Chapter Text
“Here you come again just when I've begun to get myself together. You waltz right in the door just like you've done before and wrap my heart 'round your little finger.”
Tara and Jax are falling into a weird sort of domesticity. They go to their first OB/GYN appointment together in Sacramento. It becomes weekly until they rule out if the baby has the congenital heart defect that runs in his family. They make a day of it and have lunch in the Old Sacramento Waterfront district.
Then she goes shopping for baby clothes and it’s fun watching him look at the prices. It reminds her of when they were teenagers and in love. Back then she would daydream about marrying Jax and having a family with him. She did the cliché teenage girl stuff like writing Tara Teller or Tara Knowles-Teller in her notebooks and naming their babies.
She doesn’t trust her hormones, so she chooses the path of magical thinking and believes they’re both still in love for just a few hours a week. It’s supposed to make it easier for her when they go their separate ways at the end of the day. At least, that’s what she tells herself.
He comes to her house almost every night to check in on her or he calls to check in if he is on a run or other club business. Since she was working from home, she makes the Prospect lunch and then she started having dinner ready when Jax stopped by. She told herself that it was just the polite thing to do since she was already having dinner.
It starts to feel like love again when they do dishes together. Then the bubble breaks and he heads home, leaving a prospect stationed for the night shift. When she is in bed alone at night she tries not to think about what he is doing after he leaves to go home or, more likely, back to the clubhouse.
She wasn’t trying to fool herself but when she thinks about how Donna has her family, she thinks it would be at least worth a try with Jax. She finally just admits to herself that she is lonely and still in love with him.
About a month into them playing this bizarre version of Ozzie and Harriet, she thought it would be fun to make a nicer dinner and see if he wants to watch a movie afterwards. She keeps telling herself this is just a friendly thing to do, but finally admits to herself again that she is tired of being alone and still loves him.
It’s a Friday and she subtly made sure the previous night that he will be there for dinner the next night. Around noon on Friday she decided to go to the grocery store to pick up his favorite dinner: steak, shrimp, baked potatoes, and a Black Forest cake mix for dessert.
As she is picking up items, her back is sore since she is now six months pregnant and showing. As she turns down the pharmacy aisle to get some Tylenol, she sees a couple at the other end of the aisle laughing and kissing by the condoms. She laughs and thinks they are cute.
As she got closer, however, her heart dropped into her stomach when she realized she was looking at the back of Jax’s kutte and shaggy blonde hair, kissing a very pretty girl in her early 20’s. She heard him say he would see her at the clubhouse later tonight, “after I check in on the baby mama.”
The girl giggles loudly at the baby mama phrasing. As they break apart from the kiss, Jax turned and saw her behind them. He's shocked and immediately started to say something, but she turned away quickly, ready to cry and vomit right there in the middle of the aisle.
She felt absolutely humiliated and went into auto-pilot, walked away from the full cart, and left the store. When she got to her car she saw Jax run out the front of the store and towards her car.
Logically, she knew she shouldn’t be upset. He is single. She hadn’t given him any signs that she was interested in getting back together. Tonight she was going to see how things went and maybe watch a movie. Well, now she has her answer.
Jax ran up to her, “Tara! What are you doing…” She looked at him. “I was grocery shopping for dinner tonight. I was going to make steak, shrimp, and Black Forest cake for you. After that I was going to see if you wanted to watch a movie.”
She was trying not to cry but failing miserably. “Well, I guess I have my answer. You’re single and don’t have to explain yourself. Please don’t worry about, ‘checking in on the baby mama.’ I’m going to eat some leftovers and finish some work that I am behind on. Please don’t worry about checking in on me, you can go through with your other plans.”
How could she be so dumb? Did she really think he was going to settle down with her again when he obviously has other younger, prettier options? She wonders if she’s a porn star, Croweater, or an actual fledgling girlfriend. Does he see her face..of course he doesn’t, the girl is younger and prettier than her.
She feels absolutely stupid for letting him back into her life so easily and allowing herself to think about them so intimately again. This is exactly why she avoided this weak bitch shit for so long. She needs to call David and go to lunch with him. Nobody wants to date a pregnant woman, but if they start being friends again maybe by the time she’s popped the kid out, they can go on an actual date.
And why is it when shitty stuff happens, the worst songs are on the radio? She adores Whitney Houston but why does Where Do Broken Hearts Go have to be playing right now?
December 1994
Tara walked away from Jax and David and approached Donna. “Hey, can your mom give me a ride home?” Donna looked up and saw Jax and David staring after Tara. “Is this a rhetorical question because those two are trying to go National Geographic and both want to take you home?” Tara gave her a begging look and Donna laughed. “Of course you can, but only if you tell me the juicy details of what just went down.”
When they get back to Donna’s, they finish their homework and then talk about the drama. “Well, David is definitely better boyfriend material, and Jax is absolutely arrogant and presumptuous rolling up on you like that. ‘Get on my bike, woman’ That’s some cave man shit right there.” Tara bites her lip and admits, “I can’t see myself making out with David. Would it be wrong to make out with Jax, and have David for the steady relationship?” Tara knows that is just wrong and goes against everything she knows is right. “Jax will never settle down. I just know I can’t trust that he’s not hitting someone else up on the down low.”
At that moment, they heard a motorcycle pull up in front of Donna’s. “Oh, it’s Opie! Let’s go see what he says. As Donna opened the door, they were both surprised to see Jax with him. Opie looked confused too and said immediately, “I had no idea why Numb Nuts here wanted to tag along, but now seeing who else is here, I know exactly why he came along.”
Donna looked questioningly at Tara, “Are you good with this?” Tara nodded, “Yeah, I’m good.” Donna didn’t look so sure, Ok, well I’ll be in the den with Opie if you need anything.”
Jax looks at Tara in a way that she is not sure she really likes or should be really scared of. “So are you busy right now Knowles? I wanted to talk to you back at school but you seemed to be in a hurry to get away from us.”
Tara is not sure how to take that and tries to come across as nonchalant but has a feeling this is going to get serious quickly, “No, I’m free at the moment, what’s up?”
Jax cuts right in the point. “Let’s go for a ride on my bike.” Well, that’s blunt. “I’m not really keen on going anywhere with you unsupervised after what happened in the smoking area. There were witnesses there and you practically molested me so I’m not comfortable going anywhere alone just yet.”
“That’s fair. Would you be interested in just making out then?” Tara turned to walk away, and Jax grabbed her wrist. “Relax! I’m just kidding. I do want to ask if you’ll go on a date with me.”
Tara was in shock. “You’ve been nothing but rude and irritating to me for the last few weeks. We had that kiss and I thought you liked me but then acted like you just were playing me at school. So no, I don’t want to go on a date. Besides, from what I heard from Candy Eglee in gym class today, Jax Teller doesn’t do dates, he just hooks up under the bleachers for blow jobs and booty calls.”
Jax figured all out honesty was the best approach at this point. “Look, I’m sorry for being an asshole. I’m not going to lie. I’ve never been on a date. I usually just hook up. Hit it and quit it, but I really do like you. I’m sorry for being an asshole. I want to take you on an actual date, in public, if you don’t trust me. We can double with Opie and Donna if that makes you feel more comfortable.”
Tara wasn’t sure what to think and figured since he was being startling honest, one date, with Donna and Opie would be ok. “Ok, I’ll go on a double date with you. If you try and play me again you’ll wish I just kicked your nuts back to puberty again.”
Donna was obviously listening at the door and walked right into the room with Opie who looked like he just saw the second coming of Christ. “Are you serious? You, of all people were just giving me shit for being pussy-whipped for going on a date, and now you are going on a date. This is rich.”
Jax flipped him off and replied “Fuck you, too.”
Classy. All Tara could think was that this was never the way she envisioned her being asked on her first official date. She had a feeling that this was going to be a bad idea, or the worst idea ever.