Chapter Text
"Close your eyes, give me your hand, darlin.’ Do you feel my heart beating Do you understand? Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming? Is this burning an eternal flame?”
January to May 1995
In the days and weeks that followed their date, Jax talked to Tara every day at school and on the phone at night. He picked her up and took her home from school. He took her everywhere on his motorcycle. He also had a pickup truck for dates at the drive-in which usually ended up with them missing the movie because he couldn’t get enough of just kissing her.
He felt like a lovesick puppy. He tried not to overwhelm her but he did not know how to handle this. It was like he had been looking at a cloudy sky and now he was seeing everything new on a clear and completely unclouded day. Christ, he felt like such a pussy but he honestly didn’t care.
This was completely new territory for him and all he could do was try and take it at her pace. When they kissed, she was so nervous; he wanted to calm her so he tried not to get too aggressive but the effect she had on him was physically impossible to hide.
She would giggle in such a completely innocent way that made it so much worse. He wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take but he knew he had to because everything about her made his life so much better and brighter.
He finally realized it was useless to pretend he didn’t want a girlfriend when he had absolutely no interest in the Sweetbutts, Croweaters, or other girls at school. It was a Friday and byn pulled her aside during lunch and led her to the library. That was her first clue that something was up. She laughed, “Really, Jax? I’m not making out in the restricted section with you.”
He gave her a wicked grin and just asked her right there to be his girlfriend. She was shocked. There was no hesitation on her part, “Yes! But wait, this means no other girls, Sweetbutts, or Croweaters.” He laughed, “Darlin’ I haven’t thought about anyone but you since our first date.”
She looked incredulously at him with those almond eyes and it took everything in him not to take her right there in the school library. It was actually true though. He felt like a monk but it was just not right trying to fuck someone else when all he would think about was her. So he pilfered some girly mags from the clubhouse and let it go from there.
Tara was scared that Jax would want to jump right into having sex and she had only just gotten to second base. She wanted to go all the way but was terrified. Candy Eglee said that she heard from Emily Duncan that he had the biggest dick she had ever seen and lord knows she was a senior and had been with the football and baseball teams.
Rumor had it she was actually considering just being a Croweater right out of high school. Like it was an actual career track. Tara joked with Donna that SAMCRO should set up a booth at the next career fair and see how many girls actually check it out. They could have their own prospect system just like the MC.
Tara then decided she should ask Donna about sex. She had been dating Opie for three months and it was pretty hot and heavy. She said they were at third base which Donna said was oral sex, hand jobs, and fingering. Tara almost passed out. She couldn’t imagine putting it in her mouth and was thinking she might just become a nun if it got to that.
This was when Tara finally decided to talk to her dad. They were so close and she knew he would be honest to a fault with her. It was awkward at first. Once her dad realized Jackson Teller was interested, he remembered Taisia saying how younger Jax always had puppy dog eyes for Tara. She had also said to worry about Gemma, not Jackson.
So her dad finally had the whole sex talk with her. At first it went jokingly, “I will kill anyone who thinks about it so wait til you’re married.” Then he actually did sit her down and explained everything.
It was mortifying at first but then he told her to never feel pressured and if they didn’t understand then they weren’t worth it. After that, him and Piney Winston would take care of anyone who even looked at her funny, much less tried pressuring her.
He also told her to beware of Gemma.
Jax never pressured Tara, and they had been together almost six months. This was when he decided to officially introduce Tara as his girlfriend to his mom and Clay.
Jax asked Gemma if they could have a family dinner with just them and his new “girlfriend.” She had heard that Jax had cooled it on the Croweaters so she was interested to see what kind of tail had her son so whipped that he wasn’t hitting up the pussy buffet at all. This girl must be all that and a bag of tricks to keep him satisfied.
That Sunday night, she decided to make Jax’s favorite meal of steak, shrimp, and Black Forest cake. She put on her highest stilettos and teased her freshly highlighted hair extra high. If this girl was going to be Old Lady material she was going to give her the crash course that night. If not, she was going to run her off with a stiletto and a smile.
She was setting the table when Jax sprinted down the stairs to answer the front door in the foyer. Clay was behind him and she heard a small voice say hello to him. As they rounded the corner to the dining room, Gemma’s heart almost stopped when she swore she saw the ghost of Taisia Knowles walk in the room.
It then hit her like a freight train right then and there that Jax had brought home Little Tara Knowles.
As Tara got ready to go to dinner at Jax’s, her dad gave her a necklace with a pendant. It was her mom’s Zlye Glaza necklace. She was floored. It was protection from the evil eye her mom always said. As he handed it to her, she remembered her mother’s talk with her about Gemma Teller.
She was all of nine years old and had laughed it off when her mom said that one day uJackson would look at her, “like a woman” and she would need faith, knowledge, and the necklace to deal with Gemma, his mother. Jackson was the cutest guy at school so there was no way he would look at her except to not run into her in the hallway. Her dad put the necklace away after the funeral and she forgot all about it.
Her father said the same the night of the dinner as Tara got ready, and told her she didn’t need luck but just knowing her mom was there with her in this way, eased her nerves exponentially. She was not a superstitious person, but she couldn’t help but feel that maybe there was some deeper connection now with her mother, Jackson, and Gemma.
As Tara walked in the door, Gemma got herself together and let Jax introduce her. “Of course! I remember you as just the sweetest little girl with your hair all braided up beautifully by your mother. She was such a beautiful woman and I miss her dearly.” Gemma didn’t have it in her at that moment to be Bad Bitch Biker Queen to the girl.
That snapped when she looked at Jax and saw that dopey panty-dropping grin John used to give her and immediately she knew Jax was actually in love with Little Tara Knowles.
The fickle finger of fate just then reminded her of Taisia and her joking that they could set them up like Fiddler on the Roof. That was when she knew that all of that Eastern European folk lore she learned from her mother actually meant something real. Nothing is serendipitous. This was some old world generational trauma in the making and she had to hit the brakes on this before it turned into Romeo and Juliet.
Dinner was served and Gemma started out with observing Tara. She was wearing her hair up braided like her mother and was wearing a burgundy button down cinch-waisted sweater over a matching camisole and forest green knee-length skirt. Paired with knee high burgundy and green plaid stockings with black Mary Jane’s. It complimented her complexion perfectly and she was the picture of absolute innocence. She had a small silver crucifix and..and an evil eye pendant.
“So what are you up to now? I can’t believe you’re so grown up.” Tara was cautiously optimistic that things were starting off so well. “I’m a freshman, and am on the cheerleading and dance squads. I’m still taking the ballet lessons my mom started. I absolutely love ballet. I’m also active at Saint Bernadette’s in the youth group and am going on a youth retreat this summer to the Our Lady of Peace Shrine in Santa Clara.”
The table was very quiet with Clay shooting a knowing look at Gemma. Jax knew that Tara still went to church but didn’t realize she was that active. She always called him after she got home from Mass and he didn’t really think of her as super religious, especially when they were getting hot and heavy later the same day.
He knew exactly where Gemma was going to go with this and he shot her a look that said drop it but of course she didn’t. “So have you spent any time at the clubhouse with Jax? He’s very active there.” Tara understood the implication of what Gemma was saying since she went to Opie’s party and saw all of the scantily clad Croweaters and knew exactly what activities went on there.
“Oh, yeah, I was at Opie’s birthday party and we had a great time. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming.” Tara started to understand a little of what her mother had been alluding to and braced herself for it to get more aggressive than passive.
“What are your plans after high school, sweetheart?” Tara felt like this was a safe question, “I’m thinking about becoming a doctor., I really love babies and Neonatal surgery fascinates me. I really want to study babies with heart and other congenital defects.”
The room suddenly got very quiet. Tara felt like she might have said something wrong, Gemma looked straight at her and her eyes softened. “Jackson’s brother, Thomas, passed away a few years ago from a heart defect.” Tara felt awful. She remembered hearing that Jax’s little brother had died but didn’t know him well enough at the time to know the details.
“I..I am so sorry for your loss” was all Tara could think to say. She was mortified and knew her face was beet red. She went to excuse herself asking where the bathroom was. As she closed the door she heard Jax tell his mother, “What is this, the Spanish Inquisition? What is your problem with her?!”
Gemma was on a tear. “How long have you been seeing her, Jax? That girl will never fit into the MC life. What are you thinking? She is the picture of innocence. Jesus’s Christ, have you even had sex with her? Shit. She’s a virgin isn’t she?! I was good friends with her mother and her dad was practically brothers with your dad. You need to end this before you break her heart.”
Tara held her mother’s pendant and then she heard Jax hotly reply, “That’s none of your business! We’ve been dating for six months and I love her…”
Holy shit. He hadn’t even told her that he loved her and here he was defending that love to his mom not even fifteen minutes into dinner.
”Oh for gods sake! You are sixteen years old. A tight snatch comes along and suddenly you’re in love? Does she even know what SAMCRO does? How many Croweaters and Sweetbutts you’ve fucked?!”
Clay finally interrupted, “That’s enough Gemma! We will discuss this later. PRIVATELY. The girl is nice, smart, and pretty. Let the boy have his fun and he’ll move on when the time is right. Let’s have a nice dinner and be civilized for her sake.”
At this point, Tara knew she had to return to dinner and she acted like she hadn’t heard a thing. She lightly and politely asked Gemma about some mundane topics and brought the conversation back to a respectful tone.
As dinner ended, Tara thanked Gemma and offered to help with the dishes while the guys grabbed beers to watch TV. Jax gave her an apologetic look, and Tara went with Gemma.
Gemma actually did feel bad for making Tara uncomfortable about the subject of Thomas. “Tara, I think it’s wonderful that you want to become a doctor. Thomas was such a joy and I’m hoping that you can help kids like him.” Tara was floored. “Thank you so much, Mrs. Teller-Morrow.”
“Oh honey, please call me Gemma.”
As Jax drove Tara home that night in his pickup truck it was awkwardly silent. He decided he had to break the tension. “I’m really sorry about my mom. That was really embarrassing. You’re my first girlfriend so she’s a little, well a lot, territorial.”
Tara looked over at him and reached for his hand. “Jax, I’m sorry if I upset your mom by talking about being a surgeon. I can’t imagine how hard that was for all of you.” Jax pulled over and looked at her. “Don’t apologize for any of that. You were perfect. Look, I need to tell you something that’s going to be hard for me.”
Tara braced herself for the breakup. She knew it was too good to be true. Well, at least she got some great lessons in making out and at least didn’t give up her virginity. “Listen, Jax, I overheard everything when I was in the bathroom and if you need to break up with me, I completely under…..”
”Tara, I’m in love with you.”
Holy shit, her head was spinning. This was not what she was expecting. Jax reached over for her face and drew her into a bruising kiss. She was so overwhelmed that she moved over to his side and straddled him between the seat and steering wheel. “Oh Jax, I feel the same way. I want you…to be with you so bad.”
She was trying not to go too far but at that moment she knew she wanted him to be her first time. Not right there in the pickup truck so she tore herself away from him and sat back down on the passenger side, embarrassed and focused on smoothing out her dress.
Jax looked at her and was amazed that she didn’t get up and walk out of the house right then and there when Gemma started the Law and Order: Teenagers in Love interrogation.
“Hey, there’s still no hurry. I’m just relieved you didn’t walk out on all of us right then and there. I’m so sorry that you heard all of that.”
“It’s ok, Jax. Just take me home and pick me up for school tomorrow.” They were pulling up to her house and as she got out, she leaned over and gave him a sweet kiss. “I love you too.”
When Jax got home the first thing that happened was Hurricane Gemma waiting at the door. “Ok let’s talk.” Jax knew where this was going and sat down. Clay and Gemma laid it all out. Tara was not cut out for the Old Lady SAMCRO life and he knew it. Yes, they are only sixteen and fourteen but this has to end before you’re in too deep and everyone gets hurt.
He knew deep down that he wasn’t good enough for her. She deserved better. She needs the kind of life where she didn’t have to worry about him not coming home, jail time, Sweetbutts, and Croweaters.
Or Gemma.