
Humiliated, Addison felt tears prick behind her eyes, she refused to shed them in front of Bizzy. “Yes,” She nodded, her voice thick. “I understand, Bizzy.”
“Remember, there are eyes on you at all times. We’ll know if you don’t break up with that harlot.” Bizzy got up, dropping her napkin on her empty plate. “Good luck on your test, dear. I sure hope you find a new way to study that isn’t vulgar.”
The Captain finally closed the newspaper, folding it and setting it on the table. “Find a husband or we’ll find one for you, Kitten.” He left her all alone to her thoughts.
Her dreams of getting a college degree, let alone becoming a doctor, would fail without her parents' money, so she sat there for a few more minutes. Addison had to let go of Karlie. If she stayed, she’d only grow to resent the dream she lost, and she couldn’t do that to Karlie. She loved her too much. With a heavy heart, Addison went upstairs to collect her weekend bag and left.
She could feel eyes on the back of her neck, walking out of the house but when she turned to the house, only curtains of the study room ruffled with a breeze from an open window. The figure out of sight.
Addison got in the car, a single sob left her mouth. She hit the wheel and put the keys in the ignition, tears falling down her cheeks she drove off.
Addison roughly chewed on her bottom lip, she hadn’t thought of that weekend in years. She’d tucked it away into a neat box tied with a bow—stuffing it in the back of her memory. Breaking Karlie’s heart had been the worst thing she’d ever done, Addison could still hear her broken voice echoing in her ear. No kiss goodbye, nothing—just the slam of a door matching the click of the closet and the sound of her broken heart.
Over the years, Addison had kept an eye on Karlie; she'd gone on to become a famous writer in LA. That past fall she’d gotten married to her long-term girlfriend, Alexis, in Massachusetts.
The guilt of what she’d done to Karlie had slightly eased over the years. Karlie and Alexis were a beautiful couple, the love strong enough to last nearly two decades together. In breaking her heart, Karlie found Alexis two months later. Addison only wished them a long happy life together.
Now, she waited for the other shoe to drop just like it always did. No one would ever let her just be in this life, everyone wanted a pound of her flesh. Addison didn’t have much left to give anymore.
She picked up the pink hair brush, the hunk of plastic slightly too big for her grip. She brought it up to her hair when she realized something—the brush was the same color as that ballgown, a deep pink. Surprised, Addison jerked her arm, accidentally whacking herself in the temple and bristles of the brush stabbing her in the ear. “Ouch!” She cried out, holding her ear, frustrated with herself, she threw the brush off the counter, it bounced and landed on the floor.
Addison breathed in deeply. I’m not that naive teenager anymore. Life worked for the both of us. She’s a successful writer and I’m a neonatal surgeon, also successful. She’s happy. I’m happy… enough. Lies! I haven’t been happy in years.
A knock on the doorframe interrupted her thoughts, “Addison, are you okay?”
Holding her stinging ear, she glanced at the mirror and curled her lip at her appearance. Face pale with no makeup, freckles scattered across her nose. Her hair had tangled overnight, it needed something more than her fingers and she couldn’t wield that stupid brush.
She weighed her options, even though no one would see her in this state except Meredith, she couldn’t bear not looking presentable. It had been an engrained habit from Bizzy, one she learned as a small child. Swallowing her pride, she whispered, “Please, come in here.”
Meredith walked in, bending over to pick up the brush. She stood up straight, her lips parted as she cradled it in her palm, eyes flickering from the brush to her. “Hold on, I’ll be right back.”
Addison wordlessly nodded. The blonde’s movements shifted the air, goosebumps appeared on her arms. She rubbed her skin, trying to keep warm.
“This one should work.” Meredith came back into the bathroom a minute later, she showed off her prize, a slightly different shaped doll brush but this one was purple. “I can brush your hair if you want, I promise to be gentle.”
Addison pressed her lips together, eyes flickering between Meredith and the new brush in her hand. For some odd reason, she believed her touch would be gentle and sat down with her back to the blonde. Bringing her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around her legs in a loose hug—trying not to think of that weekend
Meredith separated her hair in half, gathering a section, she started at the ends and worked way up. She was careful to not tug Addison’s head back, mindful of her neck.
Her eyes slipped shut, delighting in her touch. The last time someone had brushed her hair had been Savvy, she’d gone through a phase where she wanted to learn how to braid hair. Addison had been her unwilling guinea pig, for six months she’d gone to classes with all kinds of braids.
“There, no more tangles.” Meredith set the brush aside.
Addison critically looked at her hair, the tangles were all gone along with the curls. Running her fingers through the strands, she tilted her head. Figures that putting on dry shampoo instead of taking the time to wash and style had backfired. She’d been running late to work, and in an effort to get the blonde before Derek did, she skipped washing her hair. “I need to put it up.”
Addison started to pull her hair up into a pony tail, smoothing out the bubbles with the fingers of her other hand.
Meredith offered, her voice timid and unsure, “I, uh, I can do that for you.”
Hesitantly, she nodded and let her arms drop, hair falling down her back. Her eyes met Meredith’s earnest gaze, she still couldn’t figure out why the blonde was being so helpful.
After she finished eating breakfast, Meredith called for a cab. She shrugged into her jacket, sneaking the tiny bag that came with the Winnie the Pooh pajamas into a side pocket. The extra housekey, Addison’s thimble, and a back up elastic band already in it. Meredith attached the keys from Addison’s labcoat to the tiny bag.
Walking back into the kitchen, she watched the tiny redhead listlessly eat a small serving of a cut up pancake and dip it in syrup. Her face pale without makeup, the rosy flush from earlier disappeared. She was lost in thought, melancholy all over her features and in her eyes.
It worried Meredith. She’d never seen her like this, not even in the aftermath of the divorce or after a hard case. She almost wanted to call the whole adventure off, but she couldn’t. Addison needed her things and her car needed to be at the hotel before people started questioning her story of being sick. She’d leave her alone at the house, but that didn’t feel right either—something told her that Addison didn’t need to be alone. Whatever she was dealing with, she needed someone by her side.
“The cab will be here in five minutes.” She put her phone, along with Addison's, in her jacket pocket.
She glanced away from the plate, she nodded and pushed her food away. “I’m full.” She washed her hands on the wet wipe next to her, Izzie kept a stack underneath the kitchen sink.
Taking the plate away, Meredith noticed she hadn’t eaten much. Maybe an early lunch then—she thought while clearing the rest of the dishes and starting the dishwasher.
She moved back to the table, taking a seat across from Addison. “Are you okay?”
“I’ll, I’ll um,” Addison tucked her bangs behind her ears, her smile not meeting her eyes. “I’ll be okay.” She stood up, movements heavier as she walked to the edge of the table where Meredith sat by—her hand automatically out for her. Addison settled in the middle of her palm, long legs crossed at the knee in front of her.
Lifting her up made her legs dangle down, she swung them once and then stopped mid-motion. Meredith held back a sigh. “Do you want to stay here?” She had to offer, yesterday some space had seemed to help Addison, but she really didn’t want to leave her all alone.
Addison tensed, she briefly looked up to make eye contact, a wildness appeared in her gaze. “No.” Her voice barely held back a rare desperation, one Meredith never heard from the always composed redhead. “Please, I want to go with you.”
Nodding, Meredith asked, “Do you want to ride in my jacket or the satchel?” She only felt comfortable giving her an option this time because she’d be in the backseat and could position Addison into a safe spot.
“Jacket.”
She lined her palm up, Addison turned and lowered herself down into the front pocket feet first. It took her a moment to find a comfortable spot, once she did, she settled deep inside.
Walking to the attending’s locker room, Meredith hoped her friends were in surgery—Izzie would drag her by the hair to an on-call room if she caught her on hospital grounds. She smiled to herself at a small scoff reaching her ears when she pulled out the fuzzy tiny bag. After thirty minutes of nothing but silence and little movements coming from the woman in her pocket, Meredith had thought this would be a quiet trip. It seemed she’d been mistaken.
“What?”
“You brought it with you.”
Smiling, Meredith shrugged, “Sure, why not.” She tried several keys, the fifth key unlocked the door and walked in. A quick sweep of the room confirmed no one else was in here. The door closed behind them with a loud thud.
Addison continued. “It belongs in the trash.”
Meredith put the tiny bag and keys in her pocket, undeterred with her frustration over the Winnie the Pooh bag, she said, “Maybe but it’s cute—”
She talked over her. “Childish.”
“Whatever.” Meredith ended their bickering, they needed to stay on track—anyone could come in. “Where’s your locker?”
“Third row over by the window.”
Meredith followed her directions. The lockers weren’t like the interns, wooden instead of metal, with no locks on the door. She could have sworn this room didn’t have the same problem her locker room did—the heavy stench of men clinging to the walls and crevices. Almost a year later, she still wasn’t used to the smell, it made her nauseous.
Just like her office, Addison kept her locker tidy. A dark jacket hung on a hook to the side, along with an extra outfit on a hanger. The white sneakers at the bottom didn’t surprise her but a pair of flats did. A basket of different patterned scrub caps had been set on the top shelf and right next to it was a well-loved designer purse.
She grabbed the purse, setting it in her satchel. “Need anything else from here?”
“No.”
“Let’s get out of here. Did you park your car in your usual spot?”
“Yeah. The door automatically locks on the other side, so you don’t need to do anything to it.”
“Huh, good to know if I ever have to sneak back in here.”
Bemused, Addison shook her head. “Why would you want to sneak in here?”
“To say hi or something.” Meredith shrugged. “Ready to go.”
“Yes, I’m surprised no one’s come in here.”
Opening the door, Meredith walked down the end of the hallway to take a left when she bumped hard into someone’s chest. She lost her balance, large hands landing on her waist, their grip firm until she found it again and stepped back.
Derek.
Her heart thudded in her chest, the figure in her pocket started to move, dropping further down—Meredith covered Addison’s movements by tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Mer—” At her scowl, he corrected himself. “Sorry, Dr. Grey, what are you doing here? Couldn’t stay away from me?”
“I’m not really here. I had to drop off something for a friend.” Meredith tried to walk past him but he sidestepped—blocking her.
“Why couldn't they meet you downstairs?”
“A girl thing, Dr. Shepherd.” He had four sisters and an ex-wife, surely he paid enough attention to them and could connect the dots. “I came up here to drop something off.”
“Oh.” His eyebrows raised, awkwardly scratching at his beard stubble, Derek said, “Forget I asked. Are you going back home? I could give you a lift.”
Meredith felt Addison stiffen and the one tap on her sternum to signal no. “No. I’m fine driving myself,” She tried walking again, this time he let her pass, but he walked in line with her. “I got a stomach bug. Bailey, let me have yesterday and today off to rest.”
“That’s generous.”
“It happens. Look, I need to go and rest before Bailey catches me. She won’t be pleased to see me before I’m scheduled to be here.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe you’ll be on my service.” He turned on his heel, pulling a set of keys out from a pocket, and walked back the way they came.
Meredith cringed, she hoped for anyone but him. At least Bailey promised her an awful shift tomorrow, for once, she hoped it was scut or even the pit. Oh, but Addison. Where would she even be where she wouldn’t be seen? I’ll ask her later—Meredith thought. Shaking her head, no use in worrying about it now, they needed to get out of here. She sighed, “Too close.”
“I’ll say.” Addison said, she stood up straight in the pocket.
Another voice piped in, “Why are you here? You’re sick.”
Meredith flinched, her pulse skyrocketed, bringing a hand up to her chest. She heard Addison’s muffled gasp and felt her drop down again. Covering her noise, Meredith cried out, “Don’t do that.”
“No promises.” Cristina said, a smirk on her face, pleased with herself for one-upping her. “But seriously, why are you here?”
“Uh,” Meredith floundered. The girl thing wouldn’t fly with Cristina, she’d see right through it—everyone knew when Izzie’s period started, she had a tendency of oversharing.
Addison whispered, quiet enough for only Meredith to hear, “Intern exams.”
“Intern exams!” She repeated. “I thought if I was going to be in bed all day, I’d study for the intern exams. Got a textbook.” She gestured to her satchel, and then quickly changed the subject. “Who’s service are you on today?”
Cristina deadpanned, “Neuro.”
“Good luck.”
“He’s a nutcase with how he likes his OR.”
Meredith vividly remembered his lecture on the number of towels he needed in the OR at all times. “You’ll be similar when you’re an attending.”
“I’ll be the scary attending. You’ll be the gloomy one.” Her pager went off, she pulled it off her hip, reading it. “Gotta go, Mer. My patient’s lab results are ready. Go to bed.”
“I’m going.” She waited for Cristina to get out of earshot. “Thank you.”
Addison lifted the flap and stuck her head out further. “Yeah, and Meredith.” She waited for her to glance down. “I can help you study for the intern exam—if you want.”
Meredith nodded, “I’d like that.” The intern exam had been looming over her head for weeks now.
“Okay. Let’s go before someone else finds us.” She winked, something still lingered behind her eyes but it seemed like she worked through some of her emotions.
“Don’t jinx us!”
Her stifled chuckle made Meredith happy, the dark and twisties were slowly leaving Addison.
“See, not a scratch on the car.” Meredith pulled the parking break, taking the keys out of the ignition.
Addison crossed her arms, a small smile curving her lips. “You did good.” She got out of the satchel, hopping the gap between their seats to settle on her thigh. “The doorman won’t recognize you, say you’re dropping something off for a guest, if he pushes say it’s for, ‘Dr. Montgomery.’”
“Okay, uh, anything else?”
“Walk with confidence, pretend you belong.” She patted her leg, “You’ll be fine.”
“Let’s go. Wanna pick up lunch and take it back home?” Meredith laid her palm flat in front of Addison.
Standing up, Addison used her pinky for balance and took a seat. “Stevens’ soup last night was good. It’s been a while since I had a home cooked meal.”
Meredith raised her up, “Maybe when this is all over, uh, you could come over for dinner sometime.”
“Oh,” Addison hesitated, opening her mouth a couple times. “I, um, I wouldn’t want to intrude. Besides…” Smoothing the tassels of her belt, she continued, “I don’t think Stevens would want me over.”
Stupid, how could I forget that Izzie still holds a grudge over the quint who died under her watch. Addison had been right though. If she’d learned professional distance, maybe Denny wouldn’t have died.
Meredith firmly said, “Izzie isn’t the boss of who comes over. It’s my house, she’ll just have to get used to who I invite. The offer is always open.”
A myriad of emotions swam over her face—too many for Meredith to make sense of—but one stood out to her, loneliness. An all too familiar emotion, she herself felt all the time as a kid, a teenager, and an adult, the heavy weight of it had lessened this year, finding friends in her intern group had helped.
Addison slowly said, a small wistful smile appeared, “Perhaps.”
“Just so you know, I’m a terrible cook.”
Skeptically, Addison started, “It can’t be—”
“George and I nearly starved after Denny died. We lived on takeout and sandwiches. It was dire.”
Addison let out a loud snort, covering it with her free hand, the other playing with the skirt hemline. “No one’s that awful.” She insisted, chuckling.
“Trust me.” Her rich laughter, music to her ears, she continued, “I’ve been banned from cooking.”
“Maybe you just need a teacher to help you.”
Meredith challenged, raising an eyebrow.
“Are you offering?”
“Perhaps.” She said, again, but this time her tone bordered flirty, she rested her hand at the base of Meredith’s ring finger. “Come on, let’s go sneak into my hotel room.”
“Is that what you say to all the girls?”
“No, just—hey, no! I wasn’t—I don’t.” Addison hung her head, slapping her forehead. “Oh, shut up.”
Meredith stuck her tongue out, “Nope.” She lifted Addison the rest of the way up to her pocket.
Addison shot her a death glare, the spreading blush across her cheeks and ears ruined the effect, it only made her look adorably flustered. She slid down into the pocket, grumbling underneath her breath too low for Meredith to hear.
The door closed behind her back, Meredith put the keycard back in the redhead’s wallet, setting it in her purse. Stepping further into the room, she turned on the lights. Boxes of clothes were neatly lined up against the back wall, color-coded labels designating a season. The boxes were clear, she could see a few were empty—presumably in a closet or dresser. A knitted blanket haphazardly thrown over the back of the couch, medical journals mixed in with magazines laid on the coffee table. Meredith set their bags on the couch. Turning around, on one nightstand, a lotion bottle laid near a stack of fiction books, science fiction and romance, glasses sat next to the pile. The other nightstand held some chargers—Meredith hoped one of those were for a phone.
“Do you have a bag we can use?” Meredith asked, the flap moved up.
“Somewhere in the closet.” Addison pointed to the other side of the side of the room.
She walked past the bed, hotel detergent, the spicy vanilla perfume, and something unique to Addison wafted over her senses. It clung to the room, giving Meredith somewhat of an idea on how long she’d been staying here. At least since the divorce, except for the two weeks Addison had taken off of work to go back to New York to sell off the properties and pack up the houses, something Derek had pointedly not gone with her to do—he claimed he had scheduled surgeries. Which was a lie, Meredith had been on his service, there were only a few emergent surgeries. He could have gone to help but he chose not to, instead he did everything to try to win Meredith back. It didn’t work. She turned down every advance and found herself missing the familiar clicking of heels on the hospital floor and seeing her name up on the board.
The air turned on, hot air blasted from underneath the window unit. Sweat started to form under her arms, she unzipped her coat, not paying attention to where she was going.
“Wait, look out.”
Addison’s warning came too late, Meredith tripped over something and fell forward. In mid-air, she turned and braced Addison to stay in place, protecting her head with her other arm, letting her side take the brunt of the fall. It stole the breath from her lungs, she breathlessly groaned and rolled onto her back.
Addison crawled out of the pocket and further up on her chest, her knees dug into her skin, she cried out, “Meredith!” Leaning forward, she frantically tapped her cheek multiple times, “Meredith! Talk to me. Are you still with me?”
“Ouch.”
“Is anything broken?” Addison demanded, unconsciously stroking the blonde’s cheek, her icy fingers delicate on her skin.
Meredith took stock of her body, her hip hurt but it felt like a soft tissue injury, nothing like a broken bone. “No. Just my dignity.” She lifted her head slightly, “Are you okay?”
Addison pulled her hand back, sitting back onto her heels. She said, “I’m—I’m good. It just startled me. Thank you for keeping me safe.”
Meredith nodded, “Yeah.”
She scrambled off of her body, standing by her head. Carefully watching her, Meredith sat up and frowned at the upside down shoe by her feet.
“I got taken out by a stray yellow croc. Why do you even have these?” She twisted around to stare.
Addison crossed her arms tightly against her chest, digging the heel of her boot into the ground. “They’re cozy.”
“They’re cozy?” Meredith said incredulously, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah.”
“Shoe tripper.”
“I was in a rush yesterday morning! How was I supposed to know that you’d be here? Or that you’d—”
Meredith’s lips twitched, pale blue eyes twinkling as she watched the realization slowly settle behind Addison’s big blue eyes.
Addison growled in frustration. “You’re messing with me?”
She nodded, snickering behind her hand. “It’s fun.” She said with a shrug.
Addison pressed her lips into a thin line, “You are such a—” She started and then rolled her eyes, “You know what, nevermind.” Marching off to the closet without her, the door partially open, she slipped inside and pushed it open further.
Meredith got up, hesitantly stepping onto her right leg. She tested her weight, sighing in relief when it felt normal. She walked the rest of the way and turned on another light.
“It should be on the top shelf, grab any bag you want.” Addison said.
Clothes hung neatly, organized by color and type of clothing. It was full to the brim. On the top shelf were empty suitcases, bags, and a small collection of designer purses. The floor was covered in shoes, organized in the same way as her clothes. She couldn’t help the smirk at seeing three more crocs in different colors were also in there.
Addison had organized her Barbie clothes and shoes the same way. It was charming to see. Part of her wondered what she’d do with a full walk-in closet.
Meredith reached up to the top shelf for an empty travel bag. She was about to move when she realized she didn’t know where Addison was in the room, a quick scan of the floor nearby showed nothing.
“Addison? Where’d you go?”
“By the bed.”
Spinning around on her toes, she found Addison halfway between the bed and the closet, heaving the croc that tripped her. “I can do that for you.” Meredith started to bend over when she shook her head.
“No, I got it.” Addison grunted out, dropping the toe of the shoe with a huff. She turned around, her face starting to turn pink with exertion. “You can go put the bag in the bathroom. It’s over there.” She pointed to the corner by the window.
Independence—she reminded herself—Addison had made it clear yesterday in the locker room, she wasn’t an invalid or a real doll. Just someone who was tiny.
Meredith nodded, “Can I put stuff in the bag too?”
“Sure, I’ll join you in a couple minutes.” She picked up the end of the croc, pulling it across the floor one tiny step at a time.
Meredith moved out of the way, walking past her and the bed. She switched the light on and found the other croc a few steps past the threshold. Setting the bag on the counter, Meredith bent over to pick up the croc, its weight slight in her hand.
She tiptoed out of the bathroom, the carpet muffling the sound of her movements. A quick glance confirmed Addison had almost made it to the closet, small gasps went with each tug. Stifling a smile, Meredith hid the other croc on the other side of the dresser.
Thirty minutes later, Meredith set the iPod with the earbuds and the charger that went with it on top. More than toiletries had gone in the bag, the book, a change of clothes—in case she suddenly changed back, and these ones were clean—phone charger, several medical journals, and a cosmetic bag.
Addison sat on the edge of the coffee table, legs swinging in the air, drinking water out of her thimble cup. Physical exhaustion lined her eyes, once she moved both shoes, she’d asked for a drink and supervised what items would be taken.
Zipping up the bag, Meredith asked, “Ready to go?”
“Yeah.” She finished the rest of the water in one gulp.
Addison regretted telling Meredith she could move the croc herself. She had gotten a full-body workout, now her back and thighs were sore. A thin layer of sweat had dried, it left her cold and itchy. She desperately needed a shower or a bath. Moving her body at least helped quiet her mind. The feeling of the other shoe about to drop still lingered like a festering disease. She couldn’t figure out why Meredith kept being helpful. Sure, sometimes it was clumsy and impulsive at times, but at her core, everything she did was to make Addison’s life easier. Almost like she was accommodating her.
She ignored it all in favor of eating delicious soup. It was messy to eat with her fingers, a napkin laid over her lap. Meredith had cut everything smaller for her, setting it in a small bowl with some liquid of the soup too. She picked up a piece of chicken, humming to herself at the flavor.
The slam of a drawer made Addison wince at the sudden noise. A huff followed, Meredith moved onto the next drawer. She’d already searched through all of the kitchen once. Now she was on her second swoop.
“Are you going to sit down and eat?” She gestured to the full bowl of soup across from her.
“I’m checking to see if there’s anything you can use as a spoon.” Meredith said.
Addison arched an eyebrow. “You tried looking yesterday and couldn’t find anything besides the teaspoon which didn’t work.”
“Izzie sometimes goes shopping and gets new things for the kitchen.” Meredith searched through a drawer, pulling items out onto the counter. “She nests when she’s stressed.”
Addison chewed thoughtfully on a noodle, thinking for a second. “Did you check the inside of the spice jars?”
“Why would I do that?” Meredith held a lemon squeezer mid-air, pretending to use it.
“Stevens might use a small spoon in a spice jar. You said, she likes to nest. She also seems to be the type to like going down the kitchen aisle to look for tools. She probably makes a blend of spices too.”
“Oh.” Meredith moved her arm over the items about to slide items back into the drawer in one swoop when Addison interrupted her.
“Please don’t. Loud noises hurt my ears.”
Meredith paused sheepishly, “Sorry.” She put items back in one at a time, much quieter than before.
Once she finished that task, she opened the spice cabinet and took out a half full mason jar. She unscrewed the lid and pulled out the spice spoon inside. “Give me a second to clean it. I think it’ll work.”
Addison popped another noodle in her mouth, wiping her fingers on the napkin. She found herself watching Meredith thoroughly clean the spoon, she’d rolled up her sleeves, her forearm muscles rippled underneath her skin.
Forbidden—her mind cruelly reminded. Addison sighed, it was for the best, especially for Meredith, if she’d just let this crush go but something about her kept drawing her in.
“Here you go.” Meredith handed her the spoon with a shy smile on her face.
Addison took it, the handle was long but thin, she could easily wrap one hand around it. More importantly she could lift it with ease and the mouth part was small enough. She eagerly got a mixture of chicken and the liquid and brought it up to her mouth. The combination delicious to her tastebuds, a small moan left her lips.
Meredith gasped, she opened her mouth to say something when her cellphone rang. She hurried to answer it. “Meredith Grey speaking.”
Addison listened in on Meredith’s side of the conversation, carefully watching her body language. Her shoulders slumped forward, features turning impassive except for her eyes, they were lost.
“Oh. She wants to see me.”
Tension lined her shoulders, this was it. The moment Addison had felt earlier, she lowered the spoon. Intently watching Meredith and trying to get a read on the conversation.
“I’ll see if I can swing by, but I work as a surgical intern. So it, uh, it might be hard to get off. Bye.” Meredith pulled the phone away from her ear, closing it with a snap.
Addison straightened her posture, carefully watching her. She waited for her to say something but she just moved, putting the jar back with the other spices and needlessly checking each jar for another spoon. Her hands shook, the jars clinking against each other.
“Meredith.” Addison tried.
She sniffed, wiping her face. “Yeah.”
“What’s wrong?”
“My mother.”
She smiled, gentle and understanding because she unfortunately got it. “Mothers are hard.”
“Yeah they are, my mother is exhausting.” Meredith turned around, her eyes were glossy with unshed tears. “She’s lonely and wants to, um, see…me. But she only remembers me as a five year old.”
“Do you want to go?”
Meredith shook her head, “Not really, I know how it always goes but if I don’t go, she’ll just keep asking. It, uh, messes with her until she sees me.” She glanced away, her voice cracking, she uttered, “I should want to go.”
“I could go with you, be a silent support.” Addison shyly offered.
“Why?”
Ignoring the alarm bells ringing in her head, Addison said softly. “You could use a friend.”
“We’re…we’re friends?” Her eyes widened, tears fell down her face, she wiped them away.
Addison flushed bright red, quickly backpedaling. “Forget it, I made an assumption.” She kicked herself, Meredith had enough friends, she didn’t need her attending inserting herself into her life more than she already had.
“Oh, uh...” Meredith trailed off, “How about you stay in the car? I’ll swing by to get us some cocoa on the way back.”
Addison nodded, her heart felt like it was breaking into two, but she covered it with a practiced smile. “Juju helps.”
She had been right, it was all too good to be true.