Sanji was no stranger to the concept of soulmates. It seemed like everywhere he turned, people were finding their fated partners. About half of his friends already had their soulmates, romantic or otherwise. Robin and Franky, Nami and Vivi, Usopp and Kaya. Hell, Luffy’s body was plastered with names of all the people who had become his soul-family, so Sanji knew the concept and didn’t doubt its existence. However, despite his reputation as a romantic, soulmateship was never an aspiration of his and he didn’t spend his days hoping for a name to appear on his skin.
Soulmates weren’t an exact science.
Some people got the name tattooed on the inside of their wrist within days of first meeting the person, some got it years before. Some people didn’t get a tattoo at all. Sanji supposed there was a sort of freedom in knowing your love wasn’t a product of some higher being’s machinations. However, having someone tell you who you belonged with certainly cut down on the stress of romantic relationships and mercurial nature of it all. There was no reason to have your heart broken when your significant other suddenly found the person meant for them. Except, as stated, it wasn’t an exact science. Some people got it before they met the person and some got it after already knowing their soulmate.
Sanji had known Zoro for a year and a half when he noticed the black script imprinted on his wrist.
~*~*~
When Sanji was young, he had a dream. It was a simple one, an idealistic one. He dreamed of one day waking up to a name on his wrist, the name of the person meant for him. He dreamed of how he would meet this person. Would he bump into her randomly on the street? Would he have to travel the world to find her? Would he know her as soon as he saw her? Would his heart beat differently around her? He imagined how she would look. Would she have blonde hair like him? Perhaps she was a dark-haired beauty or even a redhead. Would her eyes be the deepest depths of blue that he could dive into like the ocean? Would it instead be a forest green that he could lose himself in? It didn’t really matter in the end. He was certain his soulmate would be an angel sent from heaven just for him. How could it be otherwise if their name was written across his skin, no, across his heart and soul? After all, soulmates were the purest thing in the world. It didn’t matter if the bond was a romantic one or a platonic one.
Soulmateship was the highest form of love.
Sanji heard that same thought ringing in his head as he stood in the hallway of his childhood home, peering through the crack in his parents’ bedroom door as he watched his mother go flying across the room and crumble to the ground from the punch his father threw at her. He stared at the black ink bold against her wrist,
Judge Vinsmoke.
How could God or the universe give his mother a soulmate whose sole purpose in life seemed to be to harm her? Soulmates were supposed to be the highest form of love, right?
As Sanji watched his father kick his mother’s prone form, that idea shattered into a million pieces.
~*~*~
Sanji stared at the name on his wrist.
Roronoa Zoro.
It had not been on his skin when he went to sleep last night but now it was there. His first instinct was to try to wipe it off. He licked his finger first, testing the ink. When that didn’t work, he went to his bathroom and grabbed a washcloth, scrubbing at his skin until it was reddened with small beads of blood bubbling up. He finally relented when his fingers grew fatigued and he felt they were in danger of injury. Zeff would kick him upside the head if he knew Sanji hurt his hands, his most precious tools.
He stared at the name as panic rose in his chest. He didn’t know how and he didn’t know why, but Zoro was his soulmate.
What the hell was he supposed to do now? He had never thought that this would actually happen. He had given up hope of this a long time ago, his family’s abusive words dispelling any thought in his mind that he could possibly have anyone destined for him out there and his parents’ relationship disabusing him of any notion that soulmates were an inherently good thing.
Now him and Zoro…
He felt his chest growing tight at the thought.
Him and Zoro.
Zoro was his… his.
Sanji jumped as his phone rang at his side. He glanced down to see Zoro’s name flashing on the screen. He felt his heart thudding rapidly in his chest. If Zoro was calling him this early, then that must mean Sanji’s name was on his wrist as well. But what the hell was he supposed to say to him? He felt his throat growing tight at the very idea of talking to Zoro. He turned away from his phone, trying to control his breathing before he went into a full-on panic attack.
Just as he felt like he had some form of control, there was a knocking at his apartment door.
He walked out of his bedroom and stared at the front door, wide-eyed. He crept over as quietly as he could as another knock sounded. He looked through the peephole and felt his heart drop when he saw Zoro on the other side of the door. The greenhaired man knocked again as Sanji cursed under his breath.
“Curly, open the door. I know you’re there, it’s your day off and you don’t have any morning classes today,” Zoro called through as Sanji panicked, trying to figure out what to do.
“Curls, come on. You know why I’m here, we need to talk,” Zoro called again, knocking harder.
Sanji turned as a bedroom door opened and a disgruntled Usopp came out. Sanji could spot Kaya still in bed, peering out curiously.
“Sanji? If you’re out here, why didn’t you open the door so that lunatic can stop?”
Sanji stared at his roommate wordlessly. Usopp stared back before narrowing his eyes in concern.
“Hey, are you alright?”
“I— no.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I…”
“Curls, come on already! Are you really gonna be a chicken shit about this?”
Sanji cringed in reply but made no move to open the door. Usopp continued looking at him suspiciously before sighing.
“He won’t just leave if you ignore him, you know?”
“I can’t… I just can’t.”
“I’ll make him leave then, before our neighbors call the cops on us. You better go hide in my room. You know he’ll barge past me and check yours and the bathroom.”
Sanji nodded and quickly scurried to Usopp’s room, locking the door behind him as he felt his heart beating out of his chest.
“Sanji, are you alright?”
The blond jumped, forgetting that Kaya was in the room.
“Oh, I’m so sorry to have disturb you, my dear.”
“It’s alright. Zoro’s knocking woke both Usopp and I anyway. Are you two fighting again?”
“I…”
Sanji trailed off as he heard Zoro and Usopp’s voices raising from the living room. Zoro was arguing that he wanted to see Sanji and Usopp was spinning some elaborate tale about Sanji’s absence that he knew Zoro wouldn’t believe but would probably annoy him enough to leave.
“Are you sure you’re alright? You look… shaken,” Kaya continued, standing up from the bed and approaching him. Sanji stared back as she reached out and took one of his hands in hers. He hadn’t noticed that they were trembling.
He looked down at their intertwined hands, noting the name of her wrist.
Usopp King.
He felt the moment that she clocked the name on his as her body stiffened in a moment of shock.
“Oh, Sanji.”
His throat seized again and to his horror, his eyes burned and moistened. He bit his lip in an effort to force the tears away as Kaya pulled him into a hug. Sanji reciprocated, taking what comfort he could even as he felt his heart and soul raging inside of him in a storm of confusion and pain.
Him and Zoro.
He chuckled humorously to himself. The universe certainly had a grand time making a joke out of Sanji’s heart.
~*~*~
Sanji no longer believed in soulmates, but he believed in love.
Romance had an allure to it that not even the reality of soulmateship could dull.
For him, romance was worshipping the ground his beloved walked on, bending over backwards to perform acts of service to show his affection in the hope that it may be returned even just a little. Every woman deserved his love and devotion, that was a fact cemented in his mind as he vowed to never be like his father and treat women with the respect that Judge never treated Sora with. However, Sanji was never so presumptuous as to think he deserved the reciprocation of the adoration that poured out of him. Save for his mother and maybe his sister, he hadn’t even earned his family’s love, why would he think he deserved the love of anyone else? That didn’t mean he didn’t strive for it with his whole heart.
Sanji fell in love often, practically every day. Each person he fell in love with had a place in his heart, even if he only had them for a moment in time. However, even so, he rarely if ever got to keep them.
The first person he believed he would spend the rest of his life with was Cosette. She was the daughter of the head chef on the Vinsmoke estate. She and her father indulged Sanji when he snuck to the kitchens, trying to learn how to cook. They kept it a secret from Judge and helped him get better at the craft. Cosette was three years older than him, but in the mind of a 10-year-old, that just made her more alluring. She was a refuge for him during his miserable confinement in the Vinsmoke mansion, unable to leave, kept to be barely more than a punching bag for his brothers, a target of ire for his father and a source of pity for his sister. He believed he would spend the rest of his life rotting away in the cold opulence of his childhood home, especially after his mother’s death. However, he wasn’t the only one trapped. All the staff were in one way or another, held by Judge through blackmail and underhanded tactics. Cosette was just as much a prisoner.
That shared trauma brought them closer and made Sanji fall for her even faster, believing in his adolescent heart that what he felt was true and honest love. He would bring Cosette flowers every day and she’d kiss his cheek. He would cook her special meals and she’d compliment his food with the largest grin. Sanji’s childish mind came up with the wildest fantasies they could, full of romance and light and hope. One day, Sanji woke up and saw Cosette’s name written across his wrist. He had rushed down to the kitchen in excitement, ready to show Cosette and plan their lives together. When Cosette saw it, she gave him a sad smile and showed him her own blank wrist. It didn’t take long for them to hear the cruel snickers of his brothers and for Sanji to realize the prank the boys had played on him. He still held a torch for Cosette long after he realized the feelings weren’t reciprocated. He sat alongside Cosette and cried with her when the name Niji Vinsmoke appeared on her wrist, crying both for the sad future the name promised her and his own broken heart.
Sanji’s fantasies of love didn’t end there. His heart was always open, ready and willing to fall.
After Sanji was adopted by Zeff and began working at the Baratie, his heart suddenly was inundated with so many more objects of affection. He had lived sheltered in the Vinsmoke estate, but the Baratie had a revolving door of customers with whom Sanji found himself falling in love during the short time that he knew them. It was the perfect setting for him to show his devotion. He put his heart and love into the dishes he made and literally presented it on a platter with no expectation that he would get anything more than a polite thank you and a distant smile. Yet, that still set his pathetic heart fluttering. Zeff would shake his head and give him baleful looks, scold him for wearing his heart on his sleeve and bearing himself before people he barely even knew. Sanji didn’t bother explaining himself to the old man. He wouldn’t get it anyway. Just because Sanji got nothing in return didn’t mean the ladies didn’t deserve everything he could give them, even if it was at the expense of himself.
When he grew older, he met Viola, a classmate of his. Viola reciprocated Sanji’s affections, the first time that had happened in his life. It only made him love her more, made him more ecstatic and hope for the future. One day, Viola showed up with a name on her wrist and a rueful smile on her lips. Sanji could only watch, heartbroken, as she walked away with her soulmate.
When Sanji was even older and admitted to himself that his attraction may extend to men as well as women, he met Ace. Sanji was 19 years old then and not as naïve as in his youth, though still as in love with the idea of love as he had been before. Ace was wild and free and flirtatious and Sanji was smitten almost immediately. He supposed he wasn’t sure why he thought the cycle wouldn’t repeat itself with him, why he thought things would change just because Ace was a man. Ace already had his soulmark when Sanji met him,
Yamato Beiste.
Ace had always brushed it off, seen it as some nebulous thing that didn’t dictate his life or his interests. He liked living in the moment, following his heart and it led him to Sanji.
They were together four months when Ace met Yamato and only together for another month after that before his heart led him to his soulmate’s side.
The cycle repeated after that, and after that, and after that. He stopped being surprised by it. Viola. Pudding. Gin. Even Nami. He learned not to hold on too tight to anything because the hands you opened for love were the same ones things slipped through.
Sanji knew what he was good for. He was good for a lay. He was good for a fun time. He was good for that transitory period in people’s lives before they met their soulmates or even had one, but he was not the man that people longed for. He was not the man they settled down with. He was not the man who was destined for anyone’s heart or soul. His name would never grace anyone’s wrist and if it did, it couldn’t mean anything good. His blood was cursed. No Vinsmoke could make a good soulmate, Judge had taught him that.
And so, Sanji accepted his place in the world. He accepted that no matter how many times love shed its warm light upon him, he would end up inevitably alone, just as destiny deemed he should.
~*~*~
Kaya comforted Sanji until Usopp had finally gotten Zoro to leave the apartment. Sanji shuffled out of Usopp’s room tentatively with Kaya still rubbing his back comfortingly. He immediately dove into the kitchen once he saw Zoro was gone and started making breakfast as a thank you to the couple and an outlet for his anxiety.
Usopp was largely silent through the process as Kaya chattered away amicably in an effort to distract Sanji. They all ate breakfast at the island with Kaya showering his cooking with compliments. Eventually, Sanji admitted to his roommate the truth about why Zoro had visited and why Sanji had hidden. Usopp sat and listened quietly, his usually expressive face not giving much away, so Sanji was surprised when the long-nosed man suddenly started laughing.
“Usopp,” Kaya chastised.
“I’m sorry, I just…” the man trailed off into more giggles as Sanji glared at him.
“Thank you for being so understanding,” he deadpanned.
“It’s not you or the situation, I was just thinking that this really screws up the betting pool.”
“Betting pool?”
“On how long it would take you and Zoro to start dating.”
Sanji’s eyes widened at that.
“There’s a what?!”
“Before you flip your shit, Nami started it, not me. I just placed my bets as well.”
“Why is there a betting pool at all?”
“Come on, there’s only so long that we all could watch you and Zoro bickering like an old married couple and not realize that that’s you guys’ way of flirting with each other.”
Sanji’s face heated up at that.
“We’re not flirting, we’re arguing.”
“I thought it was you guys’ love language,” Kaya commented.
“Oh, not you too.”
“No judgement! I think you’re adorable together.”
“Apparently, the universe agrees,” Usopp added, nodding to Sanji’s wrist.
The blond unconsciously moved his sleeve down to cover Zoro’s name.
Usopp looked at him cautiously.
“Sanji, it’s not the end of the world. You have a soulmate. A soulmate that you already know and like, even if you deny it. I don’t see the problem. Some people wait for years to meet theirs or they die before they even get the chance to meet. You’re lucky as far as I can see it.”
Sanji supposed he should be happy. Others had it worse than him. His mind went to Brook then. He thought of the dull, grey ink on his wrist:
Yorkie Calico.
Sanji hadn’t known Yorkie well, mostly heard of him through Brook’s stories whenever he visited the club owned by the Soul King. He knew Yorkie was his partner, his soulmate, and he occasionally visited the club to play music and sing with Brook. He remembered that Yorkie would stare at Brook with true love, love pure enough to make Sanji second guess his stance on soulmates and wish for it himself. The day he died, his name faded to gray against Brook’s skin as it did when anyone’s soulmate died.
Sanji should be grateful for the opportunity he had now, but he didn’t know how to look at this as anything other than a cosmic mistake. He wasn’t worthy of a soulmate, much less of Zoro. Zoro was a steady, level-headed, stubborn man that oozed loyalty and fierce protectiveness of his friends.
“I know I should feel lucky, happy. It’s just, I don’t want him to feel like he’s obligated to me, as if the words on our wrists are compelling him to love me. I don’t want love that way.”
“Oh, Sanji. That’s not how soulmates work. It’s not about obligation, it’s about mutual trust and devotion, whether the bond is platonic or romantic,” Kaya explained.
Usopp and Kaya had known they were soulmates ever since childhood. The experience of it and transition into a romantic relationship must’ve been much easier than it was for most. Sanji didn’t say as much but something must’ve been written on his face because Usopp squeezed his shoulder comfortingly.
“Sanji, trust me, Zoro doesn’t do anything out of obligation. If he doesn’t want to do something, he doesn’t. You’re not going to be a burden to him.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“Talking to him might be a start,” the younger man replied.
“And say what? ‘So I guess we’re soulmates, funny that’?”
“I wouldn’t recommend that as a conversation starter, no.”
Sanji sighed, resting his face in his hands.
“Sanji, I’m going to say something and trust that you won’t kick my ass for it, if only because Kaya’s here and you’d never frighten a lady.”
Sanji narrowed his eyes suspiciously at that.
“I know you have this thing where you give your all into relationships you know won’t last while doing your best to actively avoid anything that could, but I really think you’re going to do yourself a disservice if you run away from this. Deny it all you want, but you and Zoro have had a connection before your soulmark popped up. You and him can keep up with each other and you compliment each other. You’re comfortable with him, you’re more yourself than you are with anyone else.”
Sanji wanted to deny Usopp’s claim about how long he had wanted Zoro, but it was just for the sake of disagreeing.
He had no idea when it started.
He met Zoro initially at Nami and Vivi’s wedding. Unironically attending the wedding of your ex would’ve been a stretch for most people, but Sanji had remained friends with Nami even after they broke up when she found Vivi. He adored Vivi so even though his heart squeezed in his chest, most of him was just happy to see them happy.
Zoro was Nami’s best man and Sanji had taken umbrage with him when he saw the man take a bite of the cake Sanji had baked and immediately look disgusted. The chef didn’t hesitate to march over to the man.
“You got a problem with the cake?”
“Huh?”
“The cake. You look like it’s not to your taste.”
“It’s fucking gross. Don’t know who made this shit.”
“I made that shit.”
“Oh. Well, yeah. I don’t like it.”
“And why’s that?”
“Sweets aren’t my thing.”
Sanji’s jaw ticked at that.
“If you don’t like sweets, why’d you decide to eat a cake?”
“It’s a wedding.”
“And?”
“People eat cake at weddings, even ones that taste like shit.”
Sanji’s jaw ticked again.
“I’m sure it doesn’t taste the greatest to you considering you apparently have the tastebuds of an octogenarian, but everyone else seems to be enjoying it.”
“Great, so why are you so bothered that I’m not?”
“Who says I’m bothered?”
“Well, you decided to single out me from the dozens of people here who, according to you, are enjoying your cake. Must bother you at least a little bit.”
“That’s not— I mean— it isn’t—” Sanji stuttered.
He noted the smirk upon the greenhead’s face as he floundered over his words and grit his teeth in response to it.
“Asshole,” he hissed.
“Shit baker.”
“I’m not a baker, I’m a chef. The best one in this town even.”
“Hmm. Maybe you being a cook explains why you’re such a shit baker. Let’s be honest, you’re probably a shit cook too.”
Sanji wanted nothing more than to kick the smirk off the man’s unfairly attractive face. Before he could, Luffy came bouncing over.
“Oh, hey! You guys met before I even introduced you.”
Sanji raised his brow at that.
“Sanji, this is my best friend, Zoro. Zoro, this is Sanji, my chef friend I was telling you about. He makes the most yummy food ever.”
Sanji smiled smugly at the praise.
“Well, I’ve seen you eat out of a dumpster so that’s not the highest praise coming from you,” Zoro commented, causing the smile to drop off Sanji’s lips as he glared hard at the man.
He and Zoro had spent a considerable amount of time that night arguing. Sanji had even ended up going to the wedding venue’s kitchen and making Zoro a new dessert, much less sweet than the wedding cake just to prove his worth as a baker.
Zoro would later visit the Baratie to eat more of Sanji’s food and a strange sort of relationship would form from there, based on bickering and insults, one-upping each other and annoying each other. Zeff would often call it pigtail-pulling, but Sanji would blow that off. It was just a bit of verbal sparring, which occasionally became physical sparring once Zoro, who was a kendo master and mixed martial artist, learned that Sanji was proficient in savate and taekwondo. It was fun having someone to bitch at who would bitch right back at him.
Things didn’t change until Zoro’s accident.
A drunk driver had struck him as the group of friends were leaving a bar one night. The accident had left him scarred and half-blind, bleeding out in the street. Sanji was the one to find him, pushing through the crowd to see Zoro standing up and staring around blankly, covered in blood and likely in shock. His eyes had flashed with recognition when he saw Sanji before he stumbled over to him, murmured about being hungry and then collapsed in his arms. His clothes were covered in Zoro’s blood as he sat in the hospital waiting room, awaiting news with a pit of anxiety and fear in his stomach that he hadn’t expected to feel.
They had bickered and swore up and down to that point that they hated each other. They were mean to each other, had even physically attacked each other but there was something in Sanji that broke seeing Zoro that way. He visited the hospital every day, sitting vigil by Zoro’s side as he remained unconscious. He would wash Zoro’s hair, shave him and turn the TV on the sword programs that he enjoyed just in case he could hear them. He’d bring in food for the hospital staff and visit Zoro’s father and sister with meals and wine as well. When Zoro finally did wake up, Sanji was by his side with a sigh of relief and an insult on his lips.
They still fought and argued after that, but it was different. Sanji was there during Zoro’s recovery, scolding him alongside Chopper and Perona whenever he pushed himself too hard. He made sure Luffy didn’t jump all over him and reopen his stitches when he was still in a more delicate state. He was there to support him during physical therapy and made sure he ate well enough to keep his strength up. He helped him get used to his blind spot now that he was down one eye and trained with him when he was able to. Zoro bitched and complained about Sanji hanging around all the time, but he didn’t push him away and he never asked him to leave.
They began to talk more about themselves. Zoro told him about losing his parents at a young age, about how he ended up adopted by Mihawk, about losing Kuina. Sanji in turn told him at least a surface level synopsis of his childhood with the Vinsmokes, about how he came to be adopted by Zeff. They talked about their dreams for the future and it was more affirming than Sanji expected. They were a lot closer after that, though Sanji still called him out when he was an idiot and Zoro still thought he was an uptight priss. They were friends, even if neither would ever say so. Still, it was only friendship to that point. At least it was in Sanji’s mind.
Sure, he thought Zoro was attractive. He would have to be blind not to acknowledge that. The garden of moss on his head aside, he was built with muscles for days and a handsome face that the missing eye and scar did nothing to hurt. His chest certainly was a highlight as were his rough hands that made Sanji have to hold back shivers whenever they sparred. He had to hide from him a time or two when he saw him shirtless and caught a nosebleed as a result, but that meant nothing. Attraction wasn’t love. Not that Sanji ever thought he loved Zoro. How could he? He was an obnoxious, boorish idiot who could get lost walking in a straight line and had an abysmal sense of personal hygiene. And yet, somewhere along the way, Sanji had begun to wonder and fantasize the way he used to about all the other people he let into his heart. Once that happened, he knew he was well and truly fucked. He didn’t say anything though. He hadn’t planned on admitting his feelings. He didn’t want to lose his friendship, but now he was given no choice in the matter.
“You’re thinking too hard,” Usopp commented.
“Can you blame me,” Sanji groused, dropping his head down on to the island.
He felt Kaya begin rubbing his back comfortingly and he leaned into the soft touch.
“Look, there’s nothing I can say that’s going to change things here. You need to talk to Zoro. You can’t avoid him forever. You two share the same friends. Besides, you know Zoro will force you to talk to him if you keep avoiding him.”
Sanji sighed and nodded. He knew he would have to talk to Zoro eventually, but damn it if the prospect didn’t terrify him.
~*~*~
“Have you ever been in love?”
Sanji cracked his eyes open and looked over lazily at the greenhaired man who was sitting next to him on the couch outside Luffy’s apartment.
It was at the tail-end of one of their strawhat wearing friend’s infamous parties, thrown for no particular reason. Most of the partygoers were already passed out or on their way there. Zoro and Sanji had retreated to the balcony where Sanji could smoke away from the crowds and Zoro could get away from the loud music. Sanji’s cigarette was long extinguished and the music was much softer in the apartment but the two still sat on the patio couch, their heads lolled back sleepily, enjoying the comfortable quiet between them against the backdrop of the city. Sanji could feel sleep playing along the peripherals of his consciousness, but Zoro’s question had him pushing away the temptation of slumber to regard the man curiously.
“Me? Sure, I’ve been in love before,” Sanji answered flippantly.
“I don’t mean your usual schtick.”
“My schtick?”
“You know, the heart-eyes, bending over backwards to get a scrap of attention BS you do. I mean real love.”
“And how is that not real?”
“Come on, Cook. You only do that shit with people who don’t deserve you or understand you. People who you know won’t stick around long enough to get to know the real you. None of that shit is real.”
Sanji gapped at Zoro, slack-jawed at the man’s words before he gritted his teeth in annoyance.
“Oh, really? And what do you think is real since you’re such an expert now?”
“Real love is when you feel that person like they’re a part of you.”
“Isn’t that just soulmates,” Sanji replied ruefully.
Zoro’s lip curled in distaste.
“I don’t mean that. Not like you were incomplete without them or whatever the fuck soulmates are supposed to be. It’s more like they showed you that there could be more to you, that you could be bigger and fit them inside of you. I mean the kind of feeling where you can be your truest self with someone, where you aren’t afraid to not be perfect because you know they’ll accept that even if they bitch about it. The kind of feeling where you could be with someone without talking and still be understood. Real love is scarier than anything else in the world, especially if you think you’re standing in it alone but it’s still… it’s worth it.”
Sanji stared at the other man wide-eyed.
“That might’ve been the most coherent and romantic thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth, Mossy. Where the hell have you been hiding that?”
“I’ve just been thinking a lot about this stuff lately.”
“Why?”
Zoro looked over at Sanji, an intense look in his eye that froze the blond to the spot. He felt his heart thumping loudly in his chest and his breath was stuttering as he found himself lost in the silvery abyss. His eyes widened further as he saw Zoro moving in closer.
Inexplicably, Sanji felt himself swaying towards him as well. He could feel Zoro’s hot breath on his face, his skin tingling at the sensation. He could almost taste him on his lips as anticipation thrummed through his blood at the prospect of it. Before either could get any closer, the balcony door suddenly slid open and Luffy popped his head out.
“There you are! I was looking everywhere for you. Sanji, I’m hungry,” Luffy whined.
“I… I’m coming,” he stuttered out, standing up and stumbling towards the kitchen behind a cheering Luffy. His cheeks felt flushed and his heart was still hammering.
He glanced back at Zoro just before stepping into the apartment. He was staring back at him, his gaze still intense but guarded in a way it wasn’t before. Sanji paused, trying to think of something to say. Ultimately, nothing came to mind and he slipped back into the apartment.
~*~*~
Sanji found himself stumbling through the streets much later that night. After Usopp and Kaya left the apartment for their classes, Sanji had been left to his own devices and thoughts. His mind was a blur of fear and fantasies that he had wanted to drown out and so he resorted to drinking. He had always been a lightweight, so it didn’t take much to have him three sheets to the wind. His drunken mind hadn’t been as thought-free as he had hoped. He still thought about Zoro, about all the times that his heart skipped a beat when he was with him, all the times it felt like the stars were perfectly aligned just from being with him. Were they always soulmates? If that were the case, then why did their marks only show up now? Alcohol didn’t force the questions to go away, so now he was on his way to Zoro’s place.
Some part of his brain registered that this may not be the best idea he ever had, but the drunker part figured what better time than the present? He finally managed to drag himself to Zoro’s apartment building after nearly getting hit by a car. He started ringing random doorbells, knowing someone would buzz him in, then climbed to the fourth floor and to Zoro’s apartment door. He knocked loudly three times. That was pretty polite of him considering he had a key and could’ve just waltzed in.
“Who is it?” He heard the man ask with annoyance through the door.
“Your one true love,” he said, though it sounded more like ‘our one two glove’.
He stumbled a little as the door swung open to reveal Zoro, shirtless and sweaty and clearly angry.
“Heavens, do you even own a shirt,” he muttered, his eyes jumping down to Zoro’s pecs before looking up at his glaring eye.
“You seriously can’t even be bothered to have a conversation with me about this sober?”
Sanji opened and then closed his mouth, not having an answer to that.
“You’ve made yourself pretty clear on where you stand with this, Cook. Just go away,” Zoro hissed before turning around to close the door.
Sanji felt a flash of fear as the door was getting ready to swing closed and he quickly blocked it.
“Wait, I’m… it’s not…”
“You’re not what? Drunk off your ass? All because you saw my name on your wrist?”
“I’m not that drunk. And it isn’t that simple,” Sanji defended.
Zoro glared at him and then at the hand keeping the door open, the same hand where his soulmark was. Zoro’s eyes locked on to his own name on Sanji’s skin which was still an angry red given that Sanji kept rubbing at it and scratching it.
“Did you try to scrub it off?” Zoro asked incredulously.
“I thought someone was playing a joke on me. Wouldn’t be the first time. Perhaps it is a joke. A cosmic one. Wouldn’t be the first time for that either,” Sanji replied, sobering up more and more by the second.
He stared at Zoro who stared back incredulously before shaking his head and chuckling with bitterness.
“You such a fucking idiot, Curly-brow.”
“Excuse me? What—”
Zoro cut Sanji off before he could go on a tirade.
“You don’t see, do you? You’ve never seen. I’m supposed to be the one with the fucked-up vision, but you’re so blind, it’s not even funny anymore, if it ever was.”
“What do you mean?” Sanji asked in a trembling tone.
“It’s literally written across our skin, but you still refuse to acknowledge it. Can you really not see past your own bullshit to the truth or are you just that oblivious?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yeah, clearly. Just go home, I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“Talk about what?”
“I love you, okay?!” Zoro practically screamed, not giving a damn about his neighbors.
Sanji felt his insides freeze as he stared at Zoro, wide-eyed.
“What,” he breathed out.
“You heard me, Curls. I love you, and you don’t even— you don’t even realize or worse, you don’t care. You’re so wrapped up in your own head and what other people say that everything I say, every way I try to show you, goes completely over your head. I can’t fix that, so just go home,” he ordered sternly, half turning back inside.
“You’re not even going to try?!”
“Try what? To fix you?”
“No! I mean to make me understand? You’re not even going to try?”
“What’s the point?”
“This is the point,” Sanji retorted, pointing to Zoro’s name on his skin.
“This means something, doesn’t it,” Sanji asked, even though he didn’t know if he believed that himself.
“This is just ink. This didn’t make me feel anything or think anything other than what I already have been. I just thought… I figured it’d mean something to you. It’s why I went over to your place this morning, figured it would give you the kick in the ass that I haven’t been able to but guess that was just wishful thinking. I really am standing in this alone and that’s fine, I’ll survive. You wanna scream your head off at me, you wanna complain about the universe making us soulmates, do it on your own time but I’m not going to stand here fighting with a drunk you about it, so goodnight.”
“Don’t,” Sanji said, stopping the apartment door again.
Zoro turned back to him with an exasperated sigh.
“Sanji, just let me go.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?! You don’t care about me the way I do about you and I’m not asking you to, all I’m asking is for you to leave and let me get over this shit on my own!”
“I’m not mad we’re soulmates,” Sanji admitted.
Zoro stared at him doubtfully.
“Come on, bisexual or not, I know you. You’ve probably spent your whole life dreaming of some busty chick with a sweet smile that can bake or something. And if you’ve ever thought of a guy, it wasn’t someone like me.”
“That’s not… untrue,” Sanji reluctantly admitted before forging ahead.
“Be that as it may, I’m not angry about it. I’m… I feel… I’m terrified. You… you scare me, okay?!”
Zoro stopped in shock.
“I don’t… I don’t know how to do this, how to accept that this could be real. That you could know me as well as you do and still want me. I’m not… enough. I know I’m not good enough and you deserve better than—”
“Do not finish that sentence.”
“But it’s true. I’m a mess and the thought that you could see that and think that that’s something worthy of love… I mean, my own blood family didn’t even believe that and then there’s you and you just…” Sanji trailed off in a sigh as he moved to lean against the wall next to Zoro’s apartment and slid down to the floor.
“I’m not explaining any of this right,” he muttered, running a hand over his face.
Zoro was quiet for a long while before speaking.
“Is it really that horrible? The idea that maybe, just maybe, someone could love you and only want love back? Well, maybe not only love. There’d be bedroom benefits—”
“Zoro!” He exclaimed, turning beet red.
“But all I really want is you. That’s all I’ve wanted for a while now,” Zoro continued, wearily plopping down next to Sanji.
“It’s not that it’d be horrible being with you. Even just what we have now is… it’s good. I like it. It just hasn’t occurred to me that it could be anything more or that that could be a good thing. Soulmates historically haven’t had the best track record in my family.”
“You’re not Judge and you’re not Niji, you could never be like those assholes. They aren’t your family anyway. Your family is that stubborn old one-legged chef just like mine are those creepy nosy fucks upstate. Besides, you think I’d let you do something like them without knocking your head off your shoulders?”
“Zoro...”
“Look, if you’re trying to let me down easy or something…”
“I’m not. Do you have any idea how difficult this is for me? To accept that a romantic relationship is in the cards for someone like me? A real one where you want me too and that won’t be over as soon as the person you’re really waiting for shows up. The fact that I have a soulmate at all is some kind of cruel miracle, let alone the fact that that soulmate is you.”
“Cruel miracle?”
“For one, I have to put up with you for the rest of my life.”
“As if that feeling isn’t mutual.”
“I’ll have to put up with what everyone will say. Apparently, there’s a betting pool about us so be prepared for that. But more importantly, you’ll have to put up with all my shit.”
“Yeah, but you’ll have to put up with mine too. That’s how it’s supposed to work. It’s not supposed to be some one-sided thing where you’re serving your heart on a platter expecting to be let down. I don’t want that. I want the real you. The guy who’s a bitchy priss but is also kind to a fault. I don’t care about your past. I don’t care about what kind of people those assholes you share blood with are. They aren’t you. You shouldn’t care either. They shouldn’t get to dictate how you love or who you chose to give yourself to. I love you and not because some stupid tattoo says I do. All you have to do is say the word and I’m yours,” Zoro replied with no joking in his tone.
He stared at Sanji with such startling intensity that the thought of not believing him didn’t even cross his mind.
“I... I do want you Zoro, but—”
He was cut off before he could continue when a pair of lips pressed to his. Part of him, the jaded part screamed for him to rebel against this but mostly he was tired of having to. What was the point of having a soulmate and having it be someone he had feelings for anyway if he was just going to push him away? Besides, he was a good kisser. He’d never tell him that though, his ego was inflated enough as it was. Sanji breathed deeply, savoring the tingling sensation against his lips as Zoro pulled away from him softly.
The greenhead stared at him cautiously for a moment, gauging Sanji’s mood and what he would do next.
The blonde subconsciously licked his lips before glancing up at Zoro briefly and pulling him back towards him, reattaching their lips in a more heated embrace. Sanji’s whole body melted as he felt Zoro’s fingers thread into his hair and tilt his head just so. A shudder ran through him as a tongue met his own and a calloused thumb brushed against his cheekbones. Sanji pulled back and stared into Zoro’s eye.
“You gonna freak out on me,” Zoro asked, his voice somewhat breathless.
“No,” Sanji replied simply, brushing his thumb over Zoro’s lips.
“You gonna start overthinking and run away?”
“I’m too tired for that. I’m tired of lying to myself. I’ve been telling myself that the way I’ve been feeling about you isn’t going to amount to anything good for you, that I’m not giving into it for your sake so I can save you from all my baggage. The truth is, I was afraid that you wouldn’t feel the same. Even if you did, I don’t want to be responsible for hurting you one day, even unintentionally. I’m kind of a screw-up in that way,” Sanji admitted.
“What I can handle is up to me, not you. I don’t need you to protect me from you. Stop being so stupid, would you?”
Sanji huffed out a laugh at Zoro’s annoyed grumbling.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll see what I can do, Mossy.”
Zoro continued grumbling under his breath. Sanji ignored it as his eyes zeroed in on Zoro’s wrist. He hadn’t looked at it since he got here, hadn’t wanted to see, hadn’t dared to hope.
“Can I,” he asked, gesturing towards the man’s arm.
Zoro shrugged and offered his hand. Sanji took it and gingerly turned it over so the name on his wrist was visible.
Sanji Black.
He gasped seeing that name, his true name, on Zoro’s wrist. He bit his lip as he felt his eyes burning.
“I told you, Cook. You aren’t like those bastards. You aren’t a Vinsmoke, so it doesn’t matter what they were. What happens between us is up to us.”
Sanji nodded his head wordlessly as a tear fell down his face.
He resolved to blame that on the alcohol as he fell into Zoro, pulling him into another kiss and wrapping his arms around the man tightly.
This time it would be different. Zoro wasn’t the soulmate of a Vinsmoke, he was Sanji’s soulmate and Sanji would make this all worth it. He would let himself be happy. He would allow himself to want something that he could keep.