Chapter Text
A stormy night befell the town of Tadfield. When a lightning bolt scarred the sky red, neither the masked children nor the adults waiting for them knew the night would soon turn into a macabre display beyond their wildest nightmares. And it all started with a simple echo of thunder.
“Oh, bloody hell!”
The plastic crunched as a skeleton cracked its spine and stretched. It scrambled onto bony feet, wiggled and hissed as it pulled a black metal rod from its pelvis. Then it looked around, scanning the street filled with screams and rushing footsteps. It was ready to step over the short hedge and go after a particularly annoying-looking child in a zombie costume when it heard a dull rap on glass. It turned around, looking the house of its owners up and down, but all windows were candle-lit yet empty. Still, the tapping resonated again, this time with urgency. Oh! There! The skeleton finally saw the source. Behind the glass of a tiny basement window hovered a pair of glowing blue eyes.
“Thank goodness you heard me!”
The skeleton tsked. “What do you want? It’s not Christmas yet!”
“Don’t play dumb, we’ve talked about this!”
“Yes, talked, but are you ready to actually do this?”
“Boney! Let me out this instant!”
Boney opened the little window. It gestured to the basement inhabitant to get out, but the task proved complicated. First, the fuzzy mittens appeared, and then the head with a fluffy beard and red cap squeezed out, and everything seemed fine. But then, with a dull screech, the creature started flailing and thrashing around, not moving forward or back.
“Umm… a little help, please?”
Boney’s sigh was impressive given it lacked lungs. It grasped the ridiculous mittens, planted heels into the lawn and pulled, and puuuulllleeeedd, and pppppuuuuuuulllllllleeeeeeeddddddd………
POP!
The creature came flying right through Boney’s middle. In a second, the lawn was full of an inflatable Santa, scattered plastic vertebrae, and a pair of legs sticking out. Boney’s head, which rolled under the hedge, sighed again.
“I hope you’re happy now, Santiraphale.”
“Ooopsie!”
With a snap of chubby fingers, Boney’s body assembled and stood in front of the Santa almost right. Well, only its skull faced backwards. Minor oversight. Boney corrected it with a crack and a frown.
“You can’t go trick-or-treating looking this adorable!”
Santiraphale’s LED lights blinked red. “I am adorable?”
“Yes! You need to look menacing! Like this!” Boney growled and hunched over, shadows filling hollow eye sockets.
“Grrrr!!!”
“No, no, stop, you look constipated.”
“Well, clearly you don’t know the horrors of not passing a stool.”
Boney ran a hand down its face, grasped Santiraphale and marched toward the closest door. When they finally reached it, it pushed him forward. Santiraphale faltered.
“I thought we were doing this together?”
“You said you’re ready. Show me.”
“Um, you knock, I talk?”
“No.”
Santiraphale’s lights turned yellow-green as he nodded, then stepped closer and gave the door three resolute knocks. Boney stuck fingers to the space between its ribs, fully expecting a failure. And then, the windows lit up with a soft orange glow. Footsteps grew louder, and an old man holding a dachshund appeared.
“Piss off! I pass no treats when Bakeoff’s on!”
Santiraphale dipped his hand into his sack so fast neither the old man nor Boney could register it, and aimed a shotgun right at his face. The man’s eyes grew three sizes.
“You’re on the naughty list, codger!”
A loud boink sliced through the night. A suction cup stuck to the man’s forehead with a smack. Before he fainted, a scream of agony filled the entry hall as the BANG! flag unfurled between his eyes. When he collapsed, spilling sweets, his dog yelped and ran into the street, joining the children being chased by a pair of giant spiders.
Boney’s jaw almost unhinged.
“You… He’s… Wow.”
Santiraphale smiled and grasped its hand.
“I take it as a compliment, darling,” he giggled. “Ah, I fucking love Halloween!”