Jin, for some reason, found himself in a dry forest that was definitely not in Japan. His ears picked up on English on the wind, and he scowled. It was way too bright out, he was about to undress for bed for fucks sake. Some kind of trail meandered by him, and he wasn't stupid enough to wander in a place where he had no cell service or that he knew the location of. So he sat down on a stump for a smoke. One of the Hotarubi minions had passed him some really nice blunts, well hidden in with his imported Cuban cigars, with just the slightest touch of CBD to take the edge off of everything. He lit up and leaned back, trying to figure out how the fuck he even got here.
And then something roared in the background. It came closer and closer, a rumbling noise, and the voices that passed him went racing by screaming. He was visible from the trail, then. No matter. Maybe it was whatever had made him come here in the first place.
Nope. It was a bear. A really big bipedal brown bear that was wearing jeans and a ranger hat and had a shovel. What the fuck. Maybe that loud blond would actually be useful to have, he'd know what this is, he thought while squinting at the bear.
"YOU," the bear roared. "ON THE STUMP. WHITE HAIR." Jin stared at this bear, his hand on his keychain. "SMOKE NOT IN THE FOREST. ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT WILDFIRES."
"I'll do what I fuckin want," he grunted back in Japanese, way too tired to give a shit about other languages.
"SMOKEY THE BEAR WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS." The bear charged at him, shovel out. Jin pulled out his sword and teleported behind the sentient bear, but the bear spun around and caught him as he reappeared from the portal. He managed to block the shovel, but the strength of this bear was simply overwhelming. He was, also, absolutely tired, in his defense. The bear slammed him into a tree, with his next blow, despite blocking it successfully, and with one paw his precious cigarette container was ripped open.
"Don't break that you fucking asshole," Jin snarled. "That's more expensive than your entire worth, lowly trash."
The bear, presumably named Smokey, tilted all of the cigarettes and cigars out and picked out his special blunts. "I KNEW YOU HAD THEM. SMOKE NOT AGAIN." The bear then let him free, his cigarette container and remaining cigars and cigarettes still on the ground, and walked away with his blunts.
What the actual goddamn fuck happened. This couldn't have been an anomaly. Was it a furry?
Whatever.
There was an anomaly in the area, he quickly discovered, because as he finally started walking down the trail to get out of this nightmare and back into cell service range, he was thrown again somewhere else. This time into a lodge's main room, devoid of things except for three very disturbing creatures in front of him.
He saw a scruffy white man sitting on a table, a skeletal creature resembling an old man with guns—not an anomaly— tied to a fucking armchair, and a regular looking woman dancing.
Again, what the fuck.
He finally managed to register what was going on. Miraculously, the anomaly seemed to be affecting his ability to comprehend language in a positive way; he could understand what the fuck was being said. Not that he cared to repeat or actually process it because wow that was foul. Sure, he had rough language, but not this foul. Everyone was beneath him equally. Not like this piece of trash.
The woman was dancing to some… song. In front of the skeletal piece of trash. "I need to put my dance classes to good use!" she huffed out. "I can't believe I'm paying this much for a degree just to make money by sexy dancing for a decrepit OLD MAN!"
"You could always stop and actually pay attention to me," the man on the table called out. "I love a woman with a good bush, they're great to fire shots into."
"You know what, that actually might be better," she said, while not turning off the weird music. "You, fucking dick, you get to watch.
"Kill me now," Jin deadpanned and walked out the fucking door.
Luckily, for Jin, the anomaly took pity on him and dumped him somewhere in Tokyo.
Galaxy Express it is. He paid the fare and prepared himself for a goddamn earful from Dante, the blue haired fuck, and his cursed sperm donor.