Sanji looks like he's about to pop a blood vessel.
His face is beyond red: it is practically purple with rage. His spine is ramrod straight. His hands are balled into fists at his sides, the knuckles white from how tightly he clenches them. There's a tick in his jaw. Any second now, Usopp expects steam to start coming out of his ears. He hasn't seen Sanji this angry in a long time.
It is all Usopp can do not to burst out laughing.
"You like it?" Carne says with a shit-eating grin. "She's our new teppanyaki. Built her about a year ago."
Usopp has seen a lot of strange and uniquely decorated ships throughout the Strawhats' journey around the world. The Sexy Foxy with its innumerable deathtraps and unfortunate Jolly Roger. The enormous, terrifying horror show that was Thriller Bark. Bartolomeo's disgusting hovel with its creepy Luffy-shaped figurehead and other Strawhat inspired paraphernalia. So many more ships with clashing colors and silly themes and terrible choices in figureheads.
Of all the unusual seafaring vessels Usopp has seen, however, the ship Carne just pulled up alongside the Baratie might just take the cake for funniest design.
"We call her the Nasugasira."
She's a little restaurant boat, smaller than the Baratie but built in the same style. Covering the entire front of her is the most horrific, hilarious figurehead Usopp has ever seen. It's a giant face. Yellow painted wood cut in an arch depicting a swoop of hair. One curling eyebrow carved and painted black. Big red sausage lips — are those tubes or buoys?
It's hideous.
It looks exactly like Sanji's first wanted poster.
Sanji's foot is tapping dangerously. Even after all these years, that wanted poster is still a sore spot.
"The Eggplant Head?" He grits out. "Why the hell did you name it that, shithead?"
"It's purple, innit?"
The railing on the upper deck is indeed a light aubergine.
The tapping speeds up.
Carne, who clearly does not fear death, tacks on deviously, "It's also named in honor of the fella who owns this ugly mug. Eh, Eggplant?"
Usopp manages to grab Sanji right before Sanji launches himself at Carne. Usopp holds tight even as he's dragged forward several paces by the force of Sanji's movement.
Carne does have some kind of self preservation instinct. He darts inside the little boat the second Sanji makes a move toward him, though he cackles all the while.
"Woah, Sanji," Usopp says, struggling to hold him back, "he's just trying to mess with you. No need to show him what it feels like to be kicked by a New World pirate."
"I'm not going to kick him," Sanji says. "I'm going to set that thing on fire!" Flames lick up Sanji's pant leg. He floats a little above the deck, having taken a Skywalk step before Usopp managed to grab him.
"Hey, Sanji, wait!" Usopp has gotten much stronger, but he knows Sanji is still listening to him because otherwise there is no way he could hold a furious Sanji back. "I know you're mad, but we're trying to keep a low profile, remember? Sending up a big smoke signal will alert the Navy, and they'll alert Blackbeard's spies."
A simple don't set your dad's restaurant on fire because it's your dad's restaurant wouldn't work on Sanji.
"No one even knows what that face is from anymore anyway," Usopp says. "You've got your new picture, remember? That one looks badass."
"The shitty cooks probably have the poster as wallpaper in there," Sanji says.
"Pssh," Usopp dismisses, though Sanji is probably right. "Customers probably think the restaurant had a eccentric designer. Now come on, don't you want to tell Zeff what you found on your adventure?"
Sanji growls with frustration but lands back on the deck without further argument.
Usopp cautiously loosens his grip once he's sure the Nasugasira is no longer in eminent danger.
"When Zeff said he'd expanded operations, I did not think he meant that… that!" Sanji gestures furiously at the Nasugasira.
"I think it's cute," Usopp says cheekily, because even all these years later that wanted poster is still one of the funniest things he's ever seen.
"What?! That awful, ridiculous mockery—?"
"In a 'so ugly it's cute' kind of way," Usopp relents, bumping Sanji with his shoulder. He knows when not to push Sanji too hard. This day has been rather emotional, despite all the cooks around pretending otherwise, so Usopp will lay off the teasing. "It is not at all accurate to the real thing. I think whoever drew it was blitzed out of their mind." He gives Sanji a coy smile. "Or jealous of the model."
Sanji slumps into Usopp's side, burying his face in Usopp's hair. "They put that monstrosity on a ship…"
Usopp pats his back consolingly. He hears the rhythmic thump of a peg leg on the wooden deck, and Sanji stiffens against him. They turn to see Zeff heading towards them.
Sanji points at the Nasugasira and demands, "Why did you make that?"
"You deaf now? I told you, we expanded our operations. Helped that we had one less lousy cook on board to account for."
Sanji huffs. "I'm surprised you managed to keep this place open after I left."
Watching them shoot barbs back and forth, Usopp can understand where Sanji gets his prickliness from. Zeff is gruff and rude, and does not seem at all disposed toward sincere displays of affection. Sanji, while still sharp tongued and temperamental, is not nearly as waspish as he once was, but Usopp remembers the early days on their journey together. Sanji was quick to dole out insults and blows, even as his bad attitude was belied by his kind actions. Usopp, with the clarity of time and understanding, can see that much of it was posturing. It seems so obvious now, how much Sanji's softer, kinder, sillier side was aching to burst through, but he'd grown up living with these cantankerous cooks. Usopp wonders if, had his own father been around longer, he might have picked up Yasopp's way of expressing himself instead of making up his own image of a brave pirate to imitate.
"Whatever, old man," Sanji says. "If you would shut up a minute, there's something I need to tell you." Sanji wraps his arm around Usopp's waist, pulling him to his side. "This is Usopp. He's my best friend and the love of my life."
Zeff's eyebrows shoot up. Even Usopp is a bit startled by how honestly Sanji says it, though he supposes he shouldn't be. I have no intention of hiding you, Sanji had told him before they arrived, and Sanji never does anything by half measures. No, Sanji's not shy about his love for Usopp, but after watching him snark with Zeff and pretend not to care about returning to the place he grew up, Usopp hadn't expected him to speak so plainly. Not right away, anyway.
Zeff's expression quickly returns to its customary scowl. He crosses his thick arms. His sharp gaze focuses on Usopp.
Usopp meets his stare unflinchingly. He isn't the skinny, jumpy little boy he was the last time he ate at the Baratie. He's seen (and fought, and defeated) beings who were much scarier than Red Leg Zeff.
"You don't look like a lady," Zeff says after a long moment of sizing up Usopp.
"I'm not."
Zeff studies Usopp, his expression giving away nothing. Usopp stays steady, though he can feel Sanji's hand flexing nervously where it rests just above his hip.
"You care for him?" Zeff asks.
"Of course." Usopp chances a glance at Sanji. Sanji is looking back at him, expression so fond that Usopp can't help but add, "He means the world to me."
Zeff strokes the long braids of his mustache contemplatively. "Well, it's not the news I was expecting, but I'm glad Sanji had the decency to not inflict himself on some poor woman," he says. "More the fool you, I suppose."
Usopp frowns. He isn't sure if he should take that as a joke, or be offended for himself or on Sanji's behalf. Zeff says it casually, the same way he throws all his insults at people, but it still makes Usopp's hands tighten into fists. The implication that being in a relationship with Sanji is something to be avoided, like he is a pest or a bullet to be dodged, doesn't sit right with him. Anyone would be lucky to date Sanji.
Before Usopp can say anything, Zeff continues. "It's a wonder you can put up with him. Were you pressed for options out on the Grand Line?"
Usopp scowls, abruptly angry.
He knows Sanji can handle rough words. He knows he can brush off insults, or take care of them himself with his feet. He knows Sanji grew up around these chefs who rarely, if ever, gave their kindness or compliments openly, and he knows that Zeff is just teasing in his own gruff way.
He knows all of that. It still pisses him off.
"Shut your mouth," Usopp snaps.
Whether Zeff means it or not, Usopp won't let Sanji think for even a moment that he doesn't mean everything to Usopp.
"He isn't a chore, or an inconvenience I'm stuck with. Sanji is one of the kindest, most amazing people I know. I love him and I'm lucky that he loves me back."
Zeff and Sanji are both staring at him, startled.
"I don't care if you're just talking trash, if you ever say anything like that again I'll knock you into next week."
Usopp really does have eight thousand men at his command now, and he will sic every one of them on Zeff if need be.
Usopp's words hang in the air for a moment. Sanji and Zeff both too surprised to speak. Then Zeff throws his head back and laughs. Usopp watches him, caught between his own cooling anger and befuddlement. Zeff gets a hold of himself, and speaks.
"You really do love him."
"He's easy to love."
Usopp says it without a second thought, because it's true.
Beside him, Sanji's breath catches.
Zeff eyes Usopp back, amusement gone. His face is still pinched and scowling, but Usopp is starting to think that might just be his resting face, because somehow Zeff's expression seems softer.
"That he is," Zeff says. "Still seems to me that Sanji's the lucky one, though."
Usopp looks at Sanji.
Sanji is still staring at Usopp. Eyes shiny, soft with surprise and happiness. Mouth open but starting to curl into the sweet, genuine smile that makes Usopp's stomach feel bubbly.
"You done making googily eyes, Eggplant?" Zeff says, likely because the moment is too soft and honest for his tastes. "Patty will be back with the dessert ship any minute now."
Sanji falls back into their banter without missing a beat, though he can't completely hide his smile.
"You put Patty in charge, with his steering skills? I'm surprised he hasn't beached that thing yet."
The two start bickering again.
Usopp goes with them as they walk to the edge of the deck, held secure against Sanji's side by the arm around his waist. Soon Sanji will tell Zeff about their journey, and how he found the shared dream he and Zeff had believed in for so long. For now though, they have some more recalcitrant cooks to greet.