Chapter Text
I do not own any of these characters.
"Only to find any dream that I follow is dying. I'm crying in the rain. I could be searching my world for a love everlasting. Feeling no pain. When will we meet again.”
Tara wasn’t sure what to expect when Jax returned from Ireland. She half-expected Gemma to be beating down the door and putting her into protective custody because bearing Jax Teller’s baby is equivalent to carrying a royal bloodline in the Kingdom of Charming. She at least anticipated the Oracle at Gemma stopping by to see if her baby prediction skills are still sharp. So Tara is actually surprised when it’s over a week after their return until someone even bothers to tell her that Abel is alive and safely at home.
It’s not until Chief Unser stops by her house to answer a complaint about the noise from the remodeling crew that Tara gets any news on Abel. Apparently, the old hag two doors down clocked them working five minutes past the noise ordinance time. He’s curious as to exactly what she’s remodeling but she’s careful and tells him it’s just some basic repairs so the house stays up to code.
Tara knows Unser is tight with SAMCRO, especially Gemma, so any evidence of a baby is carefully stored away from the prying eyes she sees sweeping every nook and cranny in just the front room. He then casually drops that Abel is home safe and he’s sorry he missed her at the party the night they returned.
Tara’s poker face is on point and returns the sentiment before politely excusing Unser after the sound of the oven timer goes off for the lasagna she’s making. After setting it out to cool, she goes to the bathroom where she vomits and cries.
Jax must really be done if he doesn’t have the decency to let her know himself that the little boy she loved and cared for as her own is alive and safely at home. He has probably been too balls deep screwing more than a few Croweaters, Ima, and all the rest of the loose change in the couch, to pick up the phone or even send a basic text. She wonders if he still sees her face when he’s with those women. She has to shake those thoughts from her head because that’s a dark path that she can’t go down. She will only end up doing some weak bitch shit like desperately calling him because she will never stop loving him.
She tells no one she is pregnant at work or otherwise. Supplying and decorating the nursery is done covertly and completely online thanks to Saks Fifth Avenue, Bergdorf Goodman, and anything luxury she can think of. This will more than likely be her only child and since she has the means to support them more than comfortably, why not splurge?
It’s exactly two weeks after Unser’s visit that she runs into Gemma at the grocery store. She’s in the dairy section stocking up on her Gogurt cravings when she hears the trademark staccato clicking of Gemma’s stiletto heels roll up with a shopping cart behind her. Tara is still not showing but laughs with the thought that Gemma might be able to sniff out hCG hormones like a sort of human bloodhound.
At first, Gemma mentions nothing to Tara about Abel, but is uncharacteristically kind while not so subtly eyeballing her body for any telltale signs of pregnancy. Fortunately for her, the women in her family have a history of not showing until the very end of their pregnancies, so she’s spared any histrionics Gemma will surely put on display when the news does hit the stands.
Gemma sees no evidence in Tara’s cart and says nothing about the baby, only making polite conversation about Abel as if he was never kidnapped. She must think Tara miscarried or had an abortion, but has the tact not to bring it up in a public place. Tara thinks it’s safe to assume that Gemma never told Jax; she is both relieved and saddened by this realization. She has been completely pushed out from even the basic civilities of having been apparently only a glorified nanny and feels no guilt in not telling Jax about this baby until she is absolutely certain and ready.
Steeling herself to the fact that he may not want anything to do with this baby is going to take some work. Fifteen years of love lost, found, and lost again has led to a dead end that is hard enough to work through without the added bonus of hormones that have her crying if she cuts a tomato wrong, let alone comprehending the crazy trajectory she never expected her life to take in the matter of just a few months.
The first OB appointment is approaching and Tara seriously debates calling Jax to see if he wants to be involved. It’s almost comical picturing him in his kutte in an OB/GYN office surrounded by pregnant women and anxious husbands. That thought alone stresses her out so she decides to wait to let him know about the baby for the 12 week mark in case she does miscarry.
The OB is also in Sacramento for privacy’s sake. If she tried to see a doctor within a 20 mile radius of Charming, Gemma would be on the horn quicker than the flick of one of her meticulously manicured nails. The trip is also a nice break from her predictable routine of working at the hospital and staying home when she’s not at work. The first appointment is routine with a basic ultrasound and bloodwork to verify pregnancy. The ultrasound estimates her at 8-10 weeks pregnant and the bloodwork is routine and show no issues.
She also uses those appointment days to meet with her friend, George, the family law attorney to discuss the paternal rights issues. George encourages Tara to discuss the baby with Jax, sooner rather than later. It’s better to initiate the discussion from a friendly perspective on her part; this way his response, good or bad, will set the tone for co-parenting for the next 18 years.
That night at home Tara debates when she will contact Jax. Just this simple conversation will initiate a chain of events that will determine the path for both her and this child's lives. She wants to believe that it will be calm and easy but knows from a lifetime of experience that anything involving Jackson Teller is rarely calm or easy.