Chapter Text
The weight feels heavier than it used to. She can't tell if it's because of disuse, muscle atrophy or the scarring over her joints making her skin ache as she presses the bar down to her chest. Addison tries to ignore the feeling of utter failure when she has to arch her back to rack a weight she used to warm up to. The disappointment lingers in the back of her throat like bile as she sits up on the bench, panting with her head in her hands.
She sighs into her palm, "You can do this, Addison." She whispers, "You're not defined by what happened to you - you are still just as strong and capable as you used to be."
Her fingers tremble as an ache starts to seep into her wrist; she tightens the brace around it with a huff, "Come on, Red." She scolds.
She collapses onto the bench, shoulder blades digging into the leather as her fingers wrap around the bar. The bottom portion of the rep is far less controlled than she'd like; the bar falling onto her chest rather than the intended slow sink. The scar over her elbow whines as she feels the skin being pulled taught, grunting as she pushes the weight off of her. Her arms are shaking when she locks out at the top; she sighs before lowering the bar again. Pushing the barbell back up is agonisingly slow - Addison grits her teeth as her shoulders begin to ache. The aching devolves into shaking at the halfway point, she scrunches her eyebrows with a huff. The weight refuses to move higher, settling back down onto Addison's sternum.
"Need help?"
She tilts her head back to see Grey - masked, but not in costume - standing behind her, hands hovering under the bar. Addison gives a small nod as she lifts the bar off of her, racking it.
"You shouldn't lift a weight you can't hit without a spotter."
She swallows, blinking back tears that make her feel even more pathetic than failing the set, "You're the last person who should be giving me a safety lecture, Grey." Addison spits.
Grey walks over to the squat rack, picking up a plate and loading it onto the bar. She scoffs, "Why? Because I'm a reckless asshole? You're a walking fireball."
Addison sighs, standing up to leave.
"Hey, wait!"
She turns. Grey is standing underneath the squat rack, bar pressed against her upper back, "Spot me?"
Grey does the set with ease, legs flexing as she moves the bar. It looks effortless when she does it - she didn't even need the spot, Addison thinks to herself. She grimaces, trying to suppress the memory of the last time she tried to squat that weight (she couldn't move the same anymore - weights felt too heavy and her joints were too uncomfortable, the only saving grace when she failed the first rep was that she had the safeties at the right height).
Grey moves to rack the barbell - Addison reaches for her waist, "You can do one more."
"I really can't."
"You absolutely can."
Grey's neck flexes, "I'll fail."
"I'm literally spotting you right now - unless you just wanted to show off to me."
Grey laughs sourly, "Fine."
She doesn't fail the rep - not quite anyway. Addison has to step forward and support the barbell as it goes up to the rack, Grey's legs quivering. A small part of Addison takes pleasure in seeing her like that - even for just a moment.
Grey walks away from the squat rack, panting.
"Told you you could do one more."
Grey tilts her head up at her, glaring, "Shut up."
She grins predatorily, "At least say it like you mean it."
Grey tenses, "At least I can lift my weights."
It hits her like a gut punch. Her hair smokes and she feels immensely grateful that their shift is over and no one else is in the building. She lets the fire cover her face, hearing the tears in the corners of her eyes sizzle as they evaporate.
"Don't come over tonight."
"Wasn't planning on it."
"Good." Addison lashes, storming away.
Grey calls her that night anyway.
"What the hell do you wa-"
"I need your help."
Her voice is urgent - a thin layer of panic seeping through a tone of practiced calm under pressure. It's a tone she's practiced far too well.
"What do you need?"
"There's a fire. FD's not here and there are people stuck inside."
Addison's heart sinks, "Oh my God."
"I'm gonna send you my location and-" a muffled scream over the line, "I'm going in."
"What?"
"Get here when you can."
"Grey!"
The line goes dead. Addison runs, crawling out her window and taking off from the fire escape. Her heart pounds like a drum as she flies. The building is almost engulfed in flames; Grey is nowhere to be found. She dashes in, hands shaking and ears ringing. The smoke fills her lungs like an old friend and she holds back a coughing fit. She hears a yell coming from an apartment. Addison reaches for the handle - hot metal irritating her hand and refusing to budge. She steels herself before driving her heel next to the lock. It doesn't budge.
"Oh fuck it... Hey! Can you hear me?!"
She can't make out the words through the door but she definitely hears a voice.
"Get away from the door!"
The voice responds indistinguishably. She presses her palm against the door and blasts a flame from her hand - white hot, concentrated, only for a moment. The door disintegrates, her hand hisses. She comes face-to-face with a little boy in a Red Rocket t-shirt.
She sinks to her knees, "Hey, are you hurt? Can you walk?"
The boy nods, smiling proudly and revealing the gap between his front teeth, "A little fire won't take me down." He proclaims (his eyes betray him - he's terrified).
Addison laughs, "Okay, we're gonna get out of here, alright? I've got you."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
He takes her hand as she leads him out of the building - a doorway bursts into flame in front of them. The boy screams.
She scrambles for her coat, "Hey, what's your name?"
"H-Henry."
"Okay, Henry. I need you to take this," She wraps the coat around his shoulders - he's so small he's drowning in it, "I need to hop on and hold on really tight, alright? Cover yourself fully."
He nods shyly, climbing onto her back.
"You ready?"
She feels a nod against her back.
"Okay, let's go."
She runs through the doorway; the fire nips at her nose, barely even a tickle - she laughs. Henry laughs with her. When she exits the building onto the street, sirens fill her ears as she sees a crying mother and a horde of firefighters scrambling towards the hydrant. She breathes a sigh of relief and sets Henry down.
She crouches in front of him, "There - we're safe now. You did a really good job back there Henry."
"You think so?"
"I know so. You were very brave."
The woman sprints over to her, tears coating her face.
"Mommy!"
"Henry, oh my God!" She hugs him, "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
He still has Addison's coat around his shoulders - it's blackened with soot, "I'm okay, Mommy. Red Rocket saved me!" He exclaims.
Addison stammers, "Oh, I'm not a superhero I just-"
The woman looks at Addison, "I don't care who you are just - thank you. Thank you for saving my son."
The woman wraps Addison in a hug - she hesitates for a moment before reciprocating. After Henry returns Addison's coat she hears footsteps behind her.
Grey stumbles out of the building with an infant in her arms - she hands the child off to the firefighter that's run towards them, coughing up a lung.
"You came." She wheezes (she's out of costume - she looks so fragile).
Addison shrugs, "You called."
They're ushered over to the ambulance nearby - Grey presses the oxygen mask into her face, breathing deeply and hacking loudly between breaths. Addison takes two performative breaths before gesticulating with it.
"What were you thinking, Grey? You could've gotten yourself killed." Addison hisses.
She narrows her eyes, her breath fogging up the oxygen mask, "What was I thinking? Addison, the building was on fire, people were stuck inside."
"And you're not a firefighter! FD was on it's way-"
"They weren't here."
"You called me-"
"You weren't here either. And you're not a firefighter either, you're not even a hero anymore."
Addison grits her teeth, "At least I'm not going to be cooked alive if I go in there. Why do you always have to rush headfirst into danger when everybody else has the sense to avoid it?"
"People were going to die! You think I went in there for kicks?"
"No, I think you're careless! Do you have a death wish or do you just think you're invincible?"
Grey glares at her like she's just been slapped, "This is what we do, Addison, we save people! If you can do good things, you have a responsibility to do those things-"
"But you're not equipped for this! What's gonna happen the next time you put yourself in this situation and you're not so lucky? What happens when you get yourself killed, Grey? Is it family tradition or something?"
"You don't get to talk about-"
"You are going to die if you keep doing this! You're going to die in that suit because you walk on the line between life and death and wait for a strong gust to push you one way or another!"
Grey's eyes widen and she swallows. She throws the mask to the floor of the ambulance, "So what, I'm supposed to just pussy out the second I get hurt? Is that what you want? Am I supposed to clock in for my fifteen minutes of fame and spend the rest of my life as some - some washed-up dispatcher?"
"That was not my-"
"Of course it was! You chose this. You chose yourself, Addison, and you have to live with that. Not me - I made my choice."
A weight sinks down on Addison's chest as she watches Grey storm off. She shakes her head and leaves, the smoke still burning the back of her throat.
She's back at the 7/11. She stares at the Slurpee machine, watching the mixtures churn and rotate. She decides on cherry. She reaches a hand to grab a cup and her fingers hit something warm; she turns her head and sees the last person she wants to.
Grey groans, Addison sighs. They fill their cups in silence and walk out the sliding doors after paying. Grey's hair is slightly darker, pieces of ash stuck to her scalp. She starts to walk over to her motorcycle.
"I was a band kid."
Grey pauses, turning around to face her, "What?"
Addison steps towards her, "Violin. I played in the school band. An orchestra, technically, I - I went to prep school. I was pretty good. Our conductor said I had 'a gift'."
"I missed the part where that's-"
"I'm not fireproof. Not fully. I - I can go pretty hot but after a certain threshold I burn. I burnt myself a lot. I used to stay lit for hours at a time - sometimes whole days would go by and I'd be lit from waking up to falling asleep. I didn't know any better. So every time I stayed lit for hours, shooting even hotter fire out of my hands I would - chip away at myself. Little by little. I didn't realise how bad it really was until I ended up in the hospital and now... I can't play the violin anymore."
"Addison-"
"I loved being Red Rocket, Grey. Red Rocket was my life. I didn't hide my identity because I had people to protect as Addison, I hid my identity because I didn't want to be Addison. Red Rocket was strong and capable and fearless and Addison was... Addison was a band geek with braces and a lisp. Addison spent her prom night talking to Skippy Gold about the Star Wars prequels. You said it's a good thing that I didn't die in the suit but... it's hard to agree with you sometimes. A lot of times, actually. All I want to do is fly without thinking about how many nerve endings I've burnt away or how much of my skin is covered in scar tissue but I can't. I'm stuck - I'm stuck as Addison and I haven't been Addison for almost twenty years!"
Her hand are shaking, part of her Slurpee has spilt onto the asphalt as she's been gesturing. Grey stays in place.
"Sometimes, when I can't fall asleep, I think about what could've happened if I didn't make it to the hospital in time, or if I had burnt a little hotter - if that villain had been just a little stronger or if I was just a little weaker and got thrown headfirst into the Empire State Building and... it comforts me. Because at least then I wouldn't have to figure out what happens next. Because there wouldn't be a next."
Grey sets her Slurpee down next to her feet and steps into Addison's personal space; she brings her hands up, cradling Addison's face and wiping away tears she didn't realise had come out.
"Red Rocket is overrated. She's an ideal - indestructible and perfect and never changing. But Addison... I like Addison more. Addison's real. Addison is the one who went into that building and saved that boy. Addison is the one who keeps patching me up even when she's sick of it. Addison is the one who thinks cherry is an acceptable Slurpee flavour and I think she's great. Because Red Rocket may be strong and fearless but Addison is kind and brave. Red Rocket walks through fire because she knows it won't effect her, Addison walks through fire because it's the right thing to do."
"Grey-"
"I used to be a paramedic. One night, we get called into a neighbourhood because the police had just arrested a man for beating his wife... I've still never seen as much blood. We were loading her into the ambulance and I when I turned around... the husband had stolen an officer's gun."
She lifts the hem of her shirt to her collarbone, exposing the small scar Addison had always been too scared to ask about. She takes Addison's free hand, pressing it into her chest over the bullet wound.
"I woke up in the hospital. My surgical team said it was a miracle because the bullet missed my heart by less than a centimetre. It's been seven years and I still hate the cold because it gives me chest pain and I feel like I lost something that night that I can never get back."
It's not an apology, it's not an excuse, it's not an explanation. It's understanding. In another life, maybe Addison wouldn't care. In a more perfect world, where she still felt in control she wouldn't accept it, storming away again. But in this world, she stays. In this world, Addison presses her forehead against Grey's and they spend what feels like an eternity listening to each other's breathing. Their Slurpees are half-melted and neither of them mind. When they step away from each other, Addison offers her a small smile and Grey nods. She picks up her Slurpee, raises it slightly in toast, and walks away.
"Addison, wait."
She stops.
"Do you want a ride home?"
"There's only one helmet."
"That's not what I asked."
Grey wears the helmet. Addison sits behind her, chest against Grey's back and arms wrapped around her waist. The wind flows through her hair as the streetlights of Seattle blur around them. For the first time in a long time, Addison feels at ease.